


We Meet Again

by 11ThisIsMe04



Series: When You Said, "As Long As It Takes." [2]
Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Business, College, F/F, F/M, Flashback, Flashforward - Freeform, Gen, Hospitals, Humor, Jealousy, Love, Love Triangle, Multi, Other, Romance, Secrets, best friend - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-05-15 16:54:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 120,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5792419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11ThisIsMe04/pseuds/11ThisIsMe04
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin knew that after all these years she shouldn't have come back. She was reluctant but she had no choice. She shifted off the city with much hope that her past won't come knocking on her door step. But that was inevitable because now she's breathing the same air Lexa Heda - the girl that she had given her everything to - the girl who irrevocably broke her heart. </p><p>And with much hiding and tip toeing around the small town, her clumsy stealthiness wasn't something she was proud of and led her to Meet Again with none other than the Commander of her life. </p><p>OR</p><p>This is the continuation of "As Long As It Takes". The budding romance between Clarke Griffin and Lexa during their college days and are now successful working ladies with lives of their own. Fast forward a decade later we will find out how life turns out to be for Clarke and Lexa. Are they enjoying their sweet romance and have a family of their own? Success in their careers? With family and friends surrounding them? Or are they torn apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The 'Almost-s'

"Honey, where are you at? I'm here outside." 

"Yes, okay okay. I'm coming, mom! Jeez..." 

"Oh Clarke. I'm just excited! Hurry up! I'm waiting up front." 

Clarke rolled her eyes stowing her phone on her back pocket and pulls her heavy luggage out of the conveyor belt with a puff. 

_This is it._

Emerging into the arrival hall, the crowd was thick with families and little children excitedly waiting for their loved ones and friends. Placards were stowed in hands above their happy beaming faces, with eyes prancing anxiously at the overflowing arrivals of sleepy - tired and yet excited travelers. 

She followed the flow out of the crowd, keeping a look out for a familiar face. 

"Clarke!" 

_There she is._

A wide grin spread across her lips as she pulled her way towards a lady in a blue jacket. The woman looks exactly like but maybe a little more wrinkled with age but nonetheless, she was sporting a huge grin that depicts her youth. She continues to wave her arms in the air as if Clarke hasn't seen her yet. The blonde quickly moved out of the remaining travelers who were walking too slowly and gave her luggage a strong tug to get to her destination fast.  

"Mom," she gasped hugging her tightly as if she had not seen her in years. 

"Honey, I've missed you!" Giving her a tight squeeze, "how's my girl?" Pulling back to give Clarke a one big look. 

"I'm doing great, mom," Smiling. 

Abby gave her a coy look. Clarke smiled faintly and nodded affirmably. 

"I'm glad you're back, Clarke." 

She wished she could say 'me too' but truth to be told she wasn't sure if she ever was. Instead, a tight smile appeared on her lips and ducked her head out into the car park area before her mother says anything else. 

The afternoon sun, the fresh smell of clean cut grass and quiet surroundings greeted her like a ton of bricks. Everything came rushing back to her like it just happened yesterday. Taking in a deep sharp breath, Clarke sighed, "welcome back to me." 

A warm arm slumped over her shoulders and murmured, "welcome back, Honey." 

//

"DING DING DING! BINGO BINGO BINGO!" 

A pair of red eyes darted her way angrily, "Oh screw this! I give up!" the tall tan girl exasperatedly hollered throwing the bingo cards over the coffee table. 

"Aaww so soon, Reyes?" She cooed mockingly, grabbing the rusty pot money from the floor. She emptied everything on the table and started counting dollar bills. 

"Whatever. One of these days, I'm telling you. One of these days!" The engineer solemnly swear with a raised fist. A little girl jumped on the sofa beside her and gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek, "dream again, Reyes. Nobody can win the bingo queen," Octavia gestured at the brunette who was waving like a beauty queen and batting her eyelashes around the living room. 

"Oh yeah?" Raven summoned angrily, "what about Clarke?!" she spat.

And the room fell into a halting silence. 

"Dinner!" Octavia beckoned excitedly, "come on, Reyes help me prepare the table." And as she pulled the guilty off the sofa she whispered madly, "you and your big mouth, seriously!" 

They thought that she can't hear them when she was just sitting right there. Lexa raised her eyebrow, "Im fine guys," she said, shrugging.  

Octavia and Raven turned around and found her smiling, genuinely. It was surprising. 

"Of course she is," another girl with a dirty blonde hair and distinct cheekbones appeared from the kitchen with an apron tied on her neck and waist. All eyes lands on her making Anya tutted, "are you people gonna eat? Or are you gonna stare at each other like idiots?" She smiled sheepishly. 

///

"Here we are," Abby uttered flicking the switch on. Lights flooded the small bedroom space that once the blonde girl occupied. It was filled with memories that she hoped to forget. That she should forget... At least by now. 

"I'm just gonna grab some things and I'll be on my way," Clarke mentioned, walking up to her closet and grabbed some more clothes and then to her drawer amd grabs some more items. Her main focus was to grab and go. Do not linger. Do not think. Do not remember whatever she may found or see along the way. 

"Stay for the night." 

Clarke stopped and faced her mother. Something churned within her chest upon seeing Abby's solemn face. "Mom..." 

"Just for tonight, honey. I've missed you so much." 

She sighed and rubs her forehead again, closing her eyes she could feel the much needed sleep. The blonde gingerly sat down on her old bed and sighed, "fine. Just for tonight." 

"Thank you," Abby appreciatively beamed sitting beside her daughter. 

///

"You know who must not be named is back." 

And as soon those words left her lips Octavia violently covered her lips and wildly looked around the dining area for the bushy brown mane. 

"Will you keep it down, Raven. Im serious Rae your big mouth is gonna get us into trouble pretty soon." 

Raven opened her mouth again to banter back as Anya watched the two girls bicker on the sideline, she noticed the curly haired girl walking back. She grabbed a small cherry tomato and threw it at their direction - perfectly hitting Octavia on the cheek. 

"What the hell-... Lexa!" The tiny girl grinned greeting the brunette back to the table. "You're back!"

"Hey... What's up with you?" Lexa questioned feeling the little odd ball that Octavia was. 

"Nothing! Anya's cooking is the bomb!" 

"Oh! I can make it go boom-..." Octavia gave Raven a deadly glare and mouthed, 'don't even try!' 

///

"How are things with you?" Abby asked grabbing her hand. 

Clarke smiled, "everything is going pretty well. Glad that Dr. Cage still accepted me after..." She purses her lips, she couldn't bring the right words out. 

"You should go to the party. Just for a short while. Let's put it as your welcome back party to Wallace Corporation." 

The blonde chuckled, "I might steal the spotlight from Dr. Cage." 

"Oh it was his idea!" Waving off her hand with a laughter, "consider it, Clarke. It's a good exposure for you to get to know your colleagues better." 

It was a good idea in breaking the ice. Make new friends at her old hometown. Not that she already forgotten her old friends but she thinks its more appropriate to know someone new and create new memories. It was after all the new year 2016. 

"Maybe..." Nodding her head, "okay. I will go." 

"Oh great! I can't wait to tell everyone!" Abby eagerly claps pecking her on the cheeks, "well you should head to bed. You had a long day. We can talk tomorrow!" 

Clarke nodded and hugged her mom tightly. She did miss her sweet scent. The comfort and security that only a mother could give. It's irreplaceable. "I love you, mom." 

"I love you too, honey." 

///

And as she laid down for the night, her eyes were stinging tired but her head was still wide awake. Scanning the darkened room everything else was just how she left them. None were moved. At least not that she noticed. And by that means that when she turned to her right she'll see a string taped on the wall with numerous polaroid pictures of her friends. Slowly and tormentingly, Clarke opened her eyes and saw it. On her wall was a huge sticker of an eiffel tower and two planes flying over it and in between of them was the string of polaroid pictures. 

A picture of her and her mom at one of the gala parties. Followed by her and her dad making goofy face, she noticed that her dad was still wearing the watch that he gave her. She touched her left wrist and felt the watch under her fingertips. Next, was her and her parents smiling proudly when she got an award for winning the science fair - it was one of the best days. 

The several pictures were her previous friends back on her old town before moving to Polis. The years had gone by so fast that she wondered how did her old friends were like. Are they married? Are they successful in what they're doing? Do they have kids? It was hard to tell because she lost contact with them. Even in social media it was hard to find. 

The following pinned up pictures were of her and her friends in Polis. Raven, Octavia, Anya, Bellamy and even Finn. There's a couple of loose mini pegs hanging - missing of pictures and she knew who it belongs to. There's too much memories that when she closes her eyes she could remember clearly where she hid it. 

//// 4 years ago ////

"My fault?!" She spits violently pushing her door open with a loud thud, "I don't have time?!" She angrily stormed to her bed and growled maddeningly. Yanking her covers wildly she threw it over her head until her mattress was stripped naked. When she got nothing else to throw she collapsed on it and covered her swollen eyes. Panting hard she grits her teeth in annoyance and anger. 

"It's not my fucking fault!" She bellowed harshly pounding her fist against the mattress making her bounce up and down. Opening her eyes her sight fell on the wall above her. She quickly got up to her knees and started pulling the pictures off the little colored pegs making the string bounce violently. 

After several pictures her hand hovers on the first couple of pictures they took. The one on the cliff when the brunette brought her back there to regain some memories when she got into an accident and had a temporary memory loss. While the other was their first polaroid at the same cliff along with their other best friends. The memory hurt her so much. The unbelievable churning sensation in her chest was unimaginable. The anger that had built over time was taking control of her actions that she yanks the pictures and throws it inside an empty shoe box along with the others. 

Clarke stood up and threw the box on the top of her highest shelves so that every time that she walks into her room she doesn't have to see it. It was a simple solution. 

With a final deep breath, she sat down on the floor cross legged and started counting to ten just like how her aunt had taught her. 

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Five...

Six...

Seven...

Eight...

Nine...

Ten...

//// Present ////

She found her head turning to the left and slightly tilted up. And there beholds the old red shoe box where her memories of the girl was left to die. Clarke swallowed hard and started to feel the jitters in her stomach by the thought of it. How will things turn out to be now that she's back in town. Will her old friends still be her friends? 

_Maybe not... I deserted them after all these years._

And with that her chest was yearning for something. Its longing for the affection of a friend. Someone that she can run to. Someone that she can heed all her problems to. And hopefully would still accept her after what she had done. 

Clarke grabbed her phone by the side table and typed out a message. She wasnt sure if she should follow her gut feeling or let it be. Its been years... The blonde isnt even sure if the receiver still using her old phone number. But still... She took the risk. 

Clarke hit send. 

////

When dinner was over Lexa volunteered to wash the dishes and Anya and Octavia were giving weird looks at Raven who was furiously typing away on her phone.

"What got you so riled up there, Reyes?" Anya asked swirling her wine glass and tipped it down to her lips with a sip. 

Octavia slid beside the engineer and peeked over. Her face was distorted with surprise as she grabs the phone and hopped over at Anya's side. 

"Holy mockery!" Anya swore covering her mouth, "no fucking way!" 

"Oh Gosh... Oh Gosh... Oh Gosh..." Octavia chanted, scrolling down the thread. 

Raven took her phone back and placed her index finger on her lips, "sshh..." 

"Clarke's back?!" Octavia whispered looking back in the kitchen making sure that the brunette was out of ear shot. 

"Since when?" Anya followed up, placing her elbow on her knees. Making the three of them hurdle together. 

"I told you. Just this afternoon," she muttered checking her vibrating phone, "She wanted to meet up." 

"Yes! Where to?" Octavia asked excitedly. 

Raven faltered as her eyes fell, "only with me, O." 

"Oh... Thats alright. That's fine... You were closer to her anyways. So... I get it," the little girl nodded ducking her head down, wringing her hands together.

Raven and Anya noticed her wiping her cheeks. They couldn't help but feel bad. 

"Hey. Hey, O," the girl looked up, "I can ask Clarke to meet up with you alone. Then both of you can have Clarke and Octavia quality time." Raven smiled encouragingly. 

Anya patted the girl's shoulder, "see? Nothing to be upset about." 

Octavia pouted and whispered, "I'm not upset... But okay. I'll have my Clarke and Octavia quality time." She nodded at the same time. 

Raven snickered by the sight and shakes her head. Sometimes her best friend can be a strong warrior but a cry baby too. "I'll let her know. So stop being such a cry baby." 

"I'm not a cry baby! I had something in my eyes," the girl countered back as she rubs her eyes. 

"Right. Like you weren't the one who cried the loudest when Clarke left," Anya bantered. 

Octavia crossed her arms and pouted, "I'm her favorite. Whatever." 

///

(11:20pm) Raven Smartypants: Anya and Octavia knew you're back."

Her eyes bulged like a golf ball and types away furiously. 

(11:22pm) Clarke Griff Griff: Raven! I told you not to tell them! 

(11:24pm) Raven Smartypants: I'm sorry! O grabbed my phone and read it. :'(

(11:26pm) Clarke Griff Griff: you owe me so much! 

(11:27pm) Raven Smartypants: okay! What about lunch? Tomorrow. My treat! 

(11:29pm) Clarke Griff Griff: fine. I miss you so badly. 

(11:50pm) Raven Smartypants: do you really? Or was it meant for someone else? ;) sorry took so long to reply. Lexa's getting suspicious. But heading home now, tomorrow it is! 

(11:53pm) Clarke Griff Griff: dont push it, Rae. Ill see you tomorrow. Goodnight. 

(11:57pm) Raven Smartypants: see you, Clarke. Goodnight. :*

And with the final text message, Clarke rearranged herself again on her bed and tried to sleep. Clearing her mind from all the what ifs because what matters now is what is going to happen in her future. 

_That is all that matters._

///

The doorbell rang making her jump to her feet. "Mom, I'm heading to lunch with Raven." 

Abby raised her eyebrow, "Reyes?" Clarke nodded, "I'm glad you're still contacting your old college friends." 

Clarke rolled her eyes, "after everything that had happened-..." 

"Mom," The blonde cut her before the floodgate of memories burst open which she forcibly forget, "I'm fine. I swear. It's been years... I'm over it. So you don't have to worry about me." She said assuringly as she pecks her cheek. 

Abby smiled widely, "glad to hear that, Clarke. I just thought you being back here would be hard for you. It saddens me when you said you regretted moving into town. That you wished you hadn't moved at all." 

//// 4 years ago ////

"Honey!... Clarke!" 

She spun around wildly with wide angry eyes, Abby was taken aback at the animosity. 

"Honey...," she called out soothingly, "what are you doing?"

Clarke's eyes dropped on the floor where all her clothes were sprawled over and a large empty luggage bag waiting to be stuffed. 

"I'm leaving," she murmured. Grabbing whatever her hands touched and throw it on her open luggage. 

"Leaving? To where?" Abby asked worriedly.

"New York."

"New York?! What are you gonna do there?" 

"Work!...  New environment. Fresh faces... I dont know! I just need to get the hell out of here! I need a breather, mom!" 

"Clarke! You're family is here. You're friends are here. Lexa is here." 

"Lexa?" Clarke spat like it was a venom in her mouth, "she can't even understand me!" 

"Honey, talk to me," touching her daughter's shoulder.

Clarke stopped what she was doing and stood still. Her following words were like daggers that cut through Abby's chest. 

"I hate this place. I wish you hadn't brought me here at all," and the rest was a cliff hanger as her daughter zipped her bag and rolled out of the front door never looking back. 

//// Present ////

the blonde's stomach knotted, "but I'm glad you're back. I can see that you've changed. New York had changed you." Abby continued. 

"Yeah," was all she said. The doorbell rang once more, "I really  have to go. I'll see you tonight. Let's have dinner. My treat." 

"Of course! Well run along now. Raven's waiting." 

She nodded once and peeled out of the kitchen counter. 

_"It saddens me when you said you regretted moving into town. That you wished you hadn't moved at all."_

As those words repeated in her mind like a broken tape recorder, the strong gut feeling in the pit of her stomach lurched. She was partially unsure if its safe to go out not stumbling to anyone that she knew. Especially certain someone. 

"Clarke!" Raven excitedly waved as she opened the front door. She was greeted with an aggressive bear hug - all tight and cuddly. 

She chuckled as she pulled back, "I've missed you, idiot." 

"I've missed you more!" Tugging her arm into the curb, "come on. I'm starving." Raven ushered her into an old wrangler jeep which Clarke appreciatively gave a second look. 

"Nice ride, Reyes." 

"Why thank you... Thank you very much," the girl muttered in an Elvis Presley accent. "So where to Dr. Griffin?" Raven asked cheekily. 

The blonde grinned and shakes her head, "wherever. Doesn't matter." Feeling the revving of the car beneath her seat. 

"Alright then. As you wish." 

////

"This place is nice. Is it new?" Clarke asked, looking at the warm ambience and uplifting atmosphere of the restaurant. 

"Yeah pretty new. Only been opened for almost a year now, I guess." The girl murmured half chewing her burger. 

The blonde nodded and slowly narrowed her eyes at the spiral staircase at the back of the restaurant. Something about it makes her head spin. Like it was so out of place - like it doesn't belong to the theme of the restaurant. 

 "Do you remember that stairs?" 

"Hmm?" Returning back to Raven's signature smirk. 

" _This_ is the place," the girl leaned forward.  

With a furrowed eyebrows Clarke questions again, "what place?" 

Raven sighed, "your first date." 

"First...," drifting her vision back to that rusty old spiral staircase, "date?" Then everything clicks into place. The beautiful italian restaurant that she brought Lexa out on their first date was nowhere near the newly renovated place. The quaint restaurant was now replaced by a resto-bar three times its size. The theme was old country with its wood works from floor to ceiling and along with the tables and chairs. The ambience was same old warm and lively but the interior was completely out of the memory. 

"What happened?"

Raven chuckled playing around with her fries, "some drunken dude set the tall tree outside on fire and the rest was history... Three shops were burnt down. Owners sold it and here we are. A brand new old western restaurant bar. Pretty cool ain't it?" Dipping her fry into the tomato sauce. 

"Oh...," was all she could muster. Her eyes landed once more on the spiral staircase and a small smile escaped her lips. 

_At least something survived._

"So... How have you been?" Raven asked squinting slightly. 

"Doing pretty good. Been busy here and there. What about you?" 

"Thats all?" Arching her eyebrow high, when she didn't received anymore words. Raven continued, "well now I'm working at a space centre-..."

"Space centre?! Raven thats big!" 

"Hold your horses there, blondie. It's just an extension office from the head quarter. Its a small building on the outskirt of town but hey, you gotta start somewhere right." 

"Even so, thats amazing! So anyone new in your life?" This time it was Clarke who smirked knowingly. 

"No one new. Just same old. Same old." 

"Same old," the blonde nodded forking down her salad. 

"What about you? Anyone new?" Raven peeked behind the humongous burger. 

A few faces flashed across her mind but settled with a shaking of head. 

"Really? No one at all?" The engineer was taken aback slightly. 

"Dated a couple of people but no one really stuck around. They can't handle my work schedule," Clarke smiled sheepishly. 

Raven sighed knowingly, "always the super hero Dr. Griff Griff. Hardly have anytime for her dear friends." 

"Raven..." Giving her a stern look. 

"What? Am I wrong? I'm your best friend and we've only seen each other less than my one hand could count for the past four years. What do you expect?" 

"Isn't that what a low maintenance friendship should be? No matter how long you've never seen each other you still continue from where you left off. As if I never left," she shrugged. 

"As if you never left..." Raven chuckled uneasily still giving her a ridiculous look. "But you left Clarke. You not only left Lexa but you left us. Your friends. Your mom!" 

Those words hit her like a stab on the back. She grips her fork tightly until she can see her palm turning white. "You know why I left Raven. Is it my fault? I was so ready. I was so fucking ready!" 

"You can't blame her, Clarke. You know what she had gone through and its only you who understands her." Raven was now leaning forward and her voice was hushed. 

"And that's the problem, Raven. I understands her. I always did! I never doubted that but does she understands me? Does she understands what I've gone through? I went through hell and all I want was for her to be there when I needed her. But no! She decided to play aloof and get on with her insecurities and started blaming me for everything that went wrong. You know above all people that I did my best... I gave her my everything. Hell I wanted to give  her my life! But what did she do?" 

Her hands were shaking. Her eyes were bawling. Her chest was rising up and down as if she just ran a mile. The gates of hell had bursted open and came the lashing out of Clarke Griffin. 

Raven pounded her fist on the table attracting eyes on their direction but she ignored it and whispered harshly, "you and Lexa just stop with the blaming game. We all know both of you went hell of what happened. But I am telling you now Clarke... What ever happened to Costia was neither of your faults! Yes, I have to admit I got hurt and I was fucking mad with what happened but nobody had expected that. She's my cousin and I love her so much but what had happened, it's all in the past now. I've moved on. Aunt Tantiana moved on. So I think you and Lexa should too. It's over Clarke. Her fight is over." 

"Raven..." Those blue eyes were pleading. Pleading for forgiveness, "I'm really sorry," she gasped. Her words were drowned by her heavy muffled sob that all that Raven could do was to kneel in front of her and hugged her tightly.

"Hush, baby girl. Shh... It's over," rubbing her back gently, "I forgive you. Please stop blaming yourself." 

Clarke nodded with her head ducked down. She wipes her cheeks with the back of her hands and tries to look at Raven normally. "Im really sorry, Raven. I did the best that I can..." 

"I know you did and whatever Octavia had said. Its not true. I believed you. I always did." 

//// 5 years ago ////

"Clarke! She's bleeding! Do something!" 

Clarke's eyes were wide frantically looking for her tools. 

"Press it down hard, O!" She ordered as she looked for her spare gauze, "fuck! Someone call an ambulance!" 

The night was wild and wet. Blood were everywhere. Rain were pouring heavy on their backs and as the ambulance came rolling in. Loud claps of thunder were echoing above their heads as she tries to bandage the large gush. The body was frail and almost lifeless as the paramedics wheeled it to the vehicle. The loud blaring of the siren was deafening as they sped across town. 

Clarke was watching in a daze. 

"This is all your fault," it was a statement. It was a blame that put Clarke at her rightful place of remorse and regret. 

She faced Octavia exasperatedly, "What do you want me to do? I did the best I can!" 

"Well your best wasn't good enough!" 

And just like that she watched her best friend walked away for the second time that day. 

//// Present ////

"Ugh! Enough of this! Enough crying! We're here to celebrate! Clarke Griffin is back!" Raven raised her glass of soda and clink with Clarke's. 

Clarke grinned and nodded, "thank you." 

The two girls took a sip and chewed on their burgers. The music was pushed louder and Clarke found her head bobbing to the sound. 

"You know what we need," Raven started tapping her chin - thinking critically. 

"What?" 

"A girl's night out. Tonight!" She announced with a raised fist, attracting a waiter on their table. 

"Yes?" 

"What?" Raven asked confusedly until Clarke pulled her arm down, "oh! No no. Sorry. Nothing." 

The waiter nodded and left the table, leaving Clarke and Raven chuckling quietly. 

"Stop being so overly excited." 

"Why? I am excited! Griffin back in the house ya'll!" Pumping her fists in the air. 

"Okay okay!" Pulling the girl's fists down, "relax, Rae. I can't tonight. I have dinner with my mom."

"Alright. Tomorrow night then. It's gonna be the bomb!" 

"Oh no. No more bombs! Remember what happened the last time you said that! You almost got us killed by your stupid experiment! You almost burnt down Mr Heda's backyard."

"Hey! For your information, that guy sold me the wrong fuse." 

"For your information! "That guy" is an illegal trafficker from the black market! Seriously, Rae. Just stick to the office. That way everybody's left safe and unharmed." 

Raven pouted folding her arms, "fine. But tomorrow night I will blow your mind," she winked seductively. 

The blonde snorted but with a nagging question in mind, "is..."

"No. She have work to do. So don't worry. It'll just be us." 

She nodded feeling the sense of relief of not stumbling awkwardly from certain someone. "Okay. Then I'm in."

////

"Where have you been? I've been trying to call you."

Raven faced away from her housemate and rummaged the fridge. "Nowhere. Just had a burger downtown." 

"With who?" 

"Why? Why suddenly interested who I am with, Heda?" Turning around finding Lexa's raised eyebrow at her direction. 

"Nothing. Just curious," she shrugged dropping back onto the sofa. 

"Mhmm," Raven mocked sliding beside her best friend, "what's up with you?" 

"Rae... I saw her car," Lexa whispered weakly. 

"Who's car?" Flicking through the channels with the remote. 

"Clarke's."

Her hand froze on the up button of the remote and looked at Lexa questioningly. Hoping that the girl won't read her that she just spent few hours with the blonde. "What are you talking about, Lex? Clarke's gone."

"I know. But I just can't help but feel different since yesterday. Like something had changed. Like something's going to happen." Lexa explained pushing her reading glasses up to her nose. 

"Maybe you're tired, Commander. You've been sleeping pretty late for the past few weeks." Raven looked down at the file that Lexa was holding and more of it on the coffee table. She sighed, "take a break too sometimes, Lex."

"I know," The brunette huffed tiredly as she pinches the bridge of her nose. "I think I'll head out for a bit. I need some fresh air." 

" 'kay. Need company?"

"Nah, I'm good," pushing herself up towards the door. 

"Oh yeah. Bring me home some more cable ties. Dont forget."

"Seriously, Raven. What are you brewing up this time?" The brunette asked placing her hands on her hips. 

"Nothing,"she shrugged, "don't forget alright. Knock yourself out!" waving her off.

"I swear your room is like a ticking time bomb," Lexa murmured as she closed the door behind her. 

Down the street the cars were piling up into the heavy congested traffic. The day was ending and people are out enjoying the remaining of it. Street lamps were slowly lighting up the pavements as the cold harsh breeze of the first month of the year came parading on the girl's body. It was refreshing and cooling. It did the job to get her head out of the papers just for a short while. Her dad's company was getting bigger and more demands were piling up on her table. Which only meant one thing more time was needed from her. 

Gustus had retired but still remained within the company as long as he was needed. But now ever since Gustus trained Lexa to replace him, he was slowly giving all the hard jobs to her until she could fully operate the company on her own. Six years had gone by and everything was tightly in control by the Heda family. They had faced several ups and downs but none of them were big enough that they can't conquer. 

Not until the ruthless ruler of the Ice Queen Corporation showed up. It was a huge disaster that led to many life threatening decision that changes Lexa's course of life forever. 

Lexa hugged her jacket closer to her torso and pierced through the growing crowd. People were crowding the streets getting in and out of the restaurants. The brunette smiled when she saw her usual place. She pushed open the door and sat down by the bar. 

"Well hello there, pretty one. What can I get for ya?" A bald guy in a vest was grinning at her mischievously.

Lexa rolled her eyes, "margarita."

"Hmm. Light selection for tonight," the bartender uttered while magically brewing the order. 

"Need to get some work done before heading to sleep." She replied tapping her fingers to the rhythm of the music by the stereo. 

"Ah! Always the responsible one," he smiled cheekily. Placing down the drink in front of her 

"Not all the time,Rick," Lexa winked lifting the margarita and giving the bartender a toast. 

Lexa swiveled on her seat and scanned the growing crowd. Patrons were always the same every night. A party would be playing pool by the corner. While others will be at the back throwing darts. The usual crowd were fooling around at the far end of the bar and the rest were dining in. 

This is what she missed the most, people watching. Seeing how animated and alive they were. Then she realized there were so many things she could be thankful for. After what had happened in her past, she thought there's nothing better out there for her. She remorses the things that she took for granted. What they say was true you don't know what you have until they're gone. Lexa had regretted things because of her stupid mistakes and decisions. 

Years had passed and no one can replace her memory. Her memories of a certain girl. 

Lexa sighed and swiveled back onto the table when something caught her attention. She froze on her seat at the glistening gold came exiting the door. 

"Clarke..." 

Her legs were abandoning her and followed the trail outside but it was deserted. 

////

The dinner with her mom was great. They spent hours talking and laughing catching up with each other. And now they were strolling down the street towards her new apartment. Clarke turned around and faced Abby, "thank you for coming to dinner, mom." 

"Oh don't be ridiculous, Clarke. I wouldn't miss for the world. Its been great catching up with you. Make sure you visit me at home, young lady." 

The blonde rolled her eyes, "its not like we don't see each other in the hospital everyday!"

"Still," her mother said patting down the small leaf that landed on Clarke's shoulder, "you're all grown up now..." She whispered as her voice cracks into a sniffle. 

"Mom...," Clarke whined, "don't cry. I'll visit you on my off day. Don't worry! I'm gonna miss you too." Hugging her tightly. 

"Alright. It's getting late. Better head in. I had all your things delivered inside this afternoon. So everything should be all settled and done. The party is tomorrow night, don't forget. If you need anything else just ring me up." 

"Okay. Thanks, mom. I love you," pecking her cheeks. 

"Love you too, honey. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

And as they bid their farewell and Clarke closed the door behind her. She heaved a heavy sigh closing her eyes. 

"That was a close shave."

//// 30 minutes ago ////

"So this woman walked up to me and started shouting - how dare you! Im gonna report you to the police! So I backed off until a nurse came and started apologizing to me. The woman turned red, mom! She was so embarrassed!"

Abby laughed her head off wiping the escaped tears of laughter in the corner of her eyes. 

"That must be embarrassing. I don't think I could show my face like that to the public again." 

"I know it was!" Clarke grinned chuckling feeling her stomach cramping from laughing so hard. 

She took her fork and started swirling her pasta when the entrance door cracked open and came waltzing in the most stunning girl she had ever seen. Her throat came dry as she watched the girl sat down at the bar. Her hair was dirty blonde and long. Almost paled skin that complimented her feature. There was something oddly familiar about the girl that she finds it alluring. 

"Ahem..." Clarke snapped her head at her mom's direction. 

"I'm sorry," shaking her head. 

Abby smiled knowingly, "go on. Approach her." 

"Should I?" She asked feeling uneasy all of a sudden. 

"Yes. She seems like a huge catch," Abby reckoned, waving her off. 

The blonde took a deep breath and stood up. Almost tripping on her own feet as she made her way towards the bar. Her hands turn clammy that she have to wipe it on her jeans a couple of times. 

"Why are you so nervous for, Clarke? It's not like you've never asked someone's number before..." 

One final step. She raised her hand to tap the girl when in the corner of her eyes a girl with a brown mane came swirling around her seat. Those green eyes were busy scanning the crowd while those lips...

_Those lips..._

Was sipping a green margarita. The way the girl licked her lips made something swirl in the pit of her stomach. It made her feel jitters at places where she shouldn't be feeling. 

"Fuck!" She gasped silently as she ducked away from the brunette's vision and quickly paid the cashier for their meal. Right after, her legs carried her back to the table where her mom sat waiting patiently. 

"Did you get it?" Abby asked enthusiastically. 

"Yeah!" She lied flinging the receipt at hand and stowed it at her back pocket, "let's go, mom. I'm feeling tired." 

"jet lagged?" 

Clarke pouted and nods. As they made their way out to the exit. She was glad that there was a massive crowd coming in. So they could easily blended into the crowd and out into the open they go. 

//// Present ////

Her phone bounced on her bed as she strolls over to her closet picking out a comfortable clothes to wear, when it suddenly lit up blasting music. Clarke skipped back to it and answered. 

"Hello?" 

"Hell No!" 

"Excuse me?" 

"No! You won't bail on me tomorrow night!" 

"Raven... I have this thing with the hospital." 

"Are you sure about that? Or you just chicken-ing out?" 

"I am not! Look, we could meet Friday night. Grab dinner or something with the girls." 

A sneering sound can be heard from the other line, she knew Raven was pretty upset. 

"Fine. You swear you'll be there on friday?"

"Yes! I swear." 

"Pinky swear?"

"Pinky-... What are we? 3?"

"Sure, coming from a girl who pinky swore with Drew to not tell a soul about you and Lexa. Pretty mature, Clarke." 

Clarke gave a small smile knowing that Raven's raising an eyebrow at her smirking from across town.

"I trusted that, traitor...," she grumbled more to herself. Raven snickered. 

"Clarke-..."

"Raven... Pinky swore to me you won't tell her I'm here...," cutting her before anything else was said making things awkward. She have to make things clear. Clarke have to mark her territory and stay out of the of the brunette. 

"Clarke are you kidding me?" 

"Pinky swear!" 

"Fine! I pinky swear I won't tell the love of your life that you're back in town. Happy?" 

"Hardly..." Pouting at the receiver, "I'll be there. Friday. See you, idiot."

"Pfft! See you, idiot. Oh yeah, O's upset. Better talk to her."

Clarke rolled her eyes, "I know. I know. Damage control is on its way. Night, Rae."

"Night, Griff Griff." 

Her phone beeped as it ends the call. Turning over again to her contact list, she quickly pressed her  target and smiled when a rough voice across the line greeted her. 

////

Lexa paced back into the living room window, peeked over at the street. Walked back to the island and drummed her fingers like its marching from an inaudible sound. Her forehead was turning red with her continuous rubbing due to anxiousness. 

The girl chuckled funnily, "don't be ridiculous, Lexa. It can't be," shaking her head, "she can't be," she nodded, chanting. 

She surveyed the dining table filled with files after files. Her laptop sat idling for almost half an hour. Her chair was abandoned for the past 15 minutes. Her body started walking back to the window slouching over it, looking at the passers - by while her fingers drumming on the glass. The feeling in the pit of her stomach was too strong to ignore. There was something. There was something so odd and boggling this past few days. 

_"What the hell are you doing there standing like loony?"_

Lexa jumped to her feet, startled, "Raven!" she gasped. 

Raven walked up to her and scrutinized her like one of her little experiment that might go  _Boom_ any minute. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing," shaking her head, walking away from the window. 

"Okay," the engineer murmured carefully, eyeing her best friend with a questionable look. "You do know you can always talk to me if something's bothering you right." 

Lexa gave her a small smile, "I know, Rae. Thank you." 

Raven nodded once and walked to her bedroom but before entering she turned around again. 

"I know I'm not Clarke but it's also good let your heart out to somebody else once in a while. I'm not just your housemate, you know. I'm your best friend too and I'm  more than willing to listen to all your rants day and night."

The green eyed girl was just staring at her passively. 

"What you and Clarke had gone through was not easy and I know because I've witnessed the both of you breaking each others heart. And I'm not pointing fingers or siding to anyone on who's fault it was but I know for one thing. You and Clarke had something magical. You're connection is stronger than you think it is." 

"Rae-..." 

Raven raised her finger and tutted, "Like I said, I'm no Clarke and I can't do magic to make you feel better. But at least give me a shot and talk to me. It's been years, Lex... I think it's time to stop bottling it up and let go. You'll never know...," the girl shrugged, "the answer might just be around the corner." 

////

Clarke blew a breathe a small fog escaped her lips, she rubbed her hands together as she walks around the corner of the old green building. She realized that the cafe was still the same as she remembers it. The aroma of fresh grind coffee was filling her lungs with much gusto. She smiled warmly and enters the door with the bell ringing behind her. 

"What can I get you?" 

"One cappuccino, please. Thank you." 

"Name?" 

"Clarke." 

The cashier nodded with a smile and wrote down her name on the cup. She then directed her to the side which the girl gladly stepped away and sat down to the nearest table. Looking around the vicinity the place never changed. The tables were still the same. The marked up wall was still standing and perhaps what's new was the added graffiti. Clarke walked up to it and smiled at the dedication that the patrons wrote. Scanning the newly written words, one particular handwriting caught her attention. Automatically, her throat went dry as she averted her eyes away. 

"One cappuccino for Ms Clarke?" 

"Thank you," she replied huskily. 

Taking a sip of the coffee, she walked down on the furthest corner of the cafe and settled down. She cursed when she forgot to grab another hot straw. So she stood up and abruptly stopped for a moment, "no," she whispered and settled back down on her seat. 

//// 6 years ago ////

"Hey, I came the fastest as I can. What's wrong?" 

The girl sat down beside her girlfriend and hugs her tightly. Tilting her face to look at the puffy eyes that Lexa was showing. 

"Had another fight with, dad," she sniffled wiping away the  snot with tissue. 

"Lexa we've already talked about this. You're dad was just looking out for you. You've got to try to understand him too. You're his only daughter." 

"But Clarke-..." 

"Ssh! No buts!" Clarke hushes grabbing the brunette's cold hands. Despite the several tries that she did to make Lexa better, the girl was still pouting. "I know!" She beamed, Clarke looked around wildly looking for something. Lexa frowned at her. "What are you looking for?" 

"A pen or a sharpie." 

"Oh. Here," Lexa offered after digging her bag. 

The blonde broke into a mischievous grin making Lexa looked at her cautiously, "Hey Lex, wanna do something  _naughty?"_

"Naughty?" Those green eyes popped wider in surprise but slowly smirked watching Clarke's devilish beam. "What do you have in mind?" she flirted pulling Clarke's shirt seductively. And just like that Lexa forgot her worries because Clarke was being cynical again.

"Oh my god!" the blonde gasped.

 A light smack hit Lexa on the head, "what was that for?" 

"You perv!" pushing those long arms away from her. 

"Perv? You're the one asking me to do something naughty!" Lexa bellowed offendedly. 

"I was talking about something else!" shaking her blondie head, "always little miss naughty aren't you," she whispered. 

Lexa rolled her eyes and felt a tug on her arm. She followed helplessly until they're standing in front of a wall with her girlfriend grinning even more wicked. 

"Why are we standing in front of a wall like two idiots?" she asked, looking around for anyone who might be watching their bizarre actions. 

"Here's why!" 

And with a single whip of a hand, Lexa stumbled back watching Clarke vandalizing the wall. "Clarke!" she whispered exasperatedly, pulling the girl's arm, "what are you doing? They might catch us!" 

"Relax! They hardly go to this side of the cafe. It's so far away from the counter, they wouldn't even notice!" she replied as she took a step back admiring her masterpiece. "Beauty isn't it!" 

The brunette's nostril flared in annoyance, "Gee! Thanks!" 

"Don't like it?" Clarke pouted, "I've worked so hard!" 

"Whatever," rolling her eyes. Clarke laughed hysterically until Lexa had enough and grabs the sharpie and started doodling around Clarke's piece. She used her other hand to cover her work and once she's done she immediately pull the complaining Clarke. 

"I haven't seen what you wrote!" restraining from Lexa's strong pull towards the exit. 

"You'll see it soon enough." 

//// Present ////

"Remember when the manager wrote posters around the cafe about the vandal?" A girl suddenly leaned against her on the booth and laughed  _hard._ Clarke whipped her head around the cafe and stared at the sudden visitor. 

"Um excuse me?" she uttered confusedly, trying to scoot away. 

"The next day the manager was freaking mad! Oh man! You should have seen his face turned red!" the girl wiped away her tears and panted slowly, "when nobody owned up, they decided to put a sign 'graffiti wall' because on the same day another four more vandals were newly added." 

Clarke laughed nervously still looking bewildered at the strange girl, "do I know you?" 

"Well you should!" the girl grinned, extending her arm over which Clarke took hesitantly, "Niylah and you are?"

"Clarke." 

"Well it's nice to finally meet you, Clarke. It's great to finally know the mastermind behind the graffiti wall," Niylah smiled coyly. 

The other girl chuckled and shakes her head, "it was all in the past." 

"And so as the brunette?" 

She was caught off guard that she didn't realized she was rubbing her forehead unconsciously, until Niylah pulled down her hand. "It's okay." 

"So you were there? That was a long time ago." 

"I've been here for a long time," she shrugged, "you've been gone. I've realized. You don't visit as often as  _she_ did." 

Her blue eyes automatically looked down on her steaming cup of coffee, she gave it a twirl with her hot straw and mumbled, "I was away in New York for a couple of years." 

"Hmmm. Make sense. Say, Clarke," the blonde looked up, "Do you wanna see your ex?" 

Clarke frowned, "in about 5 minutes she'll burst through that door and order her usuals... Mocha chip Frappe with whip cream." the girl answered with a squint as if trying to remember it correctly. 

 _With extra chocolate syrup..._ But of course she didn't say that. Not that Clarke still remembers... Not a big deal.

"How do you know that? Are you some psychotic serial killer stalking me and my ex?" 

Niylah giggled, "No! God, no! I used to work here and always see the both of you. To tell you honestly," she leaned in, "I was mesmerized by you." 

Clarke made some weird gagging sound which only made Niylah laughed harder. "Relax I'm not gonna make a move. I just came by to say hi and introduce myself. I'm an avid fan of your artwork," nodding at the wall, "very well done with the monkey caricature of your ex. I bet she loved it." 

"She hated it," she smiled cheekily.

"I don't know about that. She kept staring at it every time she comes by," she thought carefully. Seeing Clarke fidgeted uncomfortably, she smiles again and winked at her, "in three... two... one..." 

The door burst open and Clarke's breath was taken away. 

//// 6 years ago ////

That day was overwhelming, not in a bad way. Perhaps more in a good way, she guessed. She had so much fun that she wished it has no ending. The day was perfect. The sun. The chirping birds. The not so crowded amusement park. The perfect girlfriend - who at the moment was being a bit an annoying. 

"Come on! Let me see it!" Clarke pouted pulling on Lexa's arm. 

They were walking away from the cafe until Clarke realized that she had not yet seen what Lexa had wrote on the wall. "You'll see it soon enough, Clarke. We have to go. My dad's looking for me." 

The girl puffed in defeat and grumbled, "I will sneak in there without you." 

"You wouldn't dare!" 

"I dare!" 

"Stop being so childish." 

"I'm not!" folding her arms and stomped her feet. 

A grin broke on that goddess face and pulled Clarke in a hurry, "we'll go back there tomorrow." 

"Promise?" the blonde asked in a small child like voice. 

Lexa rolled her eyes, "I pinky promise, baby Clarke." 

Clarke grinned returning back to her older self, "Good," putting down her hand. 

"Such a child." 

"You love me." 

"Depends." 

"Depends," Clarke repeated.

////

The following day, the cafe was over crowded with busy people. They were everywhere - Outside, inside. Talking so loud, laughing and yawning early in the morning. The fresh brew of coffee was wafting in the air - touching the very essence of the angsty blonde. 

"Where the hell are you, Lex?" looking up and down the street. 10 minutes had past and she was still nowhere to be seen. So she took the liberty to line up and order their usuals. 

"Hi, can I take your order?" a girl with a ponytail smiling at her eagerly. 

"Ca-..." 

"Cappuccino?" the girl asked grabbing the venti cup, "Venti?" 

Clarke looks at her surprisingly and nodded, "thank you." 

The cashier nodded still having the smile, "Name?" 

"Clarke." 

"Clarke..." nodding at the name while writing it down.

"Is that all? No more Mocha chip?" 

"Mocha chip," then it struck her. Lexa have not arrived yet, "Um... Okay," looking at the back of the line for any sign but to no avail, "grab me mocha chip too. With-..." 

"With whip cream and extra chocolate syrup. Not a problem." she uttered ducking down on another cup. 

"Thank you," Clarke mumbled still with a confused look, she paid for the drinks and side stepped to the corner and waited for her order. 

Her legs were begging to move, she wanted to see it so badly. Her fingers were drumming around her almost empty cappuccino and droplets of water were already dripping down on the other girl's frappe. And Lexa was still nowhere to be seen. Her phone was empty from any text messages and no call backs from her missed calls. She was getting worried that she left her bag by the corner booth and paced up and down the street but she was still nowhere to be seen. 

"Can I clear your cup?" the girl from the cashier asked, after Clarke had gone back to her booth. 

"Huh? Oh yes. Thank you," handing it over. When the girl turned around, the girl found her voice calling after the cashier girl, "Hey! Can you help me clear this too?" handing the melted frappe. The girl nodded and smiled with a hint of sympathy as she walks away. Clarke started to pack all her stuff when her phone bursted to life. 

"Lexa?" 

"Clarke... I need you." 

//// Present ////

"Told ya," a wink was directed at her way and soon found herself alone in her booth staring at the girl whom she had not seen for years. The feeling was never gone she realized. That was what she was afraid of. She was afraid was she may feel once her eyes landed on those gorgeous face and even though, the girl was looking away she could still feel the buzz in the pit of her stomach as if the brunette was looking at her. And it made her wonder, would the feeling be worse if Lexa was actually looking at her. 

Maybe she'll never find out because the girl was already leaving the cafe with a frappe at hand. That's when she noticed... Lexa was still sipping from two straws. 

////

"Dad, are you sure you could still make it tonight? I'm going to be fine going alone." 

Gustus grunted and waved her off, "Stop worrying, Alexandria! I'm strong as a bull!" pumping his arm like a muscular man. 

Lexa shook her head and chuckles, "Dad, I'm worried about your health. It's going to be crowded and rowdy. People are gonna wanna talk to you. Are you sure?" 

"For the last time! I will go and nothing can-..." he coughed loudly, covering his mouth. His body was shaking violently as he let go some of the phlegm from his throat. Lexa immediately reached for a glass of water and handed it over. 

"Dad...," she sighed, patting her back lightly. 

Gustus wiped away the dripping water from the side of his mouth and sighs, "your dad is getting old, Alexandria. It's only a matter of time." 

"Dad!" she exclaimed sternly, "Don't say that! You're as strong as a bull, remember?" 

Her dad nodded and gave a faint smile, "of course. Either way I will not let tonight pass me by. I have people to talk to while I still have time. Come on, help your old man get up the stairs." 

//// 

The night had finally arrived. Her dress was shining before her as she examined her self for the last time. Her eyes wondered down on the length of her dress, down to her strapped heels. Clarke sighed, "this is it." 

A knock on her door made her turned around and found her mom grinning from ear to ear. "Looking so beautiful, honey." 

"Thank you, mom. You're looking stunning too! Look at us, being all glam up." 

Abby chuckled and pecked her daughter on the head, "I'll be waiting in the car. Hurry up we're gonna be late." 

Soon, Clarke was done with her rounds around the apartment and locked her door. Her mom was already seated by the driver's seat and she slid in beside her.

"Ready?" her mom asked, patting her knee.

"Ready." 

////

Lexa helped her dad out of the vehicle and smiled warmly at the doorman who held the door for them. The living room was already packed with fine gentleman in suits and posh ladies in silky long dresses. Voices were lingering in the air with a hint of business laughters that Lexa was quite accustomed to by now. She, herself have one too. When Gustus gave her hand a tight squeeze and nodded towards the backyard where the main party was held at, Lexa gave her a certain look. 

"I'll be fine. I'll just sit here and have a chat with all this old chaps. Go on. Explore," Gustus ensured her with a waving of hands. 

Lexa gave her dad one final look and escaped towards the back. The main crowd was even busier at this part of the mansion. There were people dancing on the dance floor. People sitting by their appointed tables chatting up over a big plate of steak. Great varieties of selection of food was displayed at the two corners of the garden with bored servers scooping and filling up a carousel of plates every minute. When she found the head table where the coordinator was at, with a propped up laptop and glasses that she kept pushing up to her nose, she walked up to it and asked where she will be seated at. 

"Last name?" 

"Heda." 

"Heeeddaaa..." the woman with a bob cut hairdo, prolonged her name as she scanned through her laptop. Pushing her glasses up from time to time. "Ah! Here we are. You will be seated at table 6."

"Thank you."

And left towards it with words that the coordinator greeted with much enthusiasm.

"Have an unforgettable night!"


	2. Trip Down to Memory Lane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> Sorry took so long to continue the story but it's a good start. I hope you guys like it! So much trip down to memory lane. Let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Cheers!

There's nothing much she can do when her mother drags her around like a trophy daughter. For the past one hour since their arrival she had met all the doctors from different departments, dozens of nurses, shareholders and even the Wallace family - Dante and Cage. The son of Dr. Wallace was sure hitting on her nerves and can't seem to take hints from her sarcastic snarky remarks and continued to blabber about his achievements. It was a nightmare. 

When she finally had the feeling that the man was taking a short break from his long endless speech of his recent works, she made an escape for it and ended inside the big mansion where she finally flops down on a teal victorian couch facing the big white wall with a huge portrait painting of the senior Wallace. She walked up to it and examined each detail.

 _It must have been excruciating finishing this painting,_ she thought. 

Each strokes were short and small and much detailed, expanding into a bigger picture of the man of the house.

 _"Interesting fella isn't he?"_  

Clarke quickly turned around and felt her lips hung open, "Mr Heda!" 

Gustus chuckled by her reaction and limped his way towards her. Her eyes narrowed by the way he's walking and met him halfway across the living room. The first time that Lexa's father was rushed to hospital was due to over fatigued and stress but that was 4 years ago. She didn't know that his condition worsened and by the looks of it, there's a possibility that he might had a stroke somewhere along the way. She knew it, it was all the same signs from her previous patients. 

"Clarke Griffin," he nodded grinning widely, "it's been a long time." She nodded shyly not knowing how to react nor say to her ex's father. "How have you been?" 

A smile displayed on her lips and nodded, "I've been good," giving him a hug. "How about you? Has it been worst?" Glancing down at his leg and a cane with a tiger crafted on its wood.

"Yes," he nodded sadly but quickly wiped it away with a beam.

_So much like her._

"But nothing beats this man," pounding a fist on his chest, "I'm strong-..."

"As a bull. I know! You don't think I forget!" waving her finger at him and laughing at the situation that they're at now. She always thought that meeting her ex's father whom she grew to love as a father would be awkward. Always thought that losing Lexa also meant losing the father figure who stood up by his sides whenever things started crashing down between her and her ex but she guessed she was wrong. 

_I've been thinking about my ex so much. This isn't healthy._

"Heard rumors flying around that certain blonde is back in town. Are you back, Clarke? For good?" 

"Yes," it sounded breathy than she intended it to be. It only dawns on her what it could possibly meant now that she's back home. 

"Working with the Wallace again?" arching his eyebrow up. 

"Yes I am. I'm glad to be back. There's so many fresh faces I couldn't keep up. I have to take some fresh air," she chuckles. 

"Yes, the expansion of the company was growing bigger and they're exporting their old staff on the new premises to start a pioneer. Fresh faces is good for the hospital here in town, God knows what the old patients had been complaining about on the old nurses and doctors." 

Clarke laughs by the thought of it and winked, "I think I might have a few ideas the reason why." 

A snort erupted from Gustus, "Of course. I believe you're one of them!" 

"Well... What can I say? New York trained me well to make my patients hates me more," she shrugged. 

"Yes, they definitely did!" Gustus quieted down for a short while and looked back at her. She knew where this was going, so she braced herself and expected for the worst. "I'm glad your back, Clarke. I think this is a great start of a new beginning."

She narrowed her eyes by those ambiguous words, "I think it is too," she mumbled, deciding to play along at to what Gustus could possibly mean.

When the man trudged back towards the expanse of the Wallace's backyard, she tried to escort him but he waved her away and pecked her on the head instead. Clarke thought that it's the best reaction she had gotten ever since she arrived. Being someone so close to Lexa, she was glad that the man didn't harbor any anger on her for what she did. Clarke was glad even though deep inside there's a hint of disappointment that the man didn't mention nor hint about a certain girl. Like he's avoiding the touchy subject that she had prepared herself so much for, but she guessed the man knew her better than she had expected.

////

"How's the party?"

Clarke hopped onto her bed and stretched her body until she could hear her bones clicked into place and sighed. Raven was sitting by the couch on the other room and she padded sleepily over to her with her hand twirling her phone. 

"It's great actually. Better than I expected. I met so many new people and everyone was so welcoming," a yawned broke out as she grabs the remote from her best friend whom after a minute of childish tantrum, gave up and sat down quietly with a pout on her lips. 

"I talked to Mr Heda," she said nonchalantly.

Raven snapped her head at her direction, "Lexa's father?" 

"Oh no," shaking her head, "this random guy that I met at the bar-... Of course, Lexa's dad!" rolling her eyes. 

Raven puffed by the sarcastic remark and bit her inner cheeks to prevent any rebuttal cause God forbid, what will be Clarke's reaction when she finds out the Lexa was on the same party as her. She too, was shocked by it. Finding out that two of her best friends were so near and yet, so far. 

"What did he say?" hugging the throw pillow on her chest and watch Clarke's impassive expression. 

"We briefly talked. How are you's. You know all those stuff. I didn't know his condition had worsen. My mom didn't tell me anything about it." 

A sigh flew out of her mouth and glanced at the television, some weird midnight variety game show, "yeah. This past 4 years he had at least 3 strokes but thank God the doctors were miracle workers. Lexa was devastated and couldn't sleep at all. She spent nights after nights at the hospital accompanying her dad and then leave early in the morning to get back to work. She hardly went back to the apartment besides from grabbing fresh clothes." 

As she listens to the words, a tugging feeling on her chest erupted and seems like guilt was taking its toll on her. She could have been there for the brunette. She could have been there to protect her and take care of her when things were not going according to plan. Clarke knew how much Lexa's father's deteriorating health condition took levy on the girl. She should know, she had gone through the same thing with her dad. 

"Don't blame yourself, Clarke," she quickly glanced at Raven who's smiling at her, "You have every right not to be here. Plus, she's not alone. We're with Lexa all the way. Don't ever think we let down your girl even once!" elbowing her cheekily. 

She chuckled roughly, clearing her throat as she watched Raven stood up and walks towards the door. "Leaving so soon?" 

"Sorry, blondie. The commander really riles me up with her continuous banter of whom I'm seeing or why I kept coming home late," she grins, "Don't wanna be spilling secrets do we now?" 

"You're right," she resigned and propped her arm up on the arm rest so that her chin could rest on it. She gave Raven one final look and said, "you'll take care of her for me won't you?" 

"Don't I always?" the girl winked and closed the door behind her. 

////

"Partying again?" 

A groggy voice surprised her and when she turned around Lexa was sprawled on the sofa still in her dress. "Just got back?" 

"Yes. Sent my dad home and stayed for awhile for a chat," rubbing her fully make-up face. 

"You shouldn't do that. You still have make up on," she said, sitting down beside her best friend.

Lexa puffed and grimaced as she pulled her fake eyelashes off, "I hate putting this stuff on." 

Raven giggled and helped her with the other lashes, "what did you talked about?" she asked, trying to reel in if ever Gustus mentioned about bumping into Clarke. 

Lexa sat motionless and slightly cringed at the tugging feeling on her lid, she wiped away the tears that jerked in the corner of her eyes and said, "work. About the party. Just the usuals." Taking the fake eyelashes balled it up and threw it on the coffee table. 

"That's all?" 

"Yes, why?" stifling a yawn before looking at Raven. 

"Nothing. You should hit the shower and take a rest," pushing her off the couch. Lexa whined but allowed herself to be pulled towards bathroom with Raven throwing her her towel and comfortable clothes before closing the door behind her. Once she heard the shower running, she forks out her phone and typed a message. 

////

"Hey hoe!" 

Clarke cringed by the loud voice across the line and shakes her head at her friend's way of greeting. "I completely forgot how of a jackass you are." 

"Aaww," Octavia cooed, "miss me already?" 

"Not really. Nope. Not even one bit. Never thought of it," tapping her chin and then giggled when the girl scowled at her. 

"It's past midnight, what do you want Griffin?" 

"Wow, the second time I talked to you and you're like that. I'm offended, Blake!" She grins, hopping over on her bed and stretched once more with a grunt. "I was just wondering if you wanna grab lunch tomorrow? I know your office is near the hospital so maybe if you wanted to?" 

"Of course! I'll be there!" 

"Awesome! Tomorrow shouldn't be a problem. I think they're going to take it easy on my first day." 

"Oh you'll never know. After all, you're the legendary Dr. Clarke Griffin who saved dozens of people back in New York. Maybe they'll take you up for a challenge," the girl chided.

Clarke grunted, rubbing her forehead by the memory of the gruesome accident that caused dozens of casualties flying in and out of the ER. 

"You were all over the news!" Octavia added.

"Appears as a hero but I surely don't feel like one. I've lost several lives on my hands too. The feeling wasn't so great." 

"That's understandable but still. What you've done deeply impressed the masses. Not only them but also Lexa!" 

By the mention of the name, something within her chest swelled up. She didn't say anything to let Octavia continue. 

"She was arguing with Raven over something that probably don't matters and when your name was suddenly mentioned she literally stopped breathing. Actually all of us did! Because we thought you were caught in the accident but then a footage of you running around, shouting orders to people and helping the bloody bodies. It was freaking awesome! My best friend is fucking superhero!" 

Her nose crinkled by the word and shook her head in disbelief, "Don't label me as that. I just did what I had to do." 

"You don't have to be so modest about it. But then again, that's what Lexa kept telling us. She can't stop gashing about you. It's really making our ears bleed for days!" 

The tugging grew more intense that she gripped her shirt to hopefully stabilized her racing heart. "Really?" she croaked, once the word spilt out of her lips she cursed internally for letting herself break down like that. The wanting of knowing what Lexa tells her friends about her. Wondering if she still cares after all this years. After all the things they've gone through. 

" _Really."_

A grin formed in her lips. 

////

"CRASH CART!" She bellowed across the hall and stormed back in, digging her heels on the chest of a motionless man. "Riiicckk... Come on! Don't die on me!" 

"Dr. Griffin!"

She hastily grabbed the instrument and watch Gina squeezing the gel on the paddle and impatiently rubbed it together, "Clear!" Everyone stepped back, she placed the paddle on the chest and the body gave a strong jerk. A faint beep echoed in the room and sighs were peppering each breath. 

"Not on my watch, Rick," she mumbled patting the man's shoulders, "Gina, please check Mr Daniels vitals. I'll be with you in a moment." Gina nodded on her command and she left forking her phone out. 

She dialed Octavia's number and heard her voice within the 4th ring. 

"Hey, O." 

"Hey, Clarke. You're not canceling on me are you?" 

She pursed lips and said, "about that lunch..." 

"Claaarrkkee... I was so looking forward to it." 

"I'm really sorry, O. I didn't know my day would get this crazy. I'll make it up to you! I promise!" 

"You pinky swear?" 

She flared her nostril, knowing Raven rubbed it in on Octavia, "Yes, Octavia. I pinky swear." 

"Fine." 

"I'll talk to you after, okay? Love you!" quickly glancing inside the room. 

"Okay," the girl lamented, "Love you too, Clarke." 

She dropped her phone inside her coat pocket and walked back in. "How are we doing, Gina?" 

The nurse looked up from her clipboard and nodded, "everything's doing fine Dr. Griffin." 

"Great. Please check in a couple more hours and update me," Clarke informed before wheeling to the next patient who have his arm twisted in some weird angle. 

_This is gonna be a long day._

////

After a horrendous 12 hours of none stop running hear and there, Clarke finally took her break and collapsed on the On-call room. She yanked her coat off and draped it at the foot of the bed and closed her eyes for a good 5 minutes when her phone disrupted her sleep. She toed her coat and pulled it to her, before digging in the pocket for the phone. 

"What?" she snapped. 

"Woah, bad first day, Griffin?" 

Clarke grunted, rubbing her eyes to take sleep away, "I'm sorry. Today had been long. I just laid on the bed for a good 5 minutes when you suddenly called. What do you want Wells?" 

"Yikes. Such a grumpy Clarke. Okay, I'll just make this quick. How's your first day?" 

She rolled her eyes and apologized again, "I'm sorry, Wells for snapping again. So far so good. It's expected. It suddenly rained this morning and didn't stopped until...," she squinted her eyes, pondering. 

"You don't even know when it stopped didn't you?" She heard a chuckle across the line. 

"No," she grinned, closing her eyes and laid back again on the bed. "Been busy the entire day. What about you? Hows's Maya? Wick?" 

"Same old. We were actually about to grab brunch together. It's probably night time there isn't?" 

She glanced at the clock by the wall, "yes. 7. 45pm to be exact. I miss you guys." 

"I know you do. Your aunt misses you too. She can't stop talking about you." 

"I talked to her yesterday. She seems pretty enamored by this new patient. Did you know about that?" 

"Ah! Must be the guy that was knocking on her door before I left the house. He's pretty handsome." 

A giggle escaped her lips, "Pretty and handsome. Wow, can't imagine a day Wells Jaha mentioning those two words in one sentence." 

"Shut up!" 

Another fit of giggle escaped her knowing that his friend's probably blushing by now. She then heard a muffle and then a couple more voices meets her ear. The line suddenly grew louder and Wells voice radiated, "Hey, Clarke. You're on a speaker phone. Maya and Wick made me do it." 

"Cllaaaarrrkkeee!!!" Maya and Wick chorused in unison making her giggle louder. 

"When are you coming back?" It was Maya who asked. 

"Not so soon, Maya. Sorry. Been busy with the hospital." 

"Hey, Blondie! How's your first doing huh?" Wick asked. 

"Crazy. It's been pouring casualties all day. I hardly enough time to take a breath," she complained, turning to her side to face the wall. 

"Capitol must be some crazy shit town huh," and she knew the Wick grinning widely. She rolled her eyes to this thought and said, "not as crazy when I'm there!"  

Her pager beeped on her belt loop, she quickly grabbed it and checks the emergency. 

"Hey, I got to go. Duty calls." 

Her three good friend bid their goodbyes and she left the On-call room within seconds. She ran towards the east wing and entered a room where Gina was standing over the bed. 

"Gina, what happened?" She quickly hovered on the patiently who looked up to her with a smile. 

"And you must be Dr. Clarke Griffin," Rick - as what his clipboard says - held out his hand and Clarke took it with a firm shake. 

"How are you feeling, Mr Daniels?" 

"Never better! Must be a crazy day for you huh?" the hint on his eyes were glistening mischievously, making her raise her eyebrows at Gina who was gesturing something about her head. 

"Your hair," she mouthed. 

Her hands made a rundown on her messy bun and suddenly flashed an apologetic smile, "I was at the on-call room when Gina paged me. I'm sorry for the unprofessional appearance." 

The man laughed but then erupted in a throaty cough, touching his chest. Clarke ordered for Gina to grab a glass of water for the patient and once she come back, Rick's sipping on the glass like there's no more tomorrow. 

"Is there anything I could help you with, Mr Daniels? Anything that pains you?" She's staring earnestly but the shake on the man's head and the smile that he portrayed was enough for her to clam a bit down.

"I'm feeling better. I actually asked Gina to call you just to say thank you for saving my life. That pricky little accident would have ended me. So thank you." 

"I'm just doing my job, sir. I'm glad you're feeling much better. Is there anything else I can do for you?" 

The man waved off his hand but then raised his index finger, "one though. How long will I be stuck here for?" 

"Well it depends on how stable your conditions are. Fastest would be a week." 

"Shame. My customers will miss me." 

"Customers?" 

"I work in resto-bar. It's the new one in town. It's called Mount Western." 

"Mount Western!" It definitely rang a bell to her, "I've been there a couple of times. Lovely place!" 

"Yes, it is! Took so much time to build that baby from scratch," rubbing his stubble chin. 

"You own the restaurant?" her eyes widened. 

"Yes, I do!" he grinned. 

"Wow... Say, Mr Daniels the spiral staircase... What's up there now?" She wasn't sure if its her place to ask that question but the recognition on the man's eyes says that it's okay. 

"Ah, I maintained it. Excellent rooftop with a killer view. I go up there from time to time. Why do you wanna know?" He smirked. 

"Oh nothing," waving her hands, "just fond memories from the previous restaurant that used to stand there." 

"Ah... Your boyfriend brought you up there?" His grin widened when Clarke ducked down and stifled a chuckle. 

"No, sir. Girlfriend. I brought my girlfriend up there on our first official date," she smiled fondly with a hint of rosy cheeks. 

Rick nodded and patted her hand, "I tell you what. Since you saved my life. You get to go up there any time you want. You can even bring along your little girlfriend if you want to." 

Clarke giggled again but shook her head, "we broke up 4 years ago but I don't mind going to the rooftop by myself. If you still don't mind that I do it alone." 

"What a shame. You're a big catch, Dr. Clarke Griffin. It's her lost," winking at her. 

She smiled again, pondering on the thought of 'it's her lost.' As much as she doesn't want to think about it, its more like it's her lost because she became a coward and took off again when things became shaky. Clarke inhaled sharply to not let the floodgate burst open, she gave a final nod on her patient and said, "Well, I better get back to work. Thank you again, Mr Daniels. It's been great chatting with you. I'll check on you tomorrow again. So I'll see you by then?" 

"You betcha will!" 

She stepped out of the room and went straight to the locker room and stripped naked before putting on her clothes. The travel back home was quiet and cold but none of it matters because her mind was back again on the girl whom she had been insisting to not think about but it still managed to crawl in her very thought with every chance it gets. 

She sighed again when she was greeted with a dark apartment. She started having second thoughts if moving out of the house was a good idea. Shaking her head, thinking that it's the only time that she can be alone with her thoughts, she dropped her keys on the bowl beside the door and yanked off her boots and trudged towards the bedroom. It was dark but she already had the pathway ingrained in her mind, so it's easier for her maneuver around.

However, something caught her attention. Something was out of place. She stopped halfway in the hallway when she crept backwards and saw something weird on the table by the kitchen. 

 _Did I bought something last night?_ She wondered. 

Clarke walked up to the paper bag and peeked inside. It's food. Her stomach made a grumbling sound which she quickly sooth with her hand. 

_It's still hot._

"What the hell? Am I at the right house?" She haphazardly looked around for any trace of intruder, flicking on every switch until the entire apartment lit up like a christmas tree. 

She strolled back on the table when all of a sudden a loud insisting knock on the door made her jump. She carefully opened the door and found a beaming little girl. 

"Octavia?" 

"Hello, Clarke. Are you gonna let me in?" The girl puffed annoyingly and pushed the door open. Those blue eyes followed the girl's trail that lead to the chinese takeaway on the table. 

"Are those from you?" Closing the door behind her and walked to the kitchen. 

"Nope but it sure smells yummy!" Octavia started pulling out the boxes and cracking the chopsticks with wide grin. 

"O! This food suddenly appeared on my table when I came home!" Grabbing the girl's wrist and wildly looked around, "do you think there's an intruder inside the apartment," she whispers, just in case the uninvited visitor could hear them. 

Octavia rolled her eyes, pulling her wrist free, "Clarke, come on. This is the Capitol. We're safe. Plus, if there's an intruder, well aren't they a little sweetie pie, leaving food for our dear little Clarkey." 

Clarke flared her nostril and crossed her arms, watching her friend devouring the noodle which looked even more tempting than before. Her stomach complained again, sending Octavia to raise her eyebrow and pushed another box at her direction and grinned knowingly. 

Clarke Griffin gave up.

////

"Did she ate it?" 

"Yes, like a hungry wolf!" Octavia laughed while walking home, "Did Lexa really bought those?" 

"Yupp, with her own money and time. I made her," erupting into another fit of giggles. 

"What are you planning again, Reyes?" 

Raven looked back at the girl's closed door and settled on the couch, "Nothing, O. What are you talking about?" 

"I know you! You sneaked inside Clarke's apartment and got Lexa to buy her food. So does that mean Lexa knew that Clarke's back?" 

"No." 

"Then how? What?"

A sigh was sent across the line, "I made Lexa buy  _me_ chinese. She was complaining why so much food when I'm the only one eating. I told her I have a heavy appetite and she condoned." 

"And Clarke's apartment?" 

"I  _might_ have picked the lock for me to get in." 

"Raven Reyes!" 

"What?!" quickly covering her mouth by her loud word.

"You're a fucking genius! Wait till Anya hears about this!" 

The engineer sighed and chuckled, knowing that Octavia would take her side at her bright idea. "Tell Anya it's time for master plan 3.0!"

"Hell yeah, it's about time!" 

As the night progresses, Raven was finally off the phone to find Lexa sitting on the couch watching some documentary. 

"Hey, nerd." 

"Shut up," the brunette grunted. 

She flopped down beside her and eyed her with a grin, "What's up in your ass?" Reaching forward for the remote when Lexa pulled her wrist away sneering at her. "Woah," raising her hands up. "What's got you riled up all of a sudden? Dryland?" 

"Shut up!" Lexa grunted once more before averting her eyes back on the screen. 

The brunette was on radio silence and she knew that something terrible might have happened. Knowing her best friend it'll not be easy to ask what's wrong unless the girl's ready to open up. Fortunately, Lexa started talking, "Rick got into an accident." 

Raven raised her eyebrow, "Rick who? You have a boyfriend that you've not been telling me about?! Alexandria Heda!" 

"No! God..." Lexa faced Raven with an evident solemn expression, "Rick the man at the bar." 

"The bar? Which bar?"

"The new restaurant downtown. I went there earlier today to get a drink and the manager said that he got into an accident and is in the hospital." 

"Well then go ahead and visit him then. If he means that a lot to you." 

"He does," the girl sighed. Raven narrowed her eyes again and asked, "Are you sure that there's nothing going on between you and Rick?" 

Lexa sent her a death glare, immediately, Raven bowed her head and apologize. As much as possible she doesn't want to be on the girl's bad side. She spent a huge portion of their friendship on that suckfest and that ain't happening again. Although, her plans for Lexa and Clarke might just put her there again but she couldn't care less if it meant happiness for both of her best friends. 

////

"Raven! Quit stalling, come on! He's in room 301," Lexa literally have to drag Raven towards the door and once they reached the room, she thought Lexa's gonna have a melt down. The woman was suddenly panting as if she's about to have a panic attack. 

"Lex? You okay?" gently touching her on the shoulders. The brunette quickly tensed up and walked inside the room. 

"Rick?" 

The man turned over and was quite surprised by his new visitor, "well look at you, baby girl. Don't cry on me now," reaching forward for her hands. 

Raven trailed behind and watch from a distant at the weird relationship between her best friend and this guy named Rick. 

"How are you feeling?" the brunette whispers as she settles down on the plush chair beside the bed. 

"Don't worry about me. I have an excellent doctor. Very pretty too!" 

Lexa chuckled and nodded, "I'm glad you're okay. I thought something terrible happened to you." 

"Oh pish posh! This is nothing," gesturing at his bad leg and broken left arm. "I'll live for many more years. How about you Lexa? How are you holding up?" 

Raven walked around the room, peeking outside the curtain, looking at the paintings hanging on the wall, fiddling with the clipboard at the foot of the man's bed. When her eyes darted at the name at the bottom Dr. Clarke Griffin, she whistled and quickly stowed it on the bracket. 

"What's wrong?" Lexa immediately asked. 

She waved her off, "oh its nothing." 

"Who might this be?" 

Lexa opened her mouth when Raven cut in and extended her arms, "Raven Reyes, sir. It's a pleasure to finally meet you." 

Rick raised her eyebrows and glanced at Lexa's apologetic smile, "Don't have to be formal, Raven. Rick, Rick Daniels. Pleasure to meet you too." The guy settled comfortably on the bed and eyed Lexa and Raven, when she caught the green eyed girl's attention he nodded at the other girl, "Girlfriend?" He whispered. 

"What?!" Lexa almost guffawed by the assumption, "No, no. Best friend." She articulated clearly. 

Rick nodded, "Ah... Of course. How's the girl?" 

Raven leaned against the door frame of the room, pretending to watch people walking around and _pretending_ not listening at to what the two were whispering about. She didn't hear anything when Rick asked Lexa about  _the girl._

_"Still no news?"_

_"No... But I'm starting to have this feeling like she's everywhere. I don't know... I'm might be going crazy." And a chuckle echoed._

_"Lexa, have you tried reaching for her?"_

_Silence._

_"Then? That's the problem. Don't you think it's better to not just sit around and wait for the girl to suddenly appear. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith to make something happen."_

_"You're right... Her mom works in this hospital, you know."_

_"Excellent! Go talk to her mom. Maybe she can help you."_

_"I don't think that's a good idea, Rick. I've lost contact with her too when she left. I don't want to suddenly appear like a ghost and snoops around about her daughter."_

_"Lexa, I don't think her mom would think that. Give it a shot."_

_"I don't know... I'll think about it."_

_"Alright... You know, they have a pretty attractive doctors here. The one who attended on me was a huge score!"_

Raven couldn't contain her snort that she hastily peeled herself away from the door and out into the hallway, swallowing the irony of the situation.

_Clarke was Rick's doctor._

A silent laughter erupted from her lips when a glistening blonde attracted her eyes, and that blonde making it's way towards her direction. 

"Shit!" She hissed, glancing at the room where Lexa was still at. The girl quickly darted through the hallway and attracted Clarke's attention, "Clarke!" She pulled the doctor to the corner and peeked at the adjacent hallway. 

"Raven? What are you doing here? Are you alright?" Clarke was fully alarmed. 

"I'm fine, Clarke. You can't go in there," shaking her head vehemently.

"What? Why not? I need to check on my patient." 

"Room 301? Rick Daniels?" 

"Yes," nodding her head in confusion, "how did you know?" 

"Because Lexa's inside the room. So it's either you reveal yourself that you've been in town for days now or keep it hidden and away from drama." 

Clarke swallowed hard on the words and nodded in understanding, "text me once she's gone." 

Raven gave a final nod and watched the blonde doctor making an escape for it. When she moved around the corner she almost bumped into Lexa. 

"Christ!" immediately, stepping back, "Lexa! You scared me." 

Rolling those green eyes, "who are you talking to?" Peeking behind her friend. 

"No one!" Checking behind just to make sure that Clarke's gone, "Are you done?" 

Lexa nodded. 

"Good. Let's go. Let's let the doctor do their job." 

////

"Griff!" 

She poked her head out of her office and saw Raven making her way towards her. 

"Rae? What are you doing here? Is Lexa here again?" 

"Nope," she lied, "I'm here for lunch," she happily skipped and pulling the doctor out of her office, "Come on. I saw they have steak at the cafeteria." 

"Steak? Trust me, Rae. That ain't steak. This is a hospital for pit sake," shaking her head when Gina almost stumbled on her. 

"Dr. Griffin! I'm so sorry," she apologized gripping on the files tightly on her chest. 

"It's alright, Gina." 

"Heading for lunch?" She asked placing the files over the reception counter. 

"Yeah, wanna come with?" Raven's the one who asked, Clarke elbowed her friend and gave an apologetic smile at her colleague. 

"Okay! Can I invite the other girl's too?" pointing behind the nurses headquarter. 

"Of course! More the merrier." 

////

"Didn't you have a boyfriend back in the city?" Harper asked nonchalantly over a juice box.

Clarke's head snapped up from her inedible salad and glared at Raven who snickered beside her. She never intended for the news to reach her colleagues once she returned on the table with her food. Raven had been gashing about her none stop ever since she met with the other nurses. 

"Yes," she nodded, "couple of months," she uttered, forking down on her lettuce. 

"Oohh... So the longest is Lexa?" Gina carefully asked looking at Raven. 

Raven earned herself another glare but much to the blonde's disappointment, the girl didn't faint. 

_Not yet._

"How long exactly?" Fox was the one who asked. 

She's not liking where this is heading to, "short," she mumbled uninterestingly.  

"6 years to be exact," Raven cheerfully informed, "college sweethearts if you may put it." 

The three girls 'awed' in unison, making Clarke ducked her head in embarrassment. 

"I thought you're gonna stop talking?" she demanded on her best friend. Raven raised her hands in defeat and nodded obediently. 

"Yes, we were college sweethearts and she's my longest relationship, " she sighed. 

"You didn't have anyone after her?" Gina eyed the doctor carefully but when she received nothing but silence, "I apologized Dr. Griffin. I didn't mean to pry on your personal-..." 

"No. It's alright... No, I didn't have anyone else after her," giving one final nod. 

_***9 years ago*** _

"Hey!" Lexa turned around and found Clarke beside her, she stills as steady as a rock. 

The brunette looked down on her fiddling hands and whispered, "hey." 

"It's raining," Clarke mumbled as a matter of fact. Lexa tried not to roll her eyes at this obvious fact but she failed miserably, "Yes, Clarke. It is raining. I can see that." 

The girl beside her giggled and felt that pricking feeling on her cheek and she knew that she's looking at her again. She swallowed hard and looked up at the sky, she had been standing under the shade and looking at the school gate - thinking of ways to get to the bus stop unscathed but it was impossible. She even thought of using her bag as a shield but her notes were way too precious to her. 

A blue umbrella sprang up in front of her, "wanna share?" 

"Um...," thinking twice at the possibility of being stuck with Clarke Griffin for the next 5 minutes under one umbrella. No matter how much she tries to beat down the idea of it being a good idea rather than staying in school for the next hour, she reluctantly agreed. 

"Okay." 

"Cool." 

Clarke carefully stepped out into the rain and waited for Lexa to step in after. The brunette hugged herself tightly, to prevent any rain pouring on her but it was impossible, the umbrella was only meant for one person. She thought Clarke noticed that she's getting wet, so the blonde placed the umbrella more towards her part, the brunette declined and pushed it away from her. 

"Lexa don't be ridiculous, you're getting wet," Clarke argued. 

They were already half way and her right arm was in fact soaking wet but that does not overturn the fact that Clarke too was soaking wet. 

"So are you," she pointed out.

Clarke rolled her eyes and said, "I hardly get sick anyways. I'm fine." 

She was stunned by that, "Is that how you based your health on? Presumptions?" 

The blonde must have sense the tightness in her voice that the girl stopped and looked up to her. "No, Lexa. What I meant to say was that I'd rather get soaked in the rain rather than you." 

The remaining of the walk was silent and it oddly annoys Lexa because she loves silence. That's her mojo.  _Silence._ But the way that Clarke let go of her words was with malice and she knew that she had hurt Clarke. When they reached the bus stop, Clarke merely stopped and gave a slight nod before walking away towards the train station. It took all the guts in her to call after the girl and apologize. 

"Clarke!" She carefully stepped forward. Clarke turned around and raised her eyebrows at her. "I'm sorry if I offended you." 

"You didn't," shaking her head.

To Lexa it feels like a lie but she didn't continued, let the girl be and watched the blonde turning back around and walked off. 

////

"So have you been in love?" Lexa almost dropped her fork when Rick suddenly raised that question. 

Those eyes were staring at her with much anticipation that she have to break the eye contact for feeling flustered all of a sudden. It was 12.15pm on a Tuesday and Raven left her - to God knows where - to be alone with Rick and eat lunch. That question still lingers in the air like thick black smoke, it was hard to get rid off until she speaks the answer. 

"Of course," she nodded, "I've been in love." 

"Does a person like you falls hard? You know, do you love hard?" 

Lexa grinned, shaking her head at the sudden absurdity of the change in topic but at least it's a light change compared to her family's background. Anything would do right now, just as long her past with her family would be left untouched, even if they have to speak about some certain girl. 

"You know," looking up, pondering on her next answer, "I've always thought love is not for me... Because myself, I came from a broken family that suddenly led to my mother's accident... My mom died and my dad became even more unmanageable that I... Um...," looking back down on her unmoved food, "Rebelled and did things that I wasn't proud of... So you have to know that you can't always choose to use your heart." 

Rick nodded slowly, "But how do you know that that someone is  _the one?_ From all the things that happened to you, with your family and your past relationship. How would you know?" 

Lexa was silent. The images that kept flashing at the back of her mind almost made her smile, but she suppressed this feelings and memories and pursed her lips. 

"Sometimes...," she slowly nodded, "you'll just know." 

_***8 years ago*** _

A soft peck on the lips, made her insides coiled unexpectedly. Lexa smiled touching that soft sweet lips that belongs to Clarke Griffin. The blonde settled back down on the couch beside her and she just sat there staring at the beauty of what her girlfriend is. 

"Does she kiss like that?" 

Lexa narrowed her eyes, she wasn't sure what she just heard was right. 

"Clarke?" 

Clarke scooted nearer to her and laid her legs over the girl's lap and asked again, "Does she kiss like that?" pecking her softly once more on the lips. 

Lexa moaned and almost whined at the lost of contact, "what are you talking about Clarke?" 

The blonde gently bit her lower lip and pulled it with a tease. "Does Echo kissed like that?" 

"Echo?" Shaking her head at the sudden change of topic. 

"Yes. There's also Costia." 

"Clarke, are you jealous again?" 

"No!" 

"Then suddenly bring that up?" 

"I was just wondering. You already have two relationships and I only had Finn. And I'm telling you he's a sloppy kisser. Bleah!" sticking out her tongue with a grimace. 

Lexa stifled a laughter and pecked her girl again, "No. They don't kiss like you do." 

Clarke gave her a look and then slowly narrows her eyes in suspiciousness. Lexa raised her hands and placed her hand on the girl's legs and brushing those blonde tendrils off Clarke's face. 

"They're  _way_ different from you. When you kiss me I feel like we're connected. That I can't get enough of it. You make me feel things... At places that I shouldn't be." 

When Clarke gave her another coy look, Lexa rolled her eyes, "And I'm not only talking about that. What I meant what I feel here," touching her chest. "You, Clarke Griffin, makes me feel loved. For the first time in my life." 

The girl on her lap gave a shy grin and nuzzled on her neck, feeling the fluster on her cheeks. 

"You have you're way with words, Ms Heda." 

"You love that about me." 

"Depends." 

"Nope. Not this time." 

////

The atmosphere on the table just turned ground zero and it's getting on Clarke's nerves. A sigh, followed by her hands flinging in the air exasperation, "Fine! Fine! Ask away!" 

The three girls suddenly leaned forward and three pairs of bulging eyes were directing at her. 

"Can't you just wait for her?" Harper asked, abandoning her tray of half eaten lunch.

A snort resounded on her side and she looked over, Raven's expression was a baffling one. 

"Wait? How can you wait when the person's priority isn't you? I am so sorry... But I have to say this but I'm on your side on this, Griffin. What she did was unforgivable." 

Clarke looked away, shoved her hair out of her face and feel the ponytail at the back of her head. Another sigh escaped her before hearing another question. 

"What happened?" Fox knotted her eyebrows together, looking back and forth at Clarke and Raven. 

Her best friend stifled another sigh and felt her hand rubbing her suddenly tensed shoulders. 

_*** 4 years ago*** _

"Hey, Clarke!" Abby whispered, grabbing the girl's attention, "You're up in 10, okay? Good luck, honey!" 

Clarke nodded blankly as she turned around among the sea of heads where could Lexa possibly be. Raven walked up to her and asked, "Did you see her yet?" 

Raven shook her head, when Octavia and Anya trailed behind. 

"Guys, Lexa's not yet here," she sighed, rubbing her hands together in nervousness. She's about to present in front of her colleagues and VIPs about the new research that she had been doing with the other doctors and it had been a gruesome couple of months but they have to make the ends meet because whom ever won the judges interests will win the capital to start the medical research plan.

 Clarke was growing restless because the girl whom she had been craving to see before she goes up to that stage was nowhere to be seen. 

"Have you tried calling her?" Anya asked, taking out her phone. 

"Yes! But she's not answering. She said that she'll just be in the office handling some emergency meeting. She said it won't take long. It's been 3 hours." 

_"Ladies and gentleman! Please welcome Dr. Clarke Griffin!"_

Clarke's eyes suddenly pranced on the stage and the spot light was on her. Octavia pushed her forward, when her legs suddenly goes jelly. 

"We'll keep calling her. Go up there and kick some ass!" Octavia cheered. 

Once she's on stage, all eyes were on her and the mic was nervously shaking in her hands. She took one final breath, "Good evening ladies and gentleman...." 

======

"Callie!" Lexa came running forward. 

Her receptionist greeted her as she stood up from her counter, "Ms Heda!" 

"What's the emergency? Where's the meeting?" 

_"Um... There's no emergency meeting, Lexa."_

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows and looked behind, she was flabbergasted who it was. 

"Echo..." 

"Hi, Lexa. It's been a long time." 

======

The video was playing and it gave Clarke time to talk to her friends.

"No. She's still not answering her phone. I tried ringing Gustus, he said she's not picking up either. Nobody in the office knew her whereabouts," Octavia informed in one breath. 

Clarke was starting to get piss off and as the video was about to end. She stomped back on stage with just firm and impenetrable woman. Her day won't be burn down into ashes just because Lexa wasn't there. She have to make this happen, for her and for her team members. They're counting on her.

"Thank you! Thank you! As you can see, the thorough investigation of such problem arises due to influx of...."

======

"What are you doing here, Echo?" She could feel her blood seeping away from her veins and the menace that she's feeling right at that moment was beyond salvageable.  

"Lexa, I'm here to apologize," Echo stepped forward. 

Lexa stepped back and shook her head, "you're 7 years too late, Echo. I don't need your apology," she snapped at her and walked towards the closing elevator car. The brunette slid her hand in between and quickly stepped inside but Echo managed to slid in before the door closed shut. 

"Lexa, just hear me out. I know I've hurt you more than I could ever possibly imagine. My father-..." 

"You're father is a demon descended from hell! Don't you ever think that by a simple apology would erase all the damage that you did, that your father did to me! I was fucking almost got kidnapped, Echo. How could you let that happen?! I thought we had something special!" She was growing agitated, she can't help it but let the floodgate of memories washed over her and there's nothing much she can do but to stare at her ex lover's eyes and ripped her head apart. 

"Lexa-..." 

Both girls suddenly stopped breathing at the sudden jolt of the car. The lights were flickering and eventually died. Lexa scrambled for the emergency button and jabbed it over and over again until somebody replied. 

"Help! The elevator stopped! We need help!" 

"Relax, mam. Rescue will be on its way. Please stay calm" 

She felt a strong grip on her forearm and turn around, where she found Echo nodding away from the only communication that they had. 

"If this is one of your master plan to kill me again, Echo. I swear I will not hesitate to kill you on the spot." 

Echo raised her hands in surrender, "I swear Lexa. I've got nothing to do with this, this time. You've got to trust me." 

"I stopped trusting you when you turned your back on me!" She spat. 

======

"Anya?" She rushed towards the entrance of the conference hall. There's hardly anyone left and the hotel staff were already clearing the mess. 

"Lexa? Where have you been?!" 

Lexa recoiled and asked for Clarke. Anya pointed at the round table at the front of the stage and went straight for her girl. Raven and Octavia shook their heads on her and she couldn't help but feel broken at the downcast Clarke Griffin. 

"Clarke," she called out in a whisper. 

Clarke looked up in a teary eyes. She hastily wiped her tears angrily and averted her eyes away. Lexa cautiously sat down in front of the blonde and pushed the drink that she had bought on the way to the hotel. The blonde glanced at the drink and then ducked down on her hands. 

"Hey," she softly mumbled, reaching forward for the girl's hands. 

Clarke pulled away and sniffled, "It's over. You've missed it." 

Lexa resigned defeatedly and watched her girlfriend fending away from her, "Clarke, I'm really sorry. I never meant for this to happen." 

A chuckle broke out of the blonde's lips and glared at her with much hate, "you did it _again_ ," she shrugged, "how many more, Lexa?" 

"Clarke," she whined softly and this time she managed to catch the girl's hands, "I'm really sorry. Please forgive me?" 

Clarke glanced up and pouted away, giving a peek at the drink on the table. Lexa smiled faintly, grabs it and placed it on the girl's hands. 

"Here. Mocha chips with whipped cream and extra chocolate syrup. Just the way you like it." 

Clarke clenched her jaw and fiddled with the straw as she gave the lid a poke. Lexa tipped her chin up to face her, "I'm sorry, Clarke." 

The girl just nodded and ducked down, silently sipping her favorite drink. 

//// 

"Did you managed it?"

Her eyes found the wondering eyes of the patient once more. She never thought of talking this much to the guy before but she guessed Raven was right. She have to let go somehow and stop bottling her emotions before it explodes. 

"Managed it by you mean, managing my life with her after all the things that we've gone through...," she said suggestively, Rick nodded putting his lunch aside and listened attentively, "Of course I did. I think we both did. We fought so hard to make it work but what can you do when there's only so much you can give. The universe was already screaming at top of its lungs for you to stop. You know what my dad used to say... If you're not meant to be, then you're not." 

"Do you think it's true?" 

Lexa was silenced for a good few seconds, putting her thoughts at its rightful place. It took another minute for her to open her mouth and say, "You just have to see for what it is, Rick. Vulnerability... Weakness." 

"What is?" perking her eyebrow up. 

"Love." 

////

"You know you always have this fantasy that your first boyfriend or girlfriend would be your first. Your first love. Your first kiss.Your first everything... I thought it was her. _I really thought it was her."_

The three girls could see that the blonde's thoughts were far away and the distant look that she had was filled with so much memories. The three pairs looked up at Raven and Raven gave a small smile. She rubbed the girl's shoulders and said, "she thought her ex was the one," finishing her best friend's sentence. 

"Why? What happened?" Gina asked once again. 

The engineer glanced again at the look that her friend was sporting she knew they'll won't get an answer anytime soon. So took the liberty to continue with the story. 

"She proposed." 


	3. Hate On Me

_***5 years ago*** _

She was growing annoyed by how late that Clarke was being. That's not like her at all. The blonde was always early, if not, always on the dot. Not half an hour late. The crowd was growing at the pathway that she had been waiting for a long time now. She picked up her phone again and gave the 5th angry voice mail for Clarke to hear.

Lexa was to dust her hands together and give up for the night when all of a sudden a music blared behind her, attracting her attention. The huge crowd in front of her suddenly started moving in unison and soon, a huge flash mob was dancing around her. She have no idea what the hell was going on but as the crowd directly before her parted like the red sea and here comes, Clarke with a bouquet of red roses. _She knew she have nowhere else to be at._

"Clarke? What's going on?"

Clarke just grinned, giving her the flowers and slowly kneels before her.

"Clarke?" she stammered almost not believing what she was seeing.

_Is this happening? Is this really happening?_

"Yes, Lexa. This is really happening," as if reading her mind, Clarke pulled out a small tiffany blue box and pulled out the cover. And there rested a sapphire ring gleaming under the streetlight.

"Clarke..." She was lost for words.

"Lexa, I'll be the luckiest woman in the world if  _you_  wouldsay yes to me. Please make me the luckiest woman alive, commander. Alexandria Heda, will you marry me?"

Lexa had no idea what her face must have looked like when Clarke popped that question but she'll have to asked Raven for that. Because obviously, she's circling around them with her video recorder.

"Yes!" She gasped, "Yes! A thousand times yes! I will marry you!" Clarke immediately sprang to her feet and hugged her before shakily slipping the beautiful ring in her finger.

The whole crowd erupted into a loud round of applause and whistles, as Clarke pulled Lexa in for her long awaited kiss.

"Thank you, Lexa," the girl whispered as their forehead rest on each other.

"Thank you, Clarke. I'll be the luckiest woman too to be married to you."

The two girls broke out into a fit of giggle as they pulled each other once more for a hug.

////

"Do you believe in forever?"

Lexa chuckled by the question and immediately, shakes her head, "I believe that love is weakness and you still asked me if I believed in forever?...," she shakes her head sadly, "No, There's no forever."

Ricky rubbed her chin again and nodded, staring idly at the white ceiling. Lexa placed her food on the side table and rubbed her tired eyes. It had been a long day even though, it's only been half way done. She felt tired and heavy all of a sudden. It's like instead of making her feel light because she finally vent all of her thoughts, instead it made her feel lethargic and jaded for some unknown reason. She didn't know that talking about Clarke Griffin could do that to her.

"Have you ever thought that this girl might be finally ready to face a new chapter in your lives?"

Lexa jerked by the new question but didn't looked up but bobbed her head instead, "Yes. She was ready."

"Are you?"

She finally took the plunge to look at him in the eyes but then quickly averted, "I thought I was."

"So this girl proposed and you accepted?"

"Yes," she rasped.

"But what happened now?"

Her eyes lingered back on Rick, feeling her chest raced by the in coming memory.

_***4 years ago*** _

"Babe..."

Clarke placed her hands on the tensed shoulders of her girlfriend and turned her around. Lexa looked back at her defeatedly.

"Come to New York with me . We can start a new. Your dad's office is expanding and it's a good start to look into greater possibilities in the big city. Isn't that what we always dreamt of? Living in the city?" grabbing her hands, squeezing tightly, "becoming city girls?"

"Clarke, you know I can't go. My dad was admitted to the hospital. The company is on the line and I have to fix things before taking over - before my dad steps down. I have a lot of things on my plate right now and New York isn't one of them."

"Lexa, it's only for the holidays. We get to spend time together? See the possibilities of us starting our future family in the big city? Don't you like that?"

The brunette shut her eyes tightly, feeling the annoyance and pent up anger creeping itself up. " _Clarke,"_ she began, emphasizing on the 'k'. Clarke looked up to her with anticipation, "just  _stop._ I will not go to New York with you. That's my final answer."

Clarke knotted her eyebrows in confusion, "Lexa, this is our plan for a long time. We've been dreaming about this for years and now the opportunity has presented itself-..."

"Clarke! Will you listen to yourself?!" her hands were shaking, tears starts rolling down her cheeks, "You've been rambling about New York for weeks and I kept telling you that I can't go! And  _nothing_ will change my mind. My dad needs me. The company needs me-... Just because you had everything figured out. It doesn't mean that I do too! I'm struggling to make ends meet and salvaging the company from Azgeda. I don't have time for this!"

The blonde's eyes widened by her girlfriend's raising voice. She was astounded by the sudden outburst that she too quickly felt the heat rising up to her throat. When she spoke her first word she was quite surprised that it wasn't harsh but instead calm - it scares the blonde, "I get what you've been telling me, Lexa. I understand that you're going through a lot right now and you know I'm all the way with you. But I can't just sit here and do absolute nothing when I know my girlfriend's going crazy to try and fix things with her dad and the company. All I'm asking is for a short time from you. To spend it with me. We can relax, babe."

"Time? You want time, Clarke?" her hands were digging the cushion of their couch, still keeping up to the seeping agitation of what the blonde was not understanding, "I've been giving you all of my time, Clarke. I gave you everything you needed. Even if I'm dead tired from working all day I still come to you and accompany you during short breaks and I don't care if I lulled myself to sleep while driving to the hospital to see you because I love spending time with you. But think about this, Clarke. Where were you when I asked for  _your_ time? Where were you when I needed you the most? I thought among others you would understand me?... I've been patiently waiting for you. Did you know that? Even if I know that you have time to spare, you still wouldn't budge. So I left you be because maybe you were that tired or what not. So don't come to me demanding time when all I ever received was you waving your hand away and _poof_ I was gone. And with just one flick and I'm back again at your service in an instant. I'm not some person you can ask to come and go. You can't come complaining to me that I don't want to spend time with you because you know that I will! It just so happened that I don't have time right now, Clarke. I hope you respect that. I have so many things to do that I don't even know where to start!"

"I?... What?" Clarke was shaking her in confusion, "Don't be childish, Lexa. You know I was growing crazy too at the hospital. Both of us are cooped up in our work as much as we don't want to," the blonde squared her jaw, dawning at the girl that's starting to turn into a stranger, "All I ever wanted was you being happy with me, to a place that we could be together even for a short while-..."

"Oh my god! When will you stop, Clarke? Didn't you hear what I've just said? _I can't go._ You don't have to keep repeating over and over again like broken tape recorder. You already got your answer..."

Clarke raised her chin high and nodded, "I definitely did."

Lexa let go of the breath that she had been holding, rubbed her face, "I'm sorry," she whispers, twisting the sapphire ring in her finger.

Clarke's eyes widened when Lexa took off her ring, "Lexa... What are you doing?"

"Clarke," she begged agonizingly, "I'm tired of always fighting. This is all we've been doing for the past few months and I don't know if I still wanted that for the next following days, weeks, months... or even years. I don't think we can even salvage what we have right now... I think we need a breather, Clarke."

"No!" Clarke was quick with her movement and drew closer to Lexa, "Yes, we can, Lexa! We can still do this. You don't wanna go to New York with me. That's fine! It's okay. We can work this out. We don't have to end this, babe."

The brunette brushed away her escaped tears and closed her eyes for a few seconds, gripping the ring in her palm, "Clarke, this is my dream."

"Dream? Lexa, you're dream is to be on stage-..."

"Things change, Clarke. Time changes things," her voice was still and strong. She could feel her walls starting to pile up, shutting the girl who ever loved her. "My dream is to put my dad's company at it's rightful place and with Azgeda's constant attacks on us. I can't afford distractions in achieving that aim."

"Distraction? So now I'm just a distraction to you, Lexa?" Clarke was broken hearted, "I thought I was your girlfriend. Scrape that, _we were gotta get married_. I thought-... I thought I make you stronger," Her tears were like a waterfall, she can't make them stop. "I thought I was part of that dream, Lexa?" she choked, swallowing the huge lump in her throat, "Please, let me be a part of that dream  _because you've always been a part of mine_ ," she uttered sarcastically, "Come on, take me along with your dreams," she summoned with much sarcasm that Clarke knew it'll riled up Lexa, " _Because every step I make I've always made sure that you're always in it."_

Lexa felt those words stabbed her on the chest. She couldn't shake the sense of sarcasm in her voice and it almost made her laugh in absurdity. Instead she shakes her head, took Clarke's hand and placed the ring on her palm, "You know what, Maybe we weren't ready to get married yet. Or maybe _I wasn't ready yet_. I can't take this anymore," she blurted, "I'm sorry, Clarke. I've hurt you."

"I'm sorry?" she repeated, with the saddest voice she had ever heard coming out of her lips. Clarke glanced at the ring on her palm and shakes her head, "Well it's too late now, you've already hurt me, Lexa. I just didn't think you could do this to me. That all of a sudden I turned into a distraction to you? It's like you can't even decide if you want me in your life or not... Because I don't have to think twice, because I was sure.  _I was so fucking sure for my love for you..., "_ shaking her head, clearing away the tears that starts to blur her vision, "After I gave my everything to you... But now..." Clarke stood up, "Just stupid."

And Lexa sobbed loudly watching the love of her life walks away from her.

////

"I really thought that they're gonna end up with each other, you know," Raven uttered playing around with her food.

The girls frown grew sadder and looked up at Clarke with puppy eyes. The blonde chuckled, playing around with her straw, "Well things happened. Time flies and it changes people."

"Clarke," her blue eyes drifted on Fox, "Do you believe in forever?"

Even though the question was punch on the gut, she didn't reacted as if it was. Instead, she smiled and looked down again on her drink, "There's no forever."

////

"Is she the girl on the painting inside your office, Clarke?" she felt her bile rising up by the sudden question.

She felt Raven shifted her seat and looked at her interestingly, "Clarke?" The girl asked.

Gina finally understood the warning look that Clarke was giving her and pursed her lips from questioning, Raven didn't missed the small action and frowned at her best friend.

"What painting is this, Clarke?"

"Oh! It's the one with the tribal tattoos. The girl was like...," Harper faced her back on them and turned her head back, making a flaunty action with her shoulder, "looking behind over her shoulders. It was haunting and yet, beautifully captured. I always wondered who that girl was."

"Really?" Raven asked, perking her eyebrow up at Clarke's flustered face, "I've got to see this painting of yours, Griffin. You got me curious now."

"Raven, there's nothing to see."

"Oh let me be the judge of that," winking at her.

"You know what they say, when you're an artist - painting or writing stories or composing a song is a way for you to be immortalized. It's so magical!" Harper squealed.

Fox nodded, "And you'll forever will be remembered."

Clarke chuckled, "except that - let me repeat again - there's no forever! And sometimes the person whom you loved and sacrificed to, the most suddenly became not worth it." The blonde dusted her hands together and pulled on her coat.

"Leaving so soon?" Raven asked.

"Yes, I have to do some paper works and check on my patients. Thanks guys for the lunch. I'll catch up with you later," the girl turned back around and walked towards the cafeteria door, when something struck Raven.

"Shoot!"

She fumbles out her phone and quickly rang the girl's number.

////

"Do you believed that she's the one?"

Lexa eyes snapped up and choked with her words, "Um..." swallowing on the growing lump.

Rick reached for her hand, giving it a tight squeeze before touching her cheeks to brush off the tears that she didn't realized was there.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to cry," she croaked quietly, ducking down to wipe away her tears.

"Sometimes, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Time will heal all wounds and patience is a virtue."

Lexa broke into a rough chuckle and grinned at Rick, "Which book did you get that from this time?"

The man shrugged and flashed his perfectly set of white teeth.

Lexa's phone suddenly bursts into life, attracting her attention. She excused herself from the man and answered the call.

"Rae? Where are you?"

"At the cafeteria. Are you done? We have to head back to work, now."

"Oh right...," checking the clock by the wall, "I almost forgot. Okay."

"I'll meet you at the entrance?"

"Okay. See you there."

Lexa cut the call and turned around, "Sorry, Rick. I have to get back to work. Thank you for eating lunch with me."

"Oh the pleasure is all mine. I should be thanking you for making time."

She laughed as she shouldered her bag and waved goodbye, when she reached the door Rick called after her, "Lexa," she turned around, "You will meet her again."

////

Raven ran after the blonde and rung her arm around hers, "Clarke, I want to see this painting of yours," she grinned cheekily.

"Raven, I don't have time for this. I have to check on my patients."

"Please," she pouted with an additional puppy eyes, "Clarkey?"

"Alright fine!" waving her off towards her office. They made a left turn to another corridor when she noticed the brown mane bouncing towards the entrance and she heaved a sigh of relief. "Rae? You coming?"

"Yes! Let's make it quick!"

Once they reached the office, Raven was stunned. It was way beautiful than she had imagined it was. It was a huge canvas probably her shoulder height and it really made the white wall less bare with all its bright colors contrasting.

_The picture was definitely Lexa, there's no doubt about that._

"When did you made this?"

Clarke sat down on the sofa and tutted, "my first year in New York. I was too mad to fall asleep, so I pent up all my emotions on that _thing_."

"I have to agree with you. Keep up with that anger and you can produce this star quality painting. Although I can see that you still picture her with too much ' _love'._ Are you sure you're over her, Griffin?" she grinned.

The blonde rolled her eyes and stood up, "are we done now?"

"Yes, Dr. Griffin!" Saluting her before giving her a hug and a peck on the cheeks. "See you later!" And she left the room in a haste leaving behind a confused blonde.

/////

"Why are you late?" Lexa puffed, as they made their way to the parking lot.

"I got caught up with a steak," she explained.

She twirled around, "Steak? In a hospital?"

Raven nodded dutifully but only received a suspicious look, "You've been acting weird these past few days. Are you feeling alright, Raven?" Turning back around towards Raven's jeep. 

"Of course! Peachy!" 

A small prick on the chest suddenly jolted her action by a fraction when she heard that word. She tried the best she can not to associate that to any particular girl at all. Thankfully, Raven dragged her out of her stupor. 

"You coming in, Commander?" 

"Yes," hopping over the passenger seat, "Let's head back to work." 

"Aye aye captain!" 

////

Lexa finally got out of work and she didn't even get to say goodbye to the sun. The street lamps were the only thing that was illuminating her pathway because the shops were already closed. It was almost midnight and her workload was not getting easier by the day. She was way too wide awake to go to sleep so she decided to go to Mount Western for a drink. 

Once she reached the premises, the crowd was too sparsely since its only been the beginning of the week and they're probably heading to bed to get their beauty sleep. While she sitting down alone by the bar, sipping beer and rewinding the conversation she had with Rick. That was the day that she had thought of Clarke - the most - for the past 4 years. The unsureness within her chest was radiating as if it was such a bad thing to do - thinking about her ex. Thinking  _if ever_ Clarke thinks of her even for a brief second or maybe thought once or twice of ringing her just to check in. But hypocrisy wins because Lexa was weak for even not admitting to herself for thinking about Clarke more than she should have for the past 4 years. 

Moving on was a huge task to fulfill especially if that someone brought so much memories - especially if that person turned to be the better half of you. The second that Clarke took her leave, was the very moment did Lexa felt herself crumbling into pieces that nothing seems to hold herself together anymore. Her stubbornness and egoistic reasonings won her heart and head started to take control. She buried all her time and effort to rebuild and strengthen the company that her dad built from scratch and it helped her get her mind off from her broken heart. 

Despite, her pushing Clarke away she always hold on to the hope of the blonde would suddenly reappear because of the simple fact that she always did. Clarke would  _always_ be the one to take the first step to make things better again. Clarke would  _always_ be the one to apologize first, even though she knew that it was her fault in the first place. She may or may not have took advantage of that and waited until the blonde showed up again.

But 4 years had passed and nothing seemed to change. She was still there alone at the bar, drinking beer with tears rolling down on her cheeks. She misses her more than anything and regret was seeping in her bones. She shouldn't have said what she had said. She shouldn't have given back the ring. She should have listened to Clarke when she said they'll pull through with whatever hardship their relationship was battling with. But she didn't listened, she let her emotions took over, she let her stubbornness and pride dictate her lips. Her head was on the lead and her heart was losing. Lexa would always come up with excuses when things like this starting to knock on her door. It comes along with, "I had no choice," strings with, "My family is more important," - "The company needs me more than anything," - "Head over heart, Lexa," - "You're stronger than this," and "Clarke will come back. She has to."

But after years and years repeating the same words, She was losing hope. There's no way that Clarke would come back to Capitol. She had chased her away across the country and now she's lonely and drunk. A sad chuckle escaped her lips, thinking that even if ever Clarke decides to come back to town there's no way that she could be single and interested to rekindle their love affair. Lexa had already made sure that Clarke hates her guts for her to leave town and coming here, would only mean even more heart breaks and bad decisions. The brunette already participated her fair share with more heart breaks and bad decisions for good several years and now, she just wanna lie low and face the music of growing old all by herself. 

She have to face it. No one like Clarke will ever walk across her path again and make her feel loved and needed like the way the girl did. Clarke was like one in a million. The diamond in the rough. The rose among the thorns. Lexa rubbed her tired eyes and sighed in a drag. 

"Get over her, Lexa. It's been years for pit sake!" 

When the brunette finally decided to hit the sack, she dragged herself out of the bar and into the street. She knew that she was drunk because her eyes were starting to see double visions and she's growing another pair of long legs. Her hands leaned against the wall of the restaurant and tried to get her head straight. And what happened next was a big blur to her because next thing she knew a blue eyed girl was holding her and helping her inside the cab. And when the door finally shut closed, it jerked her wide awake to be able to see who the person was. 

Lexa sat up straight and leaned against the window as it drove passed the girl. 

"Clarke?" 

////

"How have you been?" 

Clarke smiled and twirled her coffee with the hot straw. She didn't answered but just hummed. Anya rest her chin over her propped up arm and watches the blonde with fascination. 

"Something changed in you," she continued. 

A laughter broke out and the blonde shakes her head by the comment, "I'm still me, Anya." 

"No, something's changed," the girl nodded, pondering at her next words, "you seemed more happier." 

"I am happier," a wide smile spread on her lips as she looks straight on her best friend's eyes. 

Anya chuckled, "Someone new perhaps?" her eyebrow perks up as she took a sip from her coffee cup. 

"No, Nothing like that," the blonde sighed, "I just feel like I'm at the stage of my life that I'm finally contented with what I have or what I am." 

The older girl hummed in agreement and sets down her coffee, "So no more 'the backlashing Clarke Griffin'?" She grinned cheekily. 

"Nope. I'm through that." 

_***4 years ago*** _

"Clarke?!" 

Aunt Sharon was baffled but more so, shocked at the state that her niece was in. Deep dark round circles around those red puffy eyes, trails of dry tears down on her cheeks and the bubbly and lively Clarke was gone but replaced by this lifeless stranger standing at her porch. 

"Aunt Sharon...," the stranger gasped and collapsed on the woman's opened arms. Clarke's floodgate was open again and came the gushing of unrelenting tears that carried out through the night. 

Abby had warned her before hand that Clarke would soon appear before her doorstep and she was aware of it but she's not expecting _at this state_. Quickly, she beckoned the poor girl inside the house and away from the cold with a huge baggage trailing behind them. She settled the girl by the long island and brewed her coffee but changed her mind to a tea instead to calm her down. 

After setting the cup on the table, Aunt Sharon looked at Clarke and spoke in a quiet and calm tone, "Clarke?" The girl looked up,  _at least that's a good response,_ she thought. She wanted to ask what happened but she knew that its way too early for that. So she changed her tactics to letting the blonde speaks for herself if she's ready to talk about what happened. "Wells, Maya and Wick misses you so much! They can't wait to see you," she smiled softly. 

Clarke dipped her head and managed to broke a small smile. 

_That's enough for tonight._

////

"The last time I went to New York you were avoiding me," Anya grinned. 

Clarke pouted and eventually, chuckled by the thought of it. 

"Because I wasn't expecting you to visit, you idiot! You didn't warned me before hand," throwing a crushed receipt across the table which Anya easily dodged. 

"Oh did I? Because I remembered it so vividly that you answered my call and then ended it even before I said a word." 

"I was busy," the blonde excused. 

"No, you're not. I called Aunt Sharon right after and she said you were inside your room binging on Big Bang Theory," tilting her head, summoning her to argue back by the facts. 

Hearing this Clarke turned red and averted her eyes away, "I am not replying to that." 

"Still a child I see." 

"Look, I'm sorry that I avoided you back in New York. I was just-...," she couldn't say the right words. As much as possible she doesn't wanna say ' _the name',_ "I just thought that you weren't alone-..." 

"That I'll be with Lexa?" Anya suggested, finishing her sentence.

Clarke nodded, "At that time I wasn't ready yet. I didn't think I'll be ever ready to face the woman who agreed and then rejected my proposal... Not yet." 

"You know for a person with a strong personality, you tends ran away quite a lot." 

She crinkled her nose and nodded, "I do, don't I." 

"But I can't blame you, what you went through with Lexa was not easy and what happened to Costia...," Clarke immediately recoiled, "It wasn't your fault, Clarke. You know that. It's none of you nor Lexa's fault. We all know that. It was an accident." 

"Yes, an accident. An accident that shouldn't have happened if I was just stopped being stubborn and a jealous freak," she's starting to breathe heavily, feeling the heavy weight on her chest again. 

 _Nooo... Not right now please,_ she begged internally. 

Clarke burrowed her head on between her arms and tried to drown out everything before she collapsed on the arms of anxiety attack. Anya was quick to her feet and held the girl tightly, softly rocking her. 

"Take a deep breath, Clarke. Count with me. One... Two... Three-..." 

But the blonde pushed her away, feeling the overwhelming feeling of deja vu. 

"Clarke?" 

" _You're not Lexa!"_ She spat.

_***4 years ago*** _

The pounding on the door was getting insistent and its getting on her very nerve. She couldn't take it anymore so she slid open her bedroom window and sneaked out before anyone could see her running away. As she turned to the corner that headed to the front porch, she could see through the window that Anya was talking to her Aunt Sharon. She had never expected for her best friend to show just like that. That after few months of leaving their small town, Anya would come and find her. She doesn't want her to see her still a mess and still struggling to put her life together because of some other girl breaking her heart. 

Clarke sprinted through the street that headed to the main business district and decided to hit the coffee place near her aunt's office building. It was her favorite place back then on her first time in the big city, she misses the aroma of coffee bean, the loud chatters and the busy road just beyond those glass windows. 

"Hi! Welcome to York Cafe! What can I get you?" 

"Mocha chips-....," she hastily cleared her throat by the words that automatically spilt out and the cashier still looks at her expectingly. Shaking her head she said, "I mean, what good do you have?" 

"Oh alright," the lady who turned out to be named Caris, starting spontaneously pointing at the menu board above her. 

"Okay, I guess I'll get the Matcha green tea...? Cold?" Clarke squinted her eyes. 

"Alright," the girl giggled, punching down the order. 

"I'm sorry. I'm really bad at this," she blurted apologetically. She wasn't sure what she was referring to but Caris seemed to understand. 

"It's okay," giving her a wink.

Clarke grinned, stepped to the far end of the counter and waited for her drink. Once she got her order, she sat down at the table by the window and hummed at the new drink. She reminded herself to get it next time she's here. It had been half an hour ever since she took off and when she forked out her phone, she received numerous missed calls from her aunt and of course from Anya. She ignored it and continued people watching. 

By the thought of those two words, 'people watching' she almost wanna combust again because she loves doing that with  _her._ Clarke rubbed her face again and sighed gruntingly.

"Not liking the drink?" 

She swiftly looked up and saw Caris walking by her table. Clarke took the already half empty drink and wiggled it in front of the girl, "Nope, not even one bit," she pretended to grimace and took a long delicious sip from the straw. 

Caris chuckled and walked off to bus the other tables with Clarke watching her as she moves. The thought of knowing new people starts to intrigued her more than anything, so she plucked all her courage and walked up to the girl. 

"Hey," she breathed. 

Caris was taken aback but soon regained her posture, "Hey." 

"Do you-... Wanna catch a movie sometime?" She stammered, it had been awhile since she asked someone out. 

_And yeap, I'm pushing away that particular girl thoughts away._

"Oh!" Caris blushed by the question and bit her lips, "Yeah, yeah. I would love that." 

"Awesome. Well uh...," she looked around, patting her pockets for any pen or something when she decided to just straight away register it on her phone, "here. You can dial your phone number." 

The girl took the phone and registered her number before handing it over at Clarke. "Caris, right?" 

Caris, pulled her name tag and smiled, "One and only." 

She chuckled by that cute little gesture and said, "Okay, I'll ring you up so we can talk about when we can go out?" 

"Sound good," bobbing her head excitedly. 

"Cool!" 

_Cool? Really, Clarke? What are you 15?_

She cleared her throat once more and smiled warmly, "I guess I'll see you around, Caris. It was nice meeting you." 

"Like wise." 

////

"You bitch!" Anya swatted Clarke on the head, making her world spin a little again. 

"What the hell, Anya! What is your problem?" She gawks at her rubbing at the sore spot. 

"Didn't you hear about the 3 months rule?!" 

"What rule?" She asked wildly. 

"That you weren't supposed to go on a date with anyone not until the 3 months is over. That's the critical time to patch things up with between two people. It's like the oldest rule in the dating rule book!" 

"Well nobody told me about that rule!... Plus," Clarke eventually calmed down, "I don't think that applied in my case. She rejected my proposal, Anya... We're supposed to get married." 

_***3 years ago*** _

"You didn't tell us you went to New York?" Raven flopped down on the couch beside her and stole the remote control. Anya hissed at her but decided to let it slip just for that day. 

"How did you found out anyway?" returning her vision back on the screen. It's on History Channel talking about some historic machine that-... Her mind started to drifted away when her phone buzzed on her lap. She looked at it and read the message and then threw it over the coffee table and folded her arms.

Raven watched her in the corner of her eyes and asked, "who was that?" 

"No one. How did you found out, Raven?" She demanded, her day was definitely not doing good as of that moment. 

"Abby might have mentioned here and there," she uttered nonchalantly.  

"You talked to Mrs. Griffin?... Since when did you started calling her Abby?" She was even more curious by this name calling. 

Raven grinned and wiggled her eyebrows playfully, "For me to know and for you  _not_ to find out. But anyway," waving her hands, "she mentioned about it yesterday. I heard it didn't went so well." 

"Yeah," she sighed, scratching the back of her neck, "She took off without me or Aunt Sharon noticing. When we finally opened her bedroom door, her window was wide open and she left the tv on." 

"Wow. I didn't know Griffin could be so good in running." 

Anya glared at Raven, "you know how she is. When things get tough she'll be the first one to bolt out of the door." 

"But her reasons before were acceptable. She lost her memories... And, with what happened to my cousin and Lexa rejecting her. I think it took toll on her." 

"I know. It's never easy for those two. I still can't believe they lasted for 6 years," pulling her feet up over the coffee table and crossing her legs. 

"6 years that went down the drain." 

////

"You feeling okay, Lexa?" Raven nudged the brunette by the elbow but the girl didn't seemed to notice and still mindlessly poking on her food. 

The girl nudged her again until she get a response, "What?" suddenly realizing that Raven was talking to her. 

"I said are you okay? You've been playing with your food for awhile now. What's wrong?" 

Raven wiped her lips with the napkin and faced her housemate. Lexa seemed to sense that the conversation isn't going to be good so she built her walls even higher and shut everything down. 

"Nothing, Rae. I'm just tired. You know, work and stuff," the flashes of some certain blonde came parading in her head. She still couldn't shake the feeling if it was real or was she just dreaming. She was in fact pretty drunk that night. 

The girl hummed and nodded, "I can see that. You even have the liberty to go to the bar and drunk yourself into oblivion the other night." 

Lexa rolled her eyes, "I'm sorry, okay. I was just stressed out with work. I wanted to unwind even for awhile." 

"Yes," narrowing her eyes at the brunette, "go apologize to my favorite shirt!" 

_***2 nights ago*** _

The pounding on the front door jolted Raven awake and started cussing at the unwanted visitor. 

"It's 2am in the morning, for Christ sake!" She flung open the door and barked at old guy standing by the porch, "What do you want?!" 

"Is that your girl?" The taxi driver pointed back at his cab and she saw the unconscious brunette sleeping soundly at the backseat. 

"Lexa?" She quickly stepped out of the house and shouldered the girl back inside, "Jeez, Lex. What did you do to yourself?" 

They already half way across the lawn when suddenly Lexa jerked awake, "where am I?" she groggily asked. 

"We're heading home, you idiot! Jeez. How much did you drink? You stinks!" 

The two girls were stumbling up the stairs when all of a sudden, Lexa stopped and made a gagging noise. Raven's eyes bulged open and tried to distance herself away from her but still holding her up right. The brunette was trying to swallowing back her gagging reflexes but can't contain anymore and quickly averted away from her housemate but to only stumbled back and fell on Raven with her vomit uncontrollably spilling. 

Raven cried like a baby, "My favorite shirt!" 

////

"I'll buy you a new one," Lexa initiated. 

"You can't replace something with a sentimental value, Lexa." 

The brunette was torn and upset for what she did. She already felt bad waking up Raven early in the morning just to take her home. "I'm sorry. Tell me what to do. I'll do anything." 

"Anything?" The girl suggested. 

"Anything!" Nodding away, not knowing what her friend was up to this time. 

"Fine," she pouted, "Octavia was planning a little get together at your favorite bar on Friday night. Come with us." 

Lexa opened her mouth but then closed it again feeling unsure. Raven cut in, "Lexa, it's been awhile since we've bonded. You know just us girls. Kinda missed the girl's company. We hardly do the dinner get together at O's which we should really continue, by the way! We're starting to drift apart!" 

Lexa gave her a weird look, "stop being so melodramatic, Raven. I'm just busy with the company, you know that." 

"Exactly my point. So come with us. This friday. It'll be like good old times!" 

A sigh left her lips, then followed by a nod, "Okay. I'll be there." 

"Awesome!" 

"Rae?"

"Hmm?"

The thought of Clarke being in town started to drift back on her mind but she quickly pushed it away before getting her housemate to start teasing her again for not being over her ex. 

"Thank you," smiling at her.

"Anything for you, Commander."

 ////

Lexa entered the familiar restaurant and quickly scanned the tables for Raven or any of the girls. Finally, she spotted them and made her beeline towards the table. She was quite surprised that there's more people than she had expected. In an instant, Raven was by her side. 

"I thought it's just us girl?" She quickly asked, pulling the vacant chair out. 

"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't know Octavia also invited Bellamy and the guys. You know the brother, the boyfriend - the three musketeers," Raven chided, earning an eye roll from Lexa. 

"It's fine," waving her away. She placed her handbag on the chair and announced to the others that she'll just be in the washroom. 

////

"Yes, mom! I won't forget, I swear. Come on...," she grunted on the phone as she entered the premises. She was surveying the table with anyone familiar and a smile landed on her lips when she found whom she was looking for. "Yes, mom. I'm out right now. You see me at work all the time. You don't have to be so sentimental. I'm not-... Fine," rolling her eyes, gesturing on the phone to the others and mouthed, 'mothers.' She was oblivious that everyone was staring at her with wide eyes and Raven elbowing Octavia hard on the rib. 

"You didn't tell me, Clarke was coming! Lexa is here!" She hissed, turning back around checking if Lexa was out of the washroom yet. 

"I didn't know! I didn't invited her!" Octavia quietly defended, making sure that Clarke was out of ear shot. 

"I did," Anya mumbled as a matter of fact.

Raven and Octavia hissed in silently, "What the hell, Anya!" 

"Do you wanna die tonight, Anya?" Octavia interjected. 

"You have a freaking death wish, Cheekbone!" Raven taunted, sending Anya to raise her eyebrow at her. 

"Oh relax, nothing's bad gonna happen," waving them off. 

"Nothi-...," Raven chuckled ridiculously, "I think you're forgetting that the last time that we're on the same situation right now was when Lexa was still dating Costia." 

Something flickered in recognition on Anya's eyes, knowing that she got her point across clearly. The look on Anya's face suddenly changed into a grieving one, Raven almost wanna laugh at the sudden change of demeanor. 

"Now you know what could possibly happen tonight? Right?" Raven bantered. 

"We're screwed," and the three girls altogether looked up and found a beaming blonde stowing away her phone. 

"I've missed you guys!" Clarke yelped happily, dropping her coat and bag on the vacated chair but even before any of them could say anything, the blonde hushed them and pointed at the washroom, "Be right back!" And sprinted for the ladies. 

"Fuck it! Lexa's in there!" Raven turned around wildly but even before she could make a move, she flinched away. 

"Never mind...," Octavia mumbled shakily, "they found each other." 

////

Lexa pursed her lips by the vanity mirror and threw away the waste tissue paper on the bin. She gave herself one final look and walked out of the ladies when someone almost bumped into her. 

"Oh sorry!" 

And everything came into stop. 

Clarke hold back and almost gasped. She took a step back and suddenly felt her heart pounding out of her ribcage. 

"Clarke," that green eyed girl whispered, Lexa still couldn't take her eyes off of her. She tried but it was a huge failure. She forgot how beautiful the girl was. 

_Or maybe even more._

She doesn't know for how long that she had been ogling at her for but must be quite sometime now. Cause Clarke shuffled her feet, then bit her lips and nodded, "Lexa." 

Her voice brought her out of her reverie and stood straighter, possibly even more than she thought she could. She could feel her back straining. 

"Um, you're here," she pressed. 

"Uh yeah," Clarke nodded and folded her arms trying to appear cool and collected when really her insides were running in chaotic torture. "I just got back, visited my mom, you know... Stuff." 

"Oh that's great," nodding her head a bit too much. 

"What about you? How are you?" she asked, casually leaning on the door frame of the washroom,  _still acting pretty cool, Clarke_ , She thought. 

"Great. Doing pretty great. My dad's company was progressing. We're actually starting a new headquarters in... New York!" She pointed out. 

"Really? That's good. Good," bobbing her blonde head. 

Lexa smiled, Clarke smiled and awkward silence engulfed them. Clarke seemed to sense this so she cleared her throat and saw the brunette rubbing her forehead. She knew that tonight isn't gonna be a good night to continue this awkward plight. "So..." 

Lexa returned her gaze at her and raised her eyebrow, "I'll head back to the table!" She inquired, "I'll see you there...?" that statement suddenly turned into a question. The brunette tried to side-stepped around Clarke due to the small space outside the washrooms.

"Oh yeah. Sure. Sorry, go ahead." 

"Okay," Lexa nodded once more and walked passed Clarke who immediately entered the washroom, closing the door behind her. 

Lexa shoved her hair back, took a couple of deep breaths before walking back to their table. She tried to regain back the lively and energetic Lexa, "Hey guys!" but it seems to went a little overboard because everyone was quite taken aback by her sudden reaction. So she cleared her throat, nodded and silently took her seat beside Octavia. 

Moments later, Clarke came back with the same wide smile. Lexa was still taken away by it not that she was staring of course.  

"Hey, Princess!" Bellamy came strolling in, slumping his arm over her shoulder and handed her a drink. "Been too long!" 

Lexa tried not to react on Blake's little gesture and kept her vision trained on Clarke who was laughing with him and honestly, it made her stomach dropped seeing her happy and laughing with someone else, that is not her. 

_Move along, Lexa. 4 years is a long time._

"Hey, Clarke!" Jasper shouted across the restaurant attracting eyes on him as he ran with Monty following him balancing a tray of beers and shots. "I've missed you!" Hugging her with his long bony arms. Clarke returned the favor and next, gave Monty a side-hug too. 

"I'm really glad to see all of you," she added before putting back her coat on.  

"Where are you going?" Lincoln asked, leaning forward beside Octavia. 

"Um, actually my mom wanted to see me. So I have to head back home. You know, mothers," rolling her eyes, earning a faint laughter from the others. If it sounded awkward she pushed that thought away and laughed along with them. "I actually came by just to say hi." 

Everybody suddenly combusted into a loud hi's and hello's and much to Lexa's discomfort she tried to push it away and not let it affect her because she knew that everyone was being like that because of her and Clarke. 

"Please stay," she abruptly murmured. 

Everyone looked over at Lexa, like she suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Clarke gaze at her still with that smile, "No," shaking her head, "I really can't," the blonde peeled her eyes away from those emeralds and looked at the others, "Really sorry guys. I got to go," waving her hand and was about to step away when Monty suddenly asked. 

"How can we keep in contact with you?" 

Clarke arched her eyebrow and looked at Anya down to Raven and Octavia. "Um," digging down to her bag and took out a business card, "Is this okay?" putting down her bag on the chair and pushed a business card on the table. Monty smiled and nodded, "take care, Clarke." 

"Will do!... And oh yeah, if you know anyone? Girls or boys who wanna hook up? Give them my number too. I'm available," Clarke winked seductively, "Oh hey! Rae, Anya, O we should meet up soon. Let's catch up. Like old times, eh." 

Anya nodded, giving her _the look_ , Clarke knew that look - it means she should drop the act now before it ends up badly. She got the hint. "Well, I better head out now. I'll see you guys soon. Bye." 

And waved her final goodbye. 

////

Much to her expense, she can finally breathe easier now. The table was still and quiet and seemed to be looking at her distraught face. Before looking up, she took a deep breath, grab a shot and raise it high. 

"Cheers!" 

Soon, everyone followed her lead and started clinking glasses and grunting at the hard liquor. She winced by the hot sensation and gritted her teeth, feeling the bubbling sensation in the pit of her stomach. A cold hand attracted her eyes up and saw Octavia smiling at her. 

"I'm fine," she nodded. 

"Okay," Octavia mumbled. 

"Come on! One more shot!" pouring herself another shot, she even stood up and pouring the others shots too. She knows everyone was watching her wearily but didn't say anything about it and let her lead the shots. All she wanted right now was to get Clarke off of her head, so the better way for her to do that was to grin and chuckled as if nothing happened. "Come on! CHEERS!" 

"Cheers!" Everybody exclaimed in unison. 

Once everybody calmed down and she, herself finally took a final sigh of relief, Jasper suddenly raised a question that it made her skin crawl. 

"Hey Lexa, I was just curious. Who really broke up with who?" 

Everyone glared at Jasper murderously and much to the brunette's comfort, she waved them down and said, "It's fine, guys." 

"You don't have to answer, Lex," Raven said, leaning forward to squeeze her hand. 

"It's okay... Actually... Initially, I was the one who broke away from the engagement." 

Jasper left an 'oh' and nodded. 

"But Clarke... She's different. Besides her enthusiastic and positive attitude. She have a different side of her too. She wanted me to go to New York but I declined. She kept insisting until I can't take it anymore," she chuckled remembering the heated argument, "You remembered the company was going down. Especially, with Azgeda taking every opportunity they can and my dad was getting sicker. My family meant everything to me at that time and it just grew stronger when I realized and knew where I should be. And that meant being with my dad and helping bring up the company against the competitors. Clarke...," she sighed, shaking her head, "I know she only meant good. But she was at the wrong timing. She didn't understand what I was going through and kept insisting what she wanted. I mean..." extending her arms wide, gesturing at the absurdity of the fight, "Just because she doesn't have any problems and everything was working well for her. It doesn't mean that I had everything figured out. My family - my dad and the company - was my main priority. While Clarke's main priority was to enjoy life and to get away. I mean that's what she's good at right? Running away?" She chuckled, seeing her friends strained chuckled, awkward clearing of throats and eye contacts, she chose to ignore it. "When things get tough she's the one who takes the first move out of the door. That's a very coward thing to do. She didn't even visited her mom when she moved out and it's been what, 4 years! Come on, guys. That's ridiculous. It's like she doesn't even care whatever happens to her mom. The  _only_ one left with her when her dad died. I'm not a perfect daughter. But at least I stayed and not run off whenever I feel weak. It's a very selfish thing for her to do.Tsk." 

_"Okay, for the record. The reason why I came back is because of my mom..."_

Lexa's eyes suddenly looked up to the table and feel her chest hammering hard on her torso. 

////

"She needed me and that's why I'm here. She's growing old and needed someone around. At least someone close proximity and not a thousand miles away across the country. I live on my own to have a breather and that's what my mom and I negotiated once I came back here." Clarke took a step forward and looked at her friends and then turn to Lexa, who expectingly looking away from her. "I admit I've spent quite a lot of my time running away from problems when I knew I should have faced them. I was coward, I accepted that. But I am here now, aren't I? I'm back. Because I figured I think they're right," gesturing at their group of friends, "I can't just always run away from things that scares me and that's partially the reason why I'm here too...," Clarke bent down on the table and looked up at Lexa's eyes that finally reached hers, "And for the New York? I was not only thinking about me. I was thinking about  _you._ About  _us._ I know you're struggling and trying your best to be the best daughter and CEO of the company but I'm also trying my best to be the best fiance _to you._ I know it's taking a lot of you, Lexa. That's why I asked you to come with me.  _I did it for you too."_ The blonde could see the slight flinch on those eyes but very soon, it was gone. She knew she hit a nerve but continued anyways.

"Now,..." she stood up straighter, "There's nothing much I can do if you didn't see it that way," a chuckled left her hastily even before she could stop herself, tears were about to broke out but she swallowed it down hopefully it would come a bit later, "And if you think that after all that I've done for you was selfish? That I'm a selfish daughter too?" She shook her head and square her jaw, "there's nothing I can do with that. But then again, I'm just a girl who fell madly in love. That I'm willing to do anything in everything to make you happy." 

Lexa took a deep breath knowing that guilt was knocking on her door. 

"Yeah, fine. Call it insane or intense that I love this way... But whatever because I loved you, Lexa. I know I'm not a perfect girlfriend to you and I made mistake but I'm only human. I guess that's the difference between us. You're calm and collected. You wanted things as it should be. At the right time and at the right place. Whereas, I...," Clarke chuckled again seeing the craziness of what just happened in her life and being right there on the spot baring her soul to the person that she had loved and to their group of friends who were caught in the middle. "I'm sorry, guys. I'm gonna go...," she bent down on her vacated chair, "forgot to grab my bag." 

Clarke turned her back against them before taking another deep breath, "You know next time, if you finally decided to want to talk. Please make sure you know what really happened or what you're about to say were true." 

The girl glanced back at the brunette who was sitting quietly and not responding at all, she raised her head to the ceiling and to not let the tears escaped her eyes before making her exit. 

//// 

Lexa groaned at the hammering pain on her head and grunted even louder when her phone suddenly blasting right on her ear. She hissed, patting for her phone and answered it without looking at the caller. 

"What?" She spat. 

"Well good morning to you too, drunkard!" 

"Ugh... It's too early for this! What do you want, Octavia?" she whined, trying to crack open her eyes but only winced when the sudden brightness on her window blinded her. 

"Well it's almost noon, commander. So I suggest hit the shower and meet me at the cafe for brunch! Hurry up!" Octavia was literally shouting on the speaker that Lexa pulled it away from her ear. 

"How can you be alive after last night?" turning over on her back, shoving her hair away from her face. 

"I just happened to have a very strong alcohol resistance." 

"Liar!" 

"Think whatever you wanna think, Commander. Get your ass off the bed and you better be here in half an hour!" 

Lexa grimaced and grunted again when Octavia ended the call before she can even complain. The girl pulled herself out of bed unwillingly and stumbled into the shower. 15 minutes later, she was out and trying to put on her clothes while doing light make up. She hated being late, so 5 minutes later she was locking the front door and running in the street. 

Once she arrived at the cafe Octavia was already seated on her favorite booth with food already waiting for her. She pushed up her sunglasses on her head and pinched her cheeks to make her stay awake. 

"Ooohh! Can I help?" Octavia beamed, extending her hand forward which Lexa only swatted away, in digust. 

"Thanks," she grumbled as she shoves the pancake inside her mouth with a moan. Octavia was just sitting opposite her, watching in fascination. Lexa noticed, "Well stop ogling and eat," pointing on her already half eaten plate. 

The girl grinned wider and continued eating, "It's good huh." 

The brunette just hummed and easily finishes her plate of pancakes, bacon and eggs. "Thank for the treat, O," she smiled. 

"There!" Pointing at her with a dinner knife, "that's the smiling I've been looking for!" 

Lexa sneered at her as she tried her best not to smile again, "well, thank you for brunch but I have go back. I've got so much things to do." 

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" Pulling her back down on the booth, Lexa looked at her weirdly. 

"What is it?" 

"Raven!" Octavia was beckoning someone from behind her and she turned and saw Raven walking up to them with a huge goofy smile, "Hi, Commander! Don't leave soon! I haven't eaten yet!" 

"Where were you? I didn't see you at home," knotting her eyebrow. 

"About that...," she squinted. 

Octavia immediately, jumped off the booth to allow Raven to enter, "Hey, I'm just gonna grab something on Raven's truck. I'll back!" 

The girl just nodded her head, because with so many things that was happening all at the same time. It made her spinning head even worst. When the little girl finally made her exit, Raven called for the waitress and ordered. Soon after, she leaned forward and smiled shyly. Lexa suspiciously narrowed her eyes, "what is it, Rae? Spill." 

"About last night...," Lexa arched her eyebrow, "I didn't came home." 

She opened her mouth but no words came out but a hum instead, "hmm." 

////

"Hello? Clarke!" 

"Hey, O! What's up?" 

Octavia peeked behind her making sure that Raven kept Lexa entertained before returning her attention on her phone. 

"What are you doing now? Grab brunch with me? Please?" She pouted. 

"O, I have to grab some stuff from the office. Does really have to be right now?" 

"Duh! It wouldn't be brunch if it's  _not_ now," rolling her eyes. 

"God... You've never changed. Fine. Where?" 

"At the cafe. Be here in 10?" 

"Yeah, I'll be there soon." 

////

"So what are we talking about?" Octavia joined few minutes later. 

Raven and Lexa suddenly sat still and gave each other their secret looks. The brunette swallowed hard by the news that her friend gave her and now she have to lie, "Nothing. Raven here," gesturing with an arm action, "was just um...," raising her eyebrows up, asking for help. 

"Describing my uh... Wild! Um... Dream! Yes, My wild  _wild_ dream last night," she pressed. 

 _So much irony,_ Lexa thought that she almost want to laugh. 

She pulled out her phone and decided to check on her emails to get away from Octavia's suspicious eyes. Lexa definitely, regretted it. There's tons of emails to read and pending emails for her to reply. She rubbed her forehead, knowing that her weekend won't be much of a weekend at all. 

"Guys, I have to go. I have so much things to do," she was about to stand up when Octavia and Raven suddenly sprang up and shouted, "NO!" 

Lexa looked at them bizarrely and sat down carefully, "are you guys okay? why don't you want me to leave?" 

"Because...," Raven stammered side-glancing at Octavia, "because... Um..." 

"There's so many things we wanna talk to you about! Uh Lincoln! Did you know that he loves to eat a lot. Like a lot _a lot_!" 

"Yes! And uh... Um... Feet!" Raven stuttered. 

"Feet?" narrowing her eyes. 

"Yes!" The engineer discretely patted Octavia's lap to attract her attention to the blonde outside the cafe. 

"Yes, feet! Go on, Raven. Tell her about the feet," And Octavia was gone again. 

"Uhh..., " Raven dragged, tapping on her chin, "did you know that the largest human feet is size 26?" 

"Oh wow. That  _surely_ sounds amazing," she sarcastically replied. 

////

"Clarke!" 

"Hey, O," Clarke greeted hugging her once she entered the cafe. The tiny girl immediately, pulled her to the counter and order her food and drink. "What's the hurry?" The blonde asked cheekily. 

"Oh nothing! I'm just excited seeing you." waving her off. 

_"Clarke!"_

Clarke turned to her left and saw Raven sliding beside her. 

"Hey, Rae. Didn't know you're here too. You eating with us?" 

"Oh no. I've just finished eating. Very full. I'm gonna head home still having a hungover."

Clarke nodded and hugged her before she walked out of the cafe. When she turned to her right Octavia was grinning at her too widely. 

 _Something is off...,_ she thought. 

_"Octavia? Matcha green tea latte for Octavia?"_

Octavia pointed at Clarke, "that's your drink. I'll be at booth 11," and left for the table. 

"Octavia, what took you so long? Raven already left. I really can't stay longer, O. I have to go through so many emails and need to call up my clients," Lexa ranted as she scrolled on her phone as she get up to leave but Octavia tried to pull her back down but the second that the girl's small hands slipped away from her forearm - the brunette bumped hard against someone. 

And her phone came bouncing on the floor faced down swimming over some green steaming liquid spilt on the floor. And when she looked up, her green eyes narrowed at those blue eyes that was staring at her in stun. 

_"You again."_


	4. It's A Funny Story Really...

Lexa was silent seething under her breath.

 

Clarke's avoiding her eyes and busily wiping the phone dry.

 

Octavia's descending down to deep waters of hell.

 

Three girls sitting on one booth. One, not knowing what to do. While two, emitting ominous glares.

 

In the midst of all of this, Octavia's biting her lip and crazily - yet, discreetly - typing away on her phone. She could literally feel her pits pumping sweats because of the heated silence between two girls.

 

Octo Blake: Rae! Where are you??!!! Please prepare my funeral, I think I'm gonna die of strangulation and whip on the arse.  Something terrible happened and these two are staring at each other like they wanna poke each other's eye balls out! Please save me! :'(

 

Rae Rae Reyes: oohhh feisty! Sexual tension. So exciting!

 

Octo Blake: Raven! Im dead serious! I think they're in seconds in ripping each others throats!

 

Rae Rae Reyes: OOORRRR seconds in ripping each other's clothes! ;D

 

Octavia flared her nostril because Raven's not taking her seriously.

 

Octo Blake: RAVEN IM FUCKING SERIOUS! Come back here! Help me!

 

" _Give me that!"_  


 

Octavia almost dropped her phone when Lexa's angry voice grabbed her attention. When she looked up, the girl was reaching across the table and snatching her phone back. Clarke was looking dubious.

 

  
_This doesn't look good...,_ she groaned internally as she allowed herself to recoil further into the booth.

 

"What am I gonna with this?" Lexa spat angrily, waving the dead beaten phone in the air. The brunette cussed even more when splutters of water came out of its speakers and headphone jack. Turning over the phone, she tutted at the shattered screen. She brought her eyes up boring on those blue eyes burning in indignation, she demanded, "What am I gonna do with this, Clarke? Huh?" jabbing her finger on the on switch button but the screen remained black. "It won't even turn on now!"

 

Clarke opens her mouth but Lexa cut her in, "what about my important text messages? My calls? _Very important_ pictures for my proposals?... What happens now? What am I gonna do,Clarke? My clients are gonna lash on me!"

 

"Lash on you?" The blonde suddenly blurted and as much as she tries not to sound sarcastic - it still appears so as that because it was illogical for Lexa to blow her top off as such petty little accident. "Lexa you're the CEO," she uttered clearly and carefully, trying to convey that there's to worry about, "I don't think your clients would do that.  _Its just a phone."_  


 

"Just a pho-..." Lexa bit her tongue, seeing that Clarke wasn't taking her seriously. Instead, she closed her lips in a straight line and stares deadly into the blonde's eyes.

 

 

The blonde saw the caution on those greens and slowly retrieves back. "Okay fine. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It was an accident, Lexa," she shrugs, "You must have a back up somewhere on your computer right?"

 

When Lexa remained silent and still staring, she sighed and started digging in her bag, "cash or cheque?" she asked blandly.

 

Lexa flared her nostril.

 

Octavia sunk deeper on the booth.

 

And Clarke returns the stare.

 

"Tell me," she urged, "How much? I'll buy you a new one. You don't have to go berserk over a dead phone," she mumbled, not wasting anymore time to get away from their pathetic fight.

 

 

"That's not the point, Clarke. My phone is dead and I can't contact my clients. My phone is dead and I can't get back on their  _important_ messages," she tried to handle that with much reasonable action but she can't, she just can't not like this when that every time she sees Clarke she remembers ever single bad things that had happened to them.

 

"Lexa, you can't keep going on like this. You can't always be angry at things that were  _in fact_ an accident.  _Stop_ crying over spilt... tea. Like I said, I'll get you a new one. Tell me how much... You can't always be bitter about everything."

 

Lexa's mouth hung open, she can't believe what she just heard, "wha- What? You think I'm  _bitter?_ Clarke, don't be ridiculous. I've moved on  _a long time ago."_  


 

Clarke cracked a smirk and rolled her eyes, "Oh sure!"

 

"Plus, what are you doing here, Clarke? Are you stalking me?"

 

The blonde rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, "Yes! Every freaking time since I got back!  _I am stalking you, Lexa, "_   shaking her head in disgust and pointed at the girl sitting in the booth with them, "Octavia, called me to have brunch with  _her."_  


 

Lexa glared at the girl who's half way down the booth, peeking over the table. Octavia slowly eased back, opening her mouth in incredible shock, "wha- huuuuhhh?" she stuttered in high pitch. The blonde and the brunette gave her  a look and she grins apologetically. "Funny story!" suddenly sitting up straight, "Um, Clarke she's-..."

 

"Octavia!" Lexa bellowed impatiently.

 

The girl leaned back on the cushion seat and starts to slide down, she  _so_ wanted to disappear and hopefully the booth would swallow her up right at that moment. "Okay, fine! I did it because... I really want the both of you to finally make up. You're each others best friends. You shouldn't be like this. We all know shit happens but still... _You're each others best friends_. Plus, Lexa you said it yourself you felt sorry for what happened last night."

 

Clarke snickered quietly, shaking her head.

 

Lexa looked over, squaring her jaw. She didn't want Clarke to know that, not at all!

 

"I didn't know, it would end up like this..." Flinging her arms desperately, "this one big fai-..."

 

"What do you think?" the brunette questioned annoyingly.

 

"FAIL! Big huge flop!" Clarke intrudes, "One big fat F!"

 

Lexa gave her a dirty look but Clarke dug down into her bag and grinned at the idiocy of the fight, "hold that thought. Let me grab something."

 

While Clarke's busy looking deep inside her bag, Octavia tugged on Lexa's forearm and mouthed, "it's just a phone!" The desperation was evident on the girl's face but the brunette was still bubbling with anger and she can't think straight knowing that she's near someone who's making her chest beat quadruple times.

 

"Tell me, how much?" Clarke asked again as she flips through her cheque book and started scribbling the girl's name. Finally, when she looks up Lexa was studying her with a pain expression. The blonde quickly ducks down and scribbled some more, "how much is your phone? Um... Okay, never mind. I'll just put some digits," she squinted at the cheque before nodding and sliding it across the table, smiling, "that should be enough."

 

Lexa didn't touched the piece of paper and continued to watch the girl, she squares her shoulders and felt her chest still simmering, "so are you satisfied now? Are you happy and contented for what you did? _Or_ you're happy because you saw me again," bringing a smirk on the last statement. 

 

Clarke was taken aback by the proclamation and decided to be brusque about it, "Yes. I'm  _sooo_ happy, Lexa. I'm so freaking happy seeing you like this. You wanna know why?"

 

The girl raised her brows, getting intrigued.

 

"Because I'm so happy _seeing you upset_.  _So tormented, "_ widening her blue eyes enormously, "Well, I'm having fun!" adding a shrug and little snicker to the pot. She's been stirring this big pot of hatred towards her ex and all she wanted to do was to see her suffer, "I miss the pain, you know."

 

Lexa tensed up but still sitting upright not letting those words hurt her - if that was even possible, " _I miss seeing you in pain._ Maybe part of the reason I came back... is to see you suffer. You know the feeling that it's better to see it  _personally_ rather than using my imagination. You love writing, right? You love writing short stories _about me_ ," the flicker of recognition on those green eyes, tells Clarke that Lexa's not feeling right and yet, she still continues, "and publishing it online," her fists were tightly clenched on her lap and as much as she doesn't wanna admit that Clarke Griffin's words weren't scarring her heart - that would have to be a lie, "I just  _couldn't_ _wait, w_ hat you have in store for me next." Clarke smiled overflowing with sarcasm.

 

Lexa held her chin high and glanced down on the pay cheque waiting on the table. She took it and nodded at the amount. "You know what," looking back up, almost dwindling at the sarcasm that was still painted on those white complexion, "I'm glad that we've meet again. Maybe this is just what I needed after all. Maybe this is what I need to finally put everything to rest and have some peace of mind. Because...," she felt her voice shook for a while but swallowed it down before her jitters kick in and left things unsaid, "all these years I always thought that letting you go was biggest mistake of my life. My biggest regret. You know what Clarke, for what it's worth...  _I'm sorry."_  


 

She quickly collected all her belongings and stormed out of the cafe.

 

"Lexa!" Octavia called after her and scowled at Clarke who suddenly erupted in snickers.

 

"Okay! Let me get the record straight. I left town because of her. I proposed and she broke up with me. She wasn't ready!"

 

Octavia glared at Clarke's giggling figure and spat, "she already said she was sorry, didn't she? We were trying so hard to help the both of you, the least you can do is to be cooperative," and left running after the brunette.

 

Clarke sat there, wiping off the grin and angrily threw the cheque book on the table.

 

_***4 years ago*** _

 

She cursed under her breath for the Nth times as she continues to give the lady over the counter another threatening glare. Her large baggage trailed behind her as she pulled over the pillar, leaned against it and stare tiredly on her bags. Clarke rubbed her face annoyingly and kneeled down pulling her luggage down in the process. Zipping her bag open, she swears loudly seeing all her heaps of clothes spilt over, "son of a bitch," she hissed, pushing the lid wider and started ranting relentlessly, "fucking excess baggage... Fucking hate my life right now! Why am I even freaking born?" Clarke bit her lips, knowing the tears pelting down her cheeks was uncontrollable. She had been trying so hard not to cry all the way to the airport but what can she do when shit just happened. 

 

A sad chuckle protrude out of her lips, as she shoves some of her blouses and jackets on the large trash can beside her. "Fuck my life," shoving her hair away from her face. She couldn't contain it any more, she dropped down on the floor and sobbed. An unbelievable turn of event were really messing around with her head and she can't refrain from feeling sorry for herself.

 

_What a stupid decision to spend my life with her. Fucking huge mistake of my life!_

 

 

Clarke chuckles again and leaned against the pillar, staring blankly. She couldn't careless if people were staring at her. She couldn't careless how messed up she looks right now. She actually doesn't feel anything right at that moment because she felt numb. Her mind is tired from formulating the reasons why it happened and her heart is completely drained from shouting her with words that doesn't make sense anymore. Clarke Griffin was a walking zombie - lifeless and heartless. 

 

The girl rubbed her tired eyes again and stares at the heaps of clothes piled up on her baggage. She bit her lips when it feels like it starts to quiver again. The thoughts of the girl starting parading across her mind when a figure of a man stood before her, attracting her attention. 

 

This man tilted his head and stares at her amusingly. Clarke looked away and ignores him, with much hope that he'll walk away without feeling sorry for her. 

 

The man looked over at the full trash can filled with the woman's clothes and sighed, "you can put some of your clothes in my hand carry." He wheeled up his bag and patted it, and when Clarke finally gave a good look at him, he suddenly smiles - to show that he's genuine. 

 

"My name Roan Quinn, I'm 26 years old. I live in 54th street New York, New York. I'm not a pervert and I'm here to save your day," he widens his smile and as much as possible he tries not to appear like a creep but the skeptical look that the woman giving him says so otherwise. 

 

"I don't need your help," she spat arrogantly as she looks away. 

 

Roan sighed, looked around and then glanced back at the growing queue, and then back again at the person sitting on the floor looking miserable. He nodded once, kneeled down and zipped open his bag. He then took a handful of thrown away clothes and shoved it inside his bag. 

 

"What are you doing?" Clarke sat up right and stares demandingly at the man, who's now holding her red thong. She quickly snatched it away, turning red at the process. 

 

Roan sighed again and stares at Clarke for a good minute before opening his mouth, "look, I can see that you're having a bad day. I'm not a bad person. I just came by to ask if you need any help and clearly," gesturing at the bin, "you do. The plane is gonna leave in half an hour and if you still wanna get on that plane, I think this is the best solution for you," Roan squares his shoulders and waits patiently for the blue eyed girl. Clarke sets her jaw and as intriguing as it sounds, she do need to get the hell out of town. She needs to leave this hell hole and move on from her life. 

 

"Fine," she puffed, handing back her thong which the man coolly took and shoved it inside his bag. The two spent a good 10 minutes trying to fit Clarke's clothes into his bag and with the blonde's high hope that the lady on the counter won't reject her again - cause God knows, how much rejections she can handle for a day - and allow her to enter that god forsaken plane. 

 

"Ready?" The man asked. Clarke nodded and stood up, grunting. They both wheeled their bags back on the line and once they've reached the counter. The man took her passport and placed it on the counter. The lady in uniform with a tight bun hair looked back and forth at Clarke and Roan, after taking their passports in silence. She couldn't help but smirked at her reaction cause she deserves as much. 

 

Once they entered the departure hall, they briskly walked towards the gate because they only have less than 10 minutes to reach their seats. Clarke breathed out heavily as she buckles her seatbelt. The silence was comforting enough to let her know that she's still alive and breathing. The whole day was filled with so much emotions that she even thought of ending her life right there and then. Things that had happened in that town was like a nightmare that haunts her dreams even if she's wide awake. Clarke can't take it. She have to leave. 

 

Roan sat idly quiet beside the woman. Every now and then, he would glance at her side profile and couldn't help but feel sorry at the girl's dismayed look. He thought of giving her space, at least a seat apart because the the seat beside the aisle was vacant but he doesn't want to show of being disrespectful on whatever the woman was going through. It was clear that she have it bad. 

 

Moments later, the plane finally took off and there's nothing left to see but large clouds huddling together across the horizon and a pitiful blonde girl silently crying by the window seat. He shifted on his seat uncomfortably, not knowing what to do or say. Should he say any comforting words or should he be quiet and let the girl mourn? Roan crinkled his nose at the situation that he put himself into. He's really not up for any more drama that may added up on what he already have on his plate. When the blonde suddenly sat still and quiet, he took the risk to look at her again and saw her lifelessly staring at the seat in front of her. Her baby blue eyes were streaks with red and her nose was puffy from sniffling. He really thought that maybe she finally grew tired from crying and decided to take a break but he thought wrongly. 

 

_I couldn't so wrong._

 

Roan suddenly snapped his eyes away and shifted even more uncomfortably, when the blonde bursts hysterically. The water works was unbelievably unrelenting and the girl was doing her best to wipe it away with the back of her hands. He furrowed his eyebrows and slowly reached for the assistance button on the top of their seats and within seconds a flight stewardess came by and nodded at his request. When she returned again to give what he needed, he pursed his lips and carefully, looked back at the sobbing woman. Cautiously, he pushed a bundle of tissue towards her and by the looks of it, she seemed to suddenly realized that she's sitting beside him. A stranger who helped her in times of desperate needs. 

 

Clarke suddenly sat up straight and saw the gesture. She sat frozen because it reminded her of the night when Lexa went out to seek for her after their little squabble during the hiking trip. Upon that realization, she slammed her thoughts away and regretted for what she did next, she slapped the pile of tissues out of sight and spat, "I don't need tissue! Stop judging me!" 

 

The man stares back at her alarmingly but slowly calms down, inhaled sharply before unbuckling his seatbelt to grab the fallen tissues on the floor. And as Clarke watched in the corner of her eyes, guilt was waving in. She closed her eyes briefly and exhaled through her lips. 

 

"I'm sorry for snapping," she murmured apologetically. 

 

Roan looked up and squares the pile of tissue on his lap, "I was just trying to help," and handed it over again which Clarke hesitantly accepted. 

 

"Thank you," nodding at him slightly. 

 

The man settles back on his seat, fastening his seat belt once more and closed his eyes. Clarke looked up and felt the guilt still lingering. She knew that the stranger was trying his best to help her with her situation but she's not playing nice at all. When all she wanted to do now was to block anyone from entering her life and yet, unexpectedly, someone still managed to squeeze through. She knew she have to be nice at least until the moment when they will go on their separate ways and live different lives. 

 

The trip back to New York was quiet. The man didn't talked to her unless it was necessary. No small talks or lingering looks and she was grateful for that. She doesn't have to come up with topics to talk about because honestly, her mind was just as exhausted. The following conversation that finally took place was when she's waiting for her luggage by the circulating conveyor belt. Roan was standing quietly beside her with his arms folded across his chest and staring blankly at the moving luggage. She squeezed her hands on the trolley in front of her and pursed her lips before saying her following words. 

 

"You don't have to wait for me, you know." 

 

Roan looked over at her and simply said, "I still have your clothes inside my bag. So..." 

 

Clarke immediately nodded, understanding what the man was implying. When she finally caught a glimpse of her large blue luggage, she walked along with it and failed miserably in carrying it down. Roan was then quick to his feet and heaved it easily over the trolley. 

 

"Thank you," Clarke mumbled, sparing him a look or two. 

 

Roan nodded towards the arrival hall, where he laid open his luggage and started giving back Clarke's clothes. The blonde shyly took it from him and stuffed it inside her bloated luggage. The man sighed as he dusted himself up and asked,"how are you gonna get home?" 

 

"Taxi. You?" 

 

"Taxi." 

 

The two walked up to the long queue towards the taxi stand and once they reached the front of the line. Clarke backed down, "you should take it," nodding at the cab. Roan gave her a look - not knowing what she meant by it. He then looked behind at some guy and when he looks up, Roan nodded at him towards the cab. Clarke saw the gesture and couldn't help but feel bad again. She can't help but feel like a disabled person who needed someone to guide her with her mess. Another cab rolls in and she was still staring at it, Roan was still unmoved. Pursing her lips, the driver looked at her expectantly and she shook her head. 

 

 

Roan gave her another doubtful look, the girl sighed, "I still don't feel like going home. You?" He was silent and contemplating but later looks back at the couple who couldn't keep their hands off of each other. He's been amusingly watching the blonde giving annoying daggers of glares at the couple behind them for awhile now and if only looks could kill the couple would have been dead half an hour ago. He's starting to might have an idea what caused the girl her outbursts. It was just that simple. 

 

"Hey, take the cab," he said to the couple but they didn't seemed to hear them and was busy planting sloppy kisses on each other. 

 

Clarke flared her nostrils and took a step forward. Roan was taken by surprise and humorously watching from the sideline. "Hey! Stop fooling around and take the bloody cab, will ya!" 

 

The two broke away from each other and uttered apologies before entering the vehicle. Roan was stoked. 

 

_This girl is a huge mess than he had previously thought._

 

"God...," she was still shooting daggers even after the cab drove away. When Clarke caught the amused look from Roan, she shakes her head, "Don't even say anything. I'm not in the mood right now." 

 

 

 

 

But he never thought even for one second that he'll be inside a 24 hour resto-bar across the city, sitting in front of the same blonde girl in the middle of the night. It was great wee hours of the morning and he just wanted to sleep but obviously, that's not what he did. 

 

Clarke rubbed her sleepy eyes and downed her coffee in a jiffy. They had been waiting for the past 10 minutes for their food and there's nothing else to do but to stare at blank spaces and sigh. She was tired and restless. It's a really bad combination with sleep deprivation and broken heartedness. Clarke could feel it getting worse by the minute. She couldn't help but feel bad too, when the man across from her stifled a yawn but he's trying so hard to suppress it. She also noticed this huge scar on his right side of his face and with the better lighting it kinda shaped like a symbol. Her curiosity got a better of her.

 

 "What's the meaning of that?" She nodded at it. 

 

Roan raised his eyebrows questioningly, she pointed on her right side of her face and it was immediately understood. 

 

"Something deep," he cracked cheekily, earning Clarke to narrow her eyes but kept quiet. 

 

"What about you?" he asked, nodding at her tattoo on her wrist. 

 

Clarke immediately grabbed her wrist with her other hand and caressed it. It was a small tribal tattoo and it was the same one as-... She flinched by where her thought was bringing her again, "something deep," she copied. 

 

Roan smiled and nodded. 

 

"Do you have any tattoos?" trying to push away the tugging feeling on her chest. 

 

"I do," pointing on his back. 

 

"Can I see it?" and as simple as that, she quickly bit her inner cheeks when she realized what she just said. Roan was snickering at her reaction but still turned around and pulled up his shirt. It's another symbol, it covered mostly half of his back and as much as she kept telling her eyes not to wonder - it still did unfortunately. Roan turned his head and smirked at the blonde's wondering eyes and quickly pulled down his shirt.

 

Clarke averted her eyes quickly and swallowed the thought away from her head. Thankfully, the man changed the topic but it's still not enough - it's still a touchy subject to talk about. 

 

"So what are you doing in Capitol?" The man asked sipping down on his coffee. When he didn't get any definite answer, he decided to answer his own question, "I went to Capitol to see the Ark, the Dropship, the Mountain Museum too. Such a beauty isn't it? So much historical influence in our lives when the war broke out thousands of years ago. I always wanted to go there since I was young," he continued, when he noticed that the girl was zoning out again. But soon, he finally caught the woman's attention again. "My dream was to see it with my mom," he frowned. 

 

Clarke saw the lament on the man's voice, "then why didn't you went with her?" 

 

"I wish I could," he nodded. 

 

"Then don't worry, perhaps next time," she leniently said, hoping to ease whatever pain that was written on the man's face. At least she was returning the favor of making him feel better even by a fraction. 

 

"That is... If she comes back to life," Roan playfully smiled. 

 

Clarke quickly apologized for his lost but he just brushed it off. "She got into an accident few months ago. There's nothing much I can do about it. She's already dead on arrival when they reached the hospital... But either way, I have a strained relationship with my mom anyways. Even if she's still alive I don't think she'll even wants to come." 

 

"You don't know that." 

 

"Trust me," he snickered, "She won't. All she did was work. We hardly had any nice conversation without fighting. But anyway, I still love her. I still want to include her with every dream that I had or have." When he looked up, Clarke was almost in tears. He reached for the tissue dispenser and thrusts forward a ply of tissue. Clarke took it and wiped away her cheeks.

 

"You know when I went to the Dropship, I took a selfie. I had this big space beside me, where I know she will be. I just know it that she's with me through out my journey. I could feel her," he shivers, rubbing his hands on his arms jokingly. 

 

Clarke chuckles and sighed, feeling the grin that was now on her lips. It was the first time since yesterday. 

 

_Yesterday. It's been that long._

 

The silence was yet again around them as they slowly eat their meal. Roan still watches the girl in the corner of his eyes as if any seconds from now, she will just combust. But she never did and he was glad. He hardly knew the girl, he didn't even know her name and yet, she bluntly know his - even his age and personal address. He had no idea why he blurted it out in one go but he guessed it safer to let the girl know that he's not some guy out there trying to take advantage of her. 

 

The night progresses and he felt more awake than ever. The meal and couple of shots of caffein in his system will totally screw his body clock later in the day but that's for later to worry about. It's currently 3.30am in the morning and they're sitting down by the gutter outside the restaurant with their bags standing behind them. The girl was quiet as usual and he's still watching. 

 

"You know what they say that when you're meant to be, it will be. When she loves you, she  _will_ come back. Bullshit. That really fucks you over," Roan sat still, listening intently. The look on those weary eyes, could almost make him do whatever he can to make her feel better but for now, listening ear is enough. "So what? Just let it go to destiny? Let myself let go and let fate intervene? Wait for something to happen?" Clarke frowned, "The possible future that you're gonna have with the person that you love the most?" she shakes her head, "So after 6 years of being together, I'm forced to accept that we're not destined to be together? Is that it?" shaking her head again, frowning at the pathetic insinuation "it shouldn't be that way. For me, if you love someone fight for it. Don't wait for anything to make her move towards you. Pull her back, as much as you can. Don't give up, Don't let go. Sorry...," she shrugs, "I'm just a girl in love. Call me stupid for falling this hard but that's just how I am... She's my best friend, we fell in love and 6 years went by just like that," she snapped her fingers to make a point, "we had so much ups and downs but fought hard that brought me to the point that I'm willing to spend my whole life with her. I proposed. She accepted..., "she looked down on her hands and knotted her eyebrows. Feeling the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach rising up to her throat. She swallowed hard.

 

"Until a month ago, I got a job offer in here and since this is my training ground, I thought it was a good idea. So I brought it up to her, she was excited but not willing enough to go with me just for the holidays. I know that she's going through a lot with her dad and their family business but... You know the feeling that your girlfriend is suffering enough and you just want to be right for her. So you planned out this huge trip to the big apple, everything was perfect. A week just the two of us. A fancy hotel overlooking the central park. A day trip at the statue of liberty. A pair of tickets on a play that we both desperately wanna see... Walking hand in hand in the park. It's our dream, you know. To become two city girls..." Clarke sniggered by this thoughts and hastily wiped away the tears the threatens to come out.

 

"I wanted her so badly to be here with me." A sigh escapes again as she looks up at the sky, "so yesterday, after weeks of planning and asking her to come with me. I finally reached the maximum. She combusted. She got mad. Telling me that I can't demand time from her because I didn't gave her much either when she needed it. Okay, fine. I did made mistakes along the way. I took advantage of her of always being there for me whenever I needed her and didn't reciprocated at the level... She said it was for her future, especially for her dad. Her dad was like a father to me too and I love him so much. And I wouldn't think twice of it either. But she really doesn't have to do what she did!" She exclaimed, "... But then again, who am I against her family and her responsibilities right? I'm just this girlfriend of hers for 6 years. I can't fight that. She said it was her dream. Of course, I thought to let it go because that's her dream and I want for my girlfriend to be happy pursuing it. I was thinking of just staying in Capitol to be with her. Cheer her on. Think about New York again maybe in a year later or something when everything is settle down. Even if I was offered a higher position here, its fine! _Just as long as I'm with her_. Because if you want something, there's always a way. So I was already planning my following days with her. To make it up to her. To see that smile again. To hear her laugh again.... But then everything started to fall apart... She said she couldn't afford a distraction. Me? A distraction?" shaking her head sadly. Clarke opens her mouth but nothing came out. She tried again but was disappointed when a sob came out instead. 

 

"Fuck... 6 _fucking years!"_ She sobs, "And I suddenly turned into a distraction? When all you think about is spending your life with her, marrying her. Starting a family. That one day her name will be your name too. But I guess the length of your relationship is not enough. _It's never enough_. If she let you go, _she let go_. That's it," she shrugs. Wiping yet again, the escaped tears. " _I'm sorry, Clarke. I've hurt you,"_ she quoted. "2 sentences. That's all it takes. She managed to finish our 6 years relationship with just 2 sentences. Wow. Must be a record! Cause that's it. Is that how easy it is to let go?" She laughed sadly. 

 

Roan frowned sadly at the girl's wrecked state. He doesn't know that the girl went through that much. 

 

Clarke remained silent for a moment until she continues again, "So I took off. I don't think I could spend another minute in that god forsaken town any longer. I grabbed my passport, grabbed my clothes and go. I just left. I know it may sounds selfish because I kept my mom in the dark and just left without any explanations but I... I just can't stay." The girl cried uncontrollably, covering her mouth but it didn't help to keep her weep to herself. She saw the man tried to move closer but she moves away. Roan saw this and decided to beat the idea of touching the girl. 

 

"She let you go. It's clear as it is. What's not clear about that?" He mumbled easily. 

 

Clarke shot her a dagger look, "I don't know if you're trying to make me feel better or not. Who's side are you on?" 

 

"Look, if a person sets her mind in letting go of someone. There's nothing much we can do. We have to accept and let go. Move on." 

 

"Don't I deserve a second chance?" She asked hopefully. 

 

"The fact that you're here. I think you blew your chance away." Clarke pursed her lips and she knew the truth as much. "But if she doesn't love you and let you go that easily, it doesn't matter what you do. It's clear what's her priorities are. It won't make much of a difference if you storms back there and create another havoc over something that you can't control... _Bottom line is you've been let go_." Roan added. 

 

She burrowed her face over her palms and breathe calmly.

 

But then suddenly snapped at Roan, "Who are you huh? Are we even friends? You're fucking hurting me!"

 

Clarke shoved the heel of her hand on her cheeks to wipe away her tears and sobbed even louder against her folded arms.

 

Roan tried to touch her shoulders but beat his mind to it. 

 

////

 

Clarke kicked open her door with both of her arms hugging the heavy files against her chest. When she heard the Tv on, she grunted as she sways her hips to close the door. 

 

"You picked on my lock again?" She asks, stalking inside her room to change to a more comfortable clothes. When she reached the couch, her eyes narrowed at the piles of DVDs on the coffee table. "What's that?" flopping down beside Raven who's busy watching a documentary about historical weapons of wars or something along that line. 

 

"DVDs. It's yours," Raven mumbled, not sparing a look at Clarke's way. 

 

"Mine? I don't think I own that much DVDs. Raven, if those are sex tapes I swear I'm gonna kick your ass!" 

 

Raven finally looked at Clarke and laughed, "as much as I wanted to show you how amazing my sex life is. I'm not that low to tape my 'work out' routines and show it to the world. Unless..." looking at her seriously, "if you want to? I can get to it easily. Just say the word and it's done!" 

 

"REYES!" She shoved her playfully and laughed. 

 

"Just messing with you! But anyways," dusting her hands together and standing up, "I just thought that you might wanna see it,"nodding at the pile of CDs. 

 

"What is it?" she asked skeptically, "Do I wanna know?" 

 

Raven rolled her eyes and walked towards the door, "I'll see you around, Griff Griff!" And closed the door behind her. 

 

Clarke spent the entire night watching the news and variety shows with much hope to get rid of the little squabble with Lexa earlier that day. When she felt things were finally getting easier and better, her eyes dropped onto the stack of DVDs on the coffee table and pondered if she wanna know what's inside it. Her curiosity got the better of her and scanned each CDs. When she didn't see any titles and only but numbers ranging from 1 to 13. She took the number one and popped it in into the DVD player. The screen turned blue and loaded into an image that fairly much familiar to her. 

 

Her chest concaved. 

 

_***4 years ago*** _

 

_**4:18am** _

 

Roan can't believe it. He wasn't sure if he got the girl drunk because clearly the girl is acting like one right now. She was swaying in the middle of central park, singing at the top of her lungs at some old song that he just heard a minute ago. 

 

_"... Whatever it takes_  
Or how my heart breaks  
I will be right here waiting for you"

 

Clarke clenched her fists tightly and belted out a Richard Marx song with so much emotions that it's impossible not to let tears fall on her cheeks. 

 

_"I took for granted, all the times_  
That I thought would last somehow  
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears  
But I can't get near you now..." 

 

Roan sat comfortably on the bench watching the girl sings and choked in her words. He thought of pulling the girl back but then also thought that maybe this is just what the girl needs. 

 

_"Oh, can't you see it baby_  
You've got me going crazy  
I wonder how we can survive  
This romance  
But in the end if I'm with you  
I'll take the chance..."

 

She gripped her shirt tightly trying to hit the high note, she loves it. Feeling her veins on her neck almost popping, the strain in her throat and deflating air out of her stomach was unbelievable. 

 

_"Coz we were as close as two could be_  
We knew love could last forever  
We're more than just lovers  
We're good friends..."   


He couldn't hold his laughter at her wide exaggerated arm gestures holding her water bottle as her mic. Even though, she got her back against him, it was still as entertaining. 

 

_"And even if our love could drift away_  
I wouldn't even think twice  
If I wanted love back again  
Because I'd still say yes to you again  
My Darlin' for you, I do it all again  
Yes, I'd still say yes to you again  
Darlin' for you, I do it over and over again..." 

 

She was pointing her finger at no one in particular. In fact, she was facing nothing but trees as her audience. The temperature was picking up but she got carried away by the song. It was just too meaningful. 

 

_"They say time will heal a broken heart_  
And true love never ends  
So why not start where we begin..."   


 

He was shaking his head. It was her 5th song and she never took a break. Well, maybe except for a short water break and changing the song on phone that was sitting beside him on the bench. Roan wonders if girls really do this whenever they got their hearts broken because the way he handles it, he would rather go to a bar and drink the night away.

 

  
_But not this girl_ , her thought. 

 

_"Swaying room as the music starts_  
Strangers making the most of the dark  
Two by two their bodies become one

I see you through the smokey air  
Can't you feel the weight of my stare  
You're so close but still a world away  
What I'm dying to say, is that..." 

 

Clarke wasn't sure how many songs she had sung but nothing feels right than singing until her hearts content. It was overpowering and very much welcomed. After months of uncontrollable fights with Lexa, this was the very moment did she ever felt liberated and free. 

 

_"I'm crazy for you_  
Touch me once and you'll know it's true  
I never wanted anyone like this  
It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss  
I'm crazy for you, crazy for you..."

 

Roan watched the girl sighed slumping her shoulders in the process before walking over to him and flopped down in defeat. Panting more than ever. He smiled at that and waited for the girl to talk, having thought that maybe she's done with her little show but he was wrong. He couldn't be so wrong in so many levels. Clarke suddenly belted the highest note that Madonna did but the she couldn't do Clarke justice because the girl was amazing. He laughed and clapped at her little stunt. 

 

_"It's all brand new, I'm crazy for you_  
And you know it's true  
I'm crazy, crazy for you..." 

 

Clarke held her chest and raised her water bottle higher in the air as she finishes the song. Once the music drifts away, Roan grabbed her phone and hit the pause button and looked over at Clarke. The blonde sat there quietly, just staring and still panting. He was just staring at her, seeing that blue eyes glimmering under the street lamp. Roan placed his arm over the back of the bench, leaned his head over his palm and got himself comfortable as he continues to stare. 

 

The girl opens her mouth but Roan intrudes, "Didn't know you're into oldies," he chided lightly. 

 

He never imagined how carefree that laughter that broke out of the girl's lips. Roan smiled wider. 

 

"My dad loves playing oldies around the house. Especially, during Saturday and Sunday mornings. I would wake up early in the morning and lay down on my bed listening to Air supply, Eagles, Bee Gees..." Clarke suddenly stopped smiling and pursed her lips. When she looked up, Roan was inches away from her, he didn't even moved back when she suddenly moved away. 

 

Clarke cleared her throat and clasped her hands over her lap. Silence was again at their side and as much as she wanted to break it, she can't seemed to move. Only then did it dawned on her how she spent hours and hours with a guy that she hardly knew. How she bared her soul to him as if her life depended on it. It was surreal... It's wrong but doesn't feel bad either. 

 

"You can run away you know," he said casually, pulling his arm away and leaned against the bench. She suddenly looked back at him, "you don't have to stay with me. You can go some place else, if you wanna be alone. I won't force you to stay," Looking back at her, smiling. 

 

"Then what about you? Why did you stick around? I probably scarred you enough with my broken heart antics." Leaning back too on the bench. 

 

"I don't know. I guess... I can see myself in you," he smiles.

 

Clarke nodded, "For what it's worth, I don't wanna be alone either." 

 

Roan grabs her hand and gave a small squeeze. 

 

////

 

It took her a good minute to hit the stop button and turn off the Tv. Her heart was pounding hard against her ribcage as she paced around the living room. She knew what Raven was planning to do. She knew what's her master plan is and she's not gonna fall for it. 

 

_Oh no! Not again this time!_

 

Clarke took the CD out of her player and jammed it inside the pile, took the entire thing and throw it inside her closet and slammed the door shut. She tried to hit the thick files that was waiting for her on the study table and study for her pending surgery in a couple of days. After a good half an hour, She knew she tried but still none of it was entering her head. A groaned bounced around the four walls of her bed room and laid down annoyingly on her pillow. 

 

"What am I doing with my life?" she rasped, covering her face with the back of her hands. 

 

It took everything in her not to grab her phone and hit those numbers that kept popping inside her head. But she needed it. She needs to confide. Clarke got to her feet, grabbed her phone from her bag and hit those numbers before her nerves hit her. 

 

"Clarke?" 

 

"We need to talk." 

 

_***4 years ago*** _

 

_**5:20am** _

 

"Let's go," Roan ushered, standing up and extending his hands for the girl to grab. 

 

Clarke sighed and took his hand but let go once she's back on her two feet. 

 

"Where are we going?" she asked, grabbing her luggage and handbag. 

 

"Somewhere," he chirped happily. 

 

The blonde took the hint of subtleness and let the guy lead the way. They wheeled their bags on the uneven ground of the park and out to the main street. She was heaving for pulling her heavy baggage around but she tries not to show it at all. Roan kept glancing back at her and she have to roll her eyes, "Stop looking! God..." rubbing her forehead. 

 

The man just laughs, turned back around and walked back inside the park. Clarke was baffled but continues to follow him until they were nearing a large boulder. When Roan left his luggage at the foot of the large rock, Clarke felt a prickling worry crawling on her skin. He's climbing the huge rock and beckons for her to follow. 

 

"Come on!" waving his hand. 

 

Clarke gave him a dead pan look, "another thing about me, I have two left feet," she smiled sheepishly. 

 

Roan threw his head back and guffawed loudly until Clarke turned red like a tomato, turned back around and walks away with her heavy luggage.

 

"Hey!" 

 

Within seconds, he was pulling her hand back towards the boulders, "okay. I'm sorry I laughed. You're just adorable," he confessed. 

 

Clarke felt her stomach made a dip and then shakes her head violently, "No," pulling her hand back, "you don't get to say things like that." 

 

He raised his hands in surrender and sighed, "fine. I'm sorry. I think it's ridiculous and embarrassing for you to have two left feet." 

 

She rolled her eye at him, shouldered her handbag tightly and starts feeling the boulder against her hands as she carefully climbs over it. Once they both were on the top and see the expanse of the park. Clarke sighs as she lays down on her back with her bag under her head, staring at the night sky. 

 

"You're toying with aren't you?" she asks. 

 

"What made you say that?" there was a hint of playfulness in his voice. 

 

"Because you made me walked out of the park, dragged my heavy luggage around and then went back in... And now, you made me climb this humungous boulder," hitting him on the shoulder. 

 

He chuckles, "Are you regretting this view?" he gestured massively. 

 

She looks up and shakes her head, "not even one bit." 

 

The smile on her lips was easy. It wasn't forced neither was it obligated. She do it because that's what she really feels. It's a good breather, that's what she kept telling herself. 

 

"Why do you carry so many things in your luggage anyway?" Roan suddenly asked. 

 

A smirk emerged and she spared a glance at him, "what about you? you're bag is so small how can all your things fit inside?" 

 

Roan shakes his head, "It just fits everything what I needed," he shrugs. 

 

Clarke shakes her head too, "well...," she sighs, "my bag is heavy because I carry my entire life in it. So excuse me," rolling her eyes. 

 

Roan cracked a grin hearing the sarcasm in her voice, "So, you literally brought you're whole life in that bag? Then you're really bound to have an excess baggage." 

 

Clarke flared her nostril at the man's claim, "you know, I've had it with all your jokes. You've been doing it ever since we've met and it's getting pretty annoying. Can't you just stop talking for awhile? You've been judging me too much for my own liking." 

 

The man quickly turned to his side and looked at Clarke, "wait, when did I ever judged you?" 

 

"You did judged me," suddenly sitting up right. 

 

"I didn't," sitting up right too, "I was just stating a fact. You said you brought your entire life in that bag and then you had an excess baggage. When did I became judgmental?" 

 

Clarke rolled her eyes again and faced Roan squarely, "it's like you're implying that I shouldn't have brought my entire life, so I wouldn't have excess baggage. Like you were saying that I should have left some things behind so that I'll have something to go back home for... Sorry," she spat sarcastically, "I thought I needed them but as it turns out I don't." 

 

His mouth was hanging open at the retort that he's been experiencing. It's like he's having a whiplash at the girl's untimely combustion. It's very daunting.  When he finally came back to his senses he said, "So I'm the one who's judgmental huh?" 

 

////

 

"Okay, wait. So you ran in with your ex?" 

 

Clarke rolled her eyes again, "how many times do I have to repeat myself, Roan? Yes! I did! It's my friends' stupid plan. They thought they were helping when in fact it only made things worse," she laid back down on her bed and buried her face on the pillow. 

 

"And how do you feel about that?"

 

"Mad. Angry. Very very frustrated," she turned over and covers her eyes with her arm, "I thought going back here would help me get the closure I need. I thought it would finally put things to rest but it just got worst from here." 

 

"Don't you miss her?" 

 

She bit her inner cheeks, "Roan, I don't think this is the right time-..." 

 

"Clarke, listen to me. You going back is the best decision that you've ever made for the past 4 years." 

 

"I thought the best decision I did was buying you that shirt," she chuckled. 

 

"And I am forever thankful to have a great friend like you. But I'm serious Clarke. What you are doing is the right thing to do. You just have to let yourself be free from the hate that you're feeling. I know that your ex hurt you but you have to stop dragging your large baggage around and leave some behind. There's no other way to solve this Clarke but to face your fears. It's either win big or go home. And going home is not really an option right now. You have to do this, Clarke." 

 

She pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled through her mouth, "You're right. I'm just waiting for the right time. She can be quite hard to tame. I know her and right now it can be challenging because I'm on her bad side. But thank you for always giving me friendly advice, Roan. I really appreciate it." 

 

"Anything for you, Princess." 

 

"Okay, I'm hanging up now!" she threatens. 

 

"Okay, fine! No more nick name calling," he chuckles at the far end of the phone, earning himself a throaty giggle from Clarke. "it's nice talking to you again, Clarke." 

 

"Yeah, it's been awhile. I'd say it's destiny that made us meet 4 years ago," she ponders. 

 

"And here I am, having known that Clarke Griffin doesn't believe in destiny. I thought that's - and I quote - ' _Bullshit. That really fucks you over'_ kind of thing. What ever happens?"

 

Clarke smiles, "Things change, Roan. Time changes things," pondering on the brunette's words. 

 

"Hmm. Sounds about right." 

 

_***4 years ago*** _

 

_**6:45am** _

 

He pushed a plate of pancake across the table, "let's eat!" 

 

Clarke took their shared plate of pancake and poured maple syrup all over it. 

 

"Wait. Wait!" stopping the girl's wrist. 

 

"What's wrong?" 

 

"I don't pour syrup on my pancake," he stated. 

 

"Oh I'm sorry. I used to do it for my ex. I just suddenly remembers her." Clarke took Roan's empty plate and placed two pancakes.

 

"Even on a syrup you remembers her?" arching his brow. 

 

"I said I was sorry alright. It's just a passing thought," feeling defensive. 

 

"Hmm. Point taken," forking down his food and shoving it inside his mouth. 

 

Clarke looked down on her pancake and grazed it with syrup generously, "she loves it when we bake pancakes every time we do sleepovers. Then I'll poured hers with generous amount of syrup until it seeps through," she smiles. "And coffee?" taking a sip from her cup, "she hates it but only drinks Mocha chips with whipped cream and extra chocolate syrup. 

 

Roan hung his lips open again at how sappy it sounds like. He suddenly looked at her seriously and glanced at the picture of a volcano displayed by the counter, "lava. Do you remember her?" 

 

"The first time she baked a lava cake, she gave me one. It's delicious," closing her eyes, "and I'm not even a big fan of sweet things." 

 

"Mirror." 

 

"She always borrows a mirror from me, even though, I gave her one. She always said she looks better on mine," she grins. 

 

"Needle," he pressed. 

 

"She hated needles. The first time she got her tattoo when she turned 23, she was crying holding my hands and I was laughing at her." 

 

Roan shook her head slightly, feeling the challenge, "bubbles." 

 

"She always try to say the word bubbles angrily without looking all cute and cuddly. She failed miserably." 

 

"Lake." 

 

"We have a favorite bench by the lake." 

 

"Paris." 

 

"We always wanted to go their on our honeymoon. She gave me an eiffel tower sticker too that I still have pasted on my wall beside my bed at home." 

 

"Black," licking his lips. 

 

"She loves wearing black." 

 

"Hole!" 

 

Clarke crinkled her nose and grins, "it's a little obscene," she shrugged. 

 

He's eyes widened but then continued to shot her with words, "Leonardo Decaprio." 

 

"She've never seen titanic before but kept saying the line, 'you jump. I jump.'" 

 

"Car!" 

 

"She hates driving. That's why I got a car.  _Our car,"_ she answered in an instant. 

 

Roan nodded feeling pleased at her quick thinking, "you're good." 

 

Clarke shrugged and smiles. 

 

"The Ark!" 

 

"3rd official date." 

 

"The Dropship." 

 

"6th date." 

 

"New York." 

 

"Our future city together." 

 

"Horror movie!" 

 

"The Omen! We also watched Final destination but I couldn't contain myself so we left halfway through. We had a marathon. " 

 

"Wow, you even have horror movie marathons huh," he nodded wonderfully. 

 

"She loves horror movies. Not so much for me. But it makes her happy, so I watches it along with her. Plus, I'm with her anyways. I'm safe." 

 

Roan smiled at that and nodded some more. "Paranormal activity?" 

 

"1, 2,3,4, or the marked one?" 

 

He raised his eyebrows even higher caught surprised by the question, then he narrowed his eyes leaning forward, "3." 

 

"2011! She was laughing throughout the movie because I was the only one in the theatre who literally screamed my guts out every time something happened," she pouted. 

 

Roan leaned back and laughed at her, earning him a glare. "handkerchief." 

 

Clarke ducks her head down and shyly mumbled, "censored." 

 

He cussed under his breath, "chocolate syrup!" 

 

She bit her lips, "Rated M." 

 

"Snow," he hissed, pounding his fist on the table. 

 

Clarke gave him a dead pan look, "do I really have to answer that?" 

 

"Holy fuck. You dirty little bitches!" He grins widely, flicking Clarke with water droplets from his ice tea. 

 

Clarke stuck out his tongue and chuckled, "That's what my friends used to say. What can we do, we're always curious," she uttered casually. 

 

" _Pepper."_  


 

"She loves putting a lot of pepper on her mushroom soup," she mumbled softly, suddenly looking down at her hands. 

 

"Wow. You really remembers her in everything," shaking his head and placing it on his propped up arm. 

 

Clarke looked away and sighs, putting down her fork and knife.

 

"You have no idea." 

 

////

 

"Where did you go?" Octavia demanded, when Raven bursts into her living room and slumped over the couch. 

 

"Clarke's," she groaned, stuffing the throw pillow over her head. 

 

Octavia tapped her legs, making her knees bend up so that the girl can sit. "That terrible huh?" 

 

"Not really," turning over, looking at her best friend who's looking even more miserable than the last time she had seen her. "What happened to you?" 

 

"Lexa happened," she grumbled, leaning back on the couch. 

 

"What happened?" sitting up properly. 

 

"She's in a mess, Rae. I really thought this plan would work, you know. Finally getting those two to talk it out. I thought when they finally see each other and have the time and space to talk. They can finally moved pass from what happened and at least move on at being  _just friends."_  


 

Raven slumped her arm over her shoulders and patted her, "We'll figure something out, O. Have you heard from Bell? Maybe he have a plan?" 

 

"Speaking of Bellamy," finally looking at Raven suspiciously. "He's been acting pretty weird lately. There's this one time when I said that Clarke mentioned about her friend Wick seeing your picture on one of her albums and I quote," doing the air thingy with her fingers, " ' _she looks hot'._ Bellamy literally shouted at me and he won't even repeat what he just said. Then slammed his bedroom door in front of my face." Octavia tilted her head at Raven, "Do you know what was that about?" 

 

"No," shaking her head vehemently, swallowing a lie. She had known about that incident recently and Bellamy was going cray cray over Wick's little comment. "I don't know anything." 

 

The girl narrowed her eyes when someone shouted from behind them. 

 

_"Just fucking tell her already, Reyes!"_

 

Octavia's eyes widened and demanded for her to speak, "Tell me what, Raven." 

 

Anya emerged out of the kitchen and folded her arms with a display of amusing smirk. Raven snarled at her and recoils back seeing the leery look from the small girl, "About Bellamy...," she chuckles nervously. 

 

"What did you do?" The girl stood up, towering over her. 

 

"It's a funny story really..." she explains. 


	5. The One With The Fire

_***9 years ago*** _

_**15 August 2006**  
I can't believe this feeling that I'm feeling, Clarke. I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world! The way you look at me, the way you touch me... *sigh* Can't I just stay in this dream and never wake up?_

 

**_30 September 2006  
_ ** _Ive never felt so degraded in my entire life. You make one small mistake and the rest follows. Do I need a constant reminder how pathetic, unprofessional I am? I know I suck. But you constantly blaring it all out, hurts just the same. I need a break. Cause if not I'm gonna break. *sigh*_

 

**_29 October 2006  
_ ** _I'll breathe again.._ **_._ **

 

**_18 November 2006  
_ ** _When you touched my lips. I felt my heart flutters. When you smiled it does this weird thing on my stomach. When you suddenly pushed me against the wall I thought I forgot how to breathe. Gosh Griffin... What are you doing to me?_

 

She's been spending the past 10 minutes peeking over the brunette's shoulders, as the girl types away on her laptop like there's no more tomorrow. Her lips couldn't hold the smirk because as always, the girl turns into a huge sap when it comes to the blonde.

"How the hell would you know what she's doing to you, when you can't even send it?"

Unthinkingly, Lexa swats her left hand over her shoulder and hit Octavia square on the face. The girl stumbled back, almost dropping her phone, "ouw?" she scowled, pinching her nose into place.

_"What?  What's going on in there?"_

She brought her phone back to her ears again and complained, "Commander over here, just whacked me on the face!" hitting the girl lightly on the head but Lexa didn't moved an inch.

Raven broke into a hysterical laughter across the line, making Octavia rolling her eyes and putting a safe distance between her and the girl, cause who knows when will she retaliate again. She sat on the girl's bed, shooting daggers behind that bushy brown mane.

"Our sappy friend here is writing again on LetterMeLater.com!"

_"What's that?"_

"It's this website where you get to write a letter for someone and you get to set the specific date that you wanted it to be send. The website does everything for you... You know, those 'dear future me' or 'dear... Clarke Griffin," glancing at Lexa's unmoved position, "you give me a lady boner-... Ouw!" Octavia quickly shields her face  when a pen can soaring in the air and hit her on the top of the head.

"Shut up, Octavia," the brunette puffed.

_"Oh God... Whatever happened to our emotionally detached best friend?"_

"Well," rolling her eyes again, "Clarke Griffin happened."

"Don't start complaining now! This is all _you people's_ fault!" Lexa intrudes without looking back.

"Yeah and I'm already regretting it!"

Raven guffawed again across the line while Octavia crumbled a piece of paper from the bedside table and threw it at Lexa's big head, "the problem with our little commander was that she already wrote a hundred entries but she never have the guts to send even a single one to Clarke."

"Hey!" Lexa stood up to face Octavia, "I'm gonna send those  _eventually."_ Trying to rake through her thick curls for the paper ball.

"Let's send it now!"

Octavia quickly bolted for the laptop but even before she can laid hands on it, Lexa was already wrestling her down on the ground. The brunette was panting, her eyes were wide in panic. "Don't even try!" She threatens before standing up, grabbing her laptop, hugging it across her chest and walks out of her room.

Octavia narrowed her eyes at the retreating figure, grabs her fallen phone and grins, "We have a new mission, partner."

 

////

 

Lexa twirled around again in front of the mirror and mumbled, "this is as good as it gets."

"Hey Commander, ready?" Raven popped her head inside her room and saw that her housemate was still facing the mirror for the past half an hour now. "You already looked good, Lexa. Stop worrying so much."

"I have to be presentable, Raven. This is the highest profile client we've had for over 4 years and I can't lose this deal," she fussed, smoothening her black fitted slacks.

"Yes, boss _!_ Now, get that hot pants of yours inside the jeep before we run late! Chop chop!" she bellowed before disappearing down the hall.

Lexa gave one final look as she hastily grabs her files and bag and out of the bedroom she went. "Raven, I'm ready!"

The front door suddenly bursts opened, making her jump to her feet. "Hurry up!" Raven barked.

 

////

 

"Well that's new," Anya widened her eyes amusingly.

Lexa pursed her lips, trying to drown the blush that was still lingering on her cheeks."Shut up," she grumbled as she closes her office door behind them.

Anya turns around and tilted her head to the side, watching the brunette still evidently embarrassed. "Come on, Lex. It wasn't that bad."

"Oh no," shaking her head vehemently, "it's good. This is good for the company. But  _that guy_ is  _not."_ still shaking her head at what had happened back in the conference room.

Anya combusted into a hysterical laughter, earning her a piercing look. "Look, relax. There's no definite answer to be made right now. In fact... I think he's being a gentleman," tapping her chin in wonder.

"No, Anya. Gentleman or no gentleman. My answer is no!" fisting her hair in irritation. This was not what she had expected for the meeting to turn out to be.

"Are you sure?" she asked, walking towards Lexa, "it could be good for the company," she nodded playfully.

Lexa stares at her in disbelief, "Don't you dare pull that card on me. I've had enough of that drama. I will not put my personal life at risk here. We have to be profe-..."

"Yeah, yeah. We have to be professional," waving her hands.

The girl puffed and sat down on her desk, "what am I gonna say, Anya? There's got to be a way to curb this."

"Aaww. Look at our little Lexie being all problematic over a guy. Can't imagine a day when you get all riled up and it's all because of guy! This totally made my day even better! Wait till Raven and Octavia hears about this," forking out her phone.

Lexa instantly grabs the girl's phone and hugged it over her chest frantically looking at her with wide eyes, "you will not tell them. You will not tell anyone," her head was shaking violently, "my work is on the line here. I can't let my personal life intrudes."

Anya raised her hands in surrender and held out her hand, "fine. You don't have to be paranoid over a small date, Lexa." When Lexa flinched by the sensitive word, Anya bit her lips to stop herself from guffawing loudly. "Can I have my phone back?"

"Pinky swear, Anya," bringing out her pinky.

"Seriously?" She chuckles, seeing that Lexa was indeed dead serious, she grabs the girl's pinky, rolling her eyes at the same time. "I promise."

 

////

 

"So here's the plan," Anya declared as she walks over at the table at the furthest corner of the restaurant. "Just go this friday night and get it over with," she shrugs casually.

Lexa's mouth was hanging open staring ridiculously at her best friend, "which part of NO. You don't understand, Anya?"

"Did you say that to him?" she challenged, Lexa flared her nose and slowly shakes her head. "Exactly!"

"He didn't exactly gave me a chance to. He ended his presentation, he asked me out in front of everyone and out of the door he went. Tell me, Anya if you were in my shoes what could you have done differently?" Lexa challenged back.

Anya was speechless, "Okay. You made a good point. But come on, it's just one night. Just tell him, you didn't feel any vibe. You know, you don't feel his grind because you know," suddenly winking at her, " _you_   _don't grind that thang_."

"I can see you're really not taking me seriously here," Lexa monotonously murmured, chewing on her sandwich too aggressively. 

The girl sighed and looked around the quaint restaurant, "you have to relax, Lexa. You're always so tense when somebody suddenly shows up and actually took interest to be part of your life." When Lexa didn't replied and silently, chewing her food. Anya shut her eyes for a second and said, "this got nothing to do with Clarke by any chance?"

Lexa suddenly looked up and shakes her head, "Anya, don't be ridiculous. What Clarke and I have are long gone. It's over. She's moved on-..."

"Have you?"

"I-... That's beside the point, Anya," squaring her jaw looking straight to the girl's eyes, " _I am_ over Clarke. We're through. So whatever sick plans you, Octavia or Raven are planning, I'm begging you, Just put it to a stop. You'll only get disappointed."

Anya studies Lexa for a good minute before backing down with a shrug, "Okay. If you say so, Commander... Although, he's a pretty blonde boy isn't he. Didn't know you have a thing for blondes."

Lexa flared her nostril once more, "I'm done talking to you."

 

**_*8 years ago*_ **

 

Clarke grins goofily over a piece of paper as her eyes scans through it. Biting her lips at words that made her tingles and grinning broadly. She folds the paper neatly and stuffed it inside her bag before surveying the hallway until her eyes landed on the curly brown hair by the water fountain. She quickly walked up behind her and nudges her shoulder. 

"Hey you-... " She quickly stopped talking when the brunette turns around and saw her looking upset, "Lex? What happened?" 

Lexa's eyes were red and her nose was puffy. "Claaaarrkkee..." She whines tearfully leaning her head over her shoulder. 

"Hey, hey. What happened? Why are you crying?" Pushing her up until they're eye to eye. 

Lexa ducks her head down, sniffling her embarrassment away for being weak in front of her. "Hey," Clarke urges, tipping her chin up, "talk to me, Babe." 

The brunette pouted, "the-... They said... I- I'm..."

Clarke knotted her brows trying to decipher her girlfriend's choking words. "I'm too intense for the role of Annie!" 

Clarke tried all she can, not to do it but oh hell, she bursted into a loud  boisterous laughter, earning her a dirty look from Lexa who was now retreating away from her. "Hey, Babe!" Pulling the girl's wrist," I'm sorry!" 

"Thanks for being such a supportive girlfriend!" Lexa spat sarcastically, she raised her hands in surrender, "okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop," zipping her mouth with her hand.

Lexa still pouted and giving her a suspicious look. When the girl finally calms down, she took her by the hand and pull her towards the quad and sat down at one of the benches, pulling out the paper from her bag and placing it onto her lap. 

The brunette narrows her eye at the paper but Clarke quickly covers it with her bag. "Lex, you're way too good for Annie anyways. Sure, you're always intense but what do they know," she shrugs. 

"Clarke, if you're trying to make me feel better, you're failing miserably here," shaking her head.  

She rolls her eyes, "fine... Maybe this," pulling the paper out, "would?" 

Lexa furrowed her brows and nodded for Clarke to proceed. The blonde smiles and then clears her throat. 

"Dear Clarke, 

You're the most amazing person I've ever met. I can't believe how lucky I am to be a part of your life and yours with mine-..."

Those green eyes widens and aggressively snatched away the paper. "What the-.... I'm still reading it," Clarke complained, watching her girlfriend crushing the paper into a tight ball.

"No, no...," Lexa murmured silently under her breath, "I thought it doesn't work. I thought it's just a joke!" Suddenly, her eyes widens in realization, Lexa cover her mouth with her two hands and gasped, staring at Clarke's confusion. She suddenly remembers all the embarrassing entries that she had sent for the past few months. "She's gonna break up with me..." Fisting her hair anxiously. 

"Hey, what's going on?" Clarke asked, when Lexa started grumbling to herself and then stares at her horrifically. 

"Um... I may or may not have sent you letters that you may or may not be fond of. So um," she swallows, "I'll completely understand if you're gonna start hating me in a couple of days," remembering the second letter she sent couple of months back- dating to be send within a week. 

"Lexa, there's no way for me to hate you. What are you talking about?" 

"Okay," squeezing her eyes shut and then looks back to her blue eyes, "I discovered this website where you get to write letters to someone and set the date when you wanted it to be send. And um...," she ducks down when it registered to Clarke what it could finally mean. 

"So in a couple of days or weeks, I'm gonna receive letters that might make me fall in love with you more..." Clarke continues. 

"Or makes you hate me more..." she ended, "but I totally get it! If- If you wanna break up with me..., " rubbing her forehead, looking down at her hand. 

The blonde grins at how cute Lexa was being and tugs on her hand, "Hey, whatever hate mails I'll get in weeks time I will never hate you. Angry," squinting her eyes, "maybe. But  _not_ hate you. But I can't promise that I may  _not_ break up with you," a playful grin displays on her lips, earning her a smack on the shoulder. 

"I hate you." 

"No, you don't."

 

////

 

Lexa was standing by the pantry when she heard someone comes in. She turned around and found Emori walking up to her. The look on her face doesn't look good at all, so she quickly looked down on her brewing tea before the girl makes her speech. 

"I heard something...," the girl sang. 

She rolled her eyes and mentally cursed Anya for her big mouth. "I wonder what it is," she grumbled sarcastically. 

Emori noticed the defiance of the girl and nudged her playfully, "I think it's sweet," she commented. 

Lexa looked up suspiciously, "sweet? I think it's a trap!" 

"Come on, Lexa. I think he have guts! Who wouldn't want a guy to ask a girl out in front of all the heads of departments? It's so romantic!" she sighed exaggeratedly, gripping her chest. 

"I don't do romance." 

Emori scowled at her, "Anya was right. You're always so tense. Could you relax for one bit?" 

Lexa raised her chin high and dawned on the girl too intensely. "I don't see the point of this conversation," and left with her tea. When she reached the door of the pantry, Anya came into view and greeted her, "What's up, Commander?" 

"Control your assistant, Anya. One of this days she'll be picking her things off the gutter," she threatens and immediately left the room. 

Anya stares at her questioningly as she stalks away and then looked back at Emori. "What did you do?" 

"What? I was just striking a conversation," she shrugs innocently. 

"About certain someone?" 

"No. The  _other_ someone." 

Anya rolled her eyes and smacked her lightly on the head, "good job." 

Emori scowled at her but then laughed at how weird her bosses are. 

 

 ////

 

A knock on her door made her look up but then only snarled by the sight. "Isn't there any other place you should be right now, Anya?" She asked, returning her attention back to the file in front of her. "A place where you won't be bothering me. So I can have some peace of mind."

Anya grinned at the girl's little retort and took the seat in front of her, "Emori was sorry for what she did." 

"Emori can speak for herself," she muttered, not even looking up. 

"Lexa-..."

"Anya, can you please get the minutes from Mel? I need to look into something," looking up at her expectantly. 

Anya knew that Lexa had her boxed out again and talking to her that day won't be any much of a difference because once she have her defenses up there's no way to bring it down. "I'll get right into it," she nodded, before making her way for the door. 

Lexa watches her, feeling guilty for brushing her off, "Anya," the girl turned around, "I accept Emori's apology.  _You,_ on the other hand, needs to make up for it." 

Anya smiles, "tomorrow night. Drinks on me." 

Lexa nodded and watches the door closes before her. 

 

 ////

 

"Things been crazy huh." 

Anya took another sip from her beer and Lexa did the same. She had been holding back the conversation that had been replaying inside her head for some time until there's enough alcohol inside the brunette's system. 

"Yes, it has." 

The downcast eyes that Lexa was sporting was worrisome. That look never left her only 2 years or so later after Clarke left and now 2 years later, it's back. She's afraid that Lexa would lock herself and handle things poorly again. 

"Stop looking at me like that," Lexa opposed. 

"Like what?" She asked suddenly. 

"Like I'm some teenager who needed to be looked after because she's upset for the things that she didn't want to happen. Anya, I'm not gonna turn into a rebellious teenager."

"Oh yeah," widening her eyes sarcastically, "Cause that never happened before."

Lexa sighed and looked at her somberly, "I'm serious, Anya. You don't have to look after me. I can handle myself just fine." 

"Says, the girl who set the tree on fire," nodding outside the bar. 

Lexa looked outside the window where the huge tree initially stood but now nothing was left but a burned stump. She covered her face in embarrassment and groaned, "you promised  _not_ to speak of that ever again!" 

"I'm sorry. We're in a very significant place right now. This restaurant brought a lot of memories not only for you but to me, Raven and Octavia too." 

She sighed again, nodding, "You're right. That night was really a blur. I thought I had it, you know but I'm still messed up." 

"No one blames you, Lexa," lightly touching the girl's shoulders, making Lexa look at her sorrowfully. 

"Clarke does." 

 

_***A year ago*** _

 

A ding on her phone attracted her attention, so she quickly pulled out her laptop and started scrolling down her emails for the newly one added. She had been patiently waiting for days for her client to get back to her for their reply about the training seminars but days had passed none came. Her eyes browsed through the unread emails until she reached the top of the list where there sat idly the name of the girl that she urging trying to forget for the past three years. 

**_Clarke Griffin - (No Subject) (From lettermelater.com)  24/09/2011_ **

Lexa took a good half an hour stalling and critically thinking the pros and cons of reading the email. She knew she'll only cry if she ever read it but on the other hand, her curiosity was eating her alive. Having thought that she can manage her emotions better now, knowing it's been 3 years - she clicked it open.

But she couldn't ever been so wrong because an hour later, she's bawling her eyes out at a bar in the middle of the night and cradling a glass of hard liquor. Her phone was ringing none stop but she kept it untouched and vibrating by the bar. Her eyes were swollen and red, her nose was still sniffling from her fifth round of crying session.

Clarke griffin torturously loves her.

Clarke Griffin wants no one else but her. 

Clarke Griffin's everything was her. 

Clarke Griffin made an exemption effort to make her happy.

Clarke Griffin is _still_ the love of her life. 

Lexa choked at the laughter that sounded unfamiliar to her ears and sipped even more from her drink. Her head was pounding and her chest was racing. She hastily grabs her phone, went to her call log and pressed the name and on the fourth ring a girl answered.

"You!" she barked, "How could you leave me alone huh? How could you leave without saying goodbye?! How could you proposed and leave?" A chuckle broke out but the other line was still silent. "I love you, Clarke," she sobs, "I'm sorry! I shouldn't have gave back the ring. I shouldn't have made you leave. I shouldn't-..." her words were drowned by her muffled cries that she tried so hard push down. "I love you...," she whispers desperately, "Please come back."

_"Lexa... this is not Clarke. It's Anya."_

 Lexa allowed her phone to slip off her hand and burrowed her face over her  crossed arms onto the bar. Her chest was caving in, letting herself drown in misery and regret of letting the girl go. She wanted nothing but to have her back. To be able to touch her. To be able to kiss her. To be able to do things with her and feel loved and needed.

 _But it's three years too late now. Clarke probably had moved on and happy with her own life._  

A sorrowful chuckle escaped her lips, when a hand attracted her attention. 

"Lexa, let's get you home." 

She yanked her arm away and stare icily at the girl, "I don't need your help!" She tried to make an escape with her wobbily legs towards the exit but the girl was still insistent. "Come on, Lex. Stop being so stubborn," placing her hand around the girl's waist but Lexa pushed her away. 

"Get away from me! You're not Clarke!" She stumbled out of the bar and walked into the empty street. It was dark but have enough light to see the uneven ground. Her eyes were getting fuzzy and everything starting looking weird. She stopped by a large tree and rested for awhile, her head was spinning. So she closed her eyes and Anya stood a great distance from her, watching in great pain. 

Anya had spent a good three years watching the brunette ruining her life because of what she did. She comes to work like a zombie and comes home looking even more dreadful and lifeless. Not even a single smile graces those lips and even if it did, it will instantly disappear as if it never happened. Lexa made it known to her that she doesn't deserve to be happy and hence, shun all the possibilities of her smiling. To Anya that was ridiculously stupid and reckless, everybody deserve to be happy. Most especially Clarke and Lexa, "Most especially those two." 

She folded her arms and waited patiently for the brunette to make a move and when Lexa finally did, she saw the girl looked up and then started bolting towards a group homeless crowd circling a fire barrel. Anya frowned at the girl's sudden reaction and it grew even more worse when Lexa came back with a torch - shouting angrily at a restaurant. It dawned on her it was the italian restaurant that Clarke brought her to on the first date. 

"Fuck...," she sprinted for the brunette and quickly tries to grab the torch away from her.

But Lexa waved it towards her, "Stay out of this, Anya." 

"Lexa, relax! Put the torch down. You wouldn't want to cause fire," she tried to approach again. Taking tentative steps, "You're not like this, Lexa. You're stronger than this. You  _deserve better_ than this." 

Lexa stumbled back against the tree and looked up at the restaurant, "she brought me here on our first date." 

Her voice was clam and without anger, its as if she's simply stating a fact. Anya tried to reach forward for the torch but Lexa shooed her away by pointing the fire towards her. "Stay away from me!" 

Anya raised her hands up in surrender, "Lexa, listen to me. You wouldn't want to cause harm. Let me take you home.  _Please."_

"She left me, Anya!" 

She almost had had it. Her anger was sipping through her veins until she reached her ticking point. "Look, here Alexandria. Clarke is gone! She's not coming back! It's been three fucking years and you've got to stop rooting for someone who will  _never_ come back." 

Lexa was shaken by the anger of her best friend. 

"I'm sick and tired of always seeing you like this! Wasting your life being drunk and restlessly thinking about Clarke. That will not bring you anywhere, Lexa. That will not bring Clarke back to you!... Don't you get it?  _It's over..._ Clarke is gone." 

The brunette blinked a couple of times until her vision was clear from her tears - until she was back to her conscience and realized that Anya was right. She felt the thick tree branch rolled off her fingers and next thing she knew, she was on the ground watching horrifically at the blazing fire engulfing the tree and Anya was pulling her to her feet away from the incident. 

 

////

 

"Were you really planning to burn the restaurant down?" Anya asked with hint of sly smile. 

She crinkled her nose and nodded slowly, "I thought it was a great idea back then. You know, getting rid of things that only reminded me of her. Out of sight. Out of mind," she shrugs. 

"Well you finally got your dreams come true," gesturing at the restaurant. 

Lexa laughed as her eyes unconsciously drifted on the spiral staircase. Anya followed her gaze and sighed, "I could get Raven to blow it up for you," she joked. 

She laughed even louder and shakes her head, "you don't have to, as much as I know you love watching things that explodes," rolling her eyes at the interest that Anya and Raven commonly have. "I grew to love this place. At least it's a step forward." 

Anya nodded, "have you been up there?" nodding at the back of the bar. 

"No. Rick allowed me go up whenever I wanted to but I still don't have the guts to make a move." A faint smile crept on her lips. 

"It's okay," Anya patted her lap, "one step at a time." 

They were both enjoying the music and great booze, when their conversation turned a little more personal. Anya was the first one to break off the pending thoughts. 

"So Clarke sent you an email dated back 4 years ago?" she squinted making sure she got the information correctly. 

"Yes," Lexa nodded, looking back in her eyes. "It was really sweet actually now that I recall back. She kept repeating in the letter how every time we fight, she would always come by the house and climb the tree leaving behind my favorite drink." 

Anya shakes her head, "always the cheesy one... Do you miss her?" When the girl flinched a little, she pursed her lips and was about to apologize when Lexa suddenly spoke. 

"I do," she whispers, trailing the droplets of water on the beer bottle. "Of course, I do. All these years, she's always in my mind. Even if I was asleep. I was really surprised when I first saw her again," looking back at Anya. "I thought I was gonna cave in and beat her into pieces for showing up just like that. But I felt none of that. In fact, I felt relieved that she's doing well. It's like this separation was good for the both of us to finally see what we were missing." 

"Which is what exactly?" Anya asked, not missing a beat. 

"The good times we have together," Lexa smiles reminiscing the memories that she tries to hate with all her might but she just can't, "Those times when we just lay on the couch, looks at each other and then suddenly laughs for no reason." 

She could see the sparks in her eyes. That dreamy look as she dives back into the memories of a girl that she once shared her whole life with. Anya smiles because this was one of those rare moments when she get to see Lexa relaxed and smiling. 

"Four years ago was a train wreck. We were so engulfed with each other that we didn't realized we were choking in our relationship. We wanted so badly to make things right when we've been constantly fighting almost everyday. We kept blaming who's fault it was until we grew tired and then easily fell into another argument the next day. I knew for sure that we wouldn't last long if we keep that up. I knew somewhere down the road there's going two roads curving into opposite directions. But..." 

"You never thought it'll be you breaking it off." 

Lexa looked up and smiled weakly as she nodded at the words. "I always knew that Clarke is the strong one. I knew that whatever she asks me to do I will do it because that's how much I love her. But New York?" shaking her head, "I guess you can say that was the breaking point. I wanted to spend time with her and I'm more than willing to get out of this town and experience the world with her. But I just can't leave everything behind when I know I still have my responsibilities pulling me back." 

"You're father is very proud of you, Lexa. You should know that," Anya touched her hand and giving it a squeeze. 

"I know he is," smiling away, "I love my father and I can't leave him either. Azgeda was taking so much from him - even after Nia's fatal accident her company never stopped with their advances. It's driving me nuts!" 

Anya laughed cheekily knowing as much, "that Nia woman is one hell of a lady boss. I'm not saying that she deserves to die but hell!" flinging her arms in the air, "she deserves to die!" 

Lexa gave Anya a warning look which earning herself a coy grin. "I'm sorry, I'm not sorry... But honestly, what you and Clarke have was something special. Now, there's no way to tell if you both still gonna have each other in each other's lives in the future. But I think I can take vouch for Raven and Octavia's sake here, that both of you are good for each other." She brought her hand over the brunette's shoulder and search for her eyes, "You both bring the best out of each other." 

"Or the worse out of each other," Lexa grins. 

She shakes her head and sighed, "when people are in love they really do stupid things." 

"Touche." 

 

////

 

On a Friday afternoon, Anya rapped softly on the door and gently pushed it open. What she found inside was a frantic brunette pacing and checking the clock on the wall every second. "Should I call for back up in case something horrible happens? For which I mean, you doing violent things on Andrew?" She grins, closing the door behind her. 

Lexa shot her a dagger look and walked around her desk and sat down, rubbing her forehead. "You're not plotting his murder are you?" Anya asked again sitting down in front of her. 

"I am actually," she chuckles throatily, "At least making it seems like an accident." 

Anya shakes her head and played with the pendulum balls on the table, "you know, you could always back out. I was just messing with you when I said this could be good for the company," looking back up. 

Lexa met her gaze and nodded, "I know... But maybe it's time to put myself out there." 

Her eyes shot open, taken quite surprise by the words, "are you sure, Lex? I've been nagging you to do that for the past 4 years  and I already admitted myself defeat when I can't even get you to accompany my cousin for christmas shopping spree!"

"We both know way too well where will that lead to," quirking at her brow up, leading Anya to laugh. 

"I know, I know. No more set ups." 

A smile displayed on her lips, giving a firm nod, "there's no harm in dating but I may have a problem with Andrew."

"Yupp, that sounds about right," agreeing with what her best friend was implying. 

 

_***9 years ago*** _

 

Anya shoved Lexa out of the sofa jokingly and watched in amusement when the girl glowered at her. "I don't know why I agreed in studying with you," diving back down on her text book. 

"Because we both know we're good for each other," Anya rebuked. 

Lexa sneered, shaking her head in disagreement, "I'm good by myself, thank you very much." 

"Whatever," the girl murmured, turning on the Tv after an hour of revising for their test. She was mindlessly flicking through the channels when she noticed the smile that's sporting on the girl's face. Her eyes dropped on the phone that's been greatly violated by Lexa's speedy texting, she raised her feet over the coffee table and asked, "Who are you texting?" 

"No one." 

She rolled her eyes and snatched the phone away. Lexa was quick to her feet and tried to reach for her phone, when Anya sprinted across the hall and into her bedroom. 

"Anya!" She pounded against the door, "give me back my phone!" 

"Oh my god! You've been texting Clarke all this time?!" Anya gasped pulling open the door revealing the vulturous grin. Lexa flared her nostril, grabs her phone back before stalking back to the couch with Anya trailing behind. 

"So when are you planning to tell me that you have a huge girl crush on Clarke?" 

Lexa's mouth hung open in surprise, "I don't have a girl crush on Clarke!" throwing a pillow at her. 

Anya laughed, "not from the text that I read. What feelings are you guys talking about? Huh? You know the one that you wanted her to stop feeling?" 

Lexa tried to formulate an excuse and hopefully, her friend would take the bate, "she's going on a holiday for a month. She's just worried that once she comes back here, I won't talk to her or hang out with her anymore." 

Anya looked at her deep in her eyes and she stares back easily because partially of that reasoning was true. When the girl saw her didn't backed down, Anya lay low and nodded. "Okay," she shrugs, "if you say so." 

 

////

 

The time has finally come for Lexa to meet Andrew at the restaurant. It was posh and very high class and as much as Lexa dislikes going to anything extravagant, she have to put her game face on. The hostess ushered her to their reserved seat and once the hostess left, she felt her lungs drained from oxygen.

"Lexa?" 

The girl stood rigid behind the chair as she stares at those familiar blue eyes. She felt drowning in them, lost and scrambling for help. Within split seconds, her armor of her superiority took control, "Cla- Clarke," but her voice abandoned her. 

Clarke stood up from her seat and stares at those green eyes way longer than she intended it to be. "Um...," scratching her neck nervously. She's about to go out on a limb here as she asks, "are you my date?" 

Her eyes widens and realized the main reason why she went on the restaurant in the first place, "Uh... I'm supposed to meet Andrew Walkins. He supposed to be my date tonight," she blurted suddenly feeling the tightness in her chest saying those words to her ex. When Clarke's face fell, she almost wanted to take her words back. 

"Oh. Well, uh...," Clarke stammered, shouldering her purse, "I think there's a huge mix up. I'm suppose to meet with Andrew as well but uh... It's fine. It's probably a huge misunderstanding." 

 _This is not a huge misunderstanding,_ Lexa thought. 

She knew someone is behind this little facade and yet again, Clarke and her fell for it. When Clarke took her leave, Lexa called after her, "hey." 

The blonde turned back around, looking at her expectingly. _She's so gonna regret this night._ Lexa stepped around the table and pulled back the chair that Clarke vacated. The blonde quirked her brows up, not expecting such gesture from her ex. Lexa watched her not making any move except for the demanding expression on her face. She sighed and gestured at the seat, "You must be hungry. We could just sit and eat the overly priced food which I believe Andrew already paid for." 

When Clarke was still unmoved, Lexa pressed on, "It's up to you, Clarke. We're both mature adults here, I'm pretty we can make through the night without tearing each other's throats and being banished out of the restaurant," pulling a smirk. 

The blonde looks around the restaurant and realized that there's a lot of couples going on about their dates and here she stands before her ex, contemplating if eating dinner platonically is the best idea. After all, only recently did they had a pretty heated argument over some petty accident. She decided to push it all away and resigned on the seat, thinking to get this dinner done and over with. 

Lexa walked back to her seat and settled down comfortably, before looking back up at the blue eyes that were watching her. "You know staring isn't really polite," she mumbled casually, grabbing the menu that was displayed on the table. 

"It's the least I can do when my ex ever so politely offered me a seat at the table," Clarke sarcastically remarked. Lexa sniggered at this comment and ushered for the waitress to get started with their dinner. 

"Does anything none sarcastic comments ever come out of your mouth, Clarke?" she beckons, tilting her head - watching that smirk pulling on that face. 

When Clarke smiles broadly, Lexa suddenly felt this  _thing_ in her chest, it's very unnerving. "I don't know what you're talking about. All I speak is nothing but the truth," she picks up her goblet and took a sip. She waited a few seconds before deciding to speak again, "It's not fault when you found yourself defensive at my innocent comments." 

Sensing at the sarcasm that was overflowing with Clarke's words, the intimidation and pent up annoyance was starting to bubble its way up. She tried to suppress it down with much hope to end the night on a good note - and of course, not regretting her decision to have dinner with her ex. "Whatever you say, Clarke. Whatever you say," and immediately, looks down on table, when she knew a full smug look will take over the blonde's face. 

 

////

 

Anya leaned back and laughed, smacking at the shoulder of none other than Andrew himself. "Look at this," shoving her phone over at him. 

_Lexa Heda: I'm gonna murder you in your sleep! You set me up!_

_Anya: I don't know what you're talking about._

_Lexa Heda: Oh stop with all the lies, Anya. The sooner I realized that you were talking to Andrew before the presentation, I knew it was all on you!_

Andrew's eyes widened at the reply and looked up at her worriedly, "should I be concern? She might start plotting my death and the deal won't work." 

"Trust me. She needs the deal to work before stooping low in killing you. She won't lash on you...," but suddenly squinting her eyes, pondering, "on second thought, she  _might."_

The guy hastily grabbed the girl's phone and said, "I'm gonna apologize," typing away on the keyboard. Anya pulled her phone back, "no, you won't!" 

"I wanna live, Anya!" 

"And you will! Don't worry. Lex, won't put a single finger on her fellow queer member." 

Andrew turned red and shakes his head, "I hate you." 

"Not like I've never heard that one before." 

 

////

 

"You know what they say, using phones during dinner is very disrespectful." 

Lexa looked up from her phone and watches Clarke chewing and slicing her steak, "talking with your mouth full is not?" throwing over her napkin and gestured around the girl's mouth dabbed with barbecue sauce, "how old are you again? 5?" 

Clarke awed and said, "I completely forgot how  _sweet_ you are," rolling her eyes, wiping away the sauce that she didn't realized was there. As much as she tries to suppress the embarrassment for eating messily, she resorted to even more sarcastic remark. "You shouldn't be texting when you're out on a date, Lexa," she suddenly pursed her lips at how it sounded like. 

Lexa quirked her brow up and smiled smugly, "are you implying we're on a date, Clarke?" 

She berated herself for saying those words but she's quick with her thinking and rebutted, "For future reference mostly," she shrugs, "But Oh well. I don't know, you were so  _nice_ asking for me to have dinner with you... But it's okay, I know how you miss my company. I wouldn't hold it against you. I'm a really good conversationalist, as I've heard. You're probably craving for my attention." 

The brunette couldn't help but scoffed loudly at the said proclamation, Clarke was still so full of herself. "I don't know about you but I'm pretty not convinced as you being a good conversationalist as you claimed to be. I'm not having fun even one bit when all I hear are sarcastic remarks out of that mouth of yours," glancing down at the girl's lips.

Clarke didn't missed how Lexa's gaze fell on her lips. She quickly made a point by saying, "you love this lips," and pulled a full on smug. 

Lexa immediately flushed and cleared her throat, pushing down her wayward thoughts. " _Loved,"_  she uttered as a matter of fact. 

She smirked, "loved," nodding at the past tense that made her stomach dipped in disappointment. "Well, you're missing out on a lot then. Cause from what I've heard I have an amazing skills," raising her chin up, seeing those greens dilating a bit. She definitely still have it in her, riling Lexa out of her element. 

 

_***5 years ago*** _

 

Lexa shifted on the bed feeling the sleepiness over clouding her thought. Her right cheek slumped against the pillow and her body facing down, sprawled wide open underneath the cover. She was in seconds falling back to slumber when she froze by the sensation below her waist. Her hands gripped her pillow tightly and moaned, "Clarke..." 

"Hmm?" 

The cold sensation of the girl's tongue on her clit sent her over the moon. Biting her lips, she felt her hips bucked onto the girl's expert tongue sending her over to frenzy. Clarke's strong grip around her legs steadied her, delving into her ministration. 

Lexa was gasping for air when she felt her core being sucked hard, eliciting a whimper out of her. Clarke sniggers below her, making the girl turn her body around until she's resting on her back and saw that large figure hunched down underneath the blanket. She leaned back on her pillow, snaking her hands below her until she feel the girl's head dipping deeper into her core. 

"Fuck...," grabbing a fistful of the blonde's hair and moaned loudly, "Clarke, I'm close..." 

She tightened her hold against the girl's leg and hips, feeling it moving along with her rhythm. Clarke shut her eyes tightly, forging on bringing her girlfriend on edge until she felt her convulsed before her. Lexa shuddered a few more times as she laps her tongue, finishing off of her. 

Seconds later, The blonde felt two strong arms pulling out of the covers and when those green eyes met hers, she greeted, "Good morning." 

Lexa chuckles heartily, pulling in for a kiss which the girl willingly give, "I don't mind waking up to that every morning." 

"Of course, you don't. I'm damn good," Clarke chided.

"Hmm, I won't argue with that," looking down again at those lips, feeling her insides recoils in anticipation. She swooped in for another kiss, "good morning to you too."

 

////

 

Lexa swallowed hard, averting her eyes away. Clarke couldn't help but snigger at her reaction, she definitely still have an upper hand.  "I don't appreciate your commentary, Clarke," looking back at the smug that she desperately wants to wipe off. She doesn't want to appear weak in front of anyone, most especially to her ex... At least  _not_ on  _that subject._ So she decided to play along, play along with the game that Clarke decided to play without her consent. 

"Of course," nodding at her, raising her wine up and gave a toast. 

As quickly as her mind tells her, she took a fry from her plate and dipped it onto the cheese, with an intention to deep her index and middle finger along. She awed sadly, attracting Clarke's attention, "aww man." 

Clarke felt her brows shot up to her hairline when Lexa held her two fingers up smeared with cheese, put it inside her mouth and sucks it. She kept denying to herself that she's not hearing the girl moan but grunting in anger instead. Because God knows, what that moaning does to her insides. She swallowed hard that even after the third time those two fingers went inside that mouth, she was pretty sure the condiment it completely wiped off and that the brunette was definitely playing with her. When her eyes found Lexa's, the brunette brought  her hand down and smiled sweetly. 

"Sorry, it was an accident," she shrugs innocently. 

_Accident, my ass!_

Clarke smiled back and ducked down onto her half eaten steak and stares at it, tying to push down the sensation between her legs. She criss crossed her legs under the table and held it tightly to make it stop throbbing and imagining all this crazy fantasies of those two fingers could do to her. 

They were already half way through the dessert when out of the blue, Clarke heard Lexa spoke.

"Is it hot in here?" Lexa asked fanning her herself with her hands. 

The blonde watches her popped her three buttons down of her blouse, exposing a good view of her cleavage. By then Clarke finally got a good grip of her internal chaos, and smiled amusingly at Lexa.

"I can see that," she commented in agreement despite them eating a cold dessert in a restaurant with a perfectly functioning air condition blasting above them. 

Lexa smiles back and returned to her brownies and vanilla, moaning a little, "this is good," licking her lips. 

Clarke grins ridiculously because the brunette was trying so hard. "You know what, I think I'm gonna end my night. You and your brownies have a good one," pushing her seat back and shouldering her purse, as she made her way towards the exit. 

Lexa dropped her cutleries and sighed, before making her way out to chase after Clarke. When she reached the street, Clarke was walking briskly - hunched down against the cold. She quickly shrugged off her coat and ran after her, "here." 

Clarke looked up and found Lexa with her coat thrusted forward. She shakes her head, "I'm fine. I don't get sick that easily anyways," and starts walking away. 

Lexa sighed again and walked beside her in silence. They were already nearing the traffic light when Clarke finally turned around to face her once more, "Why are you still here?" She demanded. 

The girl was taken a bit aback by the retaliation but shrugs it off and simply said, "I'm heading this way anyway." 

Clarke rolled her eyes and crosses the street when the green man flashed. The silence on their walk was uncomfortable and filled with tension. The huge gap between them was unnerving and yet, she still wanted it to be bigger. So she took another step away from Lexa and continues to ignore her. 

Lexa saw the action, it'll be a lie when she said to herself that didn't affected her one bit because it did. She looked at the girl's side profile and wonder what's going on inside that head of hers. She knew that what she did few years ago was unforgivable. As much as she wanted to beg for Clarke's forgiveness, her stubbornness still gets in the way but tonight, there's seems a leeway. 

"I meant it when I said I was sorry," she suddenly blurted out. 

Clarke faltered in her steps but wouldn't allow it to be taken noticed. 

"I know I was a jerk and I shouldn't have done what I've done," she continued. 

Clarke stopped and faces her, "What are we doing now? Having a heart to heart talk?" 

Lexa could see the annoyance on her face but that didn't stopped her for grabbing the girl's hand, "I'm sorry, Clarke. I don't know what else do you want me to do." 

"How about you staying away from me!" She spat, pulling her hand back. 

The girl felt the animosity that her decision 4 years ago had created. Clarke Griffin hates her. The girl that she had loved despises her. 

"You abandoned me, Lexa. I trusted you and loved you and-...," Clarke averted away knowing that she couldn't keep up with her tears from swelling. 

"I'm sorry, Clarke." 

"Stop! Stop with the apologies, Lexa. What can your apologies do? Huh? Can it take away the pain that you've caused me? Can it mend my broken heart? Because after all this years, after all the things that I've gone through to get away from it," shaking her head in disbelief of what she's about to say, "I'm still in love with you." 


	6. Should We Have Our Second Chance?

Lexa stood stiffly not knowing what to say. Its like her words were stuck in her throat and she's begging it to come out. 

"Clarke, you know-..." 

Clarke suddenly smiled sadly and shakes her head, "don't," she cut in, she was looking almost defeated in a war that didn't even took place, "don't even finish that sentence, Lexa. I don't need your pity. Just stay away from my life." 

Lexa watches utterly crushed at Clarke's retreating figure as it climbs inside a cab. Her world was spinning around her that she stumbles back and hit a lamp post. Her hands were cold and shaking as she shoves her hair away and looks up to the sky, desperately trying to breath evenly. She doesn't know what else to do. 

////

  
Once Lexa enters her apartment the feeling of weak and defenseless grew deeper. Her face cannot be painted as she floated towards her bedroom and found Raven on her bed frowning over some paper on her hand. 

"What are you doing here again?" She sighs, unbuttoning her blouse, peeling it off and dumping it on the laundry basket. She turns her back against her and unhook her bra to put on a more comfortable shirt. 

"What's this? I found it inside your drawer," Raven asks, waving it to her. 

The girl walks over and saw it. 

"What does it look like?" She asked, sighing again while shimming out of her pants and walks over to the drawer to grab a sweat pants. 

Raven gave her a face, "what's wrong with you?"  

"Nothing." 

"Hmph. So why Clarke signed a cheque named after you? Pretty hefty one too," placing the cheque back inside the drawer. 

Lexa crawled onto the bed and laid down. Raven was watching her, patiently waiting for her to say what's on her mind. 

"Lex?" 

"Clarke and I fought again," she murmured. 

"You were with Clarke?" Raven was surprised. 

"Anya set us up." 

The engineer nodded getting the gist. She laid down beside her and faces the ceiling. "You know, this might be the universe telling you something." 

"Stop it, Raven. Nothing's going to happen between me and Clarke. She already told me to stay away from her." 

"That bad?" Raven frowned, turning on her side to look at Lexa's unreadable face. 

The brunette shakes her head, turns over and burrowed her face on the engineer's neck. 

"Can you stay here tonight? Accompany me?" 

"Of course. Anything for you,babe." 

////

Her day was exceptionally long and draggy, there was nothing much for her to do at the ER and all her paper works were done and now she's half way out of the door when she heard a familiar voice. 

"Clarke?" 

Clarke turned around and found her mom walking up to her. "Hey mom, heading home too?" 

"Yes. The hospital is pretty quiet today. Its been long since I get to go home this early," Abby smiles, grabbing her daughter's arm. 

"Me too." 

As they made their way out of the hospital ground Abby ushered Clarke to ride with her which the blonde gladly took. They were already half way home when Abby finally spoke. 

"Why haven't you been using your car?" Looking at her for moment before watching the road up ahead. 

Clarke sighed because her mom knows why she haven't been using the car. "I don't need to drive, mom," she answer quite annoyingly.  

Abby gave her another wistful look before wheeling to the girl's apartment and cutting the engine. 

"Have you talked to Lexa lately?" She noticed her daughter's change in demeanor, avoiding to meet her gaze. "Honey? Is everything okay?" Touching her shoulder.

Clarke smiles softly and nodded. "Don't worry about me. I'm old enough to handle things on my own. Lexa and I...," trying to get her words right to make her mom stop asking again, "are at a good place right now."

Abby frowned but then smiles knowing that whatever is going on between her and Lexa, hopefully it'll be resolve soon. "Well, that's good to hear. Come by when you can? Let me make you dinner, okay?" Soothing her hair. 

Clarke bit her lips, contemplating of heading back up to her empty apartment or go home and be with her mom. "How about now?" she suggested, "I mean if it weren't much of a trouble for you." 

Abby gave her a motherly stern look and shakes her head, "you're always welcome home, Clarke." 

Clarke smiles at her and nodded, "let's go home then." 

////

After dinner, the two Griffin ladies flopped down on the sofa with a tub of chocolate ice cream that Abby excitedly reckons Clarke to try. 

Clarke took a huge spoon full and devoured it with a sigh. "This is good," looking at the tub, "what brand is this?" 

"Polis creamery. It's good isn't?" Abby grins putting down her spoon and starts flicking through the channels. When it lands on the news, they sat quietly watching and delving on the ice cream. Until Abby decided to speak out of nowhere. 

"You know, when your dad made a mistake..." 

Clarke suddenly directed her eyes to her mother, she hardly mentions her father because they both know its a very emotional topic. 

Abby smiles remembering the memories, "he would buy me a single stalk of lily. Then he would keep on apologizing until I gave in.... I would then put that flower in a vase and place it in the middle of the dining table. Reminds me of the times when we didn't let things shake our love for each other." The older Griffin finally looks at Clarke, "no matter what kind of fights; petty or not. Serious or not, love always wins." 

Clarke knew why her mother suddenly saying all this things. She should have known better. 

"Love, Clarke will conquer anything. Just as long as you love each other, you can go through whatever hardship that life throws at you." 

She didn't know what else to say but smile and nodded. She knew by the look that her mother was giving her means but she's not yet ready to talk about what happened. 

"I miss dad," Clarke sighs, laying her head on Abby's lap. 

"Me too, honey. Very much..." Abby said softly, raking her daughter's blonde hair.

"Mom, can I stay here for the night?" 

"Of course! Your room is always ready for you." 

"Thank you, mom," she said, not giving her a glance because she's feeling too vulnerable right at the moment. 

"You're always welcome, honey," Abby pecked her on the head and continued massaging her scalp. 

////

Later that night, she was lying there quite still. The darkness of the room was comforting, it feels like she was hidden away from all eyes. A place where she can be herself. So she cried. She cried until her eyes were red and swollen. She cried until her heart can't take it anymore. She cried until there's nothing left of her. 

The thought of Lexa and still having feelings for her was the most painstaking plight she had ever been - besides from losing a father - knowing that years had passed. However. now that she's back in town and seeing the brunette every now and then only made her urge for more. Her desires for her hunger to be met with none other than the brunette itself. But the fact that she doesn't wanna feel, neither does she wanna hear what Lexa got to say about her confession because whatever sympathy that Lexa was about to feed her, she doesn't need it. Whatever words that was about to come out of that lips, Clarke was already expecting the worse rejection for the second time round. She doesn't need that. 

She doesn't need Lexa to make her life a little better. No, not even a little bit. 

////

"Lex." 

Lexa grunted and moved her arms from its previous position when suddenly a loud growl echoed inside the room. She opened her eyes and found Raven glaring down on her. 

"Really? You just have to hit me on the face. Really, Lexa?" 

The girl frowned and buried her face on the pillow, "sorry." 

Reyes tutted and hopped off the bed, "Whatever. What do you wanna do today?" 

"Nothing," Lexa muffled. She peeked over at Raven and saw her shaking her head as she walks out of the door. Turning her body over, she ponders on things that will make her day at least productive because thinking about unnecessary things are to be banished instantly; for example, Clarke Griffin. 

Lexa groaned unhappily when her head repeated what happened the night before, it was clear that Clarke doesn't want anything that got to do with her. Of course, she was hurt but she knew where the girl was coming from. She knew that she hurt her by abandoning her. She thought that all of this will be put aside once the blonde realized the reason why she did it. Lexa knew that Clarke would have done the same thing, knowing that her family meant everything to her. But the fact that, Clarke got overwhelmed with her emotions and then left Abby alone - the brunette might have thought wrongly. 

But it was obvious though, the way Clarke brings herself to the crowd. It was even more intriguing. The way she mingles with them and sees her smile and laugh was enough to say that New York did her good. She just hope that this situation that she have with Clarke would blow over and things will get back to normal. 

Nevertheless, after last night's mini episode being a complete disaster, it might go north from there. As much as she tries to have a peaceful dinner and with hope to get things between them to put to rest; the opposite happened instead. She knows the game that they had pulled off on each other during dinner. It was evident that that it was pretty heated and the lust that Lexa felt was indescribable. Only last night did she finally after all these years admitted to herself that she's not over her. That the attraction was even more stronger. The lust was hitting the roof and wanted nothing but to rip that clothes off of the blonde. 

But the problem was that... the blonde was angry. The hatred that Clarke built over the separation was strong and impenetrable. How could she let Clarke let her in when the girl's trying so hard to be bulletproof. 

Lexa rubbed her eyes tiredly and strolled to the kitchen where she finds Raven making toast and coffee. 

"Here," sliding over a mug across the counter. Lexa made a face, "I don't drink coffee." 

Raven gave her a look, "you need it...," when the brunette frowned, the engineer turn to face the toaster, "Just drink it, Heda. Clearly, after late last night's water fest you need more caffein inside your system to make it through the day. Drink more water too please," pointing at the fridge. 

Lexa groaned remembering her night vaguely. She had already fallen asleep but she was startled awake by a sound. So she hopped off the bed, grabbed her phone from her desk and check what it was. That's when she broke down. Raven instantly was by her side, rubbing her back - telling her words that she doesn't even wanna hear. Like 'it's not worth it' , 'get back to sleep' , 'you can't always be like this, Lexa' , 'get over it.'

She doesn't wanna get over it. The fact that she's still able to break down and cry over something that was written years ago was enough proof that Lexa Heda was still stuck in the past.

Raven placed the plate of toasts on the table and looked at her. She knew that she's staring at blank space again, thinking about things that she shouldn't be. 

"Lexa. Eat," her housemate dictated and felt a rough surface on her lips. And she realized that Raven was feeding her. She quickly took it and cleared her throat, taking a bite. 

"Thank you." 

"Don't thank me. Thank your emotions last night. It made me sleep deprive and made you breakfast," the girl pulled a smirk, making her smile by the sentiment. 

"I'm sorry, I woke you up last night. It won't happen again," she said affirmably. 

"Hmph, like I've never heard that one before," Raven chastised, taking a bite from her toast. She watched the girl for a brief moment before asking, "So are you gonna tell me what happened last night?" 

After last night's little drama, Lexa doesn't have the heart to tell Raven what she saw or what caused her melt down. She doesn't even wanna think about it, more or less, talk about it. 

"Not right now," she whispered. 

Her housemate nodded, fully understanding that Lexa needs time to process whatever what was going on. Lexa smiled sadly and took a wincing sip from her cup. Raven rolled her eyes, "it's just coffee. Jeez." 

"It's bitter," she pointed out. The engineer then pushes a carton of milk and the sugar container; hinting a coy smile. "Whatever, Raven." 

////

Later that day, she had spent a good proportion of her time by being productive by... cleaning the house. She vacuumed the carpet. She dusted the couch, behind the Television, her desk, behind Raven's enormous unknown machine inside her room. She took her laundry to the laundry room and once all her clothes were washed, she neatly folded them and placed it inside her drawer. Hell, she even did Raven's laundry too. Next, she scrubs the bathroom neat and sparkly white that Raven swore she could see her own reflection on the tiled floor. 

"What are you doing now?" Raven asked exasperatedly, looking over in the kitchen watching Lexa doing something behind the fridge. 

"I'm dusting behind the fridge," the brunette peeked out and looks at her housemate, "did you know there's a lot of cobwebs in here?" shaking her head in disgust. 

The girl flopped back on the couch and sighed, "I should have fed you more caffein ages ago. Our apartment would be sparkly clean every single day." Raven chuckled when she heard a muffled groan from the kitchen and then a loud slam of a door. She peeked over at the back of the sofa and saw the place deserted, making her grin. 

////

Clarke woke up the next day feeling disoriented, she suddenly bolted up from her bed and looks around. Then it hit her she did slept over in the old house last night. She rubbed her eyes awake and went straight to the kitchen where she finds her mom drinking tea. 

"Good morning, honey," Abby greeted, looking up from her laptop. 

"Good morning, mom," pecking her on the cheek. She took off the cling wrap around a plate of pancake, bacon and eggs and heat it up in the microwave. 

"Work?" her mom asked. 

"Off," she answered. 

Abby hummed and set her cup down, "what plans do you have today?" 

Clarke pulled the plate out and placed it on the table, "Don't know," she shrugs. 

"Well I hope you'll do something productive today," the older Griffin smirked. 

"Don't worry, mother. I can fully entertain myself at home," rolling her eyes, grabbing the greasy bacon.

"Why don't you call Raven or Octavia out? Anya? It's the weekend they're probably at home."

"I'll think about it. I just feel like lazying around the house and watch something good. Hey mom can you give me a ride home?" Forking down her pancake into her mouth, humming to that oozing maple syrup with each chew. 

"Of course. Well you better dress up. I'll be leaving in 10." 

"Thank mom!" She took one final bite and bolted for the bedroom. 

////

Clarke entered her apartment, peeling off her jacket as she goes. She went inside the closet to look for a hanger when she stepped over something. She took it out, dumped on the coffee table and stares. The last thing she wanna do right now was to see Lexa out of all of those home made videos. Raven was a huge fanatic on making things memorable and capturing the moment. She's not surprise that the engineer caught numerous videos of them.

So she just walks away and went to her room to grab a fresh new clothes and hit the shower. She was already half way rinsing her hair and body, when she heard a noise. Clarke stood frozen under a hot shower and listened again. 

_What the hell! Did I locked my door?_

Upon realizing that she left it unlocked, she quickly wiped herself dry, put on her clothes and stealthily walks outside the hallway. She tries to see what had caused the disturbances. When she sees two girls laughing on her couch, watching a video. 

She stormed up to them and demanded, "what do you think you're doing?" 

Octavia turns around and grins, "oh my god! Did you remember when we went to the cabin and I pranked Raven into thinking that I baked her a brownie when it's actually a pile of dirt!" 

Anya guffawed loudly, wiping away her escaped tears, "she fucking ate it! Look! Look!" 

Clarke looked at the screen and felt her chest concave upon seeing Lexa grinning and laughing beside her. She remembers that night clearly, they were having a camp fire and she stole Lexa away into the yatch and stayed there talking about everything under the moonlight. They were snuggling, kissing, touching, laughing and just plain old happy couple; just as how they used to be. 

She quickly averted her eyes away and glares at the two girls, "what are you doing in my apartment?" 

"You're mom called me and says that her little princess needs a little entertainment," Anya winked. 

The blonde sighed annoyingly and rushed back inside her bedroom; far far away from all the laughters. She sat on the bed mindlessly combing her hair and scowled at the shrieking laughter in the living room. 

 _"Ummm.. Clarke?"_ It was Octavia's voice. 

"What?" She called out. 

"Have you seen this?" the voice of the girl sounded very curious so it got her curious as well. So she padded back into the living room and saw that the video was paused. It was Lexa's bedroom with Raven's legs stuck in motion walking away from the camera. 

"What are you talking about?" She asked cautiously. 

When Anya stood up and pushed her to sit on the couch, that's when it dawned on her; she's gonna be in for a bumpy ride. 

Octavia rewinded the entire video with Raven playing around the camera. 

====

_"Look at you, hot thang. Looking bad ass kicking camera, yes you are!" the girl cooed, as she wiped the lens with a white cloth. "You better make mama proud. You just bored a hole in my pocket."_

_All of a sudden a loud slam of a door, attracted the girl's attention. So she grabs her camera and went out of the bed room. A figure of a girl was hunching down on the sofa, sobbing._

_"Lexa? What happened?" Raven placed the camera on the coffee table facing them and crouched in front of the brunette. "What happened to you? Why are you crying?" shoving back the girl's hair._

_"I broke up with Clarke," Lexa choked._

_"What?! Why?" Raven fell to her knees and grabs the girl's hand._

_"We were fighting. I got too carried away. I- I-... I don't know what gotten to me. I just... I just slipped off the ring and gave it back," the brunette sobbed even more louder, burrowing her face on her palms. Raven sat down beside her and hugged her tightly._

_"You can fix this Lex. I know you can. You and Clarke are strong and genuine. This is just a passing thought. You wouldn't want to really break up with her right?"_

_Lexa nodded and pulled away from Raven, "you're right. You're right... I have to get her back."_

_The brunette quickly stood up and walked to the kitchen typing away on her phone and then placing it on her ear. She did it a couple more times until she gave up and looked at Raven who was watching her by the couch._

_"I can't get through to her," her face was panic stricken and her eyes were wide with worry._

_"Try Mrs. Griffin," Raven suggested, as she stood up and walked over to Lexa._

_Lexa was on the phone again and suddenly lit up, "Abby! Have you heard from Clarke? I've been trying to reach her. I-... What?! NO! No, No, No... Abby... She can't be!.... I broke up with her. I'm really sorry... I'm trying to fix things. I'm sorry... I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I'll fix this Abby. I promise you."_

_When she got out of the phone, Raven instantly was on her side, "what happened to Clarke? Did Abby saw her?"_

_Lexa frowned and shoved her hair back sadly, "Clarke left, Raven. She left..."_

_"Left? What- What do you mean she left?"_

_"She's gone. She left for New York. She- She's heading to the airport now."_

====

 

 

Clarke watches the brunette fell to her knees with Raven swiftly hugged her. Rocking her gently, consoling her. 

 

 

====

_"This is all my fault! I chased her away. Now she's- She's gone!"_

_"Shhh... This is none of your faults. Shhh..." Rubbing the girls back._

====

 

 

The blonde flared her nostril feeling the huge lump again inside her throat. Her eyes were starting to sting that she have to bite her tongue to hold herself from crying. 

"Why are we watching this?" she asked stiffly.

"Wait and watch till the end," Anya mumbled, grabbing her hand and gently squeezing it. 

 

 

=====

_Raven took the camera and ran towards the brunette's bedroom. Lexa was pacing frantically around, her eyes were red and swollen and her hands were shaking._

_"I have to do something, Raven. I can't lose her! I just can't!" Lexa walked up to her laptop and started clicking wildly._

_Raven placed the camera on the girl's bed and walked over to the desk, "what are you doing?"_

_"I'm gonna book a flight to New York. I'm gonna find her. I can't stay here, Rae." Looking up to the engineer franticly._

_"Well I'm coming with you. You can't be alone at this state."_

====

 

 

"She went to New York to see you, Clarke," Anya stated, looking at her wistfully. 

"I don't wanna watch this anymore. I've got a lot of things to do," she said as she pauses the video and tries to stand up but Octavia pushed her down and glared at her. 

"You will finish this video and after... You can do whatever you want," Octavia begged Clarke until the blonde sighed and nodded. 

Anya hit the play button and the video started playing.

 

 

=====

_"Do you think she's on the same plane as us?" Raven asked as the sped towards the gate and into the plane._

_"Mam, please turn off your camera," one of the flight stewardess reminded and the screen blacked out._

_The screen started up again with a scene of the cloud hurdling together and then back on Lexa's calm face._

_"Are you feeling finally calm?" Raven asked._

_"I used to be," Lexa bantered and pushes the camera away and was now facing Raven's combat boots, "I don't know if what I'm doing is right, Rae. What if I can't find her in New York? What- What if she didn't want me back anymore? Then I came here all for nothing."_

_"Lexa, it's Clarke whom we're talking about here. The blonde head loves you. She even admitted to you that she loves you more than she loves her coffee. Now who the hell says that? If that's not love, I don't know what is!"_

_A chuckled resounded and the footage shifted on the brunette's smiling face, "see? That's the smile you should always have. It looks better on you rather than frowning. Like you have the entire world against you."_

_Lexa grins and pushes the camera away again, "Do you really have to tape this?"_

_The camera was now facing Raven and the girl rolled her eyes and then looked at Lexa, "Yes! Duh! It's like a documentary of you and Clarke. I called it Clexa," she grins as she made a hand gesture on the name._

_"Clexa? What?"_

_"Clexa," the girl shrugs, "you know, the combination of both of your names. Clarke and Lexa... Clexa. It's pretty catchy. Anya and Octavia said so too."_

_"Anya and Octavia are in it too?"_

_"Psh! Of course! We ship Clexa so hard that-..."_

_"Don't even finish that sentence. I don't wanna hear it. Shipping's weird."_

_Raven rolled her eyes again and shakes her head on the camera, "Dear all viewers, if you're watching this. Please try to imagine Lexa as this sweet little girl who couldn't get enough of Clarke's ha-... Ouw?"_

_The camera shook and fists were flying on the engineers arm, "Okay! Okay! Jeez." Raven looks at the camera again, "she's...," nodding at the brunette, "the physical one," she groaned again, receiving another punch on the arm. "Fine. I'll stop... But anyways, guys this mission is very important. I call this... Saving the Princess in distress Part 1!"_

**_"I don't need tissue! Stop judging me!"_ **

====

 

 

"What the hell...," Clarke stares at the video and it dawned on her, "we were on the same flight." 

"What a twist of fate huh, Griffin," Anya smirked. 

"This is getting more exciting than I thought! It's like one of those dramatic love stories where the knight in shining armor saving the princess in distress and with a twist of fate; they're gonna end with each other and get married!" Octavia bounced on the couch and quickly paused the video, "nobody plays that video until I get back with a popcorn!" 

Clarke rubbed her eyes again and leaned back. 

"What's running inside your head now, Griffin?" Anya asked watching her curiously. 

"I don't know. It's really hard to process...," Clarke tries to open her mouth but nothing came out. 

"Raven has always been on Lexa's side. She's the one who's desperately trying to get Lexa out of the house. Octavia and I did our fair share but its that girl who made it her responsibility to get Lexa back on her two feet." 

The blonde nodded, "I owed Raven a lot then." 

"You do," Anya smiles. 

"Okay! I'm back! Let's hit that thang!" Octavia beckons, placing a bowl of popcorn on her lap. 

Anya took the remote and hit play. 

 

 

====

_"Who was that?"_

_The footage was then facing behind their seat and several feet over there's nothing much but a partial part of heads can be seen. The camera then faces Raven once more and the girl shrugged, "Don't know. But anyway, when we landed on New York, we can contact Mrs Griffin and asks for the address of Clarke's aunt. We can figure it out once we reached there. Don't worry, Lexa we will find your princess and bring her back home."_

_Lexa smiles and nodded, "thank you, Raven. I really owe you big time."_

_"You have a very hefty price to pay, Ms Heda. I accept cash or cheque. No biggie." Raven nudged her on the shoulder._

_The video blacked out again and when it finally started again the scene changed. They were standing by the the arrival hall, walking around._

_"Where do we start, Lex?"_

_The video then zoomed on the brunette's side profile. She was sporting a frustrated look._

_"Should we call Abby now? I don't know where to start from here. She could be anywhere," the girl forks out her phone and was dialing when the video zoomed out and scans the entire vicinity of the arrival hall. The camera continues to go around in 360 degree and then landed back Lexa's side profile. The girl was staring at something._

_"Lex? You okay?" Raven asked then seconds later, "Oh..."_

====

 

 

Clarke quickly hit the pause button stares at the screen. 

"Why did you pause? It's like the best part!" Octavia whined, trying to reach of the remote. Clarke let the remote be taken away from her, "I think I knew what she's looking at." 

The two girls looks at her, "what are you talking about Griffin?" Anya asked, grabbing the remote and hit the play button. 

 

 

====

_"Clarke," Raven let out, moving the camera to face the blonde's back hunching down on her suitcase with a guy giving her a pile of clothing from inside his luggage and then into hers. Seconds later, they were up to their feet and walking side by side towards the exit._

_"Lex."_

_There was no reply and the camera was still following the blonde and some guy out to the exit._

_"Lex." Raven repeated._

_Next thing that happened was Lexa was following the two figure out of the airport and into the taxi line. The brunette stood some distance away and the camera was zooming in on the two figures smiling at each other. The blonde seemed to suddenly looked berserk for some reason and shouting at a couple behind them who hastily climbed inside the cab._

_"Should we approach her?"_

_The camera turned to Lexa and the girl never left her eyes on Clarke. "Lex?"_

_But the girl hastily stepped forward and then they were running, entering the next available cab - cutting the queue. The door slammed hard drowning the angry crowd behind them._

_"Follow that cab! Step on it!" Lexa barked, pointing at the cab that was in front of them._

====

 

 

Anya hit paused and peeked at Clarke's impassive expression. "Do you still wanna continue watching?" 

Clarke sighed and steals the remote, "let's get this over with," and hit the play button. 

Octavia placed a tight squeeze on her shoulders before settling back down on the couch.

 

 

====

_"Lex, we don't have to do this. Let's go home," Raven begged, placing the camera on the table that faces the table where Clarke and guy was sitting at. They were in a restaurant somewhere in the city._

_Lexa turns away when the guy turns around and shows his back on Clarke. The brunette got her eyes closed and tears were rolling down on her cheeks. "Lex, let's leave. You don't have to see this. Let's go home, Lexa," Raven insisted but the brunette won't move._

_"Is that how fast she could move on, Raven?" Lexa finally opens her eyes and stares at Raven that was out of the picture. "It's less than 24 hours and she already got me replaced? Is that how easy for her to forget about me?" She sobs._

_"Lex, we don't know exactly what's going on here. Let's not try to jump into conclusion without knowing the truth. You know Clarke loves you. She will never do that to you. She will never, Lexa."_

_The girl looks back at Clarke and sighed, "I don't know, Rae. I don't know what to think anymore," rubbing her eyes and wiping away her tears._

_"Let's go home? Or maybe... Just spend the night. It's pretty late. Come on, there's a hotel few blocks away."_

====

 

 

"Who's that guy and why is he showing you his back?" Octavia smacked her friend's shoulder, putting the popcorn aside. "Talk, Griffin. Because if this is what it looks like I swear I will make you cry in pain. You're not cheating on Lexa aren't you?" 

Clarke shot her a look, "No! Of course not! I will  _never_ do that to her... Plus, so what if I'm with a guy. Not that it even matters. She broke up with me. We're not together anymore, Octavia." 

"CLARKE GRIFFI-..." 

"Clarke is right," Anya cut in, Octavia stares at her in disbelief. 

"And your siding with her, Anya? Are you serious? She's with a guy the entire time she's on the plane, at the airport and now in a restaurant in the middle of the night. How the hell would you know that nothing happened to them huh?" the little girl was seething. 

"Clarke has a point, Octavia. Lexa broke up with her. There's no strings attached. She can be with anyone she likes, even if it means with this guy," gesturing at the screen. 

"Are you out of your mind, Anya? Yes, they broke up but so what? We all know that Lexa is still in love with Clarke and made a huge mistake of her life. And there she is chasing after the girl who got away." 

The conversation between the two girls was getting on her nerves and being smacked right in the middle of them was hard enough to push their faces off each other. "Will you two calm down?! Nothing happened between me and Roan!" 

"Oh! So the guy has a name now?" the small brunette countered, quirking her brow at her. 

Clarke faces Octavia squarely, "Octavia, nothing happened between me and Roan. He's just a friendly passenger who happened to be willing enough to help me get into that plane. He also happens to be a very good friend of mine-..." 

"Who happens to screw you if you feel like it?" 

A loud slap resounded across Octavia's cheek. Clarke was taken aback. Her right hand was shaking as she withdrew away from the girl. 

"Clarke?" Octavia looks back at her touching her red cheek. 

"Octa... Octavia... I- I'm so sorry," pulling the girl in her arms, "I'm sorry, O. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." Octavia was quiet, laying her head on the girl's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Octavia. Please forgive me..." 

"No, Clarke. I'm sorry," pulling away from her. The girl was in tears, "I know that you and Lexa..., "closing her eyes for a bit and then opening them again, "went through hell. I know it's never been easy for the both of you. And I know... That I blamed you on Costia's-.... Death, "suddenly looking down on her hands, "I'm sorry that it's been hard for me to accept that you could just leave Lexa just like that." 

"Octavia, you've got to understand that I made a mistake. Roan-..." seeing the girl flinched by the name, made her pursed her lips before continuing. "He helped me realized that by running away does nothing but making things worst. I was complaining and baring my soul to him throughout the night and the one thing that struck me the most was when I asked him, Don't I deserve a second chance? You know what he told me?" she smiles, seeing that the girl nodded for her to proceed, "Running away made me lost that chance to redeem myself. Not only did I sabotage my second chance with Lexa but I also sabotaged Lexa's chance. You have no idea how low I was at that point of my life that seeing people that I love seeing me miserable and unhappy... I just can't go back. At least not yet. Not at least when I'm ready." 

"4 years, Clarke. You left for 4 years. Lexa was going through hell. She was sent to the hospital a couple of times because she was burying herself to work _and_ because you left her and now you're with this Roan guy. I don't see how's that any part of remo-..." 

"Octavia! Stop it!" Anya was looking at Octavia sternly, "that's enough. Blaming Clarke or Lexa with their mistakes that happened _4 years ago,_ Will not help their situation now."

"Anya!" Octavia was about to argue back when she suddenly pursed her lips, staring at Anya's stern eyes. 

"I said that's enough, O. You're not making the situation any better." She ended. 

Octavia leaned back on the couch, arms cross on the chest and seething poutingly beside Clarke. The blonde looked over at Anya and mouthed, "thank you." 

The girl smiles and stood up, "I think it's better for us to leave now. Octavia let's go." 

The little girl spared the blonde a look and then left the door open as she storms out. Anya sighed, "Don't worry. I will handle her. Just deal your problem with Lexa. You don't know how your relationship has affected the group, Clarke. I just hope you will make the right decision this time." 

"I'm sorry too, Anya," she stood up and walks over to the door, "I never meant for this things to happen. You know, I loved Lexa and..." 

"And you still do," she nodded, "Don't worry. You're secret is safe with me. If you can't bring yourself to be with her again. Then at least leave things on a good note. Talk to her and have the closure that you need. That's the only way out, Clarke. You can't keep running away again. Not this time." 

"I know," meeting the girl's eyes, "I know, Anya. I will make things right. I owe her an apology." 

"You do that," Anya smiles as she places a soft squeeze on her shoulders before leaving the apartment. 

////

Lexa closed her eyes and counted to five. 

_1..._

2...

3...

4...

5...

She opened them again but it was still there. Taunting her, enticing her to open it. "Lexa, what are you doing?" She groaned, rubbing her forehead. She placed the cursor on the name until it turns into a hand. 

_Just one click, Lexa and it's done._

She closed her eyes again and hit the mouse. 

_Dear Lexa_

_I don't know what you posses that got me intrigued. I just know it that on the first day I couldn't keep my eyes off of you. I just have to know you. I know what you thought of me. I know that you're pretty weirded out by me and I don't blame you. All this while getting to know you better, I just knew you were someone special. I never knew how much yet, not until we had a fight and all I could think about was you. 5 days had passed and I was growing restless. Every single waking moment you're the only one that I was thinking about. Even in my dreams I can't escape._

_Remember when we went to the playground and wrote on a piece of paper 'Clarke and Lexa Forever' and stuffed it inside this hollowed hole on a tree trunk behind our bench? That was the day that I knew that you will be my forever. You're my best friend and that will never change. I will always love you even in secret... When I realized that I'm in love with my best friend I was so relieved because it was you. You're this amazing girl. So smart. So driven. That every time you smile it lights me up inside._

_I know you're quiet and introvert but what admires me the most was when you let me see your world. When you let yourself be bared and reveals all you secrets. I never felt so special and damn it, you made me fall in love with you even more. This feeling is incredibly amazing and seeing you happy with me. With Gustus. With my mom. With my friends. I thought there's nothing left for me to be wishing for. And I really hope my dad was here to witness this. I just knew that he's gonna love you just like how my mom does._

_You're by far the bravest girl I've ever met. Days... Weeks... Months passed. I don't know how it came to be. Is it because you opened your heart to me? It seems like you're the only one who has greatly affected me like this. You're crazy side and your super serious side. Maybe you were just that crazy that made me feel what I feel. That even our friends can see that. Confessing to you, after all the things that we've gone through was the best thing I've ever done. Kissing you. Holding you. Seeing you smile that you only reserve for me was beyond my wildest imagination. You made me feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world when I knew you felt the same way. I will never trade it for the world, Lexa._

_More than 6 years and I thought we were good. Yes, we faced many ups and downs but I thought we were stronger than that. More than 6 years and going on forever... Or so I thought. I don't know why... or how... Or when did it even started. What happened to the two of us, Lexa? Why did we broke up? Why did you abandoned me? Did I do something wrong?... But today, I resolved to stop bothering you. To stop feeling sorry for myself when the love of my life took herself away from the equation._

_I decided to let you be and give you the space that you asked for. That's why I'm sending you this email 4 years on this day. A day that you will always remember when we first laid our eyes on each other. Right now, you're probably happy with your life. You probably already went to many places that you've always been dreaming of. Meeting people that made you smile and laugh. Making many more accomplishments that will make your dad proud and most especially... yourself proud._

_I hope you've done all of the things that you wanted and needed to do. I hope that 4 years is enough for you to realized that you're sure that it's me that you wanted to spend your entire life with. I will wait for you, Lexa. I will do everything that I can... Knowing that one day, I will be right for you. Knowing that one day, I will be back in your life... And I will do whatever it takes to win you back. I will never lose hope that we will eventually get our second chance. I will never lose hope._

_May we meet again._

_Loving you always,  
Clarke_

////

Clarke dropped down on the couch and sunk down, staring blankly on the screen. She chuckles in disbelief at how the universe can be so playful with their lives. Quickly, she wipes away her tears and hit the play button. 

 

 

====

_The hotel room was lightly dimmed. There was only the bedside lamp on Raven's side of the bed was on. Both Lexa and Raven were lying down on a queen size bed, unmoved._

_"Do you think she still loves me?" Lexa asked._

_Raven shifts to her side and looked at Lexa, "Yes, Lexa. She do. She had never stopped loving you, Lexa. We all know that. She's the most sappiest girlfriend I've ever seen!"_

_The other girl chuckles and then sighs, "I made a mistake, Rae. I shouldn't have let her go. I shouldn't have given back the ring. I still want her, Raven. I love Clarke."_

_"I know you still do, Lex. But right now, let's take things slowly. Give time for the both of you to calm down first before deciding anything."_

_The brunette suddenly sat up and looks down on the engineer, "what if its too late? What if we can't recover after all of this? What- What if that guy took Clarke away from me? What am I gonna do, Rae? I can't lose Clarke."_

_Raven pulled Lexa back down, "Commander, the girl who loves you the most will never do that to you. She loves you. No one else..."_

_Lexa was quiet. Staring at the ceiling._

_"Go to sleep, Lexa. Let's talk again tomorrow."_

_The screen blacked out and the following scene was a house with a porch. Raven was knocking and the camera took Lexa's worried look._

_"Are you sure this is the right house that Abby told you?"_

_"Yes. Relax. Let me do that talking," Raven reassured, holding the camera to face the door as it opens._

_"Hello, good morning," the woman greets as she looks at the camera bizarrely and then the two girls. The woman was very confused, "can I help you?"_

_"Hi, my name is Raven and this is Lexa. We're here to see Clarke? Is she home?"_

_The woman by the door was taken aback, shaking her head, "Clarke have not yet reached home. Are you two her friends from back home?"_

_"Yes... Lex?" Raven asked._

_The look on the brunette was stone hard, her brows were knotted together and there's a sense of defiance radiating from it. "Umm... Yes, we are her friends back home, mam."_

_"Lexa? Are you by chance... Her fiance?" The woman asked._

_Then the camera caught the way she flinches by the word, "Ex... Fiance. I made a wrong decision to let her go yesterday and she's on her way here. I ran after her to apologize and get her back."_

_"I see," she nodded. "Well would you like to come in? You could wait for Clarke till she gets home. Have you eaten?"_

_Lexa looks at Raven as if begging her with something, "Um... Maybe next time? We're actually on our way back home to the Capitol. We just thought that we could catch Clarke before heading to the airport. But um... Thank you again for your time."_

_"Ah I see. Well alright then. I will let Clarke know that you came by."_

_"No!" The startled look on Lexa was surprising, "I- I mean... I'll let her know. I will talk to her, mam. Thank you again."_

_The woman nodded, "have a safe flight back home, ladies," before closing the door._

_They were walking down the driveway when a cab started pulling in, then they were running and took hiding behind a bush._

_A blonde girl girl got off the cab then followed by the same guy._

_"This is me," Clarke nodded at the house. The guy smiles and nodded,inspecting the house._

_"Well I hope that you felt better."_

_Clarke shakes her head and starts crying again. "Ugh! I'm tired of crying!"_

_The man leans forward, touching her shoulders, "Then stop. Move on. There's no other way to do this, Clarke but to move forward and see what's out there for you. This is New York. Possibilities are endless!"_

_The blonde chuckles and nodded, "You're right. Move on..." Suddenly, the girl tiptoed and kissed the guy on the lips._

====

 

 

She hit the pause and turns away from the tv. 

"Shit," burrowing her face on her palms again. "She saw me kissed Roan. I'm so messed up."

 

 

====

_"Clarke," he pushed her away, "this is not how you should deal with this."_

_Clarke stumbled back and nods vehemently, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."_

_"It's fine. I know you're very emotional right now. You should head home and sleep. I'll see you around, okay?"_

_"You will. Thank again for spending the night with me," she smiles, hugging him tightly._

_"Anything for a princess in distress," he winks, making the girl giggle._

_"I'll see you around. Bye Roan."_

_"Bye Clarke."_

_And the camera was showing Lexa's side profile with tears streaks down her cheeks._

_"Lex?" Raven carefully calls._

_Lexa dropped to the ground and sobs quietly._

_"Lexa," the girl tries again, touching her shoulders._

_"Don't touch me! Get that camera off my face!" She barks, shoving the camera away and the video went black._

====

 

 

Clarke sat there staring for a good 10 minutes until she came to her senses and felt her cheeks wet. She hastily wiped away the tears and threw the remote control on the couch as she walks over to the fridge, uncapping a bottle of water and drank it in one go. 

She collapsed on the chair and planted her face over her folded arms on the table and whimpered loudly. 

_What's going on, Clarke? Why is this happening to me? Why do I have to go through this? What am I gonna do now? Should I chase after her? Should I talk to her?_

A loud grunt escaped her lips, as she stood up, grabs her phone and dial the number that she needed to talk to . 

////

"Hey Lex! Do you wanna order pizza for dinner? Anya and Octavia are here..." Raven opened the girl's door and found Lexa lying on the bed crying. "Lex? Why are you crying again?" rushing to her side and kneeled in front of her. "What happened?" 

Octavia and Anya entered the room and found the brunette curled up into a ball, looking sullen. Lexa pointed at her laptop and the girls immediately read what's on it.

"Oh god..." Raven bit her lips and frowned at the girl's disheveled appearance. "I-... I mean... Are you sure this came from Clarke? Is this even legit?" 

"Mhmm," Lexa nodded at her. 

"I told you it's real, Rae. That's the website that Lex kept writing letters to," Octavia added as she scrolls down on the email. "This was sent 4 years ago, Lex. But is this still true? I mean 4 years ago was when you both broke up," frowning at the screen. 

"What do you mean still true?" Anya asked as she leans against the wall by the desk with her arms folded. 

"You know all the things she said that she'll wait." 

Anya shrugs, "since it's 4 years ago, she was emotional when she wrote that." 

"Yes, she was. And that's all in the past now, right Lexa?" Raven quirked her brow at Lexa who was still unmoved. "That's the key word here is ' _Was_ '. Past tense. The story is over. We move on." 

Anya rolled her eyes and paced around the room. With Octavia walking over to the bed, looking at Anya's 'don't you dare say anything' look and sat down. "But... What if the story is 'to be continued'?" 

Raven shot Octavia a warning look and then dropped her eyes at Lexa, "God, O... Stop romanticizing the situation. This is not some love stories on a big screen." 

The tiny girl frowned and rebutted, "Why are you defending her, Rae? Why, did something happened that you're not telling us about?" 

Reyes sighed and faces the laptop again, "Well this is not helping, Lexa move on. You know what we should do! We should just delete this email-..." 

"NO!" Lexa exclaimed and was fast on her feet, grabbing the laptop against her chest and shooting Raven with daggers but only softens down. "Not yet..." She murmured. 

"Yeah, maybe there's still a second chance for Clarke and Lexa!" Octavia beamed, siding on Lexa. 

Raven looks at Lexa and then Octavia and grunted angrily, "you people are driving me mad!" And storms out of the room. 

////

"Why didn't you tell me that Lexa and Raven came by to the house?" Clarke asks, she had been feeling annoyed for a long time now because her Aunt wasn't cooperating. 

"Clarke, what difference does it make? If I told you that Lexa did came by would you change your decision and go back to Capitol? Knowing that your anger was still fresh and strong? We both know, if I told you that you would have made a decision that you will eventually regret." 

Clarke closed her eyes, patiently breathing through her nose and then out of her lips. She tries to be calm and recollect even though her insides were pretty seething with frustration. 

"Aunt Sharon, that's beside the point," she argues. 

"Then what is the point, Clarke? Tell me cause clearly, I don't get the reason why you're going on about me not telling you about Lexa and Raven's visit. What is it, Clarke? I thought you've moved on." 

She could sense the agitation on her aunts voice. She took a deep breath and open her mouth but her Aunt cut her. "You know what, this is the reason why I didn't tell you. You would react the very same thing or even worse! This is the reason why I advised you not to go back to Capitol because I can see that you're not yet ready. Things in that town is holding you down, Clarke. Your mom and I have mutually agreed that New York is good for you but you left everything here and went back there. For what?" 

"Aunt Sharon, you know the reason why I came back here is because no one else is gonna look after mom. She's getting old and I'm the only person that she have left." she reasons out. 

"You know sometimes I feel like you're just using that excuse. Your mom travels every month to be here with you. To spend time with you. She's even thinking of moving here and work for the hospital here. So I don't see that's even an issue. But you... The truth is, you just wanted to see Lexa." 

"Aunt Sharon-..." 

" _Clarke_ , tell me the truth," her aunt urges.

Clarke sighs, she knew she can't hide anything from her aunt. She became her strength when things are burying her down. "Aunt Sharon," she uttered softly, "I- I'm-... Lexa. I'm still in love with her." 

A sigh meets her ear and she knew that she disappointed her again. For 4 years they've worked so hard pushing forward and not let her past caught up with her. But up to the moment when she's about to feel okay, that she feels like she's moving on, Lexa would suddenly appear out of nowhere and she's back on square one. She kept telling herself that it's over. That the brunette doesn't want her anymore because she didn't even reached out even once... But now seeing that video and knowing partially the reason why. She have to make things right. 

"I know you still are, honey. But you can't keep this up when you know that you're gonna nowhere. If Lexa had moved on, you should too, Clarke. You can't always be mad when things didn't worked out the way you wanted it to be." 

"I know, I know. I'm gonna make things right again, Aunt Sharon. At least I have to get my closure. If-... If it didn't worked out then I'll be back in New York," Clarke looks up on the wall clock of her bedroom and its already afternoon. She quickly pulled fresh clothes from inside her drawer and walks into the bathroom. 

Her aunt sighs again, "You're really hard headed you know that, Clarke? You're mom can't even handle you. No wonder she dumped you onto my doorstep." 

Clarke chuckles, "I must have got it from my dad." 

"You don't say!" the woman laughs, "But whatever plans you decided to do, I hope everything turns out how you wanted it to be. I'm a phone call away. Don't forget that." 

"Yes, I know. Thank you again, Aunt Sharon for everything. I owe you a lot," smiling as she stares at her reflection on the mirror. "I'll talk to you again soon." 

"You're always welcome, honey. I'll talk to you soon. Bye." 

The line ended and she quickly hit the showers before heading out to her mom's house. 

////

When Lexa storms out of her room wearing a white shirt and black skinny jeans, Raven knotted her eyebrows at her and asked, "Where are you going?" 

"Heading to my dad's. I can't think with you people hovering around me," Lexa mumbled as she tries to put on her sneakers. 

"What's there to think about, Lexa? Clarke is gone. It's over," she shrugs. Raven turns around when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder, "Anya." 

"Let her be, Raven. She needs time," looking down on her, "You do what you have to do, Lex. We're here for you." 

The brunette smiles, "thank you, An. Raven don't worry I'll just be at my dad's. You can come pick me up once I'm ready to go home, okay?" 

"Fine," the engineer sneers and dropped down on the couch. 

Octavia turns to face Lexa, "Hey, do you need a ride? I can send you." 

"Yes, please. Thank you." 

////

"What are you thinking, Lex?" 

Lexa glances by the driver's seat and let go of the breath that she didn't know she was holding. "How will things turns out between Clarke and I." 

"How did that one went?" the girl asked, peeking at her. 

She rubbed her forehead and stares out of the window, "I don't really know. I- I just want things to be back to normal. I don't want to be constantly worrying every day if I'll ever run into my ex because God knows... We think so much alike and stumbles on the same place at the same time. Like no matter how hard I tried to do my normal routines, Clarke would always appear out of nowhere. And now, she's like... she's the only thing that I kept thinking about." 

Octavia watches the girl for a few seconds before snapping her eyes back on the road. "Do you still like her?" The small girl heard the brunette clearing her throat and shifting uncomfortably on her seat. "You don't have to answer that question," she said as she pulled over by the Heda's gate and cut the engine. 

Lexa looks at her in the eyes and sees nothing but genuine. 

"Just as long what's inside there," pointing on her heart, "and up there," and on her head. "Says the same answer. Then I think you're good to go. I think you should know what you should do next... Well here you are," nodding at the gates. "Hope you make a full good use of the time to think, Lex. We only wanted what's best for you." 

"I know. Thank you, O for always being there for me. I couldn't thank you guys enough how lucky I am to have you guys as my best friends," pulling the girl for a hug. "And um... I'm sorry too. For dragging you and the rest into our mess. We never intended that to happen." 

"Hey, through thick or thin we will always be sisters. We won't let you down, Lex. We will do whatever we can to help you and Clarke," the girl smiles, pulling away from her. 

"I know," rolling her eyes and opens the door. "I'll see you guys at home." 

////

The brunette finally enters the mansion, it was quiet. Nothing unusual it's just her dad and some helpers lives in the house now. So walks up to the staircase and knock on her dad's bedroom, hoping that her dad wasn't out with his friends. 

"Dad? Are you home?" 

Seconds later, footsteps came into the door and found her dad opening it with surprise. 

"Alexandria! You're home!" Gustus pulled her daughter for a tight hug and laughs, looking at  better between her hands. "You've slimmed down," he frowned, "are you eating well?" 

"Dad," rolling her eyes, "I'm fine, dad. I just came to visit." 

"Why so sudden?" He asked, pulling her hand towards the kitchen. 

Lexa knew she isn't ready yet to say what she have to say. She can't bring herself to talk about what happened... Maybe not yet. 

"You usually calls when you're visiting," looking back at her. 

The girl chuckles and nudged her dad on the shoulders, "Why? Can't I just pop a visit randomly?" quirking her brow at him. 

Gustus was surprised by the active brunette and laughs, "Of course you can! Come on, let me cook you dinner. You must eat more!" 

As they reached the kitchen, Lexa noticed that her dad wasn't carrying his cane. The way her dad walks around was less strained and he seems to be at ease. 

"When did you stopped using your cane?" she questioned when she pulled the stool from the long island. 

"About a week ago, I think?" he grunted when he reached up on the cardboard to take out the pasta. Lexa quickly got off the stool and reached for it instead. "Thanks, love."

"Hmm. So you returned to the hospital to continue your therapy?" siting back down on her initial position. Lexa pulled the basket of fruits and starts peeling off an orange. 

"Yes. I was forced to," he chuckles throatily. He was putting water on a pot when Lexa raised her head, suddenly pondering by his answer. 

"Forced to? By who? I couldn't even get you to go back in there," shaking her head. 

Gustus places the pot on the stove and starts the fire. He then turns around and faced Lexa. "By Clarke." 

The change in demeanor on his daughter's face says it all. She's still uncomfortable talking about the blonde. So he just smiled and shrugs his shoulders before opening the fridge to take out some more ingredients. "So... What do you feel like eating? Carbonara or spaghetti?" When he didn't received any reply, he turns around and saw that he had lost Lexa again with her thoughts. "Alexandria?" 

Her head suddenly snapped up and found her dad watching her, "What?" 

"I was asking you what do you wanna eat?" 

"Oh um... Anything will do, dad," she was successful to pull a smile and watched Gustus turn his back again to resume what he was doing. 

The dinner was quiet even though they filled it up with usual talks - work, friends, new hobbies. But they both knew that they're just pushing aside what really matters. When Gustus brought out a cake that was given to him by his friend, Lexa smiles because it's her favorite kind. A black forest flavored with crushed Ferrero rochet with each bite. She hummed greedily and almost instantly forgot what she was worrying about. 

Gustus smiled by this child-like reaction. He definitely misses his baby. He misses the younger version of Lexa where all worries and responsibilities were not heavy on her shoulders. "My friend gave me this cake to congratulate on my progression on my physical therapy."

"Hmm. That's nice of him," she muffled in between chew. "Who is it? Is it Nyko? He seems like a chocolate cake kind of guy," she laughs. 

Gustus laughs too and shakes his head. The smile and look that he was sporting says it all. It dawned on Lexa that there's only one person who knew what's her favorite cake. Because the fact that her dad can't even eat one due to his health - it's the only way that made sense. 

"She forgot that I can't eat cake. Though I did have a little advise from a certain blonde doctor that I can eat maybe one or two spoons but nothing more," he chuckles as he tries to check on Lexa's reaction if he should still continue but seeing her looking calm and seemed to listening - he continued. "Apparently, she was... Thinking about you when she saw it at the bakery. But she apologizes and I insisted in bringing it home with me." 

Lexa dropped her eyes onto her half eaten cake and breathed, "Oh." Then she quickly regained her composure and smiled. "I'm glad that you're progressing on your therapy, dad. I'm glad that you decided to continue." 

He smiles, nodding whilst Lexa was speaking, "I know. I should have gone sooner then I don't have to carry that pesky little cane. I hate that cane," shaking his head in disgust. 

The girl laughs, "Dad, that cane was given to you by Nyko. It's a good looking cane. Makes you look some damn rich CEO." 

"That's the problem!" Shaking his head, making his beard sway back and forth. 

Soon, the two of them fell into another silence with Lexa deciding to continue to eat her dessert. She was almost done when she decided to break her silence. 

"Did you ever thought of mom after she died?" she looks up to see her dad's reaction. 

Gustus watches her and slowly smiles. "All the time, love. Never a single day in my life did I stopped thinking about her. I miss her everyday and it will never stop. Because once you love someone, she will always be a part of you. Even if you're thousand miles away, every single fibre in your body will calling out for her. You desire for her touch. You wanted to see her all the time. You wanna hear her speak... You even crave for her scent. That's why when people broke up, it's the memories that they cried over. The good ones they've shared... And even the bad ones." 

Lexa smiles faintly and looks down on her already empty plate. She doesn't know what to say nor do. She just sat there analyzing everything that her dad had said. Missing Clarke occupies a large proportion of her time. 4 years was an excruciating pain that she doesn't wanna suffer anymore. Seeing her time to time around town made her insides anticipates for more. She thought that seeing her was enough to sedate her problem but what she didn't know that once she laid her eyes on her, the hunger grew stronger. 

"If only your mother could come back," she suddenly broke out of her stupor and stares at her dad, "I will never let her go. I will tell her everything that I went through while she was gone. I will not let myself lose sight of her again. And I know... That second chances are ways for people to love even more stronger than before... You're lucky, Lexa." 

She felt her body twitched when her dad called her by that name. He hardly called her that and when he did it only made the moment special. 

"You're lucky to be able to see that person that you love the most _again_. Sometimes, other people are not so lucky. They broke up and never cross paths again. But you and Clarke...," he looked at her deep in her eyes, "you were given a second chance to be able to meet again. It's either you grab it or you let time pass you by until you ran out of time... I know it's not my place to say what I'm about to say but... I really want the both of you fix what you broke. Together, pick up the pieces and help each other mend each others hearts. I know it's too much to ask but I really want to know, Alexandria... Do you still love Clarke?" 

She sat motionlessly as she stares on her father's eyes. Her throat suddenly grew dry that she could feel the friction when she choked out the words. 

"I still love her, dad... Very much." 


	7. Taking Flight

Upon seeing it, her pocket suddenly felt heavy. Clarke touched the small bump on her pants and almost felt it boring hole in her pocket. The garage door swung open and revealed a car. A blue honda accord that once they shared together as a couple. She smiled reminiscing the times she spent it with her for crazy after midnight drives, casual talks, hanging out with their friends and many more. 

Clarke inhaled sharply, pulling the driver's door open and almost instantly, Lexa's perfume greets her nose as if it had been waiting for her all this while. She began missing her even more and being back inside that car only made the damage worse that she have to stop by the side of the road, open the window and inhaled a fresh breath of air.

That was the second time she had used it ever since she got back. Just one quick trip to the supermarket already made her feel suffocated and immediately, dropped it off to her mother's place and never touched it again. Being inside that small space, all the memories of the girl swallowed her within seconds. But this time Clarke was ready. She's more than ready because she's prepared to face her fear. She's prepared to face Lexa again. 

////

Lexa dropped her eyes at the half eaten cake inches away from her and then back to her father's eyes. "What are you gonna about it?" He questions, looking down at her in anticipation.

She felt her jaw clenched by the question. She never gave it a thought before except now. There's a reason why she's been avoiding that question all this years. "I don't know," she simply said, averting her eyes. 

Gustus inhaled deeply and set his eyes again on his daughter. "Alexandria, are you not willing to make peace with Clarke?" 

A slight flinch made her move uncomfortably on her seat, "Father," meeting his father's eyes with new resolution, "I am more than willing to stop this drama between Clarke and I..." She tried to continue but failed miserably because her voice starts to break. Now, solemnly - she whispered, "But she doesn't want anything to do with me. She doesn't want to be around me." 

Gustus frowned at Lexa, "Did she said that?" 

The girl nodded and faintly smiled, "And I quote, 'Just stay away from my life.'" She shrugs, rolling her eyes. "So typical Griffin." 

The man puffed and rubbed his mustache, still studying Lexa under his lashes. Lexa couldn't help but feel self conscious by that look because she had seen it before. "Father, I don't want you to meddle on this. Clarke and I are mature adults. We can fix our problems on our own... We just need time." 

"4 years is a long time, Lexa-..." 

" _Dad,"_ she cut him, "can we not?" 

Gustus quickly nodded, fully understanding what her daughter needs. "Thank you," she said as she stood up, starts gathering all the plates and placed it on the sink. "Dad, can I stay for the night? I don't feel like going back at the apartment yet..." 

Gustus raised his brow at her daughter's unfinished sentence but knowing it's gonna be left unsaid, he replied, "Of course, love. I'll have someone to prepare your bed." 

Lexa turns around and nodded as she blankly stares at the table. There's so many things running inside her head that she didn't noticed Gustus was already beside her by the sink and watching her wonder into nothingness.

"Everything will be put to rest soon, darling. You and Clarke can fix this..." When he still lost her with her thoughts, he informed her, "I'll be in my study if you need anything," pecking her on the head, the brunette still have no reaction. Instead, he shakes his head and left her daughter alone to be with her thoughts.  

////

10 minutes inside a stalling car, Clarke was suddenly withdrawn out by her ringtone. Quickly, she pulled it out of her pocket and frowned when she read the name of the caller. 

"Dr. Wallace! Good afternoon, sir. What can I do for you?"

"Dr. Griffin! Ah... I hope I didn't caught you at the bad time?" The man's husky voice seemed more different, perhaps a little more weaker as it seems. 

"No, sir. Perfect timing," putting aside her main agenda and focuses on the man's voice. 

"Excellent! Would it be possible for you to come down to my office?" 

"Now, sir?" slightly taken aback by the request. 

"Yes, if that's not much of a trouble." 

Clarke looked at the time on her dashboard and it was almost evening and the bright sky was about to say goodbye. "Um, okay, Dr. Wallace. I'll be there in 15 minutes," she reassured. 

"Great to hear. I'll see you by then." 

Clarke pulled the car to a drive and headed for the hospital. 

////

A light rapped on the door attracted his attention, "Come in!" 

Clarke popped her head inside the room, "Sir, I'm here," she announced, sitting down on the same old plush chair in front of the desk. 

Dante Wallace was beaming at her widely for a good moment before speaking, "It's good to finally have you back, Dr. Griffin. It is with my utmost pleasure to have you on board again. It was a great lost for us when you decided to leave few years ago," he frowned. 

Clarke tweaked a smile but still feeling uncomfortable at the main reason why the man called for her in his office. "I am glad too that I am back. I have to apologize for my abrupt leave, it wasn't professional of me to do so." 

Dr. Wallace waved her off and chuckles, "What matters now is that you're back," dawning on her interestingly, the man clears his throat and began with his proposition, "As you have known that we are expanding branches and one of those will be in New York." 

Her brows raised up and the man got her undivided attention, "that's great, sir. I've heard about that when I was still working back in the city." 

"Yes. It is a big investment for the company," the man cleared his throat again, clasps his hands together and nodded, "Dr. Griffin, how do you feel about transferring?" 

Her eyes widened, "Tra- Transferring? Sir-..." 

"Yes, everything will be provided. House, car, of course a raise and you get to go back to New York. I know it is sudden but I need an experienced doctor to oversee the operation. And I couldn't think of anyone else but the best, you." 

Clarke felt her throat suddenly ran dry, must be because her lips were wide open in great surprise, "Sir... This is huge!" 

Dr. Wallace grins, "yes, it is. So? Would you like to do the honor to start a pioneer?" 

From a smile her lips suddenly turned into a frown,  feeling a tug on her chest, "Sir, with all due respect I couldn't thank you enough for offering me this job. But... Can I at least think about it first? I just got back to town and I want to make sure that there's nothing holding me back again once if I decided to leave." 

"Of course! Of course, think about it Clarke, this is good for your career. Let me know by the end of the week." 

Clarke nodded, "Thank you, sir." 

////

She was about to enter the room when she got the fright of her life. Raven ran up to her from the kitchen enveloping her in a strong tight embrace. "Welcome back, Griff Griff!" 

Clarke pulled away sporting an annoyance, "stop picking on my lock!" She hastily peeled away from the girl's arms, walked up to the drawer by the door and took out a spare key. 

Raven smirked, snatching it, "I know you can't resist me for far too long." 

" _Only_ because I felt sorry for my door. Jeez," shaking her head as she heads to her bedroom, "you never understood the concept of locked doors." 

Raven pocketed her new key and dropped on the couch, "love you too! I know you can't get enough of me!" She chuckles. 

When Clarke emerged out of her bedroom, she glared at the engineer and hit her on the back of her head before heading to the kitchen. "Did you eat?" 

"Yupp! I left some on the table," trailing behind her, "So..." sitting down opposite Clarke, "What did you do?" 

"I met up with my boss," she said, chewing on some Thai food that Raven bought. 

"Oohhh how did that went?" resting her chin over her propped up arm. 

"He wants me to go back to New York," she shrugs nonchalantly, walks back to the fridge to take out her orange juice when she found it almost drained. Clarke glared at Raven who shrugs innocently before opting for a glass of water instead. 

"New York? But you just got back," Raven frowned.

"I know," Clarke sighed, "he wants me to oversee the ER at the new hospital there. The offer is very intriguing-..." 

"But?" 

She quirked her brow at Raven, "But?" 

"Yeah, there's always a but," she shrugs, "so what is it? You said its a good offer but you seemed hesitant? Plus, you never liked going back here anyways knowing your history with some certain someone." 

Clarke shut her eyes for a second and opening them again to find Raven watching her intently. She put down her cutleries and squares her shoulders, "I want to accept it.  _But_ I have things to deal here... I'm not sure yet if I'm making the right choice, Raven." 

Raven sagged her shoulders and rubs her temple exasperatedly, "seriously, you and Lexa are driving me nuts. It's like you kept going on endless circles... What do you want Clarke, honestly?" 

"I want...," averting her eyes, taking a deep breath, "to be happy, Raven. In whatever way I can achieve that, I'm there." 

"And how are you planning to pursue this?"

Clarke leaned back on her chair and folded her arms. Ideas and pictures of a smiling girl paraded her mind but quickly it was wiped away by fear. 

Raven studies the girl's silence. Lexa had been feeling miserable this few weeks having known that Clarke was back. But knowing that the blonde is going to leave again, the girl knew that Lexa is gonna be broken hearted again. 

"Clarke, think about your well being. Think about your future. This progression in your career will be good for you,"she continued.

Raven knew what she was doing. She have to do it because there's no way that she's willing to see Lexa and Clarke falls into pieces again and have the blonde leave town because of that. She have to strike while the iron is hot. There's a reason for Clarke to leave and it's a good one, hence, while there's still nothing's going on between her and the brunette - it's better to encourage her to take the deal to prevent anymore heart breaks from happening.

"I know that seeing Lexa again is hard for you. Trust me, Lexa was having a hard time too. But if there's no more chance to salvage your friendship, why stay? Both of you are only gonna hurt each other being in the same town. This town is too small for the both of you not to bump into each other," she took the girl's hand and begged her with her eyes, "Clarke, I'm being a good friend here... Let's leave this at a good note." 

Clarke studies Raven for a good while, digesting all her words. "Do you really think it's unsalvageable?" she asked almost defeatedly.

The girl sighed, "what do you think, Clarke?"

////

Three hours later, she was still wide awake and staring at the shadows playing on the ceiling. This past few weeks had been filled with emotions that she can't seem to make it stop. Her mind was constantly bombarded by Clarke that it affects her from thinking clearly. 

_I'm still in love with her._

Those are the words that she, not even for one second, want to think of again. Clarke doesn't want her back. Clarke still loves her. But doesn't want anything to do with her. Lexa rolled her side and felt a single tear skidded down on her cheek. She quickly wiped it and hopped off the bed. She walked inside her father's study, turn on the computer and directed to the blog that she had been writing for quite some time. 

2 hours later, Her fingers paused on the keyboard and read the entry she had wrote. She sighed as she rubs her eyes before hitting the publish button. She then sleepily padded back on her room and resigned until her slumber kicked in. 

////

The following morning, Lexa was suddenly awaken by a sound. She abruptly sat up and widened her eyes at what she was hearing. Quickly, she peeled off the cover and ran down the stairs where she found Gustus singing and laughing with a spatula at hand, facing the stove. 

_"...My mama said_   
_You can't hurry love_   
_No, you'll just have to wait_   
_She said love don't come easy_   
_But it's a game of give and take..."_

Lexa cautiously approached the long island, watching in great suspicion. 

_"....How long must I wait_   
_How muck more must I take_   
_Before loneliness_   
_Will cause my heart, heart to break?..."_

She smiled and sat down on the table for a moment watching her father belting the lyrics and flipping pancakes on the other. It had been a long time since she had seen him this happy and light hearted. Ever since her mom died, Gustus turned everything down and so was his emotions, delved himself on workload and salvaging her daughter's rebellious acts. 

_"... My mama said_   
_You can't hurry love_   
_No, you'll just have to wait_   
_She said love don't come easy_   
_It's a game of give and take..."_

When the song ended, Gustus turns around with a plate of hot pancakes that almost dropped on the floor, "Alexandria!" he yelped, patting on his chest, "you startled me!" 

Lexa grinned sheepishly, "I'm sorry, dad. I was enjoying the performance." 

Gustus laughed as he placed the plate on the table, "you seemed awfully cheery this sunday morning," the brunette teased. The man shook his head, placing an empty plate in front of Lexa and then his. 

"Nothing special. Perhaps my daughter is at home with me on a sunday morning after a long time," chuckling, pushing the maple syrup towards Lexa. 

Lexa sniggers and generously poured the syrup on her pancake until it's overflowing. Gustus frowned and tutted, "Alexandria, you're gonna have a diabetes with that too much sugar!" 

The girl puts down the syrup and smiles, "I exercise, father. I'm perfectly healthy." 

"You better be!" pointing his fork at her. 

The father and daughter ate in silence with a music background of the 90's. Lexa misses this. The old times when her mom was still alive. How things were livelier and happier back then. She couldn't fathom as to what suddenly changes her father's demeanor but then push it aside because she can see that his happy over something unknown. 

"I miss mom."

Gustus looked up and smiles at her, "Me too kiddo." 

Lexa studies her father for a while before asking, "did you ever thought of dating again, Dad?" 

The man's hands suddenly stopped and looked at Lexa properly, "Alexandria?" 

She shrugs, "I mean... Mom's gone for a long time now and you know, I'm getting older and you're living here all alone. Doesn't it feel... lonely?" 

Gustus wiped his mouth with the napkin, square his shoulders before looking back at her daughter, "Alexandria, I love your mother. I know that we have many misunderstandings and we fought but that never stopped me from loving her. Even if she's gone... Even if you tried to date again... You will always look for something with the same capacity as the love that you both shared. Your mother, Alexandria  _is the one._ How could I look for someone else when I already had the best?" 

A wide smile crept her lips, knowing that her dad still got it bad for her mom. "You really think that mom is the best?" 

"Yes. I definitely think so. We compliment each other so well that we-..." 

"Always fight?" she suggested cheekily. 

Gustus shakes his head, smiling, "that's our favorite past time," he winked. 

////

Clarke was about to step out to the pavement when it struck her that she did picked up her car from her mother's. When she walked up to the parking lot, she stares at it - thinking twice. All of a sudden, her phone blasted angrily inside her bag and when she answered it her mother very berserk for her being late for their departmental meeting. The blonde silently cussed under breath and hit the road at great speed. 

"I'm sorry!" she whispers as she quietly padded inside the conference room with her mother's stern look and with other doctor's amused smiles following her hunched figure. 

"Someone's in trouble...," Gina sang mockingly and chuckled when Clarke abruptly stood up from her seat when her name was suddenly called. 

Dr. Wallace and Abby were looking at her while she stood there shaking in nervousness. "Yes, Dr. Wallace?" 

"Everyone! Please congratulate Dr. Griffin for she finally agreed to join our New York team by the end of the month!" 

The entire conference room fell into a loud round of applause except, for Abby who was eyeing her in shock. Clarke smiled widely ignoring the her mother's 'please explain' look and settled down on her seat quietly. She knew she's gonna have it, when she didn't even mentioned it to her when she had the entire weekend to think it through. 

The meeting went smoothly. Targets were hit and doctors were happy. Well maybe not so much for Clarke's case. She bid Gina goodbye as she sat awkwardly waiting for her mother's attention. Clarke really wanted to run away the minute the meeting ended but Abby glared at her with those scary motherly eyes. 

"Clarke," Abby called, approaching her. 

"Mom," she nodded, standing up from her seat. 

"Why didn't you tell me you agreed to join New York?" she demanded, shaking her head disapprovingly. 

"What's the big deal, mom? It's good for my career and I get a raise... And I get to go back to New York!" She shrugs casually, "why is it seems like a problem?" 

"Honey...," the woman sighs, "you know why." 

"No," shaking her head, "No, I don't really know, mom." 

"Lexa." 

She felt her arms flinched as she stares at her mother's brown eyes, "Whatever problem I have with Lexa, got nothing to do with my decision going back to New York." 

"Clarke-..." 

"I am  _not_ running away, mom," she sighed exasperatedly. Her pent up annoyance was creeping on her again because it's always been the same reason all the time - her running away from her problems. "I'm doing this for my own good. Not because I'm afraid to face Lexa." 

Abby watches her daughter fidgets unconsciously, she shakes her head knowing that her daughter's lying mannerism was showing. "Clarke, I'm just making sure you're not making a wrong decision. I know it's a good choice for your career but you have to end whatever ties you have in this town... And I am talking about Lexa." 

"Cut ties?" She questioned. 

"Yes," the woman nodded affirmably, "Cut your ties with Lexa, Clarke. Live a life where her shadow won't haunt you anymore. Live a life that you deserve. I don't want to be seeing my daughter torturing herself in New York again because she's running away from her fear." 

As much as how good she hid herself from not appearing hurt, it was thousand times worse inside. Her chest caved, hearing words coming from her mother. She always thought that her mom was a big fan of Lexa. Everyone wants them to be together and live happily ever after... They did for 6 years and now 4 years later, they can't even stand in the same room with them. 

"I-..." she pursed her lips because she's not sure if she's ready, or will ever be ready to cut ties with Lexa. 

Abby squeezed her daughter hand and smiled sadly, "I know it's hard, honey. But you have to do this. You will not be going back in this town any time soon." 

Clarke looks at her confusedly until her mom explains. "I accepted Dr. Wallace's offer to transfer in New York too. I was planning to decline it since you're here but now that you're going back there, might as well go with you. There's nothing for me here and we can be together with Sharon." She smiles warmly. 

The girl suddenly felt her chest being sucked out of oxygen, she suddenly felt her surroundings shrouding on her. She always thought of going to New York and coming back here from time to time to visit her mom... Maybe get a glimpse of Lexa too. However, now that she got no more strong reason to go back home for, she felt weak trying to imagine a world where Lexa doesn't exist anymore. 

"Honey? Are you okay?" 

Clarke peeled away from her mom's strong grip and nodded vehemently, "I'm alright, mom," she tried to smile but she felt like it turned into a grimace instead. "I'll be in my office," she nodded once and left fleeing the hospital grounds. 

////

"I don't know about you but Clexa fandom is going down," Octavia frowned, poking holes on a piece of tissue. 

Raven snatched the serviette away and glare at the girl's pouts, "So what if it did?" she shrugs. 

Anya narrowed her eyes at the engineer, "So you're over it?" she asks, rubbing her chin with her index finger. 

Raven looks away, rolling her eyes at how she's going to explain it to her two best friends. "Look, Clarke and Lexa had been together for looong time. They knew each other inside and out. I came to realization that no matter what we do... If the two girls are not ready, nothing's going to happen. Yes, we did have some successes in the past but it's different now," looking back and forth at Octavia and Anya, "they're more mature, they both have goals in mind, they love their family but love... Love- Love just takes time. Forcing love to happen isn't an easy task. Especially, when you're fighting against destiny." Anya narrowed her eyes again on her, Raven glared back and continued, "Yes, Anya I believe in destiny now shut up! Anyway..., "flinging her arms in the air, "I'm tired. I'm pretty sure Lexa and Clarke are tired too. Let's- Let's just take a break, guys. If it's time, rest assured everything will fall back into place. They'll be back on their same old disgusting selves." 

Octavia stares at her in disbelief, "you just started dating my brother and now you're turning into a sap!" 

Anya laughs, taking a sip from her diet coke, "But maybe it's true. I understand where you're coming from, Raven. Maybe taking a break is for the best. Besides, we can't force them to be ready for something they weren't ready for." 

"Hmph! I still think they deserve another chapter. They deserve a happily ever after!" Octavia pouted. Raven arched her brow and smirked, "who's the sap now huh, O," high - fiving Anya, guffawing loudly. 

"I still can't even believe they still stuck around us after the things we made them do," Anya grins, taking a fry and dipping it inside the ketchup when her phone blasted a darth vader theme song. She quickly picks it up, "Hey Lex. What's up?" 

////

"Anya, how's the proposal for Saint Claire?... Mhmm... Great...At the restaurant... No, I don't have a date!" rolling her eyes, shooting daggers at the chuckling man in front of him, "I'll see you in the office in an hour. I'm just gonna have lunch, Anya. Can you please hold yourself together for a minute? Jeez!... I'm hanging up now! Bye!" 

Lexa sighed as she shoved her phone back on her bag and sneers at man across the booth. "It's not funny," shaking her head. 

"Yes, it is," he mocked, pushing a bowl of salad and sandwich towards her. 

"Aren't you gonna eat?" she asked, grabbing her fork. 

"I am.  _After_ you eat. I heard you haven't been eating well lately, so I'm just making sure that you have that entire thing inside your system," nodding at the big plate. 

Lexa rolled her eyes and murmured distastefully, "I don't need a second father, Rick." 

"Lexa, you're like a daughter to me. I'm worried for you. Raven came by the other day and complains about you being stubborn over your ex's letter from few years ago." 

The girl grunts loudly and pushes the plate away, "I'm not hungry anymore." 

Rick glared at her sternly and pushed back the plate, "Eat." 

"I don't like you talking to my friends, Rick. They're bad influence. They're very contagious," she chastised, pushing down her salad with water. 

The man laughs shaking her head at the silly comment. "Lexa, they're only looking out for you. And I am too. We're all worried for you. You're duties, your life-..." 

"I don't need your worries!" flinging her arms in the air in desperation, "I'm a grown woman who can make my own decisions. I don't need  _you_ _or Raven or Octavia or Anya_ constantly breathing down my neck on what I should or shouldn't do! I am more than  _capable_ to separate my feelings from my duties!" pushing her plates away again. Lexa stood up and shouldered her bag, "I'm sorry, Rick. I think my day just got ruined." And walked out of the restaurant. 

////

Once the girl got off the phone, Raven and Octavia pursed their lips and then belted into laughter. "You got darth vader's theme song as Lexa's ringtone?" Octavia chuckles. 

Anya shrugs, smiling coyly, "suits her." 

"Duh! It definitely suits our commander! Being all dark side and all," Raven grins, "What ringtone do you have for me, An?" 

The girl quickly looks away and stowed her phone inside her pocket. Raven quickly understood the action and leered, "what ringtone did you put me as?" pressing on the question.

"Nothing," waving her off, "you know those typical ringtones stored inside your phone." 

"Oh yeah? Let's find out!" Octavia quickly grabs Raven's phone and rang her number. 

The two girls' eyes almost bulged out of its sockets with one stares highly amused while the other brewing something deep and dark, mostly violent things on Anya. 

 _"I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world_  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
Ah-ah-ah-yeah..."  


"I am so gonna kill you," Raven sneers as she leaned across the table but lost grip on Anya, as the girl sprinted out of the diner. "Come back here!" 

////

Clarke leaned forward with her upper body against the edge and took a deep breath. She then opened her eyes and smiles at the familiar view. After her internal qualm of either going up to the roof top or drag her feet back to the hospital where her mom would be watching her like a hawk. She decided to hit the spiral staircase and simply hid away from prying eyes. 

Clarke sighs at how beautiful the place was. She completely forgot why she loves going up there in the first place. She then turns to her right and smiles even more at the small open green house in the middle of it all. Small pots of green plants hanging from the ceiling of the makeshift tent, wide array of budding flowers about to bloom into something exquisite and she thought,  _Lexa would have loved this._

Beating those thoughts down, she sighed again and laid down on the bench and stares at nothing but cloudless sky. She always wonder what is it like to be up there. Living in a world where you see nothing but darkness and from a great distance ahead was the Earth circling around the sun. Clarke wonders how different her life would be if the history didn't happened. She bet she wouldn't be in this tangled mess that she submerged herself into. 

Sitting up right, her attention quickly draws to the door bursting open and a woman running for the ledge, heaving heavily. She was entranced. She studied her for a good minute as the woman leaned forward and then looked down on the pavement below. Clarke finally took to herself to walk towards the woman and said, "I wouldn't even think about it if I were you." 

////

She stumbles around and stares, flabbergasted, "Clarke," she breathed. 

"Don't do it. It's not worth it," the blonde shakes her head but hinting an amusement in her voice, "As much as I hate you right now. I don't think you deserve to die just like that. Plus..." she walked up to the ledge and looks down, "you wouldn't die. You'll probably get weeks worth of broken bones, bruises and a concussion." 

"Gee... Thanks for talking me out of it," Lexa rebuked sarcastically. 

Those blue eyes found the greens and stayed there for a brief moment, digesting each other's presence. Until Lexa looks away and sighs, "I'm sorry I invaded your space," looking down on her feet that was about to make an exit.

"You don't have to leave," Clarke uttered as those unsure eyes meet hers, "This isn't my place," she shrugs, "so you can be here as much as you want." 

"Are you sure? I don't want to intrude." 

"Yes," she nodded firmly. After few seconds, Clarke nodded back to the bench, "I'll just be over there," she smiles. 

Lexa watched Clarke turns around and walked over to the bench beside some green house. She bit her lips, pondering whether should she follow her or give her space. Sighing, she decided to stay where she was now and dwell on her own predicament. The blonde must have her own problems to handle too. 

The brunette placed her arms over the edge and breathed in. She really misses this place. Almost everyday she was on this rooftop with Clarke just thinking about life and their future together. Peeking behind her, she saw the blonde lying down on the bench with her eyes closed. 

 _She never looked so peaceful,_ she thought. 

Turning back around, she looked down on the pavement and wondered will she really have a concussion and would it eventually lead to a memory loss? At least that brief moment that Clarke had many years ago was a moment of enjoyment because she's away from any form of worries. Your thoughts will be so far away from the problems and the only thing that you think about was how to live each day fully. 

////

Clarke opened her left eye and saw Lexa still standing by the edge. Seemingly staring at the view. She too was staring at her favorite view. When she noticed that Lexa was turning her way, she quickly closed her eyes and pretended to sleep. She stayed there for a moment longer and when she opened her eyes, the girl was gone. 

She suddenly bolted up and scan the rooftop, Lexa was nowhere in sight. Her heart suddenly drummed in her ears when her eyes landed on the ledge.

"No..." 

Clarke immediately sprinted to the ledge and looked down with much fear of what she's about to see. 

////

Lexa frowned at Clarke's sudden movement. She leaned against the table and watches the girl panicking. 

_"Lexa!"_

Clarke hopped on the ledge until her feet was off the ground and she's leaning over it, looking down on the pavement below. 

Lexa tilted her head, wondering why is she acting weird all of a sudden. She forged forward to the girl and called after her, "Clarke!" 

Clarke was startled as she turns around and found Lexa standing few feet away from her. A wave of relief swept over her and bolted for the brunette.

"Clarke?"

Lexa felt the strong desperate hug from Clarke. The feeling of never wanting to let go engulfed her, blinding her. She found her arms embracing the girl until the blonde tensed up and quickly retreats back.

Averting away, Clarke cleared her throat and said, "I'm sorry."

Narrowing her eyes, she eyed Clarke for a few seconds, "You thought I jumped?" She was quite surprised.

Those blue eyes were clearly beaten as it lays on her, "clearly, you didn't," she retorted.

The brunette chuckles at the defiance on the blonde's voice. Despite, being all worried Clarke still have the audacity to sound arrogant.

When Clarke heard that sniggers, she promptly turns her back and fold her arms.

"Clarke." Lexa called but she didn't responded. "Clarke," touching her shoulder. 

Lexa stepped in front of the blonde but her eyes can't even look at her. She sighed, "you still care for me," she stated as a matter of fact. 

Clarke was taken aback, her eyes found Lexa's, "No, I don't," clearly still feeling embarrassed about her little stunt. Her cheeks were still prickling that Lexa have to shamelessly pointed out.

"You're turning tomato, Clarke."

"Mockery is not a product of a strong mind, Lexa."

And as simple as that, she managed to smile because Clarke was being Clarke. "Come," holding out her hand for the blonde to take.

Clarke narrowed her eyes at it and then back to her eyes. "It's for you to take, Clarke." 

"I can walk on my own, thank you very much."

Lexa chuckles again, "if you say so, Clarke."

////

Clarke flared her nostril in uneasiness as she follows Lexa back on the bench. The two sat down quietly, without saying any word. Questions keep probing their minds, anxiously waiting for something to give in and finally take the first step. 

Lexa took the bate. 

"Do you really hate me?" Lexa looks at Clarke who eagerly tries to avoid her eyes. 

"I do." 

The girl sighs and nodded, "I understand." 

"You left me," Clarke stated. 

"You left me too," Lexa rebutted back. 

Clarke suddenly looked at Lexa's remorseful eyes - it almost breaks her heart. The silence between them was heavy. The questions circling their heads were still left overflowing until they could feel it on their shoulders. 

"I'm sorry that I hurt you, Clarke. I was caught in the moment. I regretted letting you go... You should know that," begging her with her eyes. 

The girl shifted on her seat uncomfortably until a sigh left her lips. "I can't tell you that I'm already fine because even if I kept telling myself that I've moved on - I'm still not. I'm still hurting, Lexa... And I don't know what-... Or how-... when-... it'll stop." Tears fell on her cheeks as her chest caved in by the wave of memories that washed over her. 

Lexa watched the girl break down for what she did. She wanted to reach for her but beat her mind to it. "I'm sorry, Clarke. I regretted it. You have no idea how much I wanted you back-..." 

"Then why didn't you?" suddenly looking back at her. The look in her eyes was filled with sadness that Lexa hoped to erase one day. 

"I- I tried... I went to New York-..." 

"To look for me, I know," Lexa frowned, "Anya and Octavia made me watch Raven's documentary about our tragic love story," rolling her eyes. 

Lexa chuckle throatily until silence fell upon them. After five heart beats, Lexa spoke, "When I saw him, I wanted to run away... I want to return back here and completely wipe you off from my memory. I even tried to think of ways to make me forget about you," Clarke suddenly looked up and find the girl crying, "I even thought of ending my life... Or at least hopefully have a permanent memory lost... Sad, I know. But it broke me Clarke," looking back at her, "It broke me that after a day you already got me replaced. I didn't even get a second chance," she sobs. 

Clarke placed her hands on the girls cheeks, wiping away her tears, "No," shaking her head unrelentingly, "he's nothing to me, Lexa. Nothing happened between Roan and I. I know I kissed him but I regretted it. I was stupid and reckless," she whispers, leaning her forehead against Lexa's. 

The two girls enveloped themselves with contented sighs and with eyes that meet each other's souls. The two remained at that position for few more minutes until Lexa pulled away and burrowed her face on her palms. Clarke watches her in despair, she have to break it to her now. It's now or never. This is the closure that she needs to move on. 

"I'm leaving Capitol," she blurted. 

Lexa's head snapped at her direction, begging her to explain. 

"I got a job offer from Dr. Wallace to be back in the city...," eyeing the brunette's mournful eyes, "I accepted it." 

"Why?" she gasped still not understanding. 

"I have to do this, Lex. We need to close this chapter in our life. We need time to heal from the wound that we've caused each other." she reached forward, caressing the girl's ashen face. "Lex, I want you. I  _really really_ want you to be mine," but then shakes her head sadly, "but we can't..." 

"Clarke," holding onto the girl's hand that was touching her face, "we can do this. We can work this out. I can't," shaking her head, "I can't lose you again.  _Please, I'm begging you, Clarke,"_ she cried, " _Please don't leave me again. Please don't."_

"Lexa," she begged, looking deep in her eyes, "this is for  _us._ I'm doing this for us. I know that we're going to be far away from each other but we  _need_ this. I need to be ready for you, Lexa. And I need you to be ready for me too. If- If we're destined to be for each other, we will always find each other somewhere down the road." 

"Clarke," she whispers, staring on those blue eyes, "I don't wanna lose you again." 

"You won't lose me, Lexa. I'll always be in your heart and mind. You'll always be a part of mine. We will find each other again, Lexa. I promise you that." 

"What if we don't? What if we didn't recover from this? What if we're with somebody else when we cross paths? What-..." 

Lexa gasped as she felt Clarke's lips on hers. All her worries suddenly disappeared as they dwelled on each other's presence. Engulfing the short bliss of reuniting as one. The hammering on her chest was loud but not loud enough as she listens to the girl's soft moan. She traced her tongue on the girl's lower lips and Clarke welcomes her, meeting her in the middle. Lexa hears Clarke sobs with every touch, all the more making her heart break little by little. 

Never did it occurred to her that this would happen. That she's kissing Clarke senseless as if her life depends on it. She have numerous scenarios inside her head how she will reunite with the blonde again but none of it was this. None of it was this good and yet, heart breaking. Clarke slowly pulls back but Lexa pulled her in some more and desperately cried, "No... No, No... Not yet," pecking her on the lips frantically. 

Clarke gave in and pushes the girl down on the bench and kissed her tenderly. Every single fibre in her body was calling for attention. The passionate kiss turned rough and hungry as they covered themselves with their pent up love and lust that had been far too long unreleased. The strong attraction was pulling the girls closer and closer until they're on edge, gasping for air. The look on their dilated eyes were alive and yet, sadness overcomes it all. 

Clarke caress her cheek one more time and gave a longing kiss before sitting up. Lexa followed suit not taking her eyes away from her. "Clarke... Please," she pleaded. 

"I love you, Lexa. Never forget that," Clarke implored. 

"Never. I love you too, Clarke. I never stopped," she whispered, leaning on the girl's hand. 

The blonde smiles as she touches the girl's lips with her thumb, "when I meet you again, Lexa. I will never run away again," looking at her green eyes, "I will love you until we grow old. We will see the world together. We're going to be two city girls." 

Lexa smiled at those words and nodded, "and when I meet you again, Clarke I will _never_ let you go again. I will never feel afraid to say what's on my mind. I will never fear of loving someone like you. I will never fear... Because- Because loving you is not weakness, Clarke. You make me so strong. You make me believe that I'm worth loving." 

"You will always be, Lex. Never forget to this day. Let's not forget our promises to each other."

The brunette nodded but whimpered when Clarke pulled away, losing her touch. When Lexa stares into her eyes, Clarke smiles and completely understands what she's trying to say. "May we meet again, Lexa." 

"May we meet again, Clarke." 

And Lexa stood up and walked away this time.


	8. As Long As It Takes

##  __**As Long As It Takes Blog**  
  
  


Dear You,

It's me again. I know it's been awhile... _**So**_   _ **we've**_ ** _meet again_**. I never expected my days to turn 360 degrees when my eyes landed on you. That minimal space between us was a sudden sugar rush to me that I thought I was going to ignite. I thought my anger and jealousy will burn me inside and scald you for life but it didn't. And I was glad. I was able to handle myself well on that first sight. Or so I thought... 

I regretted hurting you. I know it was my anger that was talking and I didn't handle it well, neither did I know that you were there listening to my words. When all I could think about was how I will place myself in this town, knowing that you're back. Thinking how will I do my daily routines, knowing that you- you were there breathing the same air as me. Walking the same road as me. 

I know I've hurt. I've rejected you. I've pushed you away. I've talked bad behind your back because it seems like its the only thing to keep myself in check. It's this defense mechanism with hopes that one day... You will be completely wiped off from my memory and I can finally live free. 

However, the better side of me kept giving me this thoughts. Thoughts that I know were right but I was just too stubborn to accept. 

How can you do what you did to someone who gave their everything to you? Someone who helped you built yourself up and had been your cheerleader ever since? But  _you..._ I took that away from you. I was angry. I was mad. I wanted to be away from my stressful situation. I admit I was selfish but I knew that staying for my family and company was a decision that I will never regret. But losing you in the process?... I was tormented for so many years.

I want you back so badly. I  _need_ you, C. With every single part of me craving for your touch. For those blue eyes to just stare at me  _just because_. I want to feel loved and needed. I want to be right for you again. I want you to want me too...  _Again._

I want to make things right. I want to make you see that I regretted of letting you go. I regretted giving that ring back and let you loose. I want to prove to you that I'm better than that guy. I know you and he doesn't. I can prove myself to you... If you allow me. I will love you. I will care for you. I will protect you with every fiber in me.

**_You're the one,_ _C._ **

You're the one that I've been waiting for. You're the one that I will wait for, no matter what -  **a** _ **s long as it takes**. _ I will be here for you. I will silently watch over you. I will promise you with my life that I will never you let you go again. I know loving isn't an easy task. But once you found someone who's willing to share that difficulty with, it will only make things easier. I will bare that hardship with you, C. Please share it with me.

**_Loving you was never easy._ **

But being with you and working together to get through the day was enough for me to say, that I don't mind doing it everyday - just as long as I'm with you. I've lost you twice and I can't lose you again. They said the third time was a charm but how true was that? I will never know... Because I will  _never_ let myself lose you again for the third time. I will hold you tight until the day that you'll see that I'm worth it again. 

Loving you was never easy because it supposed to be hard. It supposed to make you work hard for something you want to achieve and that is  _you._ I want to earn back your trust. I want to earn back your heart. I want to earn back your smile. I want you back entirely.

I will not rest, C. I will do whatever it takes and **_as long as it takes_** , to get you back. I will not give up.

_**You'll see, this is not the end.** _

Yours and always,  
Me


	9. The Other Side

A soft rapped on the door attracted her attention, "Come in!"

"Lex?"

"Callie! What can I do for you?"

"Hey Lexa, sorry to interrupt but a letter came for you. It says it's confidential so I thought I'll hand it over personally," Callie walked up to Lexa's desk and placed it gently on the table.

Lexa smiled, nodding, "thank you, Cal."

And watch the woman closed the door, before shifting her gaze at the small manila envelop with a red stamp of 'confidential' on it. She was contemplating to whether to open it now or can it wait. She decided to choose the latter and settled back on her work.

////

After a long day at the ER, the girl rubbed her temple tiredly as the doorman opened the door, "Welcome back, Ms. Griffin!"

"Good evening, Delano! Thank you," she greeted happily, entering the main lobby of her apartment building. The bright extravagant chandelier hanging above her head almost blinded her eyes and the strong smell of flower air freshener greeted her nose almost violently.

 _The Wallace Residences_ , she sighs.

"Welcome back home to me," shaking her head slightly.

"Been gone long, Ms Griffin?" Delano smiles, watching the blonde girl walking up to her mailbox and withdraw all her mails before glaring amusedly at the doorman.

"When will you stop calling me Ms Griffin? It's Clarke and yes, I've been stuck up in the ER for 2 days. My head is killing me!" She complained, giving him a lazy smile.

Delano chuckles and then bows his head, "Have a good rest then,  _Clarke."_

Clarke sleepily dragged her feet from the elevator to her apartment at the 27th floor. Sure, living in New York had been the highlight of her life (besides from certain someone) and she's loving every single minute of it. Being a city girl grew on her for a couple of years now and she just can't get away from the hectic streets and busy life and submerged herself in a quiet and serene place like home.

She pushed her door open where a dark living room greeted her. She quickly closed the door behind her and strolled over to the ceiling to floor window and gaze at the city lights. It's her favorite spot in the apartment, besides from her small studio where she let go most of her frustration through paintings and sketches. For 2 years, she had been living the city life and as much as she wanted to admit that she's enjoying her alone time, she took out the faded polaroid from her back pocket and smiles at it, she knew that  _the girl_ is always with her.

After taking a quick shower, she padded into the kitchen took out a red wine and poured herself a glass. Then strolled over to the coffee table where 2 days worth of mails greeted her. She sighs and starts flipping through it, "Bills... Bills... Junk mail... Confide-..."

Clarke narrowed her eyes at the manila envelop and then frowned, no company logo nor return address. It was very shady she thought so herself. Curiously, she tore open the letter and pulled out, what it seems like a white greeting card. She was about to open it when her phone blasted from her room.

She ran for it and quickly answered, "Clarke Griffin... Yes, I'll be there in 10."

////

"What's up weirdos!" Octavia shouted out, plopping down on the booth of the cafe and grin at Raven and Anya. "What?" she shrugs, when the two girls stares at her unhappily.

"Care to explain?" Raven pressed, throwing a manila envelop on the table.

The tiny girl rolled her eyes and looks back in deadpan, "So?"

"Did you invited our entire batch?" Anya questions ghastly.

"Yeah, pretty much," when Raven and Anya still gave her a look, she turns agitated, "what? I don't know what's your deal is. It's just a reunion party. Big woop!"

"We're 30 years old women and- and Anya here is _super_ old," gesturing at the girl who swatted her hand away, "for crying out loud, O aren't we a little too old for parties?" Raven castigated.

Octavia stares in disbelief, "Oh my God, what have Bell done to you?" She grabs the girl by the shoulders and shook her, "what happened to you Raven?! My partner in crime! Did he drugged you?"

"She grew up!" Raven exclaimed and then brandished her wedding ring, "And all chained body and soul. You're talking to your new sister in law now, Blake. Yupp, that's right I'm mother fucking Raven Reyes Blake!"

Octavia pretended to faint but then eventually, got up and scowled, "don't remind me. Bell must have hit his head hard! Anya?" suddenly giving Anya her puppy eyes.

Anya grunted, sighing because she's caught in the middle again, "You could have just invited our close friends, Blake. We don't need to see our batch mates..," side glancing Raven who's sporting a huge, much to her annoyance, sappy grin, "too much... bad memories."

Raven sprang up on her and beamed mischievously, "why Anya? Are you trying to avoid someone? Hmmm?" nudging her on the ribs.

"Who the hell?! Why don't I know this?!" looking back and forth at Raven and Anya, demandingly.

"Oh! Anya didn't tell you? Allow me to fill you in," the engineer chuckles coyly seeing Anya's red face. She quickly scooted closer to Blake, "Last year, as you have known Anya was sent to New York for an assignment..."

////

"LEXA!" Anya narrowed her eyes at the closed bedroom door, "HOY! HEDA!"

_"WHAT?!" The brunette scowled loudly behind a closed door._

"Dinner's getting cold! Come out!" She swatted Raven's hand when she's about to reach for Lexa's pizza. "Behave!" widening her eyes.

_"In a minute!" the girl called back._

"Seriously?" she quickly stood up and pushed open the bedroom door, "Lex, you have to eat. Get out of there for a minute."

Lexa looked up, glowering, "I said in a minute, right?" before returning her eyes on her laptop.

She sighs, walked up to the desk and gently shuts the laptop down, "Lex," giving her a motherly look that she knew would make the girl follow.

"Fine," and walked out of the bedroom, pouting.

"What were doing in there?" Raven asked, sucking her fingers clean.

"Writing letters again to  _you know who_ ," Anya interjected, pushing the brunette on the couch and placed a piece of pizza on her hand. "Eat."

"That still exists?" the engineer was surprised, "I thought they already shut it down years ago." Looking at the brunette amusedly.

Lexa shot her a dagger look, "Octavia," directing her eyes at the girl curled up on the couch opposite from her, "when is your brother gonna pick up  _this child?_ We're not some baby sitters here, you know. "

Raven shoved her to the side, sending the pizza to fly on Anya's lap, "Oh my God! People behave _please_!" Anya pleaded, shoving the pizza inside Lexa's mouth, " _EAT!"_

////

Later that night after Raven and Octavia left, Anya walked back inside Lexa's bedroom and sat down on her bed. The girl was still on her laptop and typing away furiously. She studied her carefully, brows furrowed, serious face and pursed lips. A sigh left her lips and touched the girl's wrist, making the girl look up.

"Head to bed, Lexa," she reminded her.

Those green eyes looks back at the screen and then rubs her eyes, whilst stifling a small yawn.

"Continue tomorrow. It won't go anywhere. Don't worry," Anya added, patting the bed space beside her. "Come on. Lay down with me."

Lexa sets her jaw and pushed down her laptop shut before crawling to bed with Anya. She turned off the lights and settled down quietly beside the girl. They laid down in silence until few minutes later, Lexa spoke.

"You don't have to be here, An. I'm fine," she said reassuringly.

"I know you are. I'm the one who needs company," the girl whispers, pulling the cover nearer to her chin. She stares blankly on the ceiling until her housemate spoke again.

"Are you okay?" turning to her side to face Anya.

"Mhmm. Did you get the invitation?" glancing at her.

"I did...," and silence filled with questions hovering around them. Lexa pursed her lips and fidgeted until she felt comfortable enough with her position, "Do you think she's gonna be there?"

The brunette's hushed voice, made Anya looks at her worriedly. It's still evident that the hurt was still circulating her best friend's mind - it always has been for the past 2 years.

"Do you want her to be?" she asked. She felt Lexa shifted uncomfortably beside her and knew that the girl was still affected by her 'almost' reunion with the blonde.

"I don't know. I mean...," a sigh greets her ears, "I want her to be but I also don't want her to be. Does that make sense?... It's like I've always been making this scenarios inside my head on how will I meet her again. I don't want it to be something that our friend's plans out. You know what I mean? It's like you're giving her a choice to go or not, because she's knows that I'm gonna be there..."

"You want it to be spontaneous," even with darkness embracing them, she could see the faint smile that Lexa pulled. "You want destiny to surprise you. That one day, somewhere down the road, you and Clarke will be at the same place, at the same time - unknowingly."

Lexa erupted into a soft chuckle, "you really know me well, An." Pulling her in, placing her arm across the girl's stomach.

"Of course!" rolling her eyes, "12 years Heda! Gosh... Up to this day, you and Clarke can't still figure out your shit together."

The girl scoffed, "as if you got your shit figured out!"

Anya smiled and shakes her head. Giving a few moments to think before speaking, "I want it to be spontaneous too."

"Hmm. You know you'll meet again, A," Lexa murmured, patting her tummy. "It's just a matter of time."

"Yeah, Well...," she trailed off, looking back up on the ceiling and watch shadows playing.

_***A year ago*** _

Lexa pulled the carry on luggage behind her and then turns around where she saw Anya smiling at her. Anya quickly took the handle of the bag and said, "don't miss me too much."

Rolling her eyes, "stop being so dramatic. You'll only be gone for two days!"

Anya snorted, giving her a look.

"Fine! I won't! Come here," the brunette beckons pulling her for a hug, "please be safe okay? Please come back."

The girl pulled away, "I'll come back, Lex. I know NYC took your girl away but don't worry I won't allow that to happen to me."

Lexa glowered, shoving her lightly towards the departure hall. "Go! Leave!"

Anya sighs and took several steps towards the entrance but to only turns back around again. She couldn't help but see the solemn on those green eyes. "I will visit her, Lex. Okay?"

The girl smiles appreciatively, "Okay."

=====

"Anya?!"

Clarke quickly dropped her clipboard onto the reception table and hugs the girl excitedly. "Oh my god! What are you doing here?"

Anya chuckles as she allows Clarke to pull her towards a room, the blonde's office as she assumed. She sat down on the couch and smiles even wider at the  familiar girl on the painting on the wall. She tilted her head and studies Clarke under her lashes, "you're still into her aren't you?"

Clarke grins as she walks back with a cup of coffee - handing it over to her best friend. "You know I still do," she replied as a matter of fact. 

A chuckle escaped her lips, "Then what's up with all this facade?" still not understanding why would Clarke won't allow herself be with Lexa after fixing everything.

"It's not a facade, Anya. I want it to be perfect when-... If I'll ever meet her again, I want our past to heal, so once we meet again both of us will be ready for each other." Clarke felt her cheeks turning red when Anya pulled a smirk.

"Seriously, you and Lexa's stupid perfect moments," widening her eyes. She leaned back on the couch, nursing her cup of coffee. "When are you planning to see her then? How many more years, Griffin?"

"I don't know," she shrugs, "I really don't know... I guess, as long as it takes."

"You're really hope you're not screwing this up, Clarke. As much as I can see that Lexa's happy now. You know she'll be even more ecstatic once she sees you."

"Trust me, Anya. I can't wait to see her again too. But it has to be at the-..."

"Right time," the girl finished the sentence, "I know. I get it. Lex kept saying the same thing!"

A light knock on the door brought the girl's attention on the door and a head popped inside the room.

"Dr. Griffin?"

"Quint! Yes, come in!" Clarke was quick to her feet, walking up to the big man.

Anya felt her jaw dropped, "Quint?!"

The man looks up and gasped, "Anya! Oh man, what are you doing in the city?" he walked towards her, completely forgetting about Clarke who stood curiously watching their interaction.

"I came here to work for the Wallace! How are you?" He was gleaming in happiness, raking on the girl's profile. "You're looking good."

Anya quickly blushed, making Clarke snorted. She flashed her a look and quickly replies back on her long lost friend, "Um, thank you! I'm great... great. You? " she giggles, taken quite surprise by the sound, "I'm here for a conference. I didn't know you left town."

"Yeah, the Wallace have a great offer. Well, um, if you don't mind we should catch up!"

"Yes!" she blurted out way too easily, that she pursed her lips for replying way too fast, "Uh, exchange number?"

Clarke folded her arms, watching in great amusement as the two awkwardly exchange numbers. It was the first time did she had seen Anya completely taken and very minimal with her words. It was a breath of fresh air.

"Well, uh, great! I'll- I'll call you tonight? Maybe we can arrange something?"

Anya nodded dutiful before looking back at Clarke who was sporting the widest grin she had ever seen. Quint was fast to his feet and out of the room after giving Clarke various X-ray files. The blonde walked up to her table and placed the item down and then dawn on Anya delightfully.

"Don't," waving her index finger on her, "I swear, Griffin. If you say a word-..."

"You swooned, Anya!!!"

Anya clenched her jaw, giving her killer glares at Clarke. "I do not!"

"Yes you did! The cat practically got your tongue! Oh my god! You have a thing for Quint! Why didn't we know about that?" pulling the girl back on the couch.

Anya rubs her face before meeting those blue eyes, "he's in our class, Clarke. He's just quiet and sits at the back but he's there... One morning we bumped into each other in the bus, we got talking and the rest was history. After graduating, I heard he's moving overseas but then a year later got back but I haven't seen him since then. Only now I finally did and God..."

"You got it bad, A. You're blushing!" poking her cheeks playfully . "Wait till O and Rae hear about this!"

The girl instantly shoved Clarke on the couch, shaking her head vehemently, "Hell no!"

////

"When I saw him, I thought my heart stopped, you know. It's weird but feels so great. During dinner with him," shaking her head by the memory, " it's like we were never parted. We talked about everything. He made me laugh so hard and I thought... I was falling hard... I always have a huge crush on him but never made a move."

"He's the big guy behind the class right?"

"Mhmm. Before I left NYC I thought I never wanted to leave that place again. It's like you finally found your soul mate but the timing just sucks," she frowned.

Lexa rubbed soft circles on the girl's stomach, "I know how that feels."

"Now, I know how you and Clarke feels too," turning to face Lexa, "It hurts as fuck."

The brunette sniggers, scooting nearer to her best friend, "only time will tell, An. If you're meant to be, you'll be."

"I know, baby girl," hugging her closer.

_***8 years ago*** _

The setting sun made the skyline turn pink purplish that Clarke bit her tongue in focus as she mixed her paint quickly to capture the scene before it instantly disappear. Lexa leaned against on their favorite bench by the Capitol lake and smiles in content as she watches the blonde strokes shades of color on the canvas.

Few minutes later, the sun disappeared and Clarke patted her hands against her jeans and leaned back on the bench, admiring her almost finished painting.

"It's beautiful," Lexa whispered in her ear, it made her shudder.

Clarke pulled Lexa to her side and feel the warmth of those long arms embracing her.

"Thank you. It's still unfinished though," squinting her eyes at the lack of deeper color on the lake. Clarke moved forward but Lexa only pulled her in and hugging her tighter. "Later. Let's enjoy this moment first."

The blonde grins, scooting closer to place her head on the girl's chest, "I miss this."

"Me too," Lexa whispers, delving on the scenery of the night.

"Do you ever imagine yourself without me, Lex?"

Lexa glanced down on Clarke's calm face and stated, "never."

Her blue eyes met the greens, "what if we broke up? What would you do by then?"

"I'll wait," the brunette shrugs casually, as if it's the most logical and fixed answer there is.

"You'll wait until we got back together?" she asked, twirling a lock of brown hair with her fingers.

"Yes, Clarke. I will wait for you," tipping the girl's chin and softly pecked those lips.

Clarke hummed, "I will wait for you too, Lex. As long as it takes."

"As long as it takes."

////

"So here's a thing," Raven articulated, as she tries to climb the steps of a small ladder to put the balloons above the huge welcome banner, "it's either you do it or I do it... But we both know they still want me rather than you."

Octavia scowled and shakes the ladder lightly, earning her a glare the girl. "I'll do it!" She puffed, "besides I don't think Bell would let you off of his sight," sticking out her tongue.

Raven scoffed and stepped off the ladder, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder, "Octavia, my sister in law, I can handle Blake you don't worry about him!"

"Hmph! Whatever. This better works out."

"Of course it will! We had an exceptionally long training with Clexa. Duh!" giving her a deadpan look.

Octavia chuckles and shoulders her, "if this went south. I'm out, Rae. I will deny you."

"It will work. Don't worry!"

////

Anya entered the Reyes' threshold and found many of her batch mates mingling with each other. She waved her hi's and hello's and went straight to the backyard where she found Raven standing by the drinks talking to Jasper and Monty.

"Anya!" Jasper hollered, hugging her tightly.

"Hey, Jasper. Monty...," giving him a cheeky smile. Monty slightly blushed and went for a hug. "It's nice to see you again, Anya."

"Well!" Raven clapped her hands gleefully, "itsn't this fun! Reuniting us guys! O!"

Octavia came running towards their direction, tackling Anya with a bear hug. The tall girl laughs and spun the girl around. "You miss me that much?" putting her down to her feet.

"No," she grins, "I just want to be spin around like a princess," smiling sheepishly.

Anya nudged her by the shoulder and accepted the drink that Raven offered. She decided to mix around with her other ex classmates to ignore the tugging in her chest. Ignoring her thoughts wondering if some certain guy would make an appearance.

It was a good 2 hours of partying, live music, games and great laughs, when suddenly she felt nauseated, she pulled Raven aside and asked, "what did you put in the drinks?"

"What?" Raven asked slightly taken aback, feeling offended, "nothing. It's just a fruit punch, Anya." When Anya glared at her, the girl sighed, "okay fine! I may have spiked it a little bit but come on, An. We're old enough."

Anya took a seat by the corner, rubbing her temple. Her world was spinning around and all she wanted to do was to go home. Raven was quick to her side, kneeling down, "An, are you okay? Do you wanna lie down?"

The girl managed to nod and the engineer shouldered her up to her room and gently lay her down on the bed. "Take a nap first, okay? I also took a bottle of water and tylenol. It's here," gesturing at the bedside table. "Drink it. Okay?"

Anya nodded again and winced at the pounding headache she was feeling. She rolled to her side and grunted when the door slammed shut too loudly. Her head was swimming in the air, feeling so light headed but she was thankful enough she didn't managed to puke yet.

////

Lexa stood in front of the house and sighs at the loud music escaping, "Raven and O really knows how to throw a party." Shaking her head, she entered the front door with people from her different lectures greeted her. It had been almost a decade since she last saw them and she kind of miss them too.

"Lexa!"

Her eyes snapped at the guy with a curly hair and a cap on, gesturing for her to come. She pulled a smirk and tilted her head, "now I don't remember you being in our class at all. What did you took again?"

He laughs and pulled her to his chest, "I miss you too, Lex."

The girl laughs and hugs him back, "I miss you too, Bell. Where's Raven and O? Did Anya arrives yet?"

"Yeah, they're at the back," pointing at the backyard where louder music was playing and probably already wasted ex batch mates dancing.

"I'll go find them." 

She scanned the area and found Octavia by the pool side talking to Lincoln and Jasper. "Hey guys, didn't know a lot of people would turn up. I don't even know half of this people," shaking her head, taking the space beside Jasper, "Hey Jas," side-hugging him.

"Hey Lex. How are you feeling?" he suddenly asked, placing a hand on her knee. The look on his eye was genuinely serious and very _very_ interested that she shoves his face away playfully and laughs.

"I'm completely fine, Jas," she winked, "thanks for asking."

Jasper touched where she hits him and chuckles, "you've never changed. You still got it hot for Griffin."

Octavia and Lincoln gave Jasper a warning look but Lexa waves them off, "It's fine guys," before facing Jasper, "and yes, I still got it  _hots_ for Griffin." And then laughs it off because it was so damn true and it made her feel great knowing that she can freely say it now.

"Wow," Lincoln chided, "no more bitter commander, I see." He grins, placing his chin over Octavia's shoulder as the girl pulls his strong arms around her waist.

Lexa rolled her eyes, "it's been years guys. Let's get over it. Where's Raven and Anya, by the way?" looking around the vicinity.

"Anya wasn't feeling well. She's resting in Raven's room," Octavia informed her.

"Really? I better go check on her," she quickly got up but only stopped when Octavia pulled her wrist. "Yeah?"

"You don't have to worry, Lex," Jasper added, pulling her back down on the beach chair.

The smirk on that boy's face was oddly weird, "what do you mean? She's not feeling well, I have to go check on her."

"A nurse is in the house. So you've got nothing to worry about," Lincoln winked, placing a peck on Octavia's cheek. 

////

Raven ushered him up the stairs and then stopped in front of the door. The girl pointed behind her, "my friend's not feeling well. I'm afraid she might have ate or drank something bad. Could you check her for me?"

Quint smiled, "of course. Is she asleep?" looking at the closed door and then back at Raven.

"I think so... But still check on her just in case she needs help. You know, make sure she's not throwing up her guts out," she coyly grins.

The guy chuckles and nodded, pushing open the door and entered the dark room.

Raven quickly pulled out a cord string cable, tied it around the door knob and then connected it to the banister tightly. She made sure that the door won't be able to pull open to make an escape. Grinning deviously, she bolted down the stairs where Bellamy grabs her by the waist and kissed her passionately.

"Where have you been?" he demanded playfully.

"Oh just helping a friend out," she winked and pulled him back to the backyard and met up with the rest.

////

Anya shifted on the bed and grunted because the pounding in her head just grew worst. She decided to sit up right and grab the tablet that Raven left when she saw a huge figure facing her.

"Fuck!" she scrambles backwards and fell on the floor lamely.

"Anya?"

Anya peeked over the bed and this huge guy had his back against her turning on the lights. She squinted, trying to adjust her eyes by the lights. "Quint?" She suddenly stood up, forgetting her hammering head, "what the hell are you doing here?"

"Raven asked me to see her friend....," he trailed off, "oh...  _you're the friend."_

The girl groaned, covering face with her palm - she knew what this all means. She pulled down her hand and watch Quint trying to open the door but failed miserably.

"Don't waste your energy. It won't work," she uttered monotonously as she crawls back to bed, "the doorknob's tightly tied around by a rope connecting to the bannister. There's no point in wasting your time."

Quint  narrowed his eyes and asked, "and how do you know that?" still unmoved from his position.

" _Because_ it's Raven's master plan," she puffed, leaning against the head board. Rubbing gently her temples, "it's a trap," looking back at Quint, "We've been set up."

"Set up? Why?" approaching the bed and sat down at the foot of it.

"Because they're idiots," she spat angrily but then sighs again when the guy was still completely lost. "You know what, just-... Just stay there and let's just wait this out. They'll eventually open the damn door."

"But what about the balcony?" he pointed behind him.

Anya shakes her head again, closing her eyes in the process, "don't even try. We're locked together whether you like or not."

Quint nodded and forked out his phone, Anya peeked at him and closed her eyes again. "They can't help."

He looked back at her again and gaze at her relaxed feature, "maybe they can cut the rope or something," he suggested.

Anya opened her eyes again and shakes her head, "there's no point in trying. The stairs will be guarded by Raven's minions and no one can go up here unless it's Raven or the gang."

Quint fidgeted uncomfortably, "why are they doing this?"

"Because they want us to fix our shit together," looking away, suddenly feeling flustered.

He looked back up at Anya and sighs, "I'm sorry."

"No. There's no need to apologize. I thought you felt the same way but you don't," she shrugs, "no big deal. We're good." Pulling a force smile that only made her heart aches more.

_***A year ago*** _

Anya smoothens her blouse and skirt nervously before entering the restaurant. It was some fancy fine dining and she couldn't help but feel this large lump in her throat begging to come out. The host ushered her to their reserved table and there behold, the most handsome guy she had ever seen.

Quint stood up and grins nervously, "Anya, I'm glad you came."

She grins back and nods, accepting a bouquet of flowers. "Thank you. Yeah, me too. Thanks for inviting me."

They had an exceptionally good time. He made her laugh. She made him smile. They shared stories and grew closer and closer with every minute ticks by. She never thought she could be this happy again. Seeing Quint suddenly feels like there's a firecracker ignited within her. Her insides were screaming in chaotic mess and yet, here she was smiling and nodding, so composed and couldn't take her eyes off of him.

"I'm glad I ran into you, Anya," Quint smiles, looking down at her. Their arms were brushing and there was a slight moment when their hands knocked on each other and she thought that he's gonna grab her hand.

"Me too... We should do this again sometime," Anya shyly smiled, quickly turning away when he grins wider.

"Of course!"

They were both standing outside Anya's hotel room by then and silently smiling at each other. No words were uttered except for their lingering gazes. The girl opened her mouth to say something but Quint beat her to it.

"I had fun tonight, Anya," he smiles, looking deeper into her eyes as if he's seeing her soul for the very first time.

"I had fun too, Quint," biting her lips to push down the urge to hug him.

Quint grins shyly and nodded, "well uh... you should head back in and rest. You have an early flight tomorrow."

Anya tried to suppress the disappointment in her chest, upon realizing that she have to leave the city. Looking back up to this guy who was staring at her as if she's some precious gem in the rough, she never felt this sadder in her entire life.

So she took a step and hugged him tightly, which he returns double the strength. The girl laid her head on his shoulder for a moment and delved on the goodness of his touch and smell, "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Anya."

She pulled back and kisses him on the cheek but Quint turns his head and accidentally met with her lips. Anya was shocked. Quint stumbles back. They stared for a good heart beat before someone finally diffuses the situation.

"I- I-... I'm sorry, Anya. I didn't mean for that to happen," shaking his head violently.

Anya touched her chest because it was only then did she felt that crazy quadruple heartbeats. It was insane. She was going mad over that short and yet, sweet bundle of joy. Her eyes found Quint as she unconsciously licks her lips.Her hands suddenly wrapped around the man's neck and pulled him in for another kiss. Quint obliged and pinned her against the door. They were so wrapped up with their intensity that they didn't noticed that a family was walking down the hallway. Quint quickly pulled back and awkwardly stepped away, giving her the distance that she needs.

"I'm sorry...," he whispers, avoiding any form of eye contact. 

A beep sound and opening of a door attracted his eyes. Anya was reaching for him with those predator eyes, never leaving his. Quint allowed himself to be pulled inside and what happened next will be forever etched in his mind.

////

"Anya...," he pushed closer but stopped when the girl flinched. She was avoiding his eyes but he still begs, "I never regretted that night. You should know that."

Anya blinked at him still not processing what he was saying, "you stormed out of that hotel room and never called me back. How do you expect me not to see for what it is?" Her anger were resurfacing yet again.

"I was afraid to face  _this,"_ gesturing between him and Anya.

"What? You're afraid to talk about your feelings? Quint ever since the beginning we talked about everything! Never once did I made you feeling awkward or bad about yourself... Did I?"

"No," he answered firmly, "but it's  _you,_ Anya. I was afraid that I'm over there and you're over here and you know that long distance relationship are hard to pull through-..."

"If  _that's_ what you're worried about...," she moved closer to him to grab his hands, "then babe, you've got nothing to worry about. I'm not some girl who'll flaunt herself to some other guy. I'm more than anything willing to make this happen, Quint. I like you... When I heard you left after graduation I was broken hearted. You have no idea," she felt her lips quivered that she quickly bit it until her tears were pushed down.

"I like you too, An. I'm sorry I left," he whispers, pecking the girl on the cheek.

Anya closed her eyes and felt those tears escaped. Her breathing was getting shallower that as she opens her eyes the only thing that she sees were those lips. She pulled him closer and kissed him like there's no more tomorrow.

////

"What's going on up there?" Lexa demanded when Raven and Bellamy approached their seats.

"Love affair," Raven smirked and hears their group of friends laughs. The brunette's eyes bores threateningly on those brown eyes and quickly raised her right hand, and everyone fell into silence.

"I don't know what you're planning again, Reyes but I'm telling you right now. If Anya got her heart broken again, you're gonna pay for it," she threatens as she pushed past her and into the house.

Raven felt her jaw dropped by the retort and felt greatly offended. She stormed after the brunette, ignoring Bellamy's grip and all of her friend's shouting for her to come back. She instantly spotted Lexa by the kitchen, grabbed her wrist and pulled her inside the walk in closet.

Lexa felt herself being shoved against the wall as the girl pulled the door closed and flicked on the light. "What is your problem?" Raven demanded.

" _You're_ my problem, Raven. How could you play that game again?  _And_ of all people, Anya? Really?" She puffed agitatedly.

"Anya needed help, Lex. You know that," pointing at her with her index finger.

"Did she asked for help, Rae?" challenging her. Raven sets her jaw, boring her eyes on those greens with frustration. When her best friend remained silent, Lexa continued, "Exactly my point, Raven. She did not! And most importantly! Clarke and I  _did not too!"_

Raven scoffed in disbelief, throwing her arms in the air, "well there you go!  _That's_ the reason why you suddenly went cray cray! You and Clarke,  _again._ When are you ever gonna stop Lexa? 2 fucking years! Jesus Christ... Get over it!  _Clarke is never coming back!_ Get that inside your head!"

Lexa flared her nostril and took a step forward, sending Raven to lean against the wall. She leaned forward, speaking through her gritted teeth, "What ever happens between Clarke and I... Is  _none of your business._ It's my love life and  _not yours._ It's Anya's love life and  _not yours,"_ slowly she leans back and stares at those eyes for a heartbeat, "This got nothing to do with you Raven.  _Please_ I don't want to ruin our friendship... Please ingrain that in your mind."

Raven was defeated because she knew it was true. But she only wanted her friends to be happy that's why she kept doing it. "I hope you understand, Lex why I'm doing this... I did this because I want  _you and Clarke_ to be  _happy._ I want Anya to be happy. Now... If nothing works out tonight," she shrugs, "then so be it. At least I did my job in helping. _Did you?_ "

The engineer stares back seeing the defiance emitting out of her. Then shakes her head and opens the door. "I hope you and Clarke really fix your shit  _on your own._ Because you keep saying that you'll wait for her ' _as long as it takes'..._ It's getting bogus and stupid, Lexa. Grow up. Nothing's going to happen if you just let yourself be stuck here in this god forsaken town and not do a hell about it. My advise to you... Go float yourself." And stormed out of the closet angrily, leaving Lexa feeling belittle.

////

"Hey."

A hand on her shoulder attracted her attention and found Anya just got back. Lexa smiles and went to the kitchen, "how's the reunion?"

"Great," Anya nodded with that awfully wide grin.

Lexa narrowed her eyes and smirks, "why are you smiling like that? Hmm?"

The girl giggles and went inside her bedroom, Lexa trailed behind and folded her arms as she leaned against the door frame. Anya turns around, dropping her bag on the bed and squealed like a little girl. The brunette erupted in laughter and watch Anya pull her in and twirl around and round.

"You seemed awfully happy," Lexa hinted.

"Yes I am, Lex," suddenly hugging her, "Oh man, Lex... I've never been this happy in my entire life." Anya pulled away with a trail of tears on her cheeks. Lexa wiped it off with her thumb, "I'm happy for you, An. I guess Raven's plan works again huh."

Anya rolled her eyes and starts unbuttoning her blouse, "that girl is impossible. I never knew that I'll fall for her trap!" pulling her shirt off, turns her back to unhook her bra.

Lexa sighed and laid down on the bed, staring blankly. Anya turns around after putting on a shirt and saw that defeated look, she scooted beside her and asked, "what's wrong, Heda? I didn't see you in the reunion. You didn't come?" Brushing the girl's hair behind her ear.

"I went..., "she took a deep breath before meeting Anya's eyes, "Raven and I fought."

She knotted her eyebrows, "Why?"

"I got mad when she did what she did with Clarke and I."

"Lex...," Anya frowned, "I know what she did was wrong even from the start. I'm sorry that you and Clarke kept going through those but you know we meant good, right?"

"I know... I'm just really frustrated when Raven or Octavia can't seem to know when to stop."

"I'm think I'm part of that crew, Lex," Anya smirked.

Lexa grins, "Shame on you, Anya. Of all people you should know better."

"But you should know that we did it for you and Clarke."

"I know, An...," Lexa falls on her back and sighs, "I miss her."

"I know you do, baby girl," Anya scooted closer, lazing her arm over Lexa's stomach. "Lex?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask a favor?"

"Sure," glancing to her right.

"Can I transfer to New York?"

Lexa bolted upright from the bed and stares at Anya, "Why?"

Anya sat up too and grab the girl's hands, "Lex, I need to be near Quint. I know that it's sudden but  _this is it,_ Lex. He's the one. I don't want to lose him again."

"Anya we need you here."

The girl sighs and scratched her cheeks, "please, Lex? The company in New York is new. I can help to oversee the department."

"Anya..." She was lost for words. Lexa knew that Anya is more than capable to help the department in NYC and it seems like a good idea. But the churn in her stomach made her hesitate because Anya can be with Quint while she... Can't even be with Clarke.

"Please, Lexa. I will owe you big time. I love Quint, Lex."

 _"... At least I did my job in helping. Did you?"_ Those words echoed inside her head and it made her feel ashamed for not being part of the bundle of love for Anya and Quint. 

She sighed again and rubs her forehead, "Fine. I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you! I love you so much," hugging her tightly, sending Lexa to stumble back on the bed. "You can come with me, you know," pulling away. 

Lexa suddenly looks up and stares at her. "You can see Clarke if you want to," she suggested.

Quickly, the brunette cleared her throat and hopped  off the bed, "I'll talk to the Human Resource about your transfer," she walked towards the door but then turns around, "I'm happy for you, Anya."

Anya smiles, "Thank you, Lex. I'm happy too."

She nodded once and left the room.

_***Few months later*** _

Lexa's heels clicked loudly on the concrete pavement as she rushes for the building. She tapped her heels impatiently waiting  for the elevator to reach the ground floor. Hastily, she checks her watch and cussed for her remaining 3 minutes.

"Come on..."

_**Ding!** _

The crowd filed out and quickly, she entered and jabbed on the 11th floor. Her phone started blasting her ringtone, earning her a huge head turns from everyone. "Sorry...," she murmured and pulled out her phone, spatting quietly, "What?!"

"Woah! Chill, commander. Sydney's asking where are you now?"

Lexa scowled at the red blinking light that indicates they're stuck at the 5th floor with bunch of visitors and patients in wheelchairs strolling in.

"I'll be there soon. Just- Just stall them for a minute, Anya. I'm almost there," she informed her.

Dropping her phone inside her bag, her feet were tapping again. She didn't took her eyes off that small screen above the sliding door. Internally, she chants,  _Come on! Faster! Faster!_

_**Ding!** _

The screen flashed 11th floor and she dashed out of the crowded car. Bolted for the east wing where a group of doctors were anxiously waiting for her arrival. When her eyes landed on a green door with 'Conference Room' pasted on it. She took a deep breath and patted herself neatly, when she heard her name.

"Lexa!"

The brunette turns around and found Anya walking up to her, "Anya, shouldn't you be inside? I told you to stall them!"

Anya raised her hands in surrender, "I did informed Sydney."

"Then why aren't you inside?-... Why are we standing here talking when we're supposed to be inside!" Lexa flung her arms in desperation and reached for the door.

Anya trailed behind her, "Jeez. Such a drama queen!" And closes the door behind her.

The girl took the free seat at the front as Lexa pushed herself in front of everyone, apologizing, "I'm sorry everyone to keep you waiting. My name is Alexandria Heda, shall we begin?"

////

"Roma! How are we doing?" She asked quickly, wiping her wet hands with a towel tissue.

"She's stabilizing, Dr. Griffin. I can handle it from here. You better head up for the meeting. I heard there's some fine ladies upstairs," Roma grins, waggling her eyebrows at Clarke.

Clarke rolled her eyes, "I don't have time for that," she retorted before turning back around and exit out of the ER.

She felt a vibration in her pocket and took out her phone, Sienne was pissed off again. Clarke grunted and bolted for the elevator landing but when she saw it was packed with visitors, she opt for stairs instead. Despite, the fact that she tries to workout as much as her free time can handle, she was still heavily panting as she reached the conference room and quietly padded inside. She hunched down behind her colleagues in a semi-dark room and settled herself on a vacant seat.

Sienne growled, "you're half an hour late!"

"I'm sorry! I just came out of the ER. Those pesky little college students just decided to have a wild night and landed themselves on a hospital bed!" She looked at the screen that depicts a slideshow of pictures that suddenly flicked away into some statistics. "What are we talking about again?"

"Some trainings for interns. Apparently, Dr. Wallace was happy about the trainings conducted before so now he wanted it here."

"Hmm," she hummed as she scanned the tables for her mother, "did you see my mom?"

"Stuck in surgery that's why I'm here," the woman shrugs.

"Make sense-..."

Clarke's eyes focused again on the screen when a voice attracted her vision.

"Lexa!" she gasped.

////

"Is there anymore questions?" Lexa asked, smiling hopefully. 

"Everything seems clear and on track," Dr. Lorelei smiled as she stood up and took Lexa's hand to shake, "it's a pleasure to have your service, Ms. Heda. I can't wait to start the training." 

"Me too, Dr. Lorelei. I hope the new activities we have in store for your interns would be a great help," the brunette nodded. 

"It certainly will. I'll see you in a few days then," the doctor gave her final wave and left the conference room along with the other doctors. 

////

"Clarke?" Sienne frowned at the blonde who's suddenly hunched down below the table, "What are you doing down there?" 

Clarke snapped up and chuckled quietly, "nothing! I was just um... Looking for something. I think I dropped something." 

"Oh okay. Well I'm gonna go. I need to report to Dr. Griffin," Sienne bid her goodbyes and left the room. Leaving Clarke completely alone with none other than Anya and Lexa. 

Clarke sat down on the carpeted floor, hitting her forehead with her palm "stupid. Stupid, Clarke! You should have left early!" 

She groaned internally which much hope that the two ladies would eventually the room. 

////

"Well that was a blast," Anya smiled sarcastically. 

Lexa narrowed her eyes at her, giving her that iffy look, "What's up with the sarcasm, Anya?" Shutting down her laptop and then putting it inside her bag. 

"Oh nothing...," playfully patting the brunette on her shoulder as she stood up. 

"Okay,  _that_ is  _not_ nothing. Spill," Lexa commanded, quirking her brow at the girl. 

Anya chuckles ridiculously and shakes her head, "are you really that dense?  _Dr. Lorelei_ was checking you out, girl!" 

"What? Now, you're just being ridiculous," turning her back on her, checking her files if everything is in order. 

"Come on, Lexa. I was there. I was sitting right here and she's there. She hardly even looks at the screen and kept ogling at your bloody jaw line," poking at the girl's cheek. 

Lexa scowled and elbowed her away, "stop it, Anya. I don't have time for those things. I've got better things to do." 

"Oh yeah?" lazily draping her arm on the girl's shoulders, "like hunting down your princess?" 

Quickly, the brunette pulled away from her, "I don't know what you're talking about, An." 

"Oh puh-lease! Like you didn't know that Clarke works here!" 

Lexa gasped because she can't believe that Anya just went  _there._

"Oh yeah," Anya nodded, "I just went there! Are you gonna  _accidentally_ trip again, Lex? Are you gonna  _accidentally_ hit your head again, huh? So that Dr. Griffin would come to your rescue and heal you with her magical hands! Which I know could do wonders to you?" she smirked, waggling her eyebrows. 

"You're impossible, Anya. I'm leaving you," she mumbled as she pushed forward for the door with all her belongings. But all of a sudden, half way out of the door, her mouth was suddenly covered by Anya's hand and she was dragged behind under the table. 

"Shhh...," Anya shushed and quickly scurried to the door, turning off the lights and then pushed the door open and let it banged against the door frame loudly before scrawling back to Lexa's side. 

"What the hell are-..." her mouth was once again covered. 

"Shut up!" Anya mouthed without making a sound. 

////

Clarke perked up when the lights suddenly switched off and the door slid shut. She heaved a sigh of relief, "finally." 

She emerged out of her cave and scanned the empty conference room before walking over to the door. And that's when hell just let loose. 

"What's up, Griff Griff?" 

Her hand froze on the doorknob because that voice sounds so damn familiar. Clarke bit her lips, grimacing by the fact that Anya haven't left the room yet. 

_So much for avoiding her._

Clarke turns around and found Anya smirking with her arms folded. 

"Anya! What a pleasant surprise! You're here...," she trailed off. 

"Oh yeah! I'm definitely here!" Anya suddenly broke into a wide grin, earning her a curious look from Clarke, "And so as Lexa. Lexa come out!" 

Her stomach made a 360 degree flip when that brown mane girl emerged from under the table and looks at her shyly. 

_Conniving little shit head, Anya is!_

"Well!" Anya clapped her hands together before turning around to Lexa, "I'll be at home if you ever needed anything. Which I really doubt that you do... Considering," suddenly looking at Clarke's shocked expression, "you already got what you needed..." 

The girl stood there in the middle of the brunette and the blonde who was simply giving each other 'the heart eyes.' "Well I'm gonna get out of  your hair. Before any of this sexual tension get a little out of hand." 

"Anya!" Lexa reprimanded, giving her that deadly eyes of 'your dead for putting me on the spot.' 

"Okay, okay!" raising her hands in surrender, "I'm leaving. Jeez!" Anya grabbed the laptop bag and the files from the floor, "I'm gonna grab this so you don't have to carry it around when you and Clarke... You know," she winked before moving towards the door. Once she opened the door, she patted Clarke on the shoulder and said, "I heard that your shift ends in half an hour. Better bring commander hot pants over there for a little spin of New York! You know you want to..." she whispered and then fled from the scene of the crime. 

////

Lexa stood stiffly on her spot with her eyes still delving the image of Clarke. She can't believe that she's in the same room as the girl whom she have been madly fallen in love with. She's within reach and with just one step she could almost touch her... And so she did. 

"Clarke," taking one leap of faith. 

Clarke opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Lexa was right in front of her, inches away from her. Her hands were itching to touch her but she didn't. 

"Lexa... You're here," she breathed. 

A smile crept on the girl's lips, nodding, "I'm here, Clarke." 

Biting her lips, she couldn't help but grin, "I can see that!" She bantered sarcastically. 

Lexa rolled her eyes and giggled, "still sarcastic, I see." 

She forgot how much she loves to hear the girl giggles. So she just stares at her for a brief moment and then took a sharp inhale, filling her lungs with the scent of Alexandria Heda. The girl that she's been madly in love with. 

"Um... Do you... Wanna get out of here?" Clarke hesitantly asked. 

"Out of here you mean, out of the conference room but still within the hospital vicinity or out of here, as in out of the hospital vicinity and into the city?" narrowing her green eyes, playing with that smirk on her lips. 

It was her turn to roll her eyes, "Perhaps a mixture of both? I do still have 20 minutes left till my shift ends. So... If you want to... We could have dinner?" She asked carefully, feeling her cheeks turning red, "I mean if you're not busy... Only if you want to... No pressure!" 

Lexa laughed heartily at how Clarke babbled on and with her cheeks turning tomato. Which of course she must pointed out, "you're blushing, Clarke." 

Clarke quickly ducked down, scratching her neck warily. 

"I'd love to have dinner with you, Clarke," Lexa simply stated.

The blonde suddenly perked up and then aggressively nodded, earning her another giggling fit from the brunette. When Clarke shot her a glare, Lexa quickly piped it down replacing it with a sappy smile. 

////

"So uh... This is my office. Make yourself comfortable," she gestured awkwardly before heading to her table and make a full good use of her remaining time with something productive, instead of ogling at her ex. 

Lexa nodded as she entered the room. It was quaint but filled with paintings of abstracts. She smiled because she knew that it's Clarke who painted those. She turned to face the couch and then sat on it and that's when she saw it. She felt her jaw dropped to the ground. 

"Uhh... Um...," Clarke stammered when she saw what Lexa was staring at. "It's just--" 

"It's me," Lexa simply stated, walking towards it. 

Clarke broke into an awkward chuckle and huskily said, "yeah."  Watching the girl's green eyes devouring the piece of art. Painting that piece was filled with emotions and she can see that Lexa was feeling it. 

The brunette turns to her and smiles, "thank you, Clarke. It's beautiful." 

" _You're beautiful_ ," Her eyes widened by her unconscious confession and covered her mouth to stop herself from talking any more words that will clearly embarrass her. 

Lexa grins and walks to her table, "Really?" tilting her head playfully, her eyes were glistening with playfulness, making Clarke to swallow hard. 

"Psh! Of course!" suddenly waving her off, "Anya was pretty too, actually! Her cheekbones really speaks for itself. I did a couple of sketches of her. I think it's pretty good!" Clarke nodded, trying to push away the awkward atmosphere that oddly turning her on. 

She saw how Lexa's face fell but the smile was still there. Pursing her lips, she gestured back at the couch, "please take a seat first. I'll be done with this in 10. I promise." 

Lexa smiled faintly and nodded before settling down on the couch. 

////

"So..." Lexa trailed. 

"So..." Clarke copied coyly. 

"What dessert do you wanna have?" She flipped through the menu before meeting Clarke's deadpan look. "What?" 

"You haven't finished you dinner, Lexa," she pointed at her half eaten plate. 

"Come on, Clarke. I'm don't wanna finish it. I'm craving for dessert," she pouted but then slowly grins. "You've never changed haven't you." 

"So do you," Clarke rebutted, pouting at the mineral water with two straws in it. 

"Yeah, well...," averting her eyes away, "old habits die hard." 

The blonde snorted, attracting Lexa's attention, "What?"  

"That's what I always say to Raven... Octavia, Anya... Practically, everyone," Clarke shrugs, taking a sip from her bottle. 

"You don't say," widening her eyes, earning her a pouty Clarke. 

"Anyway!" Clarke exclaimed, dusting her hands together, "Why don't we get out of here? I know a place where we could eat dessert." she quickly stood up and held out her hand which Lexa willingly took. 

"Where to?" 

"Secret." 

"As always." 

////

"Would you rather... get chased by a chicken with a size of a horse or by a hundred horse with a size of a chicken?" Lexa giggled by the expression on the blonde's face. 

"I already stopped listening when I heard 'would you rather'...," Clarke berated, "you suck at that game," when Lexa shoved her playfully to the side, she stuck out her tongue but then ponders for the answer, "I'd rather get chased by a chicken with size of a horse-... Could you imagine a hundred horses chasing after you? Yeah, sure they're miniature in side but you'll never win! They'll stomp on you with those hooves and then you'll trip and then get stampede-..." Clarke instantly stopped her babbling and stares at Lexa guffawing figure.

"Only you can trip over  _anything,"_ The brunette teased. 

"Did I mentioned that I don't like you?" 

Lexa shrugged by the old line that Clarke love to say, she grins by it knowing that they're still the same old selves, "You never did!" 

Then they fell into a comfortable silence, walking down the partially empty street. They both knew that they've been pushing aside the main thing that they're urging to let out but it seems like none of them have the nerve to make a move. 

A loud ding from Lexa's phone attracted both of their attention and when those green eyes landed on the message. Her hands were twitching for wanting to punch Anya on the face. 

_**(11:30pm) Anya: I heard this article really helps a lot of people. Check it out, commander! You'll thank me later. ;)** _ _**Clear here.** _

### "28 Lesbian Sex Positions to Blow Your Mind - Cosmopolitan"

Lexa turned crimson red upon seeing the article's title that she quickly stowed her phone away and avoided Clarke's curious eyes. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing," she croaked, ducking down on her snow cone to hide her flustered cheeks. 

Clarke narrowed her eyes and nodded still. Another _ding!_ interrupted their walk and it's coming from Clarke this time. It was the girl's turn to turn tomato, hiding away from Lexa. 

"Are you okay? Do you need to go back to work?" Lexa quickly questioned. 

"No," she breathed, biting her lips as she shoves her phone back inside her pocket. 

"So... "

"So...." Clarke copied, giving side-glances to the brunette. 

As much as she doesn't want the day to end it is getting pretty late and she still need to be up early in the morning. Clarke looks down on her melting snow cone and stopped her walking. When she looks up Lexa seemingly looking for something, "You looking for something?" 

"Uh yeah... A trash can?" looking back down on the girl. 

"Oh, here. Let me get that for you," Clarke took her empty cone and walked over to a small alley way and threw it away. When the blonde emerged out, a tall man in a black jacket came charging towards her and carried her off of her feet and spun her around. 

Lexa's eyes were frantic. Clarke was squealing and thrashing around until the man puts her down and then pecks her longingly on the cheek. The brunette stood frozen by the sidewalk as the two figures played out. She wanted to run to the rescue but apparently, it wasn't needed.

"Lex!" 

Clarke came running back and grins, pulling behind her a man that seems so oddly familiar. 

"This is Roan," gesturing at the man beside her.

 _Of course..._ Lexa thought. 

She tried to pull a smile and at least she managed to because Clarke didn't gave her a weird look every time she tries to pretend to be smiling. 

"Roan, Lexa. Lexa, Roan. " Clarke introduced. 

"It's good to finally meet you, Lexa," Roan smiled warmly, all of a sudden grabbing her hand and kissed it. 

Clarke swatted Roan's hand away and scowled at the guy. Lexa smiled tightly and nodded, "Likewise." 

_I didn't know Clarke can be possessive. God... What am I doing here? I have to get out of here. This is too painful to watch._

"Um..., " Lexa pranced her eyes around, avoiding Roan's sticky eyes all over Clarke. "I think I better go." 

As much as she wanted to admit to herself that she saw how Clarke's eyes fell when she mentioned about her leaving, she simply dismissed it knowing that Roan's there and Lexa probably assumed wrongly. 

"Oh." Clarke's voice sounded disappointed but Lexa dismissed that as well.

Her blue eyes were searching for Lexa for something. Something that would say if she did something wrong or said something wrong but there was nothing. Nothing but a genuine smile. "Okay," Clarke whispered.  

"That's too bad," Roan frowned, draping his lengthy arm over Clarke's shoulders, "I thought we could grab a drink or something. Since you know," looking at the blonde's direction, "it's TGIF. Right, Clarke?" Pulling the blonde closer to his torso, snuggling her in. 

The blonde scowled again and pushed away his arm playfully before looking back at Lexa's impassive demeanor. "Do you really have to go?" discreetly begging her to stay, even though she have an early shift the next day. She'll sacrifice her sleep, just as long she can spends more time with Lexa. 

"Yes," Lexa quickly answered, slowly retreating backwards to hail a cab, "I- I'll see you around?" 

Clarke sighed, "Okay. I'll see you around, Lex." She waved as the cab pulls away from the curb. 

"Damn it, Clarke. You still got it bad!" Roan teased, slumping his arm over her shoulders. 

Rolling her eyes, she shoved away the man's arm around her and bantered, "don't be such a jealous boyfriend." 

The man laughs, pecking her on the head, "only for you, love."


	10. The Process of Decisions

"What the hell are you doing?"

Clarke jumped on her seat when a girl came bursting inside her office and loomed on her.

"Anya?" She asked confusedly. "What are you doing here?"

"Don't change the subject, Griffin! What did you do to make Lexa cry all night?!" Anya demanded, leaning over her desk.

"I-... I don't know! Why? What happened?" Suddenly standing up, to meet those wild eyes.

The older girl sighed seeing just how confused the blonde was as her. She sat down on the couch and leaned against it, sighing. Rubbing the bridge of nose, she set her eyes again on Clarke's worried look, "I didn't get enough sleep because your girlfriend came knocking on my door in the middle of the night  _crying._ She's a wreck, Clarke. I was thinking," tilting her head in wonder, "what the hell did you this time?"

The blonde opened her mouth feeling greatly offended because she have no idea what the hell was going on in the first place. She thought they were having so much fun last night, "I don't know! We were fine last night. We were having fun. Making jokes. Laughing... That was it," she explains, "when she left I was confused too because it's so sudden. Roa-..."

Clarke then shut her eyes closed in realization. She puffed agitatedly for knowing why. 

"What? What is it?" Anya leaned forward when her friend came sitting down beside her, suddenly breathing raggedly.

"I think I know why Lexa left...," Opening her eyes, pulling that apologetic smile.

////

"Hi!" Lexa turns around and found Dr. Lorelei approaching her widely smiling.

"Good morning Doctor," she nodded.

"You're here early in the morning. Well isn't this a lovely sight after my 12 hour shift," the woman chuckles softly when the brunette ducked down and smiles.

"I was just making sure that everything will be settled for tomorrow's training. Talking to the trainers about the goals that we have to reach to make it successful," she explains.

"I see," Dr. Lorelei nodded, looking down on the check list that was on Lexa's hands, "I can see that you're very thorough with your job. No wonder Dr. Wallace is very fond of you."

Hearing those words made the brunette chuckles and nodded, "So I've heard," she shrugs boastfully.

////

"Where are you going?" Anya bolted out of the door and trailed behind Clarke's fast pace.

"Is she here?" Turning behind but her pace never falters.

"Yes but I'm not sure which level she's at right now. I can call her-..," but the woman didn't managed to stop in time and bumped against Clarke. "Why did you..." She trailed off when she saw what the girl saw.

////

"I love your hair," the doctor uttered, taking the curls to her fingers and twirling it.

Lexa smiles shyly, "thank you. I don't really like letting it loose because it gets in the way but-.."

"You should! It's beautiful!" Dr. Lorelei hinted, tucking a strand behind Lexa's ear and noticed it tinted red. She knew that she got the girl blushing. "Hey...," those green eyes looks back at her, "do you wanna grab something to eat? For lunch?"

Biting her lips, she ponders if this was a good idea or not. She knew it's good because more interaction meaning she could have more connection for the company's sake. But rewinding the words that Anya told her about the doctor liking her... Made her think twice.

"Um... I'll think about it?" squinting her eyes carefully on what will the woman's reaction will be, when she saw nothing but genuine smile, it made her breath easily.

"Fair enough. I guess I'll see you around," grabbing the brunette's hand and squeezing it gently, "you know how reach me," she winked and strolled off the opposite direction.

////

"Oh dear Lord...," Anya murmured.

Clarke turns around and faces her best friend, "is there something's going on between her and Dr. Lorelei?"

"I don't know but that woman can't take her eyes off of her during the meeting and I kind of teased her about it," she carefully articulated, seeing the look on Clarke's face.

"Oh," she nodded and turns back around at Lexa who's reading something from the file by the receptionists table.

"Hey Lex!" Anya called out, making Clarke to stumble at her own feet and loose her footing.

"Clarke!" Lexa belted out and quickly ran to her side, "are you alright?" holding the girl on the shoulders.

Clarke bit her lips in embarrassment and quickly got to her feet, "I'm fine!" nodding vehemently, meeting the concern eyes of her ex.

"Are you sure? Did you twist your ankle? Do you need a nurse?" Lexa was hovering around her, dawning on her with too much care that it only made her feel angry.

_Angry? Angry for what?_

Realizing that the tugging feeling in her chest was due to her discreet jealousy over ex and her colleague, Clarke smiled widely and took a step away, "I'm fine, Lexa. Thank you for the concern."

Anya narrowed her eyes and folded her arms by the sudden change of demeanor between the two girls. "Breakfast? Anybody hungry? I know  _this_ girl is," pointing bluntly to herself before grabbing her best friends by the arm and pulled them out of the hospital ground.

////

When the food arrived, Clarke generously showered the pancakes with maple syrup and smiles at the gooey goodness of it. She pushed the plate in front of her and took another plate of pancakes before doing the process all over again.

Anya watched her in the corner of her eyes, taking a slow bite off of her sausage. Looking at Lexa, she was greatly impassive and sat idly watching the blonde works. As if she didn't expect anything more  _but_ doing exactly what the blonde was doing.

Then a thought hit her, "Lex, I thought you're allergic to maple syrup?" but she asked this question  _after_ the brunette took a bite from her pancake.

Lexa suddenly looked up and stopped her chewing. Clarke looked up too at Lexa and then at Anya  _and then_ back at her ex. She frowned, "you're allergic to maple syrup? Since when?"

The brunette opens her mouth to speak but Anya cut her in," since few years ago. She refused to eat anything with maple syrup on them. She said she's allergic to them," she shrugs, dawning on Lexa's defensive stoic face, smirkingly. She knew it was just an excuse because practically anything that reminded her of Clarke, all of a sudden she was allergic to it.

"Oh...," Clarke looks down on the girl's plate and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't know. You should have stopped me," looking up, Lexa was still unmoved, "Do you need a shot? How are you feeling? Here drink some water. Let's head back to the hospital I'll give you a shot," she nodded dutifully as she stood up and gestured for Lexa to go with her.

Lexa stood still, still unmoved - averting her eyes away as much as possible. Clearing her throat, she croaked, "I'm fine. I got over it...," suddenly grabbing her cutleries and took another bite from the pancake.

Clarke watched her horrifically and grabbed the girl's wrist to prevent anymore damage on the girl's health. "Lexa," she said sternly, taking away the fork from the girl's hand, "stop being childish and get back to the hospital with me. I'll give you a shot. You might swell up if you kept eating!" She was worried sake that she kneeled beside the girl's seat and search for her eyes.

The brunette was still unmoved, avoiding eye contact at all costs and softly uttered, "I'm not...," blinking a couple more times at what she's going to say, "I'm not allergic to maple syrup."

Anya shot her eyebrows up, meeting those aloof green eyes. Then a smile spread on her lips, earning her rolling eyes from Lexa. "Well! That settles it! Come on, Clarke," patting on the blonde's vacated, "let's eat! I'm starving!"

The blonde furrowed her eyebrows back and forth at Anya and Lexa as she sits back on her chair, "what's going on?"

Anya shot her a look and nodded slowly. Clarke looks back at her sporting a strange look until it dawns on her. "Oh," and looks back at Lexa's flustered cheeks. "So you-..."

_**Ring! Ring! Ring!** _

Her attention was stolen by her ringing phone from the table and quickly excused herself from her friends.

"Wipe that grin off of your face," Lexa grumbled, slicing another piece of pancake and shoved it inside her mouth.

"I just  _love_ seeing you flustered, Commander. You actually thinks that Raven, Octavia and I believed you when you said you're  _'all of a sudden'_ allergic to maple syrup?" tapping her chin in wonder, "the beach. Art. Horror movies.  _Romantic_ movies. That we wouldn't figure it out? Psh! Get your head out of your butt, Lexa."

The girl scowled, "I hate you."

////

"Roan, what's up?" Sitting down on the bench just outside the diner.

"How's your lover girl?" Roan asked playfully.

Clarke peeked behind her and saw Lexa and Anya talking. "Fine. I guess. She's been distant... I think-..."

"She got jealous last night huh," he finished.

She sighed and rubs her forehead, "I think she did. I mean... I don't want to assume things and I will explain everything to her when the time is right. Just... Right now isn't-..."

"Perfect timing," Roan ended, hinting a chuckle.

"You've got to stop finishing my sentences! Gosh! No wonder people think we're together." She grumbled as she leaned against the bench. "Is this what you really call for early in the morning? Did you called just to bug me because my ex is in the city?"

A grumbling sound reached her ear and it made her smile, "Of course not, princess. Well actually... It is. I'm just looking for an excuse to not let this woman talk to me about my past."

Clarke squinted her eyes, "Woman? Is this what I think it is?" she gasped, covering her mouth, "Roan has a new love interest? Tell me  _everything!"_

"No! God, no! It's my aunt. She came to the city to bug about my mom," he explains.

"Oh... How did that go?"

"She wants me back home," he simply said.

"Talking about home. I've known you for so long but you never talked about your mom nor your background much. Who are you really Roan Quinn?"

"That's for me to know and for you  _not_ to find out," Roan cheekily replied.

"Oh yeah. Sure! Play that card on me! This is will be the last time you'll ever hear from me!" and promptly ended the call before storming back to the booth.

"Sorry guys! Took too long," taking a sip from her coffee, "So what are we talking about?" looking at Anya's smirk and Lexa's flustered cheeks.

"Oh nothing!" Anya waved her off, suddenly looking busy on her eggs and bacon.

_**Ring! Ring! Ring!** _

Lexa looks down on the ringing phone on the table and felt her stomach dipped by the name flashing on the screen.

"Excuse me! Let me just handle this for a second," Clarke murmured and escaped again.

She took one deep breath and averted her eyes because quite frankly, she's not liking the way Anya was looking at her. Especially when some certain blonde is on the same room.

"You saw that," Anya pointed out. Lexa looks at her but the girl was too busy stirring her coffee, "you shouldn't be bothered. It's nothing," she shrugs, finally meeting the emerald orbs.

"Nothing?" She was caught off guard. Looking back at how cozy the two were they seemed to have more than friendship.

"Yes. I've met Roan a couple of times and he's a great guy. He's pretty harmless. Although there's something familiar about him. His name's fairly familiar," she tapped her chin but then shrugs it off.

"What's his name again?"

"Roan Quinn, I think," Anya shrugs, "Does it sounds familiar?"

"Quinn... It does sounds familiar," she leaned back and think hard and with the sudden ring of the bell from the entrance door of the diner, something  _ding!_ inside her head. "Holy shit!"

"What?" Anya leaned forward.

_"Yeah, what are we talking about?" Clarke asks, settling down on her seat._

Lexa widened her eyes by the sudden arrival of the girl and quickly pursed her lips, "nothing," shaking her head, "I-... We got to go. I'm sorry, Clarke." She stood up.

"We?" Anya questioned.

"Yes, Anya.  _We,_ " She beckons sternly.

So the girl stood up and smiles apologetically at the blonde, "Sorry, Clarke.  _We_ forgot we have to do something. Catch up with you later?"

Clarke smiled and nodded confusedly as she watches the two figure exited out of the diner.

////

When they were at a great distance from the girl and heading somewhere that Anya have no idea about. She nudged Lexa, "What was that about?"

"I know him, Anya," staring blankly ahead of her. Her head was started connecting all the dots and sparks flew within the small confinement of her brain as the wires connects to each other. 

"Who? Roan? Who is he?"

Lexa stopped walking and faces her best friend, "Roan Quinn is the son of Nia Quinn."

Anya froze in time and then slowly, frown by the new given information, "Nia Quinn has a son?! Why didn't I know this?"

"Because stories that I've heard was that her son was banished by Nia. The guy lives his own life away from her mom. My dad mentioned about it a couple of times but I never really gave it much thought until now." Rubbing her forehead.

"But...," cautiously studying Lexa's demeanor, "Would it be a problem now that we've known this information? Wait, does Clarke know that Nia Quinn's son is Roan?"

Lexa opens her mouth but nothing came out, she tries again, "I don't know. Maybe not... She would have reacted if she knows about it. Clarke hates the guts out of that ice queen."

"Roan must have kept her in the dark. Wait... Do you think that Roan must have been plotting something? I mean they've been friends for a long time now and it seems like a little strange that Clarke didn't mention anything about Roan nor his pasts. Lexa!" suddenly grabbing the girl's attention, "What if Roan was just using Clarke against you? I mean the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, right?"

And by hearing those words, it almost made her feel the sense of protectiveness over Clarke. She have to do something. "I have to warn Clarke."

////

_**Lexa Heda: We need to talk.** _

Clarke stares at her phone for a moment too long, trying to formulate why would the brunette suddenly wanted to talk to her. 

_**Clarke Griffin: Yes, we should. Tonight? After my shift ends at 9pm?** _

A minute later, a reply arrived. 

_**Lexa Heda: Okay. I'll see you then.** _

Later that night, As the time approaches for the time to finally meet the girl she couldn't help but feel the strong tug in her chest and the butterflies flying around. Clarke bit her lips and shrugs off the cold wind as she exits out of the entrance of the hospital. She looked at her phone again and reread the last text message. 

_**Lexa Heda: I'm waiting for you by the bus stop.** _

"Just be frank. Tell the truth. Don't stutter. You've got this, Griffin!" She pep talked as she stalks over the meeting place and instantly, spotted the brunette staring at blank space. She stopped for a moment and observes the girl, it never fails her to be amaze how beautiful or maybe even more, she is throughout the years. Taking one last breath, Clarke forged through the crowd and meet her pending confrontation. 

"Lexa?" 

Lexa looks up and automatically smiles upon seeing Clarke. "Clarke," standing up. 

"Hey. Do you wanna grab something to eat? Or... Have you eaten already?" Feeling unsure if its the right move. 

"Yeah," the girl nodded, "diner?" pointing at the street behind her. 

Clarke nodded once and fell into step with Lexa. They were quiet for awhile, delving on the busy buzz of the city. It was never this loud nor busy back at home and being in the place where they always wanted to be was some overwhelming for Clarke because this was what she wanted all this while. Having Lexa here beside her was already a dream come true. 

"Lexa-..." 

"Can it wait till we get to the diner?" Lexa interjected, without even sparing a glance at her. 

Clarke frowned by the strange response but still nodded to respect the girl's accord. 

_Is there something wrong? Is it something bad? Did I do something wrong? Is it about Roan? About us?_

The blonde was already on edge and by the time they settled down on the booth, she was shaking nervously. She hated it how Lexa could bring out such behavior from her even after all this years. 

"So um, here we are," Clarke gestured at the diner. 

Lexa looked up and nodded, then quickly averted her eyes. She pursed her lips and study the uneasy demeanor of the brunette. Clarke feels something bad was about to go down. 

"Lexa, talk to me. You're making me feel nervous," she insisted. 

Lexa bit her lips, "Clarke... I have to tell you something," searching for those blue eyes. "It's- It's about Roan..." 

_Yes, let's talk about Roan!_

Clarke nodded determinedly. Lexa took a deep breath and let go of what's gnawing her mind, "How much do you know about Roan?" 

The blonde arched her brows not expecting that question to pop, "What do you mean?" 

"I mean, how well do you know the guy?" 

"Lexa, he's been my friend for years. Where is this all coming from?" shaking her blonde head in confusion. "Cause if you're jealous you don't have to-....," 

" _Clarke,_ " she said sternly, ignoring the insertion was partially true - she did get jealous but that's not why she came.  _I think..._ "Roan, how well do you know him? Do you know where he works at? He's family background?" Lexa pressed. 

Still shaking her head, Clarke tried to answer most of the question but she was still baffled as to why the brunette was acting that way, "He's works at the engineering firm downtown. Her mom died in an accident... That's all I know. I don't really nose around about his life, Lex," rolling her eyes in sarcasm. 

Lexa puffed, knowing that Clarke isn't taking her seriously, "Do you know her mom?" 

"No, I never actually met the mother, Lex. I think the accident speaks for itself, " she continued to banter. "Why are you suddenly asking me all these questions?" 

It came to Lexa that Roan was tight lipped about his history. She should have known better. Pursing her lips, she revealed, "Clarke, Roan  _Quinn_ is Nia  _Quinn's_ son." 

"What?" Clarke was even more confused, "What are you talking about Lexa? Nia doesn't have a son. She's a single bitch who dwells in hell brewing her big pot of devious little plots!" 

"Nia banished Roan years ago even before she took interest on the company. She have a son, Clarke and it's Roan. I'm certain of it." 

She leaned against her seat not believing what she's hearing, "Lexa, if this is you ruining my friendship with Roan. I'm telling you-..." 

"I'm not!" Lexa knew it will turn to this, her trying to ruin whatever blooming friendship Clarke have with the guy but that's beside the point, when all she could think about was to protect Clarke. "Look, I know it's hard to believe. But trust me, Clarke I'm not trying to ruin whatever relationship you have with Roan. I'm just here to warn you. It's up to you if you believe me or not." The girl stood up, gave Clarke one last look and left the table. 

Clarke raked her blonde hair and stares at the figure leaving the premises. That's the second time she saw her leaving her again and the feeling was just as the same. Hurt. Lonely. But pushing those aside, she have more pressing matter to handle. Half an hour later, the blonde was banging on the door of the person whom she trusted ever since she came to New York the second time round. 

"Roan! Open up!" She bolstered not caring if the neighbors hear her. 

"Clarke?" Roan asked, opening the door, "It's late. What are you doing here? Did you fight with Lexa again?" Giving her a dead pan look. 

"Don't turn this towards me!" She shoved the man inside the apartment and started pacing around the room, avoiding the look that Roan was giving her. 

"Will you quit pacing and talk to me? What did I do wrong?" When he didn't received any response, he took the girl by the shoulders and stares deep into her eyes, "Talk to me, Clarke." 

"Is it true?" Clarke demanded, "That you're Nia Quinn's son?" 

Roan let go of her shoulders and took a step back. "Clarke, I can explain-..." 

"So it's true then!" Chuckling bitterly, moving feet away from the traitor, "You know, Roan why I left that damn town in the first place! It's all because of your mother's doing! You even have the audacity to keep this from me? After-... After all the comforting words you fed me?! Wow...," shaking her head in disgust, "Just wow, Roan! You played your cards well." 

"Clarke, let me explain!" 

"Oh please do! I just can't  _wait_ what lies you're gonna feed me this time," taking another step backwards until her back hits the window.

"Clarke," Roan slowly breathed, feeling her chest drumming in his ears, "I didn't know that you're Lexa's ex. When I saw you at the airport it's nothing but pure and innocent act of kindness," when Clarke gave her a disapproving look, he sighed, "Look, I was clueless that you were remotely related to the Heda's but when the night transpired I started putting the puzzles together and realized that you were Gustus' daughter's ex. You should have probably know by now that I was disowned by my own mother because I refused to be a part of the plans that she have! Clarke," taking a step forward cautiously but Clarke pinned back on the wall, he stopped moving, "my intention to you was nothing but pure and no motive. You're my best friend. I've trusted you with all my life." 

"Then why did you hide it from me! I've trusted you, Roan!" Clarke croaked, pushing down the big lump in her throat but her eyes was already a step ahead shedding tears. 

"I know! I know! I'm sorry, Clarke! I shouldn't have! I was meaning to tell you but I'm just waiting for the right time..." 

"Well you're 6 years too late," she spat bitterly. 

"I'm sorry, Clarke." 

"Sorry? You kept this from me for years and played along as if you never knew who Lexa was. You knew the reason why I have a straining relationship with her in the first place because of your selfish mother's constant attack on the company! Hell... I've been ranting about that woman for years and there you were acting as if it didn't even affect you the slightest," Clarke made a move towards the door when Roan got a hold of her forearm and face him. 

"Clarke, you meant the world to me and all my action towards you are with no malice. Please try to understand that I resent what my mother did to the Heda's and you should know that I've  _never_ supported all her doings. That's why I was disowned in the first place. The reason why I didn't tell you was because I don't wanna lose you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I can't risk losing you, Clarke, " Roan begged. 

Clarke smirks sourly, "You're all the same... You, Lexa... Just doing whatever you wanted to because you're too selfish to lose! I'm tired," shaking her head, "I'm tired of dealing with people like you." Giving him a one last look and walked out of the door. 

////

"Have you heard from Clarke?" Anya studied her friend for a moment and repeated the question, "Lex, have you heard from Clarke?" 

"What?" suddenly being pulled out of her stupor, "Oh... No." And then dived back on her laptop, pursing her lips. 

Tilting her head, she tutted internally, "Spill." 

Lexa looked up and back down on the screen, "there's nothing to spill," she typed away on the keyboard. 

"Pfft. As if! Talk to me, Lex. What's going on?" sitting beside the girl by the sofa. 

"I told her about Roan," she mumbled never leaving the screen. 

"What? What did she say? How did she react?" 

"Didn't took it so well. She thinks it was me trying to ruin her relationship with him because I was jealous," Lexa informed her. 

Anya scoffed, "because it's true!" earning her a scowl from the brunette. 

"It's not about that... Okay, fine I was jealous, "she revealed, when Anya gave her a look, "but I only did it because I was trying to protect her. You'll never know what Roan have up in his sleeves." 

"But Lex, do you honestly think that Roan would do such a thing? It's been 6 years. If he have a plan he would have done it already and not let it drag this long." 

Lexa gave this a ponder and it indeed made sense. "You're probably right. He was disowned by Nia..." 

"Then there must a reason why. She wouldn't do such a hateful act especially on his son if it didn't mean anything, right?" Anya said, leaning back on the couch. 

"Guess so..." 

"Yupp. Now returning back to you and Clarke Griffin..." Lexa rolled her eyes and focus back on the screen, "did you  _actually_ asked the blonde head out?" 

"I am  _not_ having this conversation with you!" She blurted, feeling that blush on her cheeks. 

"Oh my god! Way to go, Commander! How was it? Did she still stares at you as if you're some goddess that dropped from heaven?" Anya bit her lips at the laughter she's trying to hold back. 

"Not really when I've been bantered as a jealous ex girlfriend!" Lexa retorted. 

////

It was already half way through the training and all of them was having lunch when Clarke spotted Lexa at the far end of the staff cafeteria. She thought the woman would probably head out to eat with Anya but she guessed not. She had given so much thought with the information given to her and she couldn't help but feel betrayed. Just when she finally found someone she can trust, the past just have to ruin it. Roan means everything to her because he had helped her get through with her break up and she never even once thought that he would do that to her. Clarke have not heard from him for days after ignoring his incessant text messaging and calls. It was like going through a break up all over again. Losing trust, love and being betrayed - it was all too familiar. 

As she placed her chin over her palm, still watching the brunette typing away crazily on her laptop, it dawned on her how she was still captivated. Despite all the dramas that had happened and was still happening, despite her constant pep talk of moving on and to forget about certain girl... Here, she was, on the same room with the girl she's  _still_ in love with and breathing the same air as her. It didn't came to a surprise, realizing that again, that she had never stopped caring nor loving the girl. People would simply deny it when they're on their moving on stage. But a thought hit her, what's the point of moving on when you're still hooked by your ex... That was in fact 3 tables away from you and you sat there ogling at her like a teenager. 

Clarke suddenly blinked a couple of times when a face came blocking her view. 

"Anya?" she leaned back. 

"Great view, huh?" Anya grinned cheekily, looking back at Lexa's table and then back again on Clarke. "What's up, Princess?" pulling a seat beside Clarke. 

 _This was all too deja vu,_ She shakes her head and looks back at her best friend, "Nothing much," playing around with her salad. 

Anya snorted and nudged her gently, "Just talk to her. You know she was only trying to protect you. I know she's hard headed and annoying at times but she meant no harm. She still cares for you, Clarke." 

Clarke smiles but still not meeting the girl's eyes, "I know... I feel the same way... But how?" pulling a shrug. 

"Is this what I think it is? Clarke Griffin backing down on a challenge?! The girl who incessantly berated the commander over there to break down her walls and here she was, completely clueless how to approach her crush... Correction! A girl she's in love with!" Anya chortled slightly, when Clarke gave her a stern look. 

"I'm not chickening out. You know, everything's changed. It's different now. We're two different person with different people in our lives. I'm not even sure that after our last conversation she'd still wanted to talk to me," returning her gaze back to the table where she found Lexa leaning her head against her palm with her eyes closed. She couldn't help but think it was cute. 

"Well there's only one way to find out," Anya interjected, "Yo! Heda!" she bolstered across the cafeteria, earning her a dozen of head turns.

Clarke grabbed the girl's arm and pulled her in, "what are you doing, Anya?! Stop that!" she hissed in her ear. 

"What? I'm helping you. You should be grateful!" returning her gaze back on Lexa, "Clarke needs to talk to you. Come here!" 

Clarke sunk low down to her seat and closed her eyes, trying meditate to push down the strong urge to poke a needle on Anya's mouth and sew it shut. Anya elbowed her ribs and when she opened it, Lexa was already standing awkwardly in front of her. 

"Clarke?" She asked softly. 

It never fails her to feel something in her stomach when Lexa speaks so softly and hush. 

_Especially in bed when.... Clarke! STOP!_

"Um...," she swallowed hard, turning to her side to look at Anya but the woman was already gone. "That bitch!" She hissed quietly to herself. Clarke suddenly looks up, "Please, take a seat, Lexa." 

Lexa did what she was asked and looks straight at the girl's eyes but Clarke was avoiding it. "What is it, Clarke?" 

"Um... I'm sorry, Lexa. We didn't mean to disturb you." 

"It's fine. I could use a break," Lexa smiles faintly, suddenly feeling nervous around Clarke. "So what is it you wanted to tell me?" 

"Oh right. I just wanted to say... Thank you for telling me about Roan," finally meeting her eyes, "I've talked to him-..." 

"What did he say? Clarke please be careful, I know he's really close to you but-..." Lexa piped up when Clarke grabbed her hand. 

"Breathe, Lexa," she smirked, "He told me everything. He was sorry... Knowing that his mother partially caused our separation. But it's all over now. I'm through it," she said, only deciding right at the moment to not let history affect her decisions for her future. 

"So..." the brunette trailed not feeling sure what will happen next. 

"So... Yeah," Clarke shrugs, "I just wanted to inform you that Roan and I were clear about his history and..." Pursing her lips, feeling unsure if ever she was still friends with Roan. She did walked out on him and ignored his obsessive calls and messages. Maybe they were still, but maybe they do need a breather too. "I guess  _we_ need a breather too. He's been my friend Lexa and I've trusted him with all my heart. He helped me moved on from you and I couldn't stressed enough how difficult it was but if it weren't for him I don't think I'll reach this point. I know that he hid that information from me longer than he should, but trust me, Lexa," suddenly realizing that she was still holding Lexa's hand and the girl doesn't seem to mind, "he meant no harm." 

"Do you honestly believe that?" Lexa was still skeptical. 

"Yes. I know he's a Quinn but I also know that he's a great friend. I don't think he'll do anything to harm me, Lexa. Please try to understand that. I meant the world to him and he is to me too. I don't know what to do without him," Clarke confessed. 

Lexa dropped her gaze and took a subtle breath, she knew she was in too deep with Clarke but she never knew that after so many years of separation it still stings when knowing the fact that the girl had moved on with Roan. She shouldn't feel possessive over someone she didn't have anymore. "I'm sorry, Clarke. I know I shouldn't have come in between you and Roan. I'm sorry if I talked bad about your boyfriend. I was only looking out for you." 

Clarke tilted her head, feeling confused, "Boyfriend?" 

She lifted her eye and nodded sadly, "I'm sorry... I knew I was jealous and I shouldn't be. You're with Roan now and I shouldn't meddle between-..." 

Lexa gasped when a soft lips planted on hers. She was startled for a brief moment but then was quick with her response. Clarke hummed softly when Lexa kissed her back, she placed her other on the girl's neck to pull her deeper when she realized that she's in a crowded staff cafeteria and loud whistles and clapping were showering around them. 

The blonde pulled back and saw the flustered brunette, avoiding her eyes. She couldn't help but grin at how adorable Lexa looks. "Hey," tipping her chin to face her. "Roan is not my boyfriend. He's just someone special who helped me get through rough patch. You don't have to feel jealous," pulling a wide smirk. 

Lexa turned beet red and licked her lips, still feeling the ghostly presence of the blonde's lips. Clearing her throat, her eyes went back to those blue orbs and said, "okay." Seems like the only word she can manage to say without breaking her voice.

"Okay," Clarke repeated, still sporting that coy look.

She cleared her throat once more and gathered her things, "Well um... Better head back to work. Thank you for the talk, Dr. Griffin."

Clarke grins as she leans back on her chair, studying Lexa's sudden stiff behavior. "The pleasure is all mine,  _Commander,"_ She mumbled softly, earning her a startled look. 

She knew that the old Clarke is back. She knew that  _they're_ back. Clarke and Lexa is back. She couldn't help but feel  _alive._ "I'll see you later then...  _Klark,"_ by the the way that Clarke looks at her with sudden lust, she dares to pull a wink and walked out of the door with chest out feeling relieved after so many years. 

////

"Give yourselves a round of applause!" Lexa declared and grins widely as the entire conference room exploded with loud whistles and cheers from interns to staff. It was an awesome day and no, it's not because Clarke kissed her. She rolled her eyes by the thought and asked, "You guys did an awesome job today. I hope to see that you'll use this training to come in handy with your careers. I'm glad to have met such a wonderful team!" The interns 'woohoo-ed' and 'yeah-ed' even louder, almost making her grown deaf. Lexa chuckles, "Do we have any questions? Before we end today?" 

A hand shot through the air and from what Lexa could remember his name was Craig, "Yes, Craig?" 

"How's Dr. Griffin's kiss? Was it mind blowing?" Craig teased, earning her a loud ruckus of laughter and happy crowd. 

Lexa flustered as her eyes quickly made it's way to the side line of the room and found Clarke pursing her lips, clearly trying to suppress how her cheeks and ears were turning red. She chuckled throatily and looks back at the intern, "It was" she simply stated, turning back to Clarke, who was gapping at her. "Alright! Alright! Enough of this none sense!" Trying to tame down the wild reaction from the interns and facilitators. "You guys had been great. It's a real pleasure getting to know you guys. Thank you for such a wonderful time." 

Soon, the entire conference died down with a huge crowd exiting the room. The facilitators bid their goodbyes and there's no one else left but Anya and Lexa. Which for the brunette's case, is the situation she's trying to avoid. She quickly packed up her stuff and made a quick exit but Anya caught up with her, "So a kiss huh? Can I say Clexa is back?" 

Lexa shot her a look but a snort erupted instead, "I don't know." Licking her lips, as if she's trying to remember what Clarke tasted at that brief moment.  _Something like chicken and sesame seed dressing,_ She shakes her head because it was ridiculous. 

"You're so whipped," Anya nudged, "Seems like the best day you had ever since you watched the Octopus Documentary. Which I am still gravely disturbed about and now can't take the picture off of my head when that thing was giving birth," she shuddered. 

"Shut up," she weakly retorted. She knew she got it bad again. That kiss meant everything to her. It's either it will bring her up or push her down and give her a broken heart  _again._ Lexa sighed as they approached Anya's car, "What do you think it means?" 

"What? The kiss? Hmm... It could be anything," the woman shrugs, pulling open the driver's door, "Either she still likes you and wants to get into your pants," Lexa elbowed her on the ribs and she elicited a laughter, "Or she still  _loves_ you and wants to get into your pants. Either way it's a win win situation." 

Lexa rolled her eyes and grumbled, "Talking to you doesn't help at all." Her phone suddenly  _Ding!_ and by the name that flashed across the screen, a wide smile automatically appeared. 

_**Clarke Griffin: So it's mind blowing?** _

_**Lexa Heda: Depends. I kind of forgot what it feels like.** _

_**Clarke Griffin: I guess I should remind you then. How about tomorrow night? 7pm?** _

She pursed her lips forgetting that she's leaving tomorrow. Another sigh escaped her lips and gave one final attempt to make things right with Clarke. 

_**Lexa Heda: I'll be there. I'll pick you up from the hospital.** _

_**Clarke Griffin: Sounds good. I'll see you tomorrow, Lexa.** _

_**Lexa Heda: I'll see you tomorrow, Clarke.** _

Anya peeked over at Lexa and saw one of the sappiest smile that the girl ever sported. "I'm going out on a limb here, that's Clarke isn't it?" When she didn't received no response, she chuckled heartily, "Damn, Lexa. You are so whipped!" 

"I am not!" Lexa countered but then slowly recoils, "Only for Griffin..." She confessed, earning her another boisterous laughter from her best friend. 

////

"Hey Heda-..." Anya stopped at her track when she saw what Lexa was wearing, "Looking all fancy just to head back to Capitol? Someone special picking you up?" the woman teased as she leans back on the doorframe of the hotel room. 

Lexa smiles widely and shakes her head, "I'm not," suddenly acting all busy packing her clothes, "Clarke asked me out." She whispered softly. 

"What? I didn't- Didn't catch that. What did you said?" Anya peeled off from the door and walked nearer. Lexa shot her a look because she knew she heard what she said. 

"Clarke asked me out," but she still repeated. 

Then a loud guffaw echoed inside her hotel room and a heavy arm laze around her neck, "Lexa, Lexa," Anya tutted, "You are  _damn whipped!"_

"No I'm not!" Pushing away her arm. 

"Yes you are! Cause here you are all stressed out because tonight you have to head back home but Clarke was dragging you back. And I feel like the latter is what is going to happen." 

"No, Anya. I'm just gonna meet her for dinner before I head back to the airport. My flight is not until midnight anyways, so I still have time," Lexa shrugs as she zipped close her luggage. 

"Of course, whatever you say, Commander," making a whip crack sound with her mouth partnered with a hand gesture. 

/////

"Hi!" Clarke excitedly greeted her as the girl walked out of the entrance of the hospital. 

"Hi," she smiles back, tipping her toes as the strong wind hit her body. "Ready to go?" 

"Yeah! Let's go," walking down the steps and crossing the road with the brunette quick to her side. 

"You seemed in a hurry," Lexa commented, briskly walking beside the girl. 

"Oh...," finally slowing down, "Sorry. I got used to walking fast at work. I forgot we're out of the hospital now," she explains. 

"It's okay. Where do you wanna eat? I saw there's this good French restaurant around the corner... Clarke?" Lexa turns around and found the girl nowhere to be found. "Clarke?" She called out once more when a single stalk of lilac popped in front of her. 

"For you," Clarke smiles sheepishly, seeing the surprise on Lexa's face. 

"Lilac..." 

"I just-  it's something you like," she shrugs nonchalantly. 

She never remembered telling Clarke her favorite flower or maybe she did... But either way she can't remember and she can't believe that the girl would run off and buy her a stalk. 

"Smell it," Lexa did what she was asked, a smile tinged on her lips, "I know _I'm_ still the best lilac smell holder there is. But it's just something to remember me by when you go back to Capitol." Clarke informed her. 

"You knew?" She was astounded. 

"Knew that you love sniffing me? And when I'm not around you would steal a shirt that smells like me and you'd think I'll never notice?" Clarke giggles when Lexa pouted slightly. "I noticed, Lexa. You're not as subtle as you think you are." 

Lexa scoffed and twirled the flower with her fingers, "Like I said there's this French Restaurant in the corner," she made a quick stop when Clarke laughed even louder. "Mockery is not a-..." 

"Yadah yadah!" Waving her off, Lexa wasn't sure if she should feel offended or not. But this is Clarke, she gets away with anything, "Let's go to your French Restaurant." 

////

"Let's get out of here," Clarke nodded off to the street. 

They were done with dinner and it had enjoyable talking nothing but happy memories. Lexa knew that they've been trying hard to avoid talking about certain topics and she's glad because this is the memory she wanted to carry with her as she crosses from one state to another. A memory of Clarke smiling and laughing, touching her hand so casually as if it wasn't awkward and she doesn't mind, she loves the feeling of the girl's soft skin on hers. 

They were walking briskly again and she have to catch up with Clarke, "Hey, slow down. You're walking fast again." 

"Oh I'm sorry. Didn't mean to. I don't wanna run out of time." 

"Run out of time?" Lexa quickly asked. 

"Ah nothing. There's a froyo shop few blocks away. Come on!" 

Lexa narrowed her eyes because to her, Clarke seemed to act so out of her element. She's carefree and laid back. Always looking so relax and takes her time with everything. But that night, something is wrong. They were already inside the shop waiting for their froyo when a teenage boy tripped on one of the chairs and spilled his entire drink on Clarke's white blouse. 

Clarke gasped and stepped back, pulling her sipped in blouse and panted on the cold beverage on her skin. "Shit..." 

"I'm so sorry!" the boy apologizes, the blonde simply waved him off and he want scrambling out of the shop. 

"Are you okay? You're blouse's completely soaked Clarke. You need to change. Let's go home?" Lexa asked, grabbing the two cups of froyo from the counter and beckoned Clarke out of the shop. 

"I'm fine, Lexa," the blonde answered curtly, ignoring how her blouse hugs her chest snuggly that Lexa has to turn away to get her head out of the gutter. 

"No, Clarke. You're wet..." She didn't intended to stop at mid-track but that's exactly how it happened and she refused to acknowledge the suggestive smirk on Clarke's face. 

" _I am wet_ ," Clarke admitted, hinting a meaning or two. 

Lexa just shakes her head, giving her playful stern look, "Home. Now." 

"But I don't want to!" The blonde whines, grabbing her froyo and spooning a mouthful to her mouth. 

"Clarke, it's cold out here. Let's just head to your apartment and get change? Then we can go out again after." 

When Lexa walked away towards her street, she had no choice but to follow through. She didn't even asked how the girl know where she lives, she simply pushed the thought aside and open the door of her apartment. 

"Wow," Lexa gasped as she stepped inside, her eyes landed on the huge painting by the living room and studies it. A mixture of dark colors portraying the moon and the woods, it brings color to the tall bare white walls of the place. Her feet moved her next to the tall window, she knew Clarke would have chosen this place because of the view - she would have done the same thing. 

A loud  _Ding!_ on her phone attracted her attention and saw it's her reminder that she have to be at the airport in an hour. Lexa rubbed her forehead in worry, she had been holding off from looking at her phone for the time because she doesn't wanna rush her date with Clarke but as it turns out, it turned rush after all. Clarke seemed to have paced everything fast and quick. 

Placing her phone back inside her purse, she walked towards the bedroom that Clarke disappeared to and looked around inside the room, calling out for her, "Clarke?" 

"Lexa?" Clarke came out of the bathroom.

Lexa noticed the girl's face was slightly down casted, it made her feel even more sadder for leaving.

Clarke stopped a distance away from Lexa as if she's gonna get hurt if she took another step. "When do you have to leave?" her words came out in a hushed whisper, as she tries to push down the bereaving emotion trying to climb up. 

Lexa doesn't have to know how the girl find out that she have to leave but instead answered, "Now." 

The girl lowered her gaze and nodded. The brunette closed the gap between them, "I'm sorry." 

"Don't be. You have to go back home - to your dad, to your people. That why I...," Clarke trailed off, suddenly seeing that spark on those green eyes, "That's why you're you."

Lexa nodded pushing down the words that was left unsaid, "Maybe someday you and I will see each other again at a better circumstances." 

She tried to pull a smile, "I hope so." Then held out her arm which Lexa took hesitantly. "May we meet again?" 

Lexa opens her mouth but no words came out. She held tightly onto the girl's arm and stares deep into her eyes. She never wanted to let go. She never wanted to leave Clarke... _Not again._ After battling with her inner qualm, her eyes dropped down those soft lips and then back again on those oceanic eyes. It's her last chance. It's her last chance to taste the love that she had been craving for for the longest time. 

Lexa pulled Clarke by the arm and touched those lips. The girl was taken aback but soon responded greedily as if her life depended on it. They're both were in with much gusto and cravings sending shudders down their spines. The heated kiss was enough to send them overboard that they have to pull back to take some air. 

Clarke looks back at those emerald eyes, searching. Searching for something, she wasn't sure yet for what, but she guess if the girl feels what she feels. Lexa sighed at the tears that trailed down on the blonde's cheeks, she raised her hands to wipe it away with her thumb and kissed her back hungrily, eliciting a whimper from the girl. Her hands was roaming in every inch, etching on her mind the trails and bumps that she had missed for far too long. It was refreshing. It was exhilarating how Clarke's body responded so well with hers.

She pushed the girl gently until Clarke dropped onto the bed, staring at her _still searching._ Lexa leaned forward but then halted for a nano second to see the nod that Clarke permitted her to. Grabbing the hem of the shirt, She pulled it away gently out of the blonde's head and dawned on the beauty before her. 

" _Klark,"_ Lexa whispered as she burrowed herself to the love prints that she will leave behind for the blonde to remember. 

////

A smile graced her lips when her eyes landed on the tattoo over Lexa's arm. She caressed it softly with her fingers, hearing a soft hum from the girl. With one good look of the expanse of the brunette's bare naked back, studying every detail of the new tattoo that Clarke indulged herself with - she said, "You have to be at the airport in less than an hour--..." 

"Ssshhhh....," Lexa hushed, smiling slightly as she opens her eyes. Staring faintly at the painting of space on the wall beside Clarke's bed. 

Clarke smiled wider and trails down her finger on the newly added tattoo, "You got a new tattoo. It's beautiful." 

"Yes. I got it 6 years ago-..." 

"When I left?" Clarke finished, tracing circles on the back. 

Lexa sighs, still staring, still having her back against the girl, "Each circle represents the time when we're together." 

"6 years... But there's 8. What's with the remaining 2 years?" She asked as she watched Lexa lay down on her back.

"Can we talk about something else?" trying to change the subject.

Clarke licked her lips and nodded, "We don't have to talk at all."

Lexa smiles widely and leaned over Clarke, delving on the soft kisses and shuddering gentle touch of her love. 

////

A loud rapped on the door attracted her attention and quickly opened it, "Griffin? What are you doing here this late?" 

Clarke stepped inside the apartment even before Anya invited her and collapsed on the couch, groaning, "I'm so stupid, Anya!" 

"Why?" the best friend came sitting down beside her, watching the girl squirm. 

"I let Lexa go  _again,"_ She whispered, leaning back on the couch. 

"What do you mean?" 

Clarke looks at Anya defeatedly and pouted, "She's in the plane back to Capitol." 

Anya sighed, leaned against the couch side ways and continue to watch her best friend riveting in regret. "Then chase after her," she simply answered as if it's the most logical answer there is. 

The blonde looks back strangely, "should I? I mean after we-...," instantly, looking down on her hands. 

"You what, Clarke?" 

"We-... We kind of... Slept together but it wasn't technically, slept together because we didn't sleep at all. She had an hour so everything just happened in a flash. I wasn't even think straight. All I want was her-...." Anya immediately covered Clarke's mouth to stop her babbling and of course, to prevent some unwanted information that will scar her forever. 

"Clarke, do something! You've been running away for years. Go chase after your girl! It's been 2 years. Don't you think it's time to go back? All wounds are healed and there's nothing left to do but to see her again. Be with her again." 

"You're right. I can't lose her again. I can't let her go. I have to go get Lexa," she nodded vehemently as she strode towards the door. "Thank you, Anya. You're the best." 

"Well  _only_ the best," Anya smirked. 

"I'll make sure that Raven nor Octavia don't hear that," Clarke whispered, earning her a loud laughter from her best friend before closing the door behind her. 

/////

She have everything planned out. Go back home, file her remaining off days, book a ticket and go see her girl. Clarke was excited. It's a simple plan but she was hoping for the best. The words that she will say to Lexa was already on the repeat inside her head. She was chanting it over and over again until she reached her floor. 

She made a turn towards her door, bobbing her head by the mellow and yet, heart wrenching words that will surely get Lexa bawling. A smile landed on her lips, thinking back on how they fell on each other's arms and with that short moment of bliss, it was everything that Clarke needed to set her mind in getting back what truly belongs to her. Words for words for her confession to her future girlfriend kept repeating inside her head until she was stopped at her track in the middle of the hallway. 

Until her eyes landed on the hunched figure by the floor. Her mind was running wild. She tried to open her mouth but it ran dry. Just at this perfect moment when her body abandoned her. 

"Clarke?" the person stood up and faced her. 

"Lexa?"


	11. The Return of The Truth Part I

Her eyes took in the figure a distance from her. Feeling that sudden drum of her heart in her chest. She can't believe it. Clarke opens her mouth but no words came out. Just at that perfect moment did her body abandoned her.

The hunched figure stood up and faced her, "Clarke?"

Finally,  _Finally_ she found her voice. "Lexa?"

Lexa took tentative steps with deep caution towards the girl,not knowing if her shocked expression was a good thing or a bad thing.

"You're here," Clarke breathed. "You're back...," Still staring at her out of confusion but mostly, in relief.

She opens her mouth and internally cursed the cat for getting her tongue. When all her thoughts were focusing on what she's going to say to Clarke just at this moment did her mind went blank. Lexa tried again but failed miserably.

"Clarke-... I- Pol- Have-...I can't-...," Lexa crunched up her face and grunted miserably, earning her a laughter from the other girl.

"It's okay. I know why you're here... The same reason why  _I'm here,"_ Clarke simply stated.

The brunette tilted her head and glanced at the apartment door and pondered on the girl's words, "going back home?"

The blonde nodded, hinting that small smile as she closes the gap between them, "welcome home, Lexa."

_***An hour ago*** _

"I'm sorry that I suddenly appeared out of nowhere unannounced but... I can't- I just can't let you go anymore. All these years it's you, Lexa. It's always been  _you._ I can't let myself live a life without you anymore and I'm sorry for taking this long to woman up and find my way back to you-.... Ooppss! Sorry!" Clarke stumbled back as she exited out of the car and almost bumped into an older lady entering the elevator door.

She had been too preoccupied with her thoughts that everything around her blurred. "That's alright, my child. Oh I'm sure your girlfriend will be skipping and picking out flowers in happiness with your words."

Clarke ducked her head, feeling that hot sensation crawling on her cheeks, "thank you, mam... Girlfriend? How do you know?" Finally meeting those deep brown eyes.

The older lady simply gave a warm smile and nodded, "Your time is running out, my love. Better head back home to her."

The girl stood rooted to her ground, staring at the already closed elevator door. "Head back home... To her," she repeated, even smiling by the gratifying meaning.

Clarke walked briskly out of Anya's apartment building and headed straight to the bus stop, patiently waiting and still wondering how will Lexa react once she  found her standing at her doorstep. A fluttering sensation bubbled in her tummy, making her grin goofily. She can't believe that even after all these years she's still having butterflies in her stomach by a simple thought of Lexa.

_I am so not over her._

_**Ring! Ring! Ring!** _

Clarke forked out her phone and frowned on the name flashing on the screen. "What?...," raising the phone to her ear, "Hello? Gustus?"

"Clarke! Is Lexa with you?" His voice was frantic. It made the girl worry.

"No. Why? What happened?" she asked.

"Lexa suddenly called and said she can't go back home yet. She said she have to handle something but she doesn't want to tell me. I'm worried Clarke."

Clarke stood up from the bench and scanned her surroundings as if the brunette would appear out of her nowhere. "You don't have to worry, Gustus. Lexa is a full grown woman. She's strong and independent. She can take care of herself."

"I know," Gustus sighed, "But I'm still worried, Clarke. She's been shutting me down again ever since you left..."

The girl sighed, rubbing her forehead thinking of way how will she find Lexa. "I know... I'm sorry Gustus I never wanted that to happen..."

"I understand. You meant the world to her and with you leaving only made her realized that she's not worthy of having someone to stay by her side-..."

"Gustus, you have to know I never meant for her to think that way. She meant everything to me too. I can't-... I'm done-... I'm done running away. I'm done pulling myself out of her life and I know how insensitive that have been for the longest time. But I've learnt my lesson, Gustus... I will not let Lexa go anymore. I will go back to Capitol if I have to... I still love her."

Closing her eyes, she collapsed on the pillar of a deserted bus stop. Clarke never felt so relieved having those words out in the open and most especially to a man that always been a father to her.

"I'm happy to hear that, Clarke. You're the only daughter in law that I will ever wanted."

A throaty chuckle escaped her lips as she opened her eyes, delving on the comforting words from the man. "And you're the only father in law that I'll ever wanted too, Gustus. When my dad died I thought I will never have a dad again but I'm happy that I've met you. You gave me a father figure again. Thank you."

"Oh stop with all this melodramatic none sense!" Gustus crackled, sprouting a laughter on the other side of the country.

Clarke laughed along with him, knowing he's not much of a guy who likes hearing sappy words.

"I'm glad I can be one for you too, Clarke... So now go grab your girl before you took off again," he hinted jokingly.

Rolling her eyes, she said, "I will. I will see you soon, Gustus."

////

Clarke pulled away ever so gently from those soft lips and leaned her forehead against her. Her lips easily formed a smile when that familiar butterflies starts flying around, bumping to each other in the dark. "Lexa," she breathed, "what are you doing here?"

"Clarke-"

"Stay," she blurted. Taking a step back submerging herself at the startled green eyes.

"Clarke what are you-..."

"Stay. Here.  _With me. "_

Lexa opened her mouth but no words came out. Her eyes blinked at the words that etched in her mind, "Clarke... What are you saying?"

"Lexa be with me," she earnestly said, grabbing the girls trembling hands, "I don't want what had happened to us to just be a one night stand between two exes. I want you Lexa... I-... I love you."

Her throat made an involuntary gulped. Her mind was searching for something, searching if it's true. If, if that very moment was her dream coming true. Deciding that words are not enough to comprehend the chaos in her mind, Lexa pulled Clarke by the neck and met those awaiting lips.

Clarke stumbled back a little, feeling stunned by the aggression that Lexa was pulling. She wrapped her arm around her waist with her hand raking her brown mane as they deepened into the kiss. The girls stumbled backwards until Lexa's back hit her apartment door, she let go of the girl and fumbled for her keys out of her purse, unlocked the door and closed it behind them with their lips still attached and savagely nibbling unrelentingly.

Lexa let go a whimper when the other girl pulled her lower lips, making it draw blood. Clarke gasped by the sight, "I'm so sorry, Lex. I- I shouldn't have bit you. I'm so sorry. Here," quickly grabbing the girl's hand to the kitchen and run the faucet.

"I'm fine," the brunette shrugs and simply licking of the blood from her lips.

Clarke pouted and examined the small bite mark of her lips, "I'm sorry," gently pecking it to make it heal faster.

"You still believed in that?" Lexa smirked, drawing her eyes off the girl's lips and back on those blue eyes.

"What?"

"Kissing a small scrape to make it heal faster," and this time she was grinning, when the girl folded her arms in defiance.

"Yes! I still do! And I don't care if I'm a doctor now. I still think a little kiss will make things better," Clarke pouted.

Lexa laughed, "then can you kiss me here?" pointing at her left chest, "it kinda hurt," shrugging nonchalantly.

Clarke sighed, bringing her hand to caress that high cheek bone that she always loves. Her eyes can't seemed to meet Lexa's and mindlessly look around on the girl's little imperfection. "I'm sorry..."

Lexa wiped off her smile and almost frowned on the girl's heavy-heartedness. She brought her lips to the tip of the blonde's nose and gave it a small kiss. "I'm sorry too."

"We need to talk," Clarke hastily let go, as if she's dropping the 'A' bomb.

The brunette pulled away and nodded determinedly, following Clarke back to the dining table and squared her shoulders.

"Lexa," finally meeting those piercing green eyes, "I think you should call your dad first. He's worried sake."

"Oh right... My phone's dead. So-..."

"Here use mine," Clarke gave her phone and watches Lexa dial her father's number and let it ring a couple of times.

"Dad?... Yes. I'm sorry. My phone died... With Clarke-... What?! No!..."

Clarke watched in amusement when the girl's cheeks turns red. She bet Gustus' playing around with her.

"Yes, Father... I'll think about it," Lexa looks up meeting Clarke's soft eyes, "Yes, of course I want to but-... Are you sure? Mhmm... Make sense I guess... Okay, we will discuss it once I get back... A couple of days maybe?... I just want things to be back to normal before I leave," glancing again at those blue eyes that were now sporting a confused look. "Mhmm... Yes, Father... I will. You too... Okay, Goodnight."

Lexa gave back the phone and smiles awkwardly at the silence between them. "Well uh... I better head out and look for a hotel," she stood up when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Stay here, Lexa. You don't have to go searching for a place to stay. I have a guest bedroom you can use. Plus, It's pretty late." Clarke insisted.

"Are you sure? I don't wanna intrude." 

"Your dad will feel more at ease if you stay here." 

 _I'll feel more at ease if you stay here,_ Clarke thought. 

Lexa searched her eyes for a second before giving a small nod, "Thank you, Clarke." 

Clarke smiles before grabbing her hand towards the guest room when a thought struck her, "Where's your luggage?" 

The brunette scratched her head and smiled sheepishly, "On the way back to Capitol." 

The blonde rolled her eyes, "get yourself clean, there's a towel inside the bathroom. I'll grab some clothes for you." 

Half an hour later, Lexa found herself leaning against the couch with her hair up in a messy bun, left cheek against the back of the sofa, legs curled underneath her and warm cup of tea in hand - just staring at Clarke. Clarke shifted and copied the brunette's position. They stared at each other from across the other end of the couch. There's no need to speak. There's no words needed. Soft smiles radiated on their lips and soon, they both sighs just delving on the presence of each other. 

"I love you too, Clarke," Lexa whispers. 

Clarke's smile widens and blinked a couple of times, trying to push down the tears that kept wanting to come out. "I miss you," she whispers back, discreetly pinching her forearm to make sure she's not dreaming. 

"I miss you too," Lexa placed down her cup and pulled the blonde in her arms. Gently, she laid herself comfortably on the couch with Clarke on the top of her - embracing her. "I don't wanna leave," she sighs, closing her eyes. 

Clarke glanced at Lexa's relaxed facial expression and pecked the tip of her nose, seeing that faint smile gracing the brunette's lips - it caused her to twitch involuntarily by the sudden butterflies in her tummy. "Don't," She simply stated, nuzzling the girl's neck. 

"What if I move here, Clarke?" 

The blonde swiftly raised her head and stare at her with wide eyes, "are you serious, Lexa? Don't play with me." 

Lexa snorted and opens her eyes, feasting on the sight of her...

_ex? Girlfriend? Friend?_

She pushed the thought aside and said, "I'm serious... I can't be away from you anymore, Clarke. I don't want to spend another 2 more years thinking of what ifs. I want to spend 2 more years thinking what will I cook for dinner once you've arrived home. What will I buy for your birthday, for our anniversary. What we will name our pet. Waking up in the morning seeing you so close to me... I'm serious, Clarke... If you want me to."

Clarke felt Lexa shifted uncomfortably by her last statement, so she tightened her arms around her and peck her lips, "I've been praying for that for years." 

Seeing the mutual understanding between the two girls, Lexa felt her lips forming a grin and a laughter reached her ears, "I'm glad." 

////

"Cook?" Clarke tilted her head sheepishly, earning her the 'Lexa rolling eyes'. "Since when do you cook?" 

"I've learned how to cook Clarke," playfully smacking her on the arm but it came off a bit too hard with a very resounding  _Slap!_ sound. 

Clarke gasped by the stinging pain on her bare skin and widened her eyes at Lexa who suddenly looked remorseful. 

"I'm sor-..." 

"Oh you are so gonna get it, Heda!" Clarke threatened as she peeled herself off the girl and starts tickle attacking her. 

"I said I was sorry!" Lexa exclaimed, half laughing and half gasping for air. 

////

"A goldfish." 

"A gol-... A goldfish?! How's that remotely a pet? It's just there inside the fish bowl swimming all year round?" Lexa combusted, looking at Clarke standing by the stove cooking them supper. 

"It's a safer choice, Lexa. Knowing I'll be busy at work. You'll be busy at work. We don't have time to take care of a pet," Clarke explains flipping over the pancake. 

"What fun can you do with a goldfish? Just stare at it as it eats its bullet fish food? Come on, Clarke," The brunette whines, placing herself behind the blonde with her arms wrapped around her stomach, kissing her neck.

Clarke shudders slightly by the touch and sighs, "Fine. What do you want?" 

"A corgi!" She suddenly lightens up. 

Clarke erupted into laughter seeing those wide green eyes and huge goofy grin, "and who do you expect to take care of it when we're off busy at work?"

Lexa pouted, "I'll think of a way... I'll hire a dog nanny!" 

The blonde took a step back and narrowed her eyes, "A nanny? Are you serious, Lexa?" 

The girl nodded her head dutifully still sporting that grin. Clarke simply rolled her eyes and went back to flipping pancakes. 

////

"Maybe we can take turns. I'll take her for a walk when I get home or on my off days," Clarke shrugs, pouring a generous amount maple syrup on each of their plates. 

She can't believe she just cave in in getting a pet, mind you, a dog - more specifically a corgi. She never had a pet before. The closest thing she had as a pet was a bird that got her wing tangled on the fish net at their backyard when she was 8. She took care of it the whole day and by the following day, it disappears. Clarke was heartbroken and having a pet never crosses her mind again. 

"Her? So you were already thinking of it being a girl?" Lexa grins sheepishly, twirling her fork with her fingers. 

Clarke rolled her eyes and puffed, "eat." 

"Yes, mam!... I could take her to work," the brunette offered, making the girl opposite her look at her bizarrely. 

"Is this bring your pet to work day?... You will bring _a dog... inside_ your office building? Are you serious, Lexa?" 

Lexa pouted and pointed bluntly at Clarke with her fork, "You've been asking me how serious I am hundreds of times since I got here. Are you doubting my decision making skills, Clarke?" 

Clarke snorted, "Yes! Because it's all fairytales, Lexa. Be realistic. Bringing a dog to your office. Psh! Who would believe that?!" 

Lexa gapped at her and playfully smacked her on the arm - that yet again, came off too harshly. Clarke gasped by the stinging slap and glared at the girl. 

"How many more times, Heda? HOW MANY MORE TIMES?!" 

The girl jumped out of her seat even before Clarke could pounce on her and beat the hell out of her. 

"Get back here!" Clarke snarled, sprinting towards the hallway and into one of the room that Lexa disappeared to. 

////

"Okay! Okay! Okay! Peace! We're truce!" Lexa raised her arms up shielding her face with her legs up in the air to separate the aggravated blonde at the foot of the bed. 

"Truce my head!" Clarke barks as she grabs the girl's two legs and pull it towards her until she's standing between Lexa's legs. "I hate you," she sneered before grabbing the girl by the neck and smack her lips against hers. 

Lexa didn't respond for a second but Clarke didn't care but feasted on the girl's soft lips. Moments passes by, The blonde was getting agitated because it was like kissing a rock. She caught the girl's lower lips between her teeth and murmured impatiently, "are you gonna kiss me back or what?" 

Lexa guffawed loudly, throwing her head back by the fuming blonde. "You're too cute!" She laughed almost in tears. 

Clarke snarled at her like a dog and stormed out of the guest bedroom with Lexa trailing behind her still chuckling.

"Hey babe. Hey!" Lexa pulled Clarke by the arm and turn to face her. "Hey...," she said softly, "Come here," pulling her into her arms but Clarke was till upset and unmoved. "Don't be such a baby, Clarkey." Seeing that child like glare from the blonde almost got her laughing again but swallowed it down because she knew things wouldn't turn out so well for her. 

"I can chase you out of the apartment, you know. So don't test my patience, Lexa," Clarke warns, still with her arms folded, looking at her in defiance. 

"Okay, fine. I'm sorry. Okay here," Lexa suddenly stood straight with her eyes closed and her lips pouted, "You can kiss all you want. Come on, come on," ushering for Clarke to step forward, "Don't be afraid. I won't bite," she smirks widely before standing up straight again. 

Clarke puffed in sheer annoyance because it's clear that Lexa was toying with her. "Now you're just treating me like a child," she grumbled, still unmoved. 

Lexa opens her one eye and peeked at her, "No I'm not. Come on. Step forward. I promise you I'm not," she even hunched down a little bit to meet the height level of the girl and brought her lips to pout again. "Kiss me, Clarke." 

Shaking her head at how ridiculous it was, a sudden idea popped inside her head. Clarke smiles coyly and sauntered forward with seduction in every move. She raised her fingers ever so lightly brushing on the girl's chiseled jaw line down to her neck and it keeps going down and down until she feels the girl shudders under her touch.

"I have a better idea," she whispers on her ear.

Lexa opens her eyes and was stunned to see those blue eyes studying every inch of her. It made her insides squirm unexpectedly. She then felt a finger hooked on the garter of her sweat pants and was pulling her inside a bedroom. She doesn't know who's bedroom it was, she probably doesn't care when all she could see what the girl's alluring smile and her body that sways with every step.

Clarke pushed Lexa on her bed and then crawled above her, never leaving her eyes.

"Clarke...,"

"Ssshh... We don't have to say word."

Seeing that the brunette was about to argue, she shut her up by planting her lips on hers, sending the girl to moan. This time Lexa responded back so eagerly, feeling her cravings kicking in at full force as her hands roam and worships the body that it deserves. Clarke shudders and gasps with each touch, biting her lower lip as she pushes her body against the bed with the brunette hovering above her.

"Lexa-...," A whimper escaped her lips, sending her body to tense and convulsed in seconds, "Fuck yes!"

Lexa raised her head between those legs and gave a lazy grin as those blue orbs stares at her with much heated lust. Clarke pulled her closer and immediately switched position.

"Eager aren't we, Ms. Griffin?" Lexa smirked, licking her lips tasting the last bit of Clarke.

Clarke's eyes turns dark, "Oh you have no idea," and reached for her bedside drawer and pulled out a strap on.

Lexa's eyes widens with her jaw dropping on the ground, "Holy fuck!"

"Now it's my turn," She said so deviously.

////

Lexa had spent most of her Clarke Griffin free period with Anya. Mostly, she's in the office discussing the activities going on in the company. For the past couple of days, she had been enjoying herself being submerged in the city and with the city lights and buzz surrounding her, she was kind of getting used to it. Lexa's starting to love it.

"So?" Anya continued as they stroll down the street with a cup of coffee in hand, staring at the city lights of the sky scrapers.

"So?" Lexa repeated, sporting that small smile as she hugs herself closer against the wind.

"Don't play dumb with me," the girl berated, shouldering her even.

Lexa laughs and shoulders her back, "what do you want me to say?"

Anya rolled her eyes, "when are you gonna get married?"

The girl shot her a look and shakes her head, "Anya, we've only been back together for a few days. We can't be engaged that soon."

"Pfft! It's you and Clarke we're talking about here. I'm quite surprised you're still going back to Capitol when you're practically already moving in with her."

Lexa gave her a stunned face but mostly, in disbelief, "she's only lending me her guest room, Anya. That is all. I'm not moving in." Shaking her head.

"Psh! As if you even uses it! You're practically sleeping on Clarke's bed every night for all I know!"

"What?! No I don't! I respect her privacy, Anya."

"Oh sure!... Cut with all the lies, Heda. Your tomato cheeks says so otherwise!" Anya berated, shamelessly poking her cheeks. 

Lexa hissed and speeded up her pace. 

"Getting too angsty to get back to your girl?" The girl continued, earning her an evil glare. 

When the girls fell into a complete silence, Lexa got her mind working again. She do, do not want to leave the city. Mostly because of Clarke. She doesn't want to leave Clarke and spare another long torturous months being away from her. And she do feel at home at the apartment but she wasn't sure what will be Clarke's reaction if she suggested of moving in together. Lexa doesn't wanna make any decisions without consulting the girl first but with hopeful heart. She wishes for Clarke to feel the same. 

_"Anya! Lexa!"_

Lexa snapped out of her thoughts and saw a glisten of gold bouncing towards them. Automatically, she stepped forward and pecked her on the lips when an obvious clearing of throat broke her out of her trance. She looks behind and saw Anya sporting the widest smug she had ever seen. Anya took a step forward and made a whip sound followed by a hand gesture, earning her scowl from Lexa. 

Clarke looks back and forth at the two girls but shakes her head instead, "Dinner?" 

"Right after you, Princess," Anya gestured. 

The blonde took Lexa by the arm and saw the whiny Anya, "My arm feels lonely too, Clarkey," Anya pouted. 

"Such a baby," Clarke muttered and pulled the girl's arm, "Let's go. I'm starving." 

////

"So?" Anya started, placing down her goblet. 

Clarke raised her eyebrow and looks back and forth at Lexa and Anya again, as if she's been missing on some inside conversation. "So?" She repeated.

Anya side-glanced at Lexa who was sitting beside her pretending to act all busy eating her steak. It almost got her laughing, "When are you and Lexa gonna get married?" she blurted out so casually. 

Lexa almost choked on her steak as she snapped her head at the girl, "Anya!" and kicked her on the shin. 

"Ouw!" she hunched down and rubbed her leg. "What? I was just wondering. Is it a bad thing to ask? Jeez! Both of you were practically moving in together!" 

Lexa widens her eyes once more and kicked her again under the table. 

"FUCK!" The girl cried even louder, glaring at the brunette who gave Clarke an apologetic eyes. 

"I'm sorry, Clarke. Forget what she said. It's none sense," shooting another glare at her best friend who was cradling her leg like a child. 

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows at the two girls and chuckles, "It's fine. Maybe not too soon, Anya. But hopefully one day," giving Lexa a wide smile. 

Lexa couldn't help return the smile but instead she ducked her head down feeling her cheeks getting hot. Anya watches the two girls stealing glances from each other across the table and irked, "God... You two are so whipped! You're making me sick!" 

////

"I'm leaving tomorrow morning," Lexa uttered, finally breaking the silence between them. 

"I know," Clarke sighed, squeezing the girl's hand in hers. 

When Lexa looks at her, Clarke was almost in tears. She knew that the girl would deny it if she says anything regarding to that matter. So she simply stopped her walking and faces the blonde. Clarke was confused as to why are they were stopping when they're just few steps away from the apartment building. 

"Lexa?" 

"Clarke...," Lexa bent on one knee and looks up at Clarke's startled blue eyes. 

"Lexa, what are you doing?" stepping back, still staring at those piercing green eyes.

"Clarke... I'm leaving tomorrow and I can't leave this place without any insurance," she explains. 

"Insurance? Lex, there's a shop few blocks away we can get you a travel insurance. No worries!" Clarke stated slowly pulling her signature smirk. 

"Claarrkee...," Lexa whines, "I'm trying to be romantic here! Can- Can't you just shut up for one second?" 

Clarke pursed her lips to stop the laughter trapped in her throat and nodded vehemently. 

Lexa rolled her eyes before starting over again, "As I was saying, before I was  _rudely_ interrupted... I'm leaving tomorrow and I can't leave this place without  _assuring_ myself that there's someone to come back to. " 

The blonde nodded. 

"So...," the brunette grabbed the girl's trembling hands and popped the question, "Will you marry me, Clarke?" 


	12. The Return of The Truth Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a small part where everything was getting back to its places but still a piece of a jigsaw was missing. this chapter is short just to fill up a little due to my long hiatus. but nonetheless enjoy!

Lexa finally woke up from her long nap. Her mind felt more awake and her stomach was aching for food. So she padded down to the kitchen where she found Raven dancing her ass off to a Taylor Swift song.

"Well good morning sunshine!" Raven said while stirring something wonderful on a frying pan.

"It's evening, Reyes," Lexa rolled her eyes as she grabbed a glass of water and down it in one go.

"Are you sure about that?" the girl squinted playfully.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's morning, Lex. You slept the whole day!"

"Oh god... I've turned lazy," Lexa groaned, rubbing her face from sleep.

"Psh! Says the girl who wouldn't take the holidays off and have to drag her ass away from the office," Raven retorted.

"Wait... What are you doing here again?" The brunette questioned, feeling like she had missed something very important detail because she was pretty sure that Raven Reyes doesn't live with her anymore.

Raven rolled her eyes and tutted, "you must be still living in your Clarke Griffin dreamland yesterday. Tsk, tsk. I told you Bellamy is out of the country for a week and I can't sleep by myself all alone in that apartment."

Lexa blinked a couple of times trying to jogged her memory but nothing seem to come to her. Instead she hummed. She watched the girl separated a stir fried rice into two bowls and handed one to her.

"Rice in the morning. Hmmm...," Lexa simply shrugs it off and devoured it.

While Raven smiles, seeing that ink mark on Lexa's left hand. "So... Is there something you wanna tell me?" She asked, before taking a spoonful of rice.

Lexa stopped her chewing and looked up. Clearing her throat, she said, "Thank you for cooking, Raven. I deeply appreciate it," and resumed eating.

Raven laughs and hit her on the head lightly, "That's not what I'm talking about, you dummy! But you're welcome. I'm talking about that," pouting at her hand.

The brunette frowned, "What are you-...," her eyes widens and she saw it. "OH! Ummm...," she laughs uneasily when her best friend shakes her head in disappointment.

"I'm _very_  disappointed, Heda!  _I'm_ the one who got stuck with you and your endless rants. Middle of the night crying. Drunk snuggling. Crazy fiasco over  _this_ girl and I'm the last one to find out about this?! How dare you Alexandria Heda?! What do you take me for huh?!"

"OKAY! I'm sorry, Rae. But it was sudden! I was just caught in the moment, you know. Octavia said-..."

"OCTAVIA?! What the fu--.... Please don't tell me Octavia knew about this first than I am?  _Please_ Lexa, I am  _begging_ you." Lexa smiles sheepishly. "You sonofabitch!" And starts smacking her on the shoulder until the girl grabbed her wrist and pulled her in a hug.

"I'm sorry, Rae. Okay?" Lexa apologized, caging the girl on her arms to stop her from hitting her. "I promise I won't do it again next time!" Slowly pulling away with a her two fingers in a peace  sign.

"Hell you better not! Cause I don't think I could take it if you and Clarke broke off again  _and then_ get engaged again!" Rolling her eyes, "So? How did it go? Spill! What's the 411?"

Lexa scratched the back of her neck, feeling that butterflies in her stomach once again.

_***2 nights ago*** _

"So...Will you marry me, Clarke?"

She blinked a couple of times not digesting the words that the girl was saying... At least not yet.

"Lexa...," Clarke was lost for words. She stares down at those beautiful emerald eyes and felt her chest starting to constrict. She doesn't even know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. "I don't-... I-..." Shaking her head for feeling speechless.

She knew she had seen it coming the very second that Lexa bent on one knee but still, she was shocked.

"Clarke?... Is- Is that a no?" Lexa uttered softly, almost broken hearted.

"No," shaking her head her blonde head. "I..."

"No?" She stared at first then slowly nods her head as she stands up, "It's okay. It's too sudden, I know. I just thought that you know since I'm leaving tomorrow I don't want you think that I'm leaving you hanging again because of what I did to you the last time. So I thought this was a good idea. It was just a spur in the mome-..."

Lexa stumbled back feeling the lips of an angel landed on hers. Automatically, she pulled Clarke closer, deepening to the kiss. When the girl finally pulled away, Lexa saw that glimmer of amusement on her eyes.

"Lexa, can't you just shut up for a second? I'm trying to build the suspense here," Clarke retorted, rolling her eyes.

Lexa grins then bite her lips as Clarke took her left hand and starts ransacking for something inside her bag. Until a sharpie emerged, she furrowed her eyebrows at what the girl was going to do with it but remained obedient and silent.

"Since we don't have a ring to keep our promise," Clarke said, biting down on her lips as she carefully drew on the girl's ring finger. "There."

Lexa held her hand out and snorted, "Love it."

"Here. Do mine," Clarke gave her left hand and the sharpie and allowed Lexa do some kind of a simple tribal design ring on her ring finger. A laughter met her lips when she that sparkle on girl's green eyes, she remembers those times during lectures when it get's so boring they're start drawing on each other's arms to get entertained. Then they'll go home with arms filled with doodles and quotes. At times like that when she knew that Lexa was something else, something special.

"Aaand you're done," Lexa snapped back the cap on the sharpie and let Clarke examine her piece of art. "So? What will it be master?"

"Hmmm," playfully tapping her chin, squinting her eyes at the ring, "7."

Lexa gasped, covering her mouth sarcastically, "I couldn't even pass 5! And now I got a 7?! Must be my lucky day!"

"Must be your lucky day," Clarke smirked.

Lexa laughs and watched those blue eyes stares back at her. Submerging herself at the love and lost that she felt for so long but  _she's_ here now. She had arrived and never will she let go again.

"So is that a yes, Clarke?" She asked again.

Clarke's smile grew wider and said, "Since when did I ever say No to you?"

////

Raven let her head fall back and laugh until her stomach hurts, "God! You two are so whipped! Anya was right! It must be a torture for her being there witnessing your heart eyes."

"Shut up," Lexa rebutted back weakly. Ignoring the waggling eyebrows, mocking grins and ducks back  on her bowl.

"So what's the plan?"

"The plan?"

"Well, yeah," Raven rolled her eyes, "you can't still be living here and still be with her."

"Why not?" Lexa pouted.

" _Because,_ you dummy. You guys spent enough time away from each other and no, you are  _not_ doing the long distance relationship thing."

Lexa nodded, "My dad says the same thing too. He suggested for me to move to the city and manage the company there."

"AWESOME! So when are we moving?" Raven squealed like a little girl, bouncing up and down on her chair.

"We?"

"Duh! Bellamy and I already talked about it. He's actually in New York."

"But you said he's out of the country," she frowned.

Raven waved her away, "leaving Capitol is like living the country. Big whoop," widening her eyes sarcastically, "So? When?" Grinning from ear to ear.

////

"Good morning to you!"

Lexa rolled her eyes - grinning. She held the phone closer to her ears as if by doing so would bring the blonde closer to her.

"Actually its evening, Clarke," giggling a little, putting her files squarely on her desk - listening to the raspy laughter from the other line.

"I know. Since you slept on me this morning and just woke up  _again._ I think it's only appropriate."

"Pfft!... So what are you up to? Miss me already?" Lexa asked, biting her lips to prevent that goofy grin to form.

"Miss you?! God no! I've just spent my day without you catching up on my boys."

"Boys? Should I know what that means? Do I wanna know?" she blinks.

"Oh you know. Gotta make it clear to my  _boys_ that this girl is taken."

Lexa laughs, "did you flashed them your artsy fartsy ring?"

"Oh yeah. They were blinded by it. I think they'll stay clear for now. So you better stick around me longer for good measure."

"Hmmm. Tempting. How about next week?"

"Next week? Really?" Clarke sounded surprised that got Lexa nervous.

"Too soon?" She stammered.

"No! I mean... I just thought you know, your dad's company is there and that you're gonna take longer time to get back here. I mean... You don't have to worry, Lexa. I'll be here waiting. I'll wait for you. As long as it takes."

The sincerity in Clarke's voice was overwhelming. It was so profound that Lexa starts to question if she really deserves a girl like Clarke after what she did to her. Lexa never felt so blessed.

"Thank you, Clarke. I know it's a rush and I  _really_ wanna get back there and be with you as soon as possible. I will not let myself be parted from you any longer than I should. God knows, we've spent too much time away from each other. I'll be back, Clarke. I promise you."

"That's all I wanna hear... I miss you."

"Here, I thought, Clarke Griffin doesn't miss me," Lexa snickers, "I miss you too, Clarke. So much."

//// 

Lexa stares at the paper, drumming her fingertips on the arm rest of her chair. She looks up and saw those eyes watching her.

"Are you sure, dad?" She asked.

"Positive," Gustus nodded firmly. "Everything is settled. Your replacement is already on its way and the decision now is all yours."

She licked her lips and stares again at those words printed on the paper the paper.

**_Transfer Form._ **

"What happens once I signed?" She wasn't sure if leaving the main head quarter would be a great idea but she knew that this is what she wanted all along because finally she can be with Clarke.

"Normal function," Gustus shrugs. When Lexa stares at her with no response, he sighed, "Look, honey. I'm here. I can supervise at whomever the board of members had chosen to be the next head. I will not let anything happen, okay? I've got everything under control. So you just sign over here," pointing at the dotted line on the lower section, "and off you go to your girl."

"Dad...," feigning that sadness in her eyes, "What about you?... Come with me. We can manage from there."

"Alexandria, your father is too old to move to another state. This is my home- your home and will always will be. You and Clarke can always come back home for a visit. For the holidays. Letting me meet my grandchildren," He chuckles, earning him a grin from the brunette.

Lexa sighs and stares again at the words. "I do wanna be with Clarke but I don't wanna leave you too," looking back at her father.

"You're not leaving me. You're simply living your life as you should be! Two city girls with the Griffin girl. I'll come to visit. There's skype. There's facetime. Alexandria, don't waste a perfectly good opportunity. Plus, I need the commander for my New York branch. I heard it's been tough for the managers." Gustus touched her shoulders and looked at her directly in the eyes, "I need you in New York, Alexandria. I don't take no for an answer." He pushed the paper closer to her and held out a pen.

Lexa pouted and sighed once more as she took the pen and hover over the dotted lines.

_This is it._

She made a small stroke over the white paper and placed down the pen. "You can always call me. We can fly back here on the weekends or whenever Clarke's off day is. We will always come back for the holidays! Dad-..."

Gustus held up his hand, "Alexandria, I'm sure you will do all of those. Now off you go and pack your bags. Your princess is waiting."

Lexa grins as she stood from her seat and hugged Gustus, "thank you, dad. I owe you so much. I love you."

"Anything for you, love. I love you too."

////

A loud obnoxious knocking bombarded the entire house that Lexa sprinted for the door and scowl at the unwanted visitor. "What?!"

"Woah! Not what I was expecting from you commander," Octavia stepped back before entering the vicinity. Her eyes landed on the several boxes and suitcases by the hallway and asked, "is someone moving in?"

"No. Moving out," Lexa answered - walking back to the kitchen where the girl follows.

"What do you mean moving out? Where are you going?"

"New York," suddenly looking up at how will her friend react to it.

Octavia made a face that later turns into confusion and then into a total berserk, "WHAT?! When? How? For how long? WHY?!"

"You know why!"

"Clarke?... Well sure that made sense," flinging her arms in the air before raking her hair. "Oh my god. Anya left. Clarke left.  _You're_ leaving too. I can't believe this. There's only me and Raven left."

"About that...," rubbing her arm uncomfortably, when the front door came bursting open and on cue Raven Reyes came rolling in with her suit cases.

"Raven? What are you doing here? Are you moving back in?"

Raven looks at Octavia in surprise, like she wasn't expecting her to be there. "O, you're here. Um...," looking at Lexa for backup because clearly she haven't told her best friend about moving to New York. "Lex?..."

"She's-... Uh... Raven was just- Oct- Octavia she was just um...," Lexa was stammering to make a good excuse but she was blacking out.

"What the hell is going on?!" Octavia demanded, standing up from her seat. Lexa and Raven gave each other looks that the girl didn't missed at all. "Spill!"

"I- I'm moving to New York with Lexa," Raven unraveled.

"WHAT?!" Octavia gasped, "Why? What about Bellamy? My brother?"

"He's already in New York. We've been planning this for a while now-..."

Octavia looks at Lexa and then Raven in obvious anger and was about to flee the scene when Raven gabbed her shoulders and stopped her.

"O, I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner. I swear we were gonna tell you. We- we just haven't got the time. We were busy. You were busy."

"So when are you _exactly_ gonna tell me? Once you left town? Once you landed in New York and be happy with Lexa, Clarke and Anya? Is that it?" Octavia steps back and glared at her two best friends, "Is this how it supposed to be? All of my best friends bailing on me?"

"No! We're _not_ bailing on you, Octavia," Lexa pleaded, grabbing her hands.

"Really? Cause it sure sounded like it is!"

"No! No no... It's just-..." Lexa was lost for words again. She was never good with confrontation especially in this kind of scenario.

"It's just complicated. I get it. Well...," pulling her shoulders and hands free, she stepped back and said, "Have a good life in New York." And left the two girls feeling guilty.

////

Raven tutted, tracing water droplets from her cold beer and sighed, "what are we gonna do with O?"

"I don't know. Have you talked to Lincoln?" Lexa asked, drinking up the last droplet of her water.

"Yeah. He said O was still pretty upset. He tried talking to her but she still being stubborn. I knew I should have discussed it to her first. Gosh... This is all my fault."

"This isn't your fault, Raven. She've got to see the opportunity that New York have for you and Bellamy. And I know it may sound harsh or terrible that we're leaving Octavia and Lincoln behind but she's still our best friend. We can come visit. They can come visit. Stay in with me or you..., " Lexa rubs her face and checks the time. They have to be at the airport early in the morning and it was almost midnight. "Do you feel like barging in into someone's house tonight?"

"Tonight? This late?"

Lexa nodded, "Octavia's. I can't leave without talking to her properly. I don't wanna leave on a bad note. I had enough of those."

Raven nodded in agreement, "Me neither. I feel really bad."

////

"O! Please talk to us!" Lexa banged for the bed room door for the dozenth time. There was no movement inside but a voice was heard. 

"I don't wanna talk to you! Leave! Go leave like you always do!" 

Lexa looks at Raven and then Lincoln and then back on the door. 

"Please Octavia! We don't wanna leave like this," Raven said, knocking again on the door. 

"I said leave me alone!" Octavia shouted impatiently. 

Lexa and Raven sought help from Lincoln, who stepped forward and knock softly on the door, "O? Honey? It's me." 

"Lincoln?" There were footsteps nearing the door, "Did you just get back?" 

"Yes. I saw Raven and Lexa outside the door so I let them in. O, please talk to them. They never meant to leave you," he knocked once more. 

"No!  _They_ meant to leave me!  _Us!_ Hell, even my own brother didn't even tell me! Don't you dare take their sides because you know what will happen once you do!" 

A loud bang on the door startled the girls as Octavia seemingly kicked the door from inside. Lincoln stood squarely and looks at them apologetically. 

"I'm sorry. You know how she is. We can't do much if she's already like that." 

"No, we got it. It's Octavia. She'll always act like Octavia," Raven sighed. 

Lexa rubs Raven's back for comfort, "I'm sorry, Rae. If it weren't for me moving out this wouldn't have happened." 

"No. It's fine," looking at the door and walks back to the sofa. 

"Just give her some time. She'll come to her senses. I will talk to her," Lincoln reassured as he glance at the clock. "It's 2am. You better head back and get some sleep. I'll see you at the airport." 

Lexa looks back at the hallway where the bedroom was. 

"Don't worry, Lex. I will drag Octavia with me if I have to." 

Lexa nodded and beckons for Raven to go home with her. 

"Please, Linc. Do what you have to do," Raven begs. 

Lincoln nodded dutifully as the two girls leave the apartment. 

////

Lexa plays around with her cup of tea. Giving glances across the table - feigning a sigh here and there. She reached across and grabs the girl's hand, squeezing it gently. 

"Hey. She'll call. Just give her some time." 

Raven looks up before looking at where Bellamy, Anya and Clarke was - standing by the counter waiting for their brunch. 

"I should have told her, Lex. And now I feel even more guilty that she didn't show up at the airport," the girl sighed, rubbing her eyes away from sleep. 

"It's not your fault. Bellamy got a job here and it only make sense for you to move. I- I know that I was at fault too because I didn't tell her either but... Just give her some time. She'll call or at least text," Lexa reassured. 

Raven nodded as she pulls a small smile as their friends come back to the table. 

"Hey cheer up!" Bellamy slid beside his wife and side hugged her. "I know my sister. She'll eventually pop out of nowhere. You know she can't resist you. You're like her twin sister!" Nudging her by the shoulders before grabbing her hand. 

Raven grins because it's true. As the years went by her relationship with Octavia had gone stronger and closer than everyone else. It's something different that she had with Lexa and the other crew. 

"You're right," she nodded, pulling her own plate of waffle and eggs, "Let's just enjoy the day. I can't believe I'm in New York!" 

"Oh you'll enjoy New York," Anya winked as she turns to her left and made a disgusting face. "Get a room!" Smacking Clarke's blonde head as she pulls away from the kiss that got Lexa dazed for a moment. 

"Shut up, An!" Clarke shot her a playful glare, "Just because your Quint is out of the country it doesn't mean all of us has to suffer with you!" 

"Ha-Ha! Very funny, Griffin! Can't we just eat and keep your hands to yourselves please!" Smack Bellamy's curly head too as he tries to swoop in for a kiss. 

Bellamy shot his a glare but Anya didn't back off and pointed at the plates. 

"EAT." 

Lexa laughs and caught those blue eyes watching her. "I love you," she mouthed. 

Clarke's smile widens, "I love you too." 


	13. Remember Those Nights Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the missing piece. Costia's piece. A long flashback between Clarke and Lexa's relationship where Costia plays a huge role. It isn't always fun and games in relationships. There will always be a struggle. That led to a final decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> I know all of you had been wondering what the heck happened to Costia. Well here it is. A long flashback. This is what really happens. Hope you guys stay tune for more! 
> 
> Cheers!

_***7 years ago*** _

"Lexa?"

Costia crouched down on the gutter and watched Lexa curling into a tight ball. She touched her shoulders, sending the brunette to stiffen.

"Hey, hey what's wrong? What happened? What are you doing here?" She tried again.

Lexa shakes her head and sobs some more. She can't believe this had happened. She didn't do anything wrong. Why can't Clarke believed her? She looks up and met those brown eyes watching her with concern. She felt she's about to break down again.

"Hey, hey don't cry. Come here...," Costia pulled her in her arms and rubs her back, gently rocking her - just like how she always do whenever she have a break down during Clarke's absence. She hated seeing the brunette like this. She hated seeing her in pain and tortured all because of one person. She can't believed that after letting Lexa go, Clarke still have the audacity to do this to her. She should have protected her while she still can.

"I wanna disappear," Lexa grumbled roughly on her neck.

Costia felt goosebumps all over. She pulled Lexa tighter and sighed, "I'm here, Lex. I won't let her hurt you anymore."

////

Octavia entered the apartment and immediately stopped at her tracks.

"Woah. What the hell happened here?" she asked, clothes strewn all over the place. Chair recklessly lying on the floor. Sofa and coffee table shifted in weird angles. It's like a hurricane swept across the house. "Clarke?"

She ran straight to the girl's bedroom that she shares with Lexa and found it empty. She grew anxious.  _Where the hell are you, Clarke?_

"Clarke! Clarke!" She shouted around the the apartment until she heard a small sob coming from the bathroom. The door was closed and she heard loud gushing of water. "Shit..." She flung open the door and found Clarke sitting on the floor, leaning against the bathtub with cold water running. It's about to overflow. She quickly switched the faucet off and kneeled beside the blonde.

Clarke was sniffling, staring into space. Her eyes were bloodshot. Dark circles around her eyes. Her nose was puffy and red too. It was obvious that Clarke had been crying for a while and was still unmoved. And what happened to the apartment and with the missing brunette, Octavia was still clueless.

"Clarke?" She tried touching her shoulder, "Hey... Are you okay?" But the girl didn't flinched nor moved. She didn't even blinked.

"Hey... What happened? Where's Lexa?" And by the mention of the name, Clarke automatically bend her knees and burrowed her face - crying. "Clarke..."

////

Costia finally got the girl to calm down. They were sitting by the park with warm cocoa in their hands. They were quiet for the longest time and the girl let her be. She might partially knew what may have happened. She already have the gut feeling about it. She knew she should have declined in the first place.

"I'm sorry," she said.

Lexa didn't moved but blinks.

"I knew I shouldn't have accepted it-..."

"It's not your fault." Lexa cut her sentence.

"Lexa, she saw us and she might already be thinking something had happened. I can explain to her Lexa. I will go to your apartment and explain  _everything."_ Costia insisted, feeling guilty for putting the two girls into this predicament.

"No point," The brunette replied monotonously. Like her spirit had already departed from her body. "I've tried everything. She still won't listen."

"Then take it from me. I will explain it to her."

Lexa finally looks at Costia and smiled sadly, "she doesn't wanna see you, Costia. Let's just face it. It's over."

////

Octavia placed a steaming hot tea in front of Clarke who was still zoning out. The brunette waited for at least 10 minutes until she hears a croaked sound coming out of the girl's mouth.

"I saw them," Clarke whispered, as if she was so afraid to say the words because it might actually turn real - That it actually happened.

"Saw who?" Octavia asked slowly, not trying to provoke Clarke if she still can't handle it.

"They- They were in a hotel. I saw them..."

She could see those blue eyes were tearing up again and she sighed by the sadness taking over her best friend.  _What have Lexa had done again this time?_

"Lexa? You saw her in a hotel? With who?"

"Costia," Clarke choked, as if that name was a venom in her mouth.

Octavia stares at Clarke in stun but mostly in confusion.

"How? When? Costia's back? She's with Lexa?" She quickly pursed her lips at the bullet questions shooting out of her mouth.

Clarke nodded sadly.

 

 

_***Few nights ago*** _

_**(22:37) Lexa Heda <3 : Clarke, I'm gonna head home late again. I have some things to finish. Turn in without me. ** _

_Clarke stares at her phone for the past minute and sighs._

_**Another night without Lexa.** _

_It had been almost a month since Lexa starts coming home late. When Clarke's on a night shift, she'll come home with Lexa already left the apartment. When she's on the a day shift, she'll come home to an empty bed and only in the middle of the night will she feel the warm presence of her girlfriend. It's been like that now. She could almost predicted that Lexa won't be coming home early. When she tries to talk to Lexa on the reason, the brunette would always find a way to push the matter aside. It's either spouting an exciting news about their favorite show or news about her dad or kiss her senseless which of course, eventually lead to hot steamy sex._

_Clarke had been letting it go. Perhaps Lexa needs time to process whatever she's going through with work. She, in fact, already knew what kind of person Lexa was. She's always there for her and always understands what she's going through. So no matter what was going on, Clarke intends to wait and not force it out. She will wait._

_Her phone dinged again and with much hope that it will be Lexa, saying that she'll be coming home soon. She got disappointed when it was Raven._

_**(22.42) Raven Reyes: Yo, Griff Griff! Get you and your wife's ass in here. We're partying and you're missing all the fun! TGIF!** _

_She rolled her eyes. Raven is always been so blunt._

_**(22.45) Clarke Griff Griff: She's not my wife... yet. ;P Can't. I'm beaten. I need my sleep.** _

_**(22.48) Raven Reyes: If you don't come down here. I will personally escort you and your wife out of the apartment. Take a break, will ya? Stop ripping each other's panties. Oh god! Disgusting, lesbos!** _

_Just the very moment she read it. Her heart skipped a beat. If only Raven knew that they hadn't touched each other for almost 3 weeks now. Ever since she stopped asking why she's coming home late the sex was subtly gone. The intimacy between them was becoming a chore, she realized. Then Clarke immediately pushes away the unwanted thoughts out of her head._

_**(22.53) Clarke Griff Griff: Shut up! Lexa's out late again. I'll come down for a while. Don't party without me!** _

_========_

_It had been her decision. Even though, it was her father's idea - she agreed. She have to take in as much as many projects she can to keep the company afloat. The ice queen is not making things easier and she needed this even if it'll be awkward._

_Lexa pinched the the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, sighing. She checked her phone again for any reply but saw nothing but her wallpaper of her and Clarke looking so happy, hugging each other with a small cupcake in front of them. It was their anniversary. A smile automatically touched her lips and then followed by another sigh. She hated this over times. She hardly spends time with Clarke anymore and she's craving for her touch but every time she comes home, both of them will be too tired to do anything._

_Shaking her head from her thoughts, her skype came ringing on her computer screen. She pressed the green button. A familiar face popped up and smiles._

_"Hey Lex."_

_"Goodmorning, Costia."_

_=======_

_"There's the party animal!" Raven bolstered, pulling Clarke inside the house and everyone cheered. Chanting for her to drink the red cup in one go._

_**It's just beer, Clarke**. She told herself and drank in one go. She slammed the plastic cup on the coffee table and grunted at the liquid down her throat warming her tummy. Everyone cheered again and the music pumped even louder._

_"Hey!" Raven pulled her at the kitchen where Octavia stood with Jasper, "Griffin has graced us with her presence!" Pushing her to the girl._

_Octavia snaked her arm around her shoulders and chuckled, "so where's your warrior princess, sky girl?"_

_Clarke pouted and accepted the red cup from Jasper. She shrugs, tilting the cup to her lips._

_"Busy. As always," she tried not to sound bitter but it still managed to escape as that. Octavia caught the gist and sighs._

_"It's Lexa. You know how she is with work. Especially, with that Nia bitch around. She can't let her guards down." Octavia said._

_And she was right. Nia had been attacking the company for quite some time now and Lexa and her father were going insane over the competitor. Clarke always understood where she was coming from. She loves how dedicated and hardworking Lexa always been, especially for her people. She won't let any harms done to her subordinates, most especially coming from Nia Quinn._

_"That bitch better back down. She's stealing away my precious time with Lexa," Clarke uttered distastefully - feeling the liquid courage kicking in._

_========_

_"What?! You're coming here? Really? When?" Lexa was very surprised. It's been a long time since she saw Costia and after their awkward and off putting break up, they still managed to rekindle their friendship. Which she cherished every seconds of it. Costia was a great and understanding friend. Clearly, which Clarke deeply frowned upon and highly doubted._

_"In 2 days. They said it's better to bring the team over rather than skyping every night. The internet gets crappy in here and it's not really efficient." Costia explained, after their group meeting with Costia's team. Now they were back again in Costia's private office finalizing what they had discussed during the meeting when the conversation eventually touches Costia's comeback._

_"That's great, Cos. Yes, I think it's better for all of you to come over. It'll be great to see the Asia regional team. I don't think I could handle another month skyping late at night. I'm becoming a zombie," Lexa grunted, sending Costia to laugh._

_"I know. It must past midnight there isn't it?" Lexa nodded, "How's Clarke?"_

_Lexa automatically grins goofily, feeling her cheeks turn hot with every mention of the blonde._

_"Are you blushing, Lexa?" Costia teased._

_Lexa covers her hands with her cheeks, "shut up... She's great. Though, I feel bad for coming home late and not spending enough time with her. She works in the weekend too so we hardly go out anymore for the past few weeks." She frowned._

_"Hmmm... Don't worry, Lex. Clarke's understanding. She's knows what you're going through. It won't be long, we will be there and you can finally go home early!"_

_The brunette laughs, "so better get your ass over here quick before I ended being single!"_

_"Oohhh... Maybe I should delay my flight and wait until your single again," Costia teased, winking playfully._

_Lexa shakes her head and laughs. She loves it when they're past the awkward stage and friendship grows. "Just get your ass over here. Raven misses you so much."_

_"Just Raven?" Quirking her eyebrow up._

_Rolling her eyes, Lexa puffed, "fine me too."_

_"That's more like it! I'll be there in 2 days," Costia said back to her professional self, "and we can discuss further on the evaluation and set ups. I've talked to Ethan and he agreed on the proposal. So...," flipping on her notes. "I think we're all set to go." Looking back up to the camera._

_"Excellent. Great job, Cos. I guess I'll see you on Tuesday?"_

_"That, you will," She smiles. "Better head home to Clarke, Lex. Before she kicks your ass to the gutter." She jokes, stifling a chuckle._

_"I really think she will this time. Can't wait to see you guys. Bye, Cos," waving at the camera before hitting the red button._

_============_

_Lexa took the cab home. She already felt uncomfortable driving that's why Clarke always get the car. She would have called her to pick her up but it's already 3am in the morning and she can't bother a sleeping doctor. She needs the sleep to save more lives in the morning. Thinking about the blonde as the cab drove past the familiar buildings and houses, telling her about working with Costia and coming back home was something she tried to avoid altogether. Lexa knew how will Clarke react knowing she's interacting with her ex. Knowing the history they had before and the straining relationship they had when she and Costia were still together. Even though, Clarke knew that Costia and her were back to being friends, the blonde always doubted that for Costia Lexa was just a friend - "it will always be more than friend's, Lexa," one day, Clarke had mentioned to her._

_She knew that the blonde was still jealous and insecure about her. But she got nothing to worry about when in Lexa's eyes she only sees Clarke - not Costia nor anyone else. She loves her from the moon and back and nothing can erase that. Feeling her consciousness failing her, she leaned away from the seat and focus her vision to the road ahead. They were nearing the apartment that she eventually got with Clarke. At first Clarke was being mysterious and secretive over it. Even asking all of their friends not to say a word to her about the apartment that the blonde had rented and asking her to live under the same roof. It all started with a fancy dinner when after a dessert she popped question and produced a small box._

_Lexa really thought that she's gonna faint right there and then with her heart banging in her ears._

_"Clarke...," She stammered, searching for those blue eyes._

_"Lexa... Will you-..."_

**_Oh my god... Is she gonna propose?! Oh my god, she is!_ **

_Clarke opens the box and revealed a single silver key. Lexa frowned and tilted her head._

**_That's not a ring._ **

_As much as she tries to deny it, she felt a bit disappointed._

_"A key?" Clarke nodded dutifully. Lexa took it and examined it. "House key?"_

_Clarke nodded again, revealing that shy smile. "Lexa, will you move in with me?"_

_Lexa watches that lips uttered the words and then biting it purposely. How can she say no?_

_"Yes!" And pulled the blonde to her and laughed, "I thought you're gonna propose."_

_Clarke laughs, "Not yet...," pulling her away to look in her green eyes as she's promising her their future together, "But one day Lexa. I promise you I will."_

_It was enough for her. It was enough to hear those words from Clarke, knowing she will be safe and secure with her love._

_======_

_Lexa drops her keys on the bowl beside the door and quietly padded for their bedroom. She opened the door and found the bed untouched. She looked around the house and found it empty._

_"Clarke!" She called out in case she was playing some kind of hide and seek from her again. When she received nothing but eerie sound, she dropped the subject as Clarke might have return to the hospital for emergency. She took a quick shower and stumbled back on the bed and slept for the remaining of the morning._

_======_

_"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"_

_Clarke was choking but she pushed through with the tube in her mouth drinking as much as alcohol as she can. She doesn't know what came over her and switched into this party animal. She was never like this. That's why the stunned faces of Octavia, Raven, Jasper and Monty spells the differ among the entire crowd. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and hollered, pushing away her friend's growing concern actions._

_"Hey Clarke, come here! Body shot!"_

_Clarke saw a guy with a really cute dimples waving her in into the kitchen. Soon everyone was chanting._

_"Body shot! Body shot! Body shot!"_

_She was getting ready, stumbling with her two feet but luckily, the guy managed to save her and assisted her on the island. Clarke was giggling uncontrollably until she felt a cold hand on her shoulder._

_"Clarke, what are you doing? Come down!" Octavia hissed, pulling on her arm but she resisted._

_"When somebody challenged you on a body shot. You have to do it, O. It's like the rule!" She spat half accusingly and half 'don't care' attitude._

_Octavia felt a hard push from Clarke and fell into a straight line with the rest of the gang staring and watching uncomfortably as a guy drank on her. He was now hovering over Clarke's face, meeting those lips that clasps the small lime. Jasper couldn't help it anymore. He turns away as Clarke pulled the guy into a full on make out session. He gave Octavia and Raven an accusative eyes for not stopping the problem as soon it started. So he did what he have to do. He shoved the guy away from his friend and yanked the blonde off the table and stirred her out of the door._

_"What is wrong with you?!" Jasper pushed away his hair away from his eyes and stares pointedly at her._

_Clarke groaned and leaned back on the wall. "What's the problem, Jas?"_

_"What's-..." He can't even finish the question, he can't believe his friend is not seeing the problem was. "You're acting like a party animal gone wild! That's why!"_

_Clarke finally gave him a good look and soon Raven and the rest of the gang came out to the hallway witnessing everything._

_"Oh! Please do! Join the petty party!" Clarke gestured sarcastically._

_"Clarke-...," Raven started but  Clarke cut her off._

_"This is what you want me to do, right, Rae? You want me to let loose and stop fucking Lexa? Right?!"_

_Raven stiffened, swallowing hard, this is not how she wished for Clarke to turn into. She had never seen Clarke like this before. She was speechless. She bet everyone was._

_"Well newsflash! We haven't had sex for almost a month and I don't know where the hell she is! And I hardly see her nor spend time with her! We don't even talk! You know the only time I hear from her was her 'apologetic' texts every night," she wiggled her fingers on the word, "Clarke, I'm gonna head home late again. I have some things to finish. Turn in without me." Then chuckled distastefully. "What do you think she's doing huh?" Tapping her chin with her finger. "screwing somebody else? Probably!" And laughs like it's the most funniest thing that she had ever said._

_Monty elbowed Octavia, Octavia elbowed Raven who hissed at them._

_"Do something!" Monty mumbled softly as Clarke can't hear them at all._

_Clarke snorted and sighed, "you know what guys. You don't have to do anything. Thanks for the help but I can handle myself just fine. Don't you dare follow me."_

_She turns around and went straight for the elevator landing. Her hands her gripping on the wall, trying to balance her intoxicated body. Head throbbing, dry throat and grumbling stomach. Clarke hated that feeling. But what she hated the most was the girl that she dreaded to see the most. She'll be coming home to a place where Lexa will be lying on the bed too tired for her._

_**What's new?** She chuckled bitterly, pressing the button down._

_======_

_Lexa jerked in her sleep when her phone started blasting in the middle of the night. The bright light blinded her for a moment and hit the green button._

_"Raven? It's late-..."_

_"Is Clarke home yet?"_

_Lexa blinks, not understanding the panic in the girl's voice. "What are you talking about? Clarke's at work."_

_"I'm sorry, Lexa. I asked Clarke to hit a party with us. I just want to cheer her up but I think it back fired. She was chugging. She was grinding. Body shot. Making out with a random stranger-..."_

_Raven was going on and on and on until Lexa caught the last few words. "She what?"_

_Raven went another round of apologies until she have to stop her, "what's the address?"_

_"Lex, we already checked everywhere. We can't find her. She's too drunk. She got mad at us for stopping her-.... I'm so sorry, Le-..."_

_Lexa slammed down her phone and hopped off the bed. Dressed up and hunt down for Clarke. To her relief, she didn't have to search far. A familiar blonde slumped down on the gutter, grabbing her stomach as if she had been vomiting. And she was._

**_Oh Clarke..._ **

_The brunette quickly kneeled down and helped the blonde up. Clarke flailed her arms around fending her off and stares at her as if she had seen a ghost._

_"Clarke." Lexa said in a calm manner._

_There was a moment of recognition but then it turns bitter._

_"Lexa?" Clarke chuckles._

_She hated that laughter. It's the fake one that Clarke often uses when things get a little heated and wanting to inflict pain on Lexa. The sarcasm was the one that got her the most, when she knew Clarke was the most sincere person she had ever known. But she can be the nastiest too._

_"Clarke, let's go home," she tried to be collected still. Not letting her mask down and see how vulnerable she was seeing Clarke in that state. She knew she had caused this._

_She tried hoisting the girl up but as she bends down she felt a warm liquid on her face. The smell of booze and some other unknown coated her face but she didn't wiped it away. Instead, she closed her eyes, still unmoved, trying to recollect her composure before opening them and saw Clarke smirking._

_"Clarke-..."_

_Her phone suddenly disrupted her thoughts and saw the skype notification. Costia was calling her._

_Clarke doesn't have to know who it was. For sure it's her girlfriend's mistress. She saw how Lexa stares on her screen for a brief moment before meeting hers._

_"Your girlfriend's calling. Better answer that," Before standing up and wobbled her way for the door._

_Lexa sighed loudly and wiped away the spit on her face. "Clarke, let me explain-..."_

_Clarke wasn't having any of it. She had been waiting for weeks for explanations but it's always been pushed aside. Just a simple touch suddenly became a chore and next thing she knew, another world war was erupting inside their little home. It wasn't much of a 'home' now either, when she thinks about it. It's barren and cold. So empty and lonely. Things had not been the same anymore._

_Even for the past few months they had been arguing over little things until spending time together was all about tolerating each other's presence. Nobody wanted to break to give way to each other. Nobody uttered words and raise the white flag to make each other feel okay. Clarke had been tolerating this for months and not only this past few weeks. She had tried to do her part, it will then be okay for a moment but they're back again bickering and fighting. Silent wars and cold shoulders until to this point when she knew she was so drunk and have too much courage to say what's on her mind._

_"Clarke, please."_

_Clarke turns around and scoffed. "Don't 'please' me, Lexa. I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of this. I'm sick and tired of constantly waiting for you every single fucking night. If I'll ever see you again not asleep. If I'll ever talk to you again and not fighting."_

_Her chest was pounding hard. Her drunkenness was not helping her physically. Her head was spinning but all she can see was Lexa standing there, watching her. She never felt so naked under those green eyes. She felt so vulnerable and weak but enough courage so say what she had been trying to keep inside._

_"Tell me, Lexa. Are you cheating on me?!" She never thought she could ever utter those words aloud._

_Lexa was taken aback. Never in a thousand years will she ever thought of cheating on Clarke. "NO!" She advances but Clarke retreats back. She knew that she was afraid. Cause Lexa's afraid too. "I'll never, Clarke. You've got to trust me."_

_"I'm asking you again, Lexa. Are. You. Cheating. On. Me?" Her voice felt more calmer now but it still scares her where all the courage was coming from._

_Lexa lunges forward and grabs the girl by the waist and pulled her in. Despite Clarke resisting her, she still held her closely. "No, Clarke. I will never do that to you. I will never do that to you."_

_Clarke tried to shove her away. She punches her back as hard as she can but she knew deep inside she doesn't wanna hurt Lexa. She doesn't wanna inflict physical pain on her - even though she was taken on the spur of moment when she spat on her face for suddenly showing up as if she was suddenly so concern about her. Her punches her soft and lamented. She knew what was about to go down. She could feel it rising up to her throat._

_Then she snapped._

_Lexa held her tightly as Clarke clung to her crying her heart out. The brunette felt weak to her knees hearing Clarke cries. One thing that Lexa hated the most was the sound of Clarke's uncontrollable cry. How she hiccups in each breath. How those tears rolls down to her cheeks. How her nose would turn red and puffy. Those blue eyes losing it's sparks. It was disheartening to watch. But what broke her heart was that she had caused all of it._

_"I'm sorry...," Lexa whispered in her ears. "I'm so so sorry, Clarke." Rocking her gently from side to side._

_Clarke made a one last attempt of hatred towards the girl and punched her back but it was too loose and soft. She still doesn't wanna hurt Lexa._

_"I hate you!" she choked between tears instead._

_"No you don't," Lexa mumbled softly, knowing that Clarke will come to her senses eventually._

_She closes her eyes and cried even more._

**_Of course, I don't, you idiot!_ **

_============_

_The following morning, Clarke woke up with a hammering headache. She groaned as she stirred on the bed, feeling the spot beside her already cold and empty. A sigh automatically left her lips and cracked open her eyes. The room was dark and the blinds were drawn. She wasn't sure what time it was and she was glad that it was her off day. She don't think she can manage work with a really bad hang over._

_Clarke finally managed to sit up and noticed a glass of water and panadol on the bedside table. A smile touched her lips. She swallowed the tablet, followed by the water. Then padded out of the bedroom into the kitchen where she smells a..._

_"Pancake? Bacon?" She skipped to the kitchen and saw a plate of, indeed, a stack of pancakes and bacons. A bottle of maple syrup beside it with a note that says,_

**_'Goodmorning, Clarke._ **

**_Hope your hangover will be gone soon._ **

**_I'll let you sleep for now. I'm sorry, I know it's your day off_ **

**_And can't spend the day with you._ **

**_I have to rush back to work. Tight deadline._ **

**_I promise to come home early tonight._ **

**_I love you, Clarke._ **

**_Lexa XOXO'_ **

_Clarke grins at the doodle of a princess and a squid at the corner. It's always been the girl's signature footnote. The walked over to the fridge to satiate her thirst when she noticed Lexa's phone and bag were still on the counter._

**_She haven't left yet. Great!_ **

_She heard the toilet flushed and then followed by a skype notification sound. Clarke went over to the counter and saw Lexa's phone flashed. It was ringing. She looked over who was skype calling Lexa when the name popped up on the screen made her stomach dipped. Clarke stood there staring at the screen as it rings before her. The name was flashing before her eyes and yet, she still hadn't made a move. She thought she heard a voice calling for her but she was sure it was just her imagination - just like the skype call that spells out 'Costia.'_

_"Clarke?"_

_Leax touched her girlfriend's shoulders and suddenly felt her tensed._

_"Are you okay? Are you still feeling unwell?"_

_Clarke snapped her head up as if she got out of her crazy world. But that's not the problem. The crazy world isn't what's inside of Clarke's mind. It's the one that she's currently living. The hell just let loose._

_Clarke flashed her her confident smile and nodded, "never better! Peachy!"_

_Lexa frowned at her but then smiles, not wanting to question Clarke further._

_"Okay. Well uh, I'm gonna go back to work. I'll be home early, okay? I'm sorry that I can't-..."_

_"It's fine! Go! Take all the time that you want," It was breaking her heart with each word. She knew she was pushing Lexa away from her... To Costia. But Lexa had lied to her. Lexa's lying to her. She's not going to work, she's going to meet Costia._

_Lexa furrowed her eyebrows again and watches Clarke's strange demeanor. She can't shake off the feeling how goosebumps crept to her skin. Internally, she shakes her head and took all her stuff before softly pecked on Clarke's lips. Even kissing her felt like kissing a wall but the smile was still there when she pulled away. Even when she left the apartment the nagging feeling was still stirring in the pit of her stomach._

**_Something is wrong._ **

_=========_

_Clarke broke down. Her grumbling stomach was gone unnoticed. She had lost her appetite. Her mind was nothing but bombarded with that mental picture of Costia calling Lexa._

_What is going on?  Are they getting back together?... Are they already back together? Is that why she always comes home late? She's with Costia the entire night? What are they doing? Did they kiss? Did they had sex?_

_She broke down at the wooden floor of their mini kitchen and shed her heart out. She never felt so broken and tormented by just one thought. Her breathing turn ragged and as if she's chasing after oxygen to breathe again. Clarke knew it's coming. It's coming for her. She was lucky enough it didn't occurred the night before but she was so damn sure that it will come for her now._

**_Clarke breathe. Breathe!_ **

_She burrowed her head between her knees and rock gently._

**_1_ **

**_2_ **

**_3_ **

**_4_ **

**_5_ **

_"Lexa... Lexa...," She whispered._

**_6_ **

**_7_ **

**_8_ **

**_9_ **

**_10_ **

_========_

_Gustus puffed quietly and side glanced at her daughter. It had been more than half of the day but the worry on her face was still evident._

_"Alexandria."_

_Lexa automatically answers, "Yes, father." Not meeting his eyes._

_"Alexandria," he called again._

_Lexa finally looks up from her laptop._

_"What's wrong?"_

_"What? What do you mean?" Not having a clue what her father could mean._

_"You're looking very concerned. What's wrong? Did something happened?" he asked, silently pointing to her and Clarke discreetly._

_Lexa knew what he was talking about now. A sigh escaped her lips, "Dad...," rubbing her face due to lack of sleep. "Everything's fine."_

_Gustus wasn't convinced and grunted._

_She sighed again, "Clarke got drunk last night. We had a fight. But she's fine now. I just need to finish this report before I head home to see her."_

_"You fought again?" He's voice was demanding. He had been hearing Clarke and Lexa's fights more often than hearing those two laughing together. He doesn't know what this both girls were going through at the moment but it's better to know now. He had been keeping quiet for quite some time now and as much as he tries to be the cool dad, he can't let go of the fact of not doing anything when there's a possibility of her daughter's happiness came crumbling apart. "Lexa, what's happened?"_

_Lexa groaned because here her dad demanding her personal life again. "Dad, we've gone through this before. It's my own life. Personal life-..."_

_"And I'm your father. Whether you like or not, I have the right to know what my daughter is doing in her personal life that caused numerous fights with her girlfriend. You should know Lexa. Clarke is like a daughter to me too. I love the both of you so much and I can't see you two falling apart. So I'm gonna ask you again, Alexandria. What happened this time?"_

_Lexa groaned again, twirling in her swivel chair buying time. She tried to recollect her thoughts and sighs at the piercing looks from Gustus._

_"I've been going home late... Everyday. We hardly talk nor see each other. I come home she's asleep. She come's home from night shift I already left for work. We hardly spends time together and I think it took over Clarke yesterday when Raven asked her out. She got drunk and she-..." gesturing to her face lamely, "she um-...." not sure if she should tell her father._

_"What Lexa? Did she hurt you?" He was getting worried._

_"No! She's just super drunk and kind of-... Spat on my face when I tried to tell her." She quickly closed her eyes. She never felt so great telling that part of the story. It's like she's telling off Clarke to her own father and go on scolding Clarke for spitting on her own daughter's face._

_Gustus remained stoic._

_Lexa panicked, "but we're okay now, dad. We finally made up and we're cool."_

_"Clarke spat on your face?"_

_Lexa swallowed hard. Wrong move, Lexa. You shouldn't have told him._

_Before anything goes out of control, she held on her father's forearm and said, "father, let me handle this. It's me and Clarke. We can get through anything. She's drunk. She didn't know what she was doing."_

_Gustus flared is nostril and grunted loudly. "I want you to fix this, Lexa. I don't want anymore face spitting incident."_

_"Yes, father," nodding obediently._

_===========_

_Lexa came home that night feeling unsure with her felt. The thought of coming home intrigues her but the look and demeanor that Clarke gave off that morning gave her another second thought. She did noticed the notification that morning. She had missed a missed call from Costia and she wondered if Clarke had seen it._

**_Hopefully not._ **

_She had messaged Clarke that she's coming home and received a reply._

_**Clarke Griffin <3 : Great! Can't wait to see you, Lexa! ;*** _

_The text message seemed normal enough. Maybe it was just her head messing with her. It was just a fact that Clarke hates the guts of Costia and her daily communication with the girl was something she had been constantly worrying about if ever Clarke finds out. But she shouldn't be worried, it's purely work related. Sure, they did chatted for awhile - checking how things had been. Knowing that Costia flew to Thailand and worked at a big company there, she was surprised that they'll be working together on a project. They stuck to professionalism until Costia mentioned of her coming home but none other than - nothing else. So she've got nothing to worry about._

**_Right?_ **

_She pushed open the door and dropped her keys on the bowl. The living room was empty and dark but the kitchen was well lit and her nose was quickly assaulted  by a delicious food. Clarke was standing over the stove, stirring something wonder. Lexa couldn't help but smile widely and envelop her from the back. She felt the girl stiffened but then fell into a comfortable hum._

_"That smells good, Clarke," she inhaled sharply, planting soft trail of kisses on her girl's shoulders._

_"Clean up. It'll be ready soon," Clarke said._

_Lexa immediately went to the bathroom straight, strip off her clothes and showered. 20 minutes later, she was met with the most scrumptious home made meal she had ever seen. She couldn't help but grin._

_"This looks good, Clarke."_

_Clarke simply smiled and waited for her to dig in first. Those blue eyes were watching her every move. She knew shouldn't be bothered but there's something in the way Clarke's eyes shifts. As she's-..._

**_No, Lexa. There's nothing. Just enjoy the meal that Clarke cooked for you and enjoy the rest of the night._ **

_"Enjoying?" Clarke asked._

_Lexa couldn't even utter a word and nodded instead. She swallowed, "you're amazing, Clarke! This is the best pasta I've ever tasted!"_

_"Great," Clarke smiled slyly and delved on her own plate._

_Right after, they had home made snow cones that in which Clarke blended on the blender. Even though, it wasn't that successful it's the effort that counts. Lexa couldn't help but laugh at Clarke's concentration in placing molding the ice and ended getting smaller and smaller, dripping down on her hands. So she gave up and placed the crushed ice inside a mug, coated it with syrup and handed one to Lexa._

_She couldn't help but smile smugly at the blonde. How she planned everything out. How everything had been lovely and amazing. Now, dinner is done she's lying on the sofa with her head on Clarke's lap watching some crappy shows. She doesn't mind at all, she just loves feeling Clarke's finger's massaging her head._

_Clarke looks down and watch the serene smile on Lexa's lips. She wonders if Costia ever brought this kind of happiness to the brunette. She flared her nostrils again for the dozenth times that night and this time Lexa noticed it._

_"Hey," Lexa tugged on her blouse when she refused to look down. When she finally did, "you okay?"_

**_She nodded._ **

_"Thank you for tonight, Clarke. It's been amazing."_

_Clarke tries not to fall for the sweet words that Lexa had been feeding her this past few years. She can't trust her again - not after what she saw this morning. But she led her on by smiling and saying._

_"Good. Cause there's more of that came from," she smiled smugly and leaned down to kiss her on the lips._

_Lexa hummed and pulled her closer. The kiss turned slowly to fast and passionate. They were fighting for dominance and Clarke won't back down without a fight. She quickly stopped and heard Lexa's soft whimper by the lost of contact. She pulled the girl to the bedroom and pushed her onto the bed and straddled over her. They were back at it again. The lust and heat over coming those two._

_Clarke could unveil Lexa's mask. She can tore it open and see the vulnerable Lexa._

**_Can Costia do that?_ **

_She bit on the brunette's lower lips aggressively by the thought, sending Lexa to whimper loudly which spurred her on. A tug on her shirt, indicated Lexa to guide Clarke in removing her blouse, followed by her pants - leaving her with nothing but a bra and panty. Clarke pinned her against the bed and feasted her eyes on the beauty under her._

**_Did Costia see the beauty the underneath Lexa's clothes?_ **

_Biting her lips, she order Lexa to turn over, faced down on the bed. The brunette was reluctant at first by the new aggressiveness of the blonde but eventually obeyed. Clarke removed her black bra and then her panty, kissing trails of freckles on her bare fair back. Her arm snaked over Lexa's left shoulders and reach underneath for the girl's right breast. She fiddled with it while she kisses away her train of thoughts about some certain girl._

**_Can Costia do this to her?... Did she do this to you?_ **

_Feeling frustration emitting out of her on could Costia possibly do with Lexa while both of them are away - while both of them are alone on their own. She plunged her bare teeth on Lexa's back and thrusted two fingers inside Lexa's wet folds._

**_She's so wet. I bet Costia can't make you this wet._ **

_Lexa cried out on pleasure. Feeling her bottom rose up and following on the rhythm. Pumping against Clarke's wrist, feeling the friction and pleasure of it all. Clarke growled loudly when the brunette screamed her name. Another pending question popped on her head and growled again and thrusted faster until she felt her wrist getting numbed and tired but she pursued further until Lexa was screaming for her name again._

**_I bet she can't make you cum as hard as I can, Lexa._ **

_Lexa laid helpless on the bed, both girls heaving hard. Catching breaths. Clarke watches her girlfriend's unmoved body except for the rising of her chest._

**_I'm not done yet._ **

_She flipped over Lexa and caught those green eyes looking at her apprehensively. She knew she had been acting weird and she knew that Lexa could see right through her. But she doesn't need this - not right now. She kissed those full lips and made the girl forget about what she was thinking in the first place. Clarke placed her legs between Lexa's and starts humping slowly building up the tension and excitement until she felt Lexa's on head again and stopped immediately._

_Lexa grunted loudly not wanting her to stop, "Clarke." Her voice was commanding and firm. Like how she wanted her to be._

_Did you ever said HER name just like that, Lexa?_

_Clarke plunged two fingers inside Lexa's core again and pumps hard and fast. She watches those green eyes rolled at the back of the girl's head and hears those ragged panting, moans and groans as she added the third digit. She can't get enough._

_She was still fully clothed but that doesn't matter. What matters now was for Lexa to feel the pleasure of being with her. Feel the love and heat that Clarke can give her - not what Costia can give her. Lexa is with Clarke and no one can take her away._

_"Did she fucked you like that?" Clarke asked against the girl's ears after Lexa had her 5th orgasm consecutively._

_Lexa, groggy and head spinning, very very high and physically sensitive, turns and laid on her back - frowning at Clarke._

_"Who?" She asked._

_Clarke hopped off the bed suddenly wanting a huge space between them._

_"Costia."_

_Lexa suddenly sat up right, the surprise on her face was enough confirmation to Clarke._

**_So it is true._ **

_"How long?" Clarke demanded._

_"Clarke there's nothing going on-..."_

_"I said how long, Lexa!" She was shouting now. Her wet fingers never felt so dirty before._

_Lexa immediately, covered her body with the cover and walked over to Clarke who automatically backs away._

_"Clarke, nothing happened. We were just working. It's work, Clarke. She's not here. She's in Asia. I'm away from her. You've got to trust me, Clarke. I will never cheat on you!" Lexa held Clarke's trembling hands._

_Clarke saw those eyes in tears. She didn't know she too was crying. She told herself to not cry when it comes to this confrontation. She have to be strong because Lexa won't get to walk about from this - it has to be her._

_"Clarke, please. Trust me."_

_"Is she the reason why you've been coming home late?"_

_Lexa quickly pursed her lips and more tears fell from her eyes. How can she answer that question when she knew that it will break Clarke apart? Oh how she wished she could tell Clarke everything. Everything had been going on in the company and that includes Costia helping her to get a really big project but can she let Clarke understand that it's pure work and nothing else? How can she make Clarke understand without sending her to over drive jealousy over her ex?_

_"Clarke-..."_

_Clarke pulled away her hands._

_"Answer the fucking question, Lexa!"_

_"Yes! It is."_

_And Lexa watched Clarke broke down right before her eyes._

_"Clarke- Clarke, please let me explain." She moved forward but Clarke fell back on the wall and slid down to the floor trying to tame her cry._

_"Don't! Don't touch me!"_

_She was kicked, shoved, punched but Lexa held on tightly until Clarke grew tired. She grabbed those two wrist and held them together and forced Clarke to look at her directly in the eyes._

_"Fuck it, Clarke! Look at me!" And Clarke did, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Clarke was about to rebut but Lexa covered her mouth and continued, "I knew you would react like this. I know that you don't like Costia. But she's nothing to me. I don't like her. I don't love her. I'm in love with you, Clarke. No one else. I'm gonna marry you, not Costia. I'm gonna grow old with you being two city girls. That's our dream, right? We will move away from this town and be two city girls. Together, Clarke. Just you and me. No Costia or anybody else."_

_Lexa slowly peeled away her hand and waited for Clarke to say something. When she thought she's not gonna hear anything from Clarke, she continued._

_"I've been working on a really big project with Costia's asian team. They're resided in Thailand and the time different was huge. The only time I can talk to them was past midnight and it takes another 3-4 hours per session. Clarke... I'm not cheating on you." Leaning her forehead against the unmoved girl, "please trust me. I will never do that to you. I love you so much."_

_Clarke sobs again, shedding another tears. She had never felt so stupid in her entire life. How could she let herself drown by her jealousy and insecurities? Lexa's right. She loves her and not Costia. Costia's far away and they're safe. She's safe._

_"I'm sorry," Clarke mumbled softly and felt a soft kiss on the cheek. She looks up._

_"I understand, Clarke. Just- Just don't do it again, okay?"_

_She nodded and looks down shyly. Lexa smiles and pulls her back on the bed._

_"Come here. We've got some unfinished business."_

_======_

_The weekend flew by like the cold breeze but there was nothing cold in her weekend when all she could think about was her wonder time with her girlfriend. Clarke bit her lips and smiles at the memory of her and Lexa curled up on the bed. Just enveloping on each other's warmth. After their fight (again) everything finally return back to normal. Sunday they spent their time walking in the park, watching a movie and Netflix and chill in the evening. She missed those moments, knowing now that they're both grown up and have heavy responsibilities on their shoulders._

_Monday was a breeze too. She was still on her honeymoon period and this time Lexa came home early - it was still late, 11pm - but still the earliest. She made her a quick microwave meal and sat down on the couch munching on their shared supper._

_"Hmm.. This taste good, Clarke," Lexa cooed._

_Clarke rolled her eyes, "It's microwaved, Lexa. Don't sound so amazing."_

_"Anything you cooked are amazing."_

_She scoffed, "I think you need to sleep."_

_"You know what I need?"_

_Catching those green intense eyes looking directly to her soul made her shudder. She swallowed thickly and managed to joke, "tissue? Chickens are gonna chase after you, Lexa." She smirked, pointing on Lexa's upper lips._

_Lexa touched it and saw grains of rice. She returned the smirk, "are you gonna chase after me, Clarke?"_

_Clarke tried to appear greatly offended, "are you calling me a chicken, Lexa?"_

_"Oh I don't know," Lexa shrugs, "do you in fact, loves pecking around."_

_"Pecking?" she laughs heartily and pecks her on the cheek, "yeah I do loves pecking."_

_=========_

_Tuesday came fast too. Clarke was glad that she managed to leave the hospital early. Meaning she can still catch the florist down town before it closes and buy Lexa's favorite flowers - Lilies. She smiled widely looking at it and thinking of words to write on a note before placing it on their bed._

_Clarke stopped over to the small magazine stand and bought a National Geographic - Exploring Space issue. She can't help but chuckles at the things she's getting for Lexa. It was so ridiculously sappy._

**_It's so you, Clarke._ **

_Shaking her head by the comment, she quickly walked over to her parked car and noticed someone familiar._

_"Lexa?"_

_The brown mane girl was walking fast in a crowded street and entered a building. It was a hotel._

**_She must meeting a client._ **

_Deciding to pop by and give her a surprise hello, Clarke entered the main lobby and a strong smell of flowers._

**_Definitely, flowers._ **

_Reached her nose. She smiled by the thought of it and quickly walked towards Lexa when she noticed something else. A woman- A beautiful woman in a skin tight green dress came running towards Lexa and hugged her girlfriend tightly. She felt her stomach made a knot and then dropped into nothingness. The two women pulled away and saw how Costia pecked Lexa on the cheek and pulled her inside a crowded elevator. Clarke ran after them, trying to get clues where could Costia possibly take her girlfriend. But it's a crowded elevator and there's so many floors, there's no way to find out._

_Sighing in defeat, Clarke decided to wait this one out. So she left for home and waited until Lexa comes home. Which she hopes would be early._

_=========_

_"Everyone!" Costia clapped her hands and everyone in the meeting room turns to their direction. "I would like you to personally meet Lexa Heda. Lexa, please meet everyone. We've all seen each other before in screens so no difference!" Flinging her arms in the air, laughing with the others._

_Lexa grins and nodded at everyone, "it's nice to finally meet you ladies and gents."_

_"You don't have to be so formal, Lexa," May said one of the senior engineer. She had recognized her as one of the front leaders._

_Lexa chuckles uneasily and slowly fell into a comfortable conversation with the team. It was refreshing to know so much culture and language they carry with them. She had learned quite a lot from other the team, may it be personally and professionally. She may have all the information needed to make this project happen._

_2 hours later, everyone were dismissed to their own separate rooms while Costia escorted Lexa down to the lobby._

_"It's great to finally see you, Lexa. I've missed you so much," hugging the girl again. Lexa returned the favor and said._

_"Likewise. Although, I have to be frank with you, Cos. You being here is great because it all works well for the company and I know I may sound foolish and selfish saying this but Clarke-..."_

_"I get it. You don't have to explain, Lex," Touching her shoulders lightly, "We're professionals remember? I can still keep this low, real low," winking at her._

_Lexa smiled and nodded, "good. I just don't want anymore fights with her. I can't stand her being mad over nothing. If she finds out you're here, she's gonna freak."_

_"Are you gonna tell her?"_

_She stalled, she was in fact thinking about not telling her but the town is too small for the three of them. "I will. Tonight. I just hope everything goes well."_

_"Well good luck. If you need any help I'm here. I can talk to her."_

_"Thank you, Cos. Oh you should ring up Raven, she had been gushing about you coming back."_

_"I was thinking of giving her a surprise visit."_

_"Oh that's gonna great!" Knowing that Raven loves surprises or anything - really - that explodes before her face. Two cousins reuniting that's gonna be sweet._

_============_

_Lexa finally reached home and found a bouquet of lilies and a National Geographic magazine on the coffee table. She smiles and called out, "Clarke?"_

_She heard no replies. She went for the bedroom and saw Clarke lying down on the bed with her back against hers. She slowly peeled off her clothes and crept under the blanket and pulled Clarke deeper to her._

_"Clarke?" nuzzling on the girl's neck._

_"Hmm?"_

_"You awake?"_

_"Hmm."_

_"Thank you for the flowers and magazine," kissing her on the cheek._

_"Welcome," Clarke said softly._

_Lexa tried to stir Clarke the other way to see her face but the girl resisted._

**_Something's wrong._ **

_"Clarke? Are you okay?" She peeked over the blonde and saw a tear fell from the girl's closed eyes. She sighed, "what's wrong, Clarke?" Not knowing what happened now and why Clarke was crying again when everything seemed to perfect ever since the last fight._

_"Nothing," Clarke answered grudgingly - wiping away her tears._

_She held tightly on the girl's wrists and insisted, "No, Clarke. Tell me."_

_The girl sighed before meeting those eyes, "I saw you and Costia together...," when Lexa didn't answered, she continued, "I thought she's not here, Lexa. Why did you lied to me?"_

_"Clarke, I didn't lied."_

_"But you knew that she's coming?"_

_She swallowed hard and nodded._

_Clarke sighed and pulled the cover above her head._

_"Clarke please talk to me. I don't wanna fight anymore. I'm tired."_

_"I'm tired too, Lexa. Let's just sleep."_

_And so they did with a heavy heart._

_===========_

_The following morning, Clarke woke with Lexa still beside her. The rising and falling of her chest. That gapped lips. That relaxed forehead free from worries. How she wished she can stop this feelings. How she wished she can move on and be happy with her but every time she leaves she would start imagining Lexa in Costia's arms. Hugging her. Kissing her._

_She sighs and snuggled gently against Lexa and sighs some more._

_"I love you, Lex."_

_===========_

_That morning she wakes up with Clarke curled up to her side. Her arm draped over her stomach. She smiled because it was the first in a long time did she found themselves in this position. She brushed off those blonde tendrils off her face and pecked her forehead,_

_"I love you, Clarke."_

_===========_

_Lexa walked out of the bedroom wondering where was Clarke. She noticed heaps of clothes were on the coffee table and it was Clarke's._

_"Clarke?" She back to the hallway and found her coming out of the toilet, holding her toiletries. "Clarke? What are you doing?"_

_Clarke clenched her jaw and and walked straight to their bedroom and took out her large luggage back. Lexa was tailing her._

_"Clarke! Talk to me!" She grabbed her wrist but Clarke yanked away, not even looking at her._

_The blonde strode to the coffee table and folded her clothes hastily and dumped it on her suitcase._

_"Clarke, don't tell you're leaving. No, no, no," Lexa stopped at whatever Clarke was doing, "Clarke! Will you stop for a second!"_

_Clarke finally looks at Lexa with that tormented face._

_"I'm tired, Lexa. I need to breathe. I can't think. I can'-..." She's about to break down again. She can feel it creeping in her throat._

**_No, no, no. Not now please._ **

_Lexa crouched down on her bended body, "Clarke... Come here."_

_But Clarke pushed her away. She then grabbed a pile of her clothes and throw it at Lexa._

_"Clarke...," she was stunned. She never expected this from her. Not at all. She tried to reach for her but Clarke kept throwing her clothes after clothes._

_"Stay away from me, Lexa!"_

_"I will not stay away, Clarke! Because I love you! I will not give up on us! Don't you understand that?!" She shouted at the top of her lungs and can't careless if their neighbors hears her or not. "Can't you get it inside your head that I'm not cheating on you! Please, Clarke. Try to see how being truthful I am!"_

_Clarke stumbled out of the living room and ran for the kitchen. She needs to breath. She needs to drink. Her throat is closing on her. It's too dry._

**_Too dry._ **

_She leaned heavily on the chair with broke her balance and landed on the floor heavily along with her. Lexa immediately ran to her, pulling her back in her arms._

_"Clarke please...," Clarke shoved her away. "Let me help you."_

_One last push, Lexa was sent down to her butt. She watched helplessly as Clarke ran for the bathroom and turned on the bathtub faucet. She knew exactly why. So that Clarke can cry without anyone hearing her. She had done that before. When her fights with Clarke was becoming too unbearable. She could even stayed in there for the night._

_Knowing that it will lead her nowhere staying in the room as Clarke. She decided to venture out for the mean while. They both needed it. They both needed the breather. They had gone through so much and she can't just give up like that. She can't. She can't hold this heavy heart any longer. She have to let it go. It's becoming to unbearable._

_Sagged down on the gutter just outside the park was where Costia found her. It was too common._

**////////////////**

"What do you mean it's over?"

"It's only a matter of time before she leaves me again," She rubs her face and felt another tears coming its way.

"How can you so sure? You've been together for the longest time. Is she gonna give up now?" Costia was being skeptical. It was contenting that someone that Clarke gashes over were saying such words, oh the irony.

Lexa shrugs. She can't think straight. All she wanted to do was to be okay again with Clarke. That's all she could think about.

/////

"It's over, O. We're over. I've chased her away. She's probably with Costia right now."

Clarke burrowed her face on her palms and broke into a sob.

Octavia frowned at her state of being and said, "you don't know that. She could be anywhere."

"Anywhere  _with Costia,_ " She chuckled bitterly.

////

Lexa was radio silent for the past 15 minutes. And she thinks that she's not gonna speak any time soon. The clouds above them had swept away the blues and came in the dark.

 _It's gonna rain soon,_ she thought.

She looks at Lexa again and she knew she can't ask her to back home. She can't face Clarke yet. So she did what have to do. She held out her hand when Lexa didn't moved. She grabbed her hand instead and pulled her to the direction of her hotel.

////

"Stop saying that!" Octavia was getting frisky with Clarke going on and on about Lexa and Costia.

She gets it. She's jealous and may have over reacted.  _Very_ over reacted. But she can't just point every single mistake on Costia.

"You do know this is all your fault right?" Her left had left her mouth even before she could permit them.

Clarke snapped her head. She thought she's gonna berate on her but she was surprised that Clarke simply submitted and nodded.

"Where are you going?" Quickly following the girl's footsteps out of the apartment.

"Finding Lexa."

////

She laid the silent girl on her bed and sighed. She hated seeing her like this. She hated Clarke for turning Lexa into this- this foreign person. Lexa is happy. So so happy with Clarke. Since did she turned into this?

Costia placed a glass of water on the side table and gave her a one last endearing look.

"Stay here, Lex. I'll just handle some business. I'll be right back, okay? Don't leave the room."

Lexa didn't replied or gave any sign that she had heard the girl. Nonetheless, she left the room and went searching for Clarke. She needs to get things straight. She needs to speak to her once and for all. This has to end. She had enough seeing Lexa suffer every single day she spent with her. She can't let this go on.

////

Clarke doesn't know where to start. She thought of the park first. The girl loves trees and fresh nature. But after half an hour of searching she was nowhere. She walked down the main town and found Octavia still following her. The sidewalk were now sparsely due to the light rain but Clarke didn't care. All she could think about was to find Lexa and apologize  _again._

She really hope that Lexa would still forgive her.

Octavia was being silent. She was thankful for the girl's presence even though the annoyance was still plastered on her face. She knew it was all her fault. She got carried away by her jealousy and it affected everyone. Even Octavia and Raven. She crosses the intersection and found the hotel that Lexa entered. She stopped at her tracks and surveyed the building. It's beautiful rustic 5 star hotel. One of the best in their town.

_Is Lexa inside with Costia?_

Pushing those thoughts away. She decided to walk away. She decided to go to a place where nobody can see her break down again into little pieces. So she ran fast.

////

Costia skipped down the stairs into the main street. Not carrying if Jose the doorman was calling for her for an umbrella. She briskly walked out into the rain and with a mission in mind. Find Clarke and explain everything. Their project will be done tomorrow and she'll be back to Thailand by then. There's no need for Clarke to carry the hatred.

So she let her feet dragged her into places that she knew would direct her to Clarke when her eyes caught a glimmering blonde hair. Even under the dark clouds it was still shining. She knew who it was. She ran after the girl. She dodged the sea of umbrellas and finally caught with her where there's let people.

_Good. Less people can witness this._

"Clarke!"

////

_"Clarke!"_

Clarke stopped at her track. She knew Octavia did the same thing too. She knew that voice very well. She felt goosebumps all over and she doubt it's from the cold harsh wind. She turns around and saw Costia standing before her.

"Costia."

"We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOhhhhh what will happen between Clarke and Costia? Cat fight?! Let's find out next chapter. Let me know what you guys think! Hit those comments and kudos!


	14. Remember Those Nights Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of Remember Those Nights Part I. Enjoy, you guys!

_Of course, they need to talk. What else would they be here for? She'll probably ask for Lexa back. Taking back what's rightfully hers. Will Clarke let her?_

**_NO! Lexa's mine!_ **

_"Yes, we do."_

_Octavia could see the tension between those battling eyes. She knew she didn't ever wanna witness this. So she stood at the sideline as quiet and as still as the shadows._

_Costia walked nearer._

_"You can't treat Lexa like that. She's hurting, Clarke," Costia reprimanded as she's some kid who did her friend wrong._

_Clarke walked closer with chin high._

_"I know what I did was wrong, Costia. I admit to my fault. Please show me where Lexa is so I can apologize to her." It was not she was expecting to say. It's like her mouth has a mind of its own._

_"No," the girl shakes her head, "I've seen her hurting more for the past few days. You can't see her until the both of you calms down. You need a break, Clarke."_

_Oh Clarke starts to fume. Nobody tells her what to do. Most especially not Costia._

_"Who are you to tell me what to do, Costia? Do you know what Lexa needs? Do you know her like the back of your palm? No! You don't! I do! What she needs is to see me so we can talk."_

_Costia tries to be the calmer one. She knew that between Lexa and Clarke. Lexa is the quiet and patient one. Sometimes a little push over but that's their dynamic. When Lexa is weak Clarke is strong. When Clarke is weak Lexa is strong. They fight for each other. The clashing personality also persists sometimes and this time is now. She can't let them explode and end things for good. Lexa loves Clarke and she's happy. That's all that matters._

_"Yes, Lexa may want to see you but I'm not gonna let her. You will only see her once you've calmed down and recollects yourself, Clarke."_

_She's being so agitated, "Stop telling me what to do, Costia!" Clarke shoved the girl hard and Costia came hitting the lamp post._

_"Clarke!" Octavia hissed, stepping in between them but slowly retreats back to the shadows. Just making sure that there will be no brawl._

_She wasn't completely taken by the animosity. She knew that this would eventually happened. She was preparing for this but she won't fight back. She knew Clarke was clouded by her emotions._

_"Clarke, calm down. I will not steal Lexa away from you. I'm here for work. Nothing else. I didn't laid my hands on her. Nor do anything outside work related. We are professionals, Clarke. You've got nothing to worry about."_

_And this time Clarke pursed her lips. She was waiting for a comeback but nothing came. She thought she finally gave the girl a sense of security. When a flash of small yellow light brushed past between her and Clarke. Both girl's stumbled back but Costia tripped over her heels and stumbled onto the main road._

_This time two large yellow lights came into view._

////

Raven pulled Clarke out of her stupor. "Are you alright?"

Clarke blinks and nodded. Finally focusing on the bicycle that brushed past them out of nowhere. She suddenly remembers what happened to Costia. It was a very touchy subject. Something that her friends had not to utter a word and she was grateful. They knew that that day took a huge part of Clarke and she was never the same anymore. That night had caused Clarke many sleepless nights, her eventual break up with Lexa and still more nightmares. After all the 'keeping strong' phase with Lexa. Not letting that day take toll on them and continue. Eventually they got engaged but too soon they knew it won't work anymore. They had been burying everything too deep. Trying to pile over one another with constant apologies but nothing was concrete. They were walking on uneven path until one day they slipped and fall into the pits that they've dug and found themselves trapped with faults and remorse.

They did what they had to do. Broke up.

It was as if it meant to happen to land her where she was now.

"Are you sure?" Raven was squinting at her.

"Positive." She smiled tightly.

Clarke turns her back against the cyclist and let out a shaky breath.

_It's over Clarke. Costia would have wanted you to be happy._

So she smiled and crosses the road when the green man flashed. Raven quickly fell into steps beside her, still looking at her dubiously.

"So... What are you thinking about? Nervous?"

"Nervous?" Looking at her best friend.

Raven nodded, "you seemed nervous. What happened back there?"

She let her eyes fell back to the spot where the cyclist brushed past them. It was only that day had she thought of Costia so much. Previous times, she pushed it down way too down to not let it affect her day.

"I just remembered something," shaking her head, clearing away that day.

"What?" Raven insisted. Clearly not backing down.

Clarke sighed, "it's nothing, Rae. Come on they're waiting for us."

She pulled her by the arm and direct her towards the deli. When they reached inside Lexa and Anya were already seated by the corner booth. She waved at them and pointed at the ladies before pushing Raven towards them and left.

////

Immediately, she checked the coast if its clear before letting a single drop of tear down her cheek. She didn't know why today she felt so heavy all of a sudden. As if the memory of Costia suddenly took over her being and crashes her body with so much emotions. It's taking over her body. She was shaking. Heaving heavily. She was gripping the sink with her two hands. She watched those veins pop with each tight grip.

_This can't be happening. No, no. Not today please._

She hastily turned on the faucet and washed her face with the cold water. She can't break down now. She can't. It's only mid day and she can't... She just can't.

"1 minute, Clarke. 1 minute," she whispered, breathing out of her lips. "You've got this."

She starts phasing. Shoving her hair out of her face. Shaking her arms, getting rid of the jitters that's starting to crawl. She hopped a few times and sighed loudly.

"Don't break down, Clarke. Don't break down," she begged.

It was quiet in the ladies room, with an exception of the gushing water on the rustic tubes crawling on the ceiling. The ventilation fan running fast by the window. The dropping bits of water from the faucet. She realized everything was magnified. Her ears picks up the noise so clear and sharp - she's not doing great.

Clarke knew it. The jitters have not left her system yet. Her assumption just got real.

_"Clarke?"_

Raven pushed open the door and immediately, ran to her side. The brunette crouched before her and tries to peel her two hands off of her ears. Clarke doesn't wanna move. She was shaking her head, resisting to hear the magnified noises that's bombarding her ears.

"Make it stop, Rae," Clarke cried. She didn't know she was crouching in the far corner, shaking uncontrollably.

"Hey, Clarke. Clarke!" When Clarke didn't responds, she yanked her two hands off of her ears and held it down tightly. "Clarke! Listen to my voice. Hey, hey!"

Finally those two blue eyes found her.

"You're fine. You're okay. Safe, Clarke. Safe," she nodded unrelentingly. "Safe... Squeeze my hands." A flood of relief when she felt two strong squeeze.

"Rae... Costia... She died because of me-...," Clarke choked. She can't believe she just uttered those words again.

"No, Clarke. It's an accident.  _An accident,_ Clarke. Not  _you._ Nobody's blaming you. Okay?"

Clarke watches her with that distance in her eyes. She knew she can't reach this girl when her mind is clouded by that incident. So she pulled her in her arms and rock her gently. And Clarke... She starts to whimper.

////

"What's taking them so long?" Anya asked, rubbing her empty stomach.

Lexa scratched her nose and delved on the beauty of NYC. The cyclists, the busy side walks. People walking so stressfully as if they've got so little time.

_So little time... As if we've got so little time..._

"I wanna propose," She suddenly blurted that Anya almost jumped on her seat.

"You- What?!" Anya exclaimed, "Are you sure? You've just got back together, Lexa. Don't you think you needed time to settle down and get yourselves familiar again?"

"Anya, for over 10 years it's always been her. And since we're here, proposing is still gonna happen anyways. One way or another, either one of us are still gonna propose..." Anya watches her suspiciously. "I want to propose to Clarke. You've got to help me."

"Nope," Anya declined with a resounding 'pop'. "Not my scene, little one."

/////

Raven felt her shoulders sagged as they sit down on the tiled floor, looking at nothingness. This is the first time did she hear about her cousin's story. She had been pushing it aside and not wanting to hear it, even though her family insisted that she should know. Who is she trying to protect? Costia? Clarke? Lexa?... Or herself?

"I'm sorry...," Clarke whispered weakly. She can't even give a glance to Raven. She knew that she's hurting too.

"It's not your fault, Clarke. It's an accident." She repeated hundreds of times. Somehow, a spark of doubt was starting to resurface.

Costia wouldn't chase after Clarke if Clarke weren't so jealous and insecure. Costia wouldn't have to hide if it weren't for Lexa begging her about her whereabouts. If only.... Closing her eyes. If only that stupid cyclist didn't  brushed past Clarke and Costia, Costia would still be living to this day.

Raven bended her knees and burrowed her face. She can't believe that after all these years, this is what had happened to her cousin. Her cousin who's so innocent got caught up in a lover's quarrel. Her best friends' quarrel.

"This is all your fault, Clarke."

Clarke suddenly snapped her head at her and felt her blood drained out of face. This is the first time did she hear Raven talking that serious and with subtle emotion. It scares her.

"If you'll only get it inside your head that Lexa fucking loves you-... That she won't cheat on you. Costia would still be alive," Raven chuckled slightly bitterly. She can't believe the words that she's saying. How hypocritical she is being now. At one point she's on Clarke and Lexa's side and now she's on Costia's side. She thought she doesn't have to take sides. She hates taking sides. But all these years she's always caught in the middle and always have been the bridge.

_Always the fucking bridge._

She's tired.

So she forked out her phone, typed and stood up. She can't even bare to look at Clarke. She knew too well that Clarke is crying and those baby blue eyes will be too hard to resist. She knew she'll break down too.

_But I won't. I can't._

"Raven-..."

"I need time, Clarke. I can't deal with this right now," and left for the door.

////

Lexa rubs her shoulders uneasily as she watches Clarke gazing out of the window. Her legs curled up on the carpeted floor, her head leaning against the cold glass and her arms enveloped her torso - as if she was so fragile. As if she needs to keep herself together somehow.

Pursing her lips, she took the blanket from the sofa and carefully draped it over the girl's shoulders. Her eyes drifted outside the window where the city stood. It was dark but the lights were everywhere. The weather had been a downy too. It had started raining ever since they left the deli. Raven had messaged her that Clarke wasn't feeling well, so she quickly stepped inside the washroom and found Clarke all alone on the floor crying. Up to this point she wasn't sure what happened and where Raven had disappeared to.

But she knew clear enough that time is what is needed. That's what she's gonna give.

Lexa pecked Clarke on the head and gently whispered, "I'll be in the room. Come and find me. Okay?" When Clarke didn't responded, she sighed internally and strode back to the bedroom.

////

Bellamy opened the door of their small apartment and was stunned to see the tv on and the lights were off. No Raven on the sofa nor the kitchen. He switched on the lights, turn off the tv and called out for her name.

"Raven?" He put down his bag on the kitchen table and walked for the bedroom, "Raven? Are you here?"

He slid open the door and there, sprawled on the floor, arms and legs laid wide with those brown eyes staring in the ceiling.

"Rae? Are you okay?" He immediately run to her and touched her face. "Honey? Does something hurt?"

Raven shakes her head.

"Did someone hurt you?"

 _Did someone hurt me?_ A flash of Clarke, Lexa, Costia and a cyclist paraded her head.  _Did they hurt me? Yes._

She shakes her head again.

"Are you sure? What are you doing on the floor? It's cold," Bellamy tries to pull her arm up but Raven resisted.

"I know what happened to Costia."

Bellamy froze for a second before sitting down on the floor, watching her wife slowly recoils into a little cocoon. He laid on his side and covered Raven with his body - protecting her from whatever hurt that she was feeling.

"Raven, I'm sorry."

Raven chuckled bitterly. She can't believe that she hadn't shed even one single tear. She tried to cry but none came. Did she became cold and was unaware of it? Since when did it happened?

"Costia's dead and all because of a fucking cyclist!" Chuckling again.

Bellamy felt his eyes widened a little bit by her accusation on the cyclist and not Lexa nor Clarke. As if Raven can read his mind, she answered is for him.

"Those two are the tornado. Wherever they go they always will create a havoc. It wouldn't be them if there's no problem to solve. We're used to that. Costia's case is just another problem. A normal problem. What makes it so fucking frustrating is because of that damn cyclist! May he burn to hell!"

Does she sounds like a hypocrite?

_Yes._

Is she trying to protect Lexa and Clarke?

_Yes._

Is she being unfair to Costia?

_.... Yes. I don't know._

"It's so unfair!" She punched Bellamy's chest _and then_ felt that first prickle of tear out of her eyes. It was so refreshing and scary. But that's just what she needed. She needed to let it out. It's been over due for far too long.

"I know. I know." Raven is the most toughest person he had ever known. She doesn't shed tears that easily and when she does it's only for a brief moment but he had a feeling that this will last longer. "Raven, Clarke didn't like what happened. She didn't know it will happen to Costia."

"I know! That's why is so fucking frustrating! Why can't she just live?!" Raven pulled Bellamy nearer and sobs.

And he fell onto the comfort that he rarely gives to his tough wife.

////

Clarke sighed and walked inside their bedroom. Lexa was already asleep with her back against her. But she knew, she knew that just by one call the brunette will wake up as if she wasn't sleeping at all.

"Lexa..."

Lexa shifted and automatically sat up, "Clarke?"

Clarke stood awkwardly by the door, looking down on her feet. She suddenly felt naked.

"Can I slip in?" Why did she asked that? She had no idea. But it seems like a good idea asking permission.

The brunette grins and pulls the girl to bed with her. Clarke laid down and felt those strong arms enveloping her. She felt secured but still afraid.

"I'm scared."

The brunette nuzzled her neck and whispered, "I know... But you're the strongest person I know. You and Raven can get through this.  _We_ can get through this."

Lexa felt Clarke nodded as she pulled her in closer.

"I don't want her to haunt me anymore, Lexa. I don't wanna see her in my dreams. I don't wanna hear her scream. I don't wanna be weak anymore." Clarke turns to face her and pouted, "Aren't you afraid?"

"Always," she blurted, searching for those blue eyes. "But we can't let our past haunt us, Clarke. We must move on. I know how hard and traumatizing it is and the fact that we never talked about it might be a wrong move. All of our thoughts and unspoken emotions were trapped inside of us and  _this_ happened. Clarke, I'm ready to talk about it... If you are. It's the only way."

Clarke looks at her. She felt afraid. Nervous. Undeniably shaking. She had not talked about Costia in a very long time. She thought she was safe but that wasn't the case. She was simply piling all these emotions and thoughts at the back of her head until it overflows and spreads like a disease.

_And now, Raven got infected. Raven..._

"Raven hates me," she said, burying her face on Lexa's neck.

"She doesn't," rubbing her back. Lexa wasn't entirely sure but she have to give her some assurance. She was still clueless what happened in the toilet but she might have gist about it. "Raven loves you like a sister. She can never hate you, Clarke."

"Costia died because of me!" Clarke pulled away and a new set of waterworks were acting. "Lexa, how could you be so calm? I killed your ex girlfriend! How could you so unaffected?!" Pushing her away.

Lexa was offended. Either because of the accusation or... It's just the accusation.

"Clarke, we both can't break down at the same time. I'm trying to be strong for you. You don't know how heart breaking it is watching you like this. I know what happened to Costia was difficult, trust me, I have my own set of nightmares too! But I can't-..." She's feeling it. She's gonna let go. Her walls are crumbling. Lexa took a deep breath and let it go. "I can't let it pull me down. Costia will always have a special place in my heart. She's a great friend, Clarke and that will never change. But you've got to trust me when I say she's nothing but a friend."

Clarke watched her completely beaten. Her insecurities was crawling up again. "Then why did you hide it from me?"

"Clarke-..., "she was taken aback. She can't believe she's having this conversation again. "Clarke, listen to me. I'm gonna say this again. The reason why I hid it was because I know how you will react. You don't like Costia, I get it. So it's only necessary to not say anything to avoid conflict."

"Were you even planning to tell me that you're seeing her?" Clarke demanded.

"Seeing her? Clarke, it's  _business_ meeting  _with her team._ We don't go out just the two of us. After the meeting I go back to office, finish up my admin work and head home...  _To you._ Clarke, it's been years don't you think I've proven myself enough? Clarke, we can't be going round and round every time the same thing happens. Costia can't keep popping up. That day is  _over._ Costia's gone and there's nothing we can do about it. We've mourned for the longest time and it's only about time to move on."

She knew she sounded harsh. Ironic even. But she have to say it. She have to toughen up, not just for her, but for the both of them.

Clarke dropped her gaze, "I'm sorry about what happened. I shouldn't have let my emotions win me over. I knew that nothing was going on but my head kept making all this scenarios what the two of you doing behind my-..."

All of a sudden, the blonde was bombarded by those lips. She gasped but Lexa didn't let go. In fact, she cradled the blonde head and pulled her deeper. After a short moment, Lexa leaned her forehead against hers and sighs, "Do you wanna watch a movie? We still got ice cream in the freezer."

Then a smile emerged on those thin lips.

/////

Bellamy scratched his head and groaned internally. It's been days and his having enough of Raven's stupid game.

"Raven! Get the fuck out here!" He bellowed not even moving a single muscle.

"No! Come and find me!" Raven shouted somewhere around the apartment.

What made it so incredible was that the apartment was super small but Raven always seem to find a new hiding place every morning.

Bellamy groaned and ran for the guest room. He hates these kinds of morning when he woke up at the wrong side of the bed. He opens the wardrobes. Check under the bed. The closet. The bathroom. Their bedroom. Kitchen cabinets. Even the fridge!

He slumped on the couch and groaned loudly, loudly enough for Raven to hear.

"I give up! Fine! You're the champion! Just come out!" He shouted, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He waited. 10 seconds. 30seconds. Until a heavy body slumped over his and said, "Hi,  _loser."_

Bellamy rolled his eyes, "I'm just tired. That's why." Pecking her on the nose.

Raven said, "doubt it. You've always been a softy. I don't even know why I married you. Octavia was right all along," nodding playfully, hinting a sly grin at her husband.

Bellamy acted all offended and mad, "I'm not talking to you. You've been mocking me since yesterday."

"It's a shrimp, Bell! How could not differentiate between a prawn and a shrimp?"

"They all tastes the same!" He puffed, poutingly.

Raven couldn't help but laugh and pinched his cheeks, "I love you, you know that."

Bellamy made a face and eventually, flashes a grin. "Love you too, Reyes."

"Weird. Even though we're already married you still uses my last name. Cute, Blake. Real cute."

"That's the aim," he winked until he fell on a serious tone, "Lexa and Anya invited us for dinner. You up?" He asked carefully.

Raven's eyes fell by a degree. "Clarke?"

"Clarke will be there-  _Quint_ will be there too. You know, all of us will be there." He spoke so fast he thought he couldn't catch his words.

"Oh...," she nodded and hopped off of him. She strode towards the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Oh? That's it?" He leaned on the back of the couch, "It's been a week, Rae. I thought it's over."

Raven shrugs. She did stopped thinking about it. But the mention and thought of the blonde made her think about it again. She knew Clarke did nothing wrong to provoke the horrible accident. Although she did start the fight because of her jealousy but the damn cyclist.

_If I found that damn cyclist I swear he will be bombed into tiny little pieces!_

"Sure," she shrugs again and went inside the bedroom, leaving Bellamy feeling confused.

////

Anya watches those two twitching. "Did you bring ants with you? That you won't stop fidgeting."

Lexa and Clarke snapped up and smiled wryly. Lexa looks at Clarke and said, "we- we haven't really talked to Raven since- you know... So we don't know what to expect. She might still be mad at us and explode to our faces. You know her and her fascination with things that explodes. She's a very good living example."

Anya chuckles and shakes her head. "Raven's fine. She won't explode on you. I hope..."

Quint returns to the table with their drinks and dinner before sliding beside Anya.

"Eat up. I'm sooo hungry. Oh yeah, Dr. Griffi-..."

"Quint! We're outside the hospital. Can we not talk about work? And  _please_ I'm begging you  _please_ call me Clarke. I'm tired of hearing Dr. Griffin. Okay?" She smiles warmly.

Quint nodded and stuffed his mouth with pizza.

"Here's the party!" Bellamy chided as he slid beside Quint followed by the quiet Raven. "Rae?"

Raven looks up and found everyone looking at her. "Hey guys," she smiles.

Lexa smiled warmly and then elbowed Clarke, "Um...," Clarke stumbled, "Hey Rae. How is it going?"

Raven drifted her eyes back to the blonde. "Hey Clarke. Pretty good. You?"

The blonde nodded and smiled. "I'm sorry again-.."

Raven raised her hand and Clarke stopped abruptly. "Say no more, Clarke. It's over. I'm done with it. So..." surveying everyone. "Stop giving the awkward  turtle and eat! We're fine, Clarke. Truly great."

"Really?" Bellamy asked suspiciously. Raven nodded. "Hug."

"What?"

"Hug," gesturing at Clarke. "If everything is 'truly great'. Hug it out. Go on."

Raven rolled her eyes and pulled Clarke out of the booth and hugged her tightly. Everyone exploded into a thunderous applause attracting eyes to their table. Raven didn't let go even then but laid her head on the girl's shoulder.

"I'm sorry too, Clarke. I was just shocked that's all."

Clarke shakes her head. "I should be apologizing-..."

"Okay! Stop!" The girl chuckles, pulling away from her, "stop apologizing. We're done okay? We move on." Upon receiving a confirmation from Clarke, she pecked her on the nose and sat back down when she caught Lexa's suspicious eyes. "Relax, Woods. I'm not gonna steal your wife to be." Rolling her eyes.

Lexa widened her eyes and hissed at Anya, "Anya?!"

Anya looks up offendedly, "what did I do? I didn't tell her!"

"Tell her what?" Clarke suddenly asked feeling so confused.

Lexa stuttered, "The- um... Clarke- The-...Anya?"

Anya diffused and looks at Clarke eye to eye. "Clarke, Lexa...," she immediately pursed her lips by the pain shooting on her leg. She subtly glanced at the brunette before speaking again. " _We_ are going- um... Glamping!"

The blonde blinks, "Glam- Glamping?" Now she felt more confused than ever. "Something's up. Spill."

////

"I told you we're going glamping."

Clarke stares in disbelief when one Saturday morning she was violently dragged against her own will into the wilderness. Here, before her was a huge tent that could probably accommodate more than 10 people. It was humongous. Bigger than any other tents she had ever seen - it could surpass as a normal gazebo with curtains. But what strikes her the most was what was inside.

"Holy crap...," she felt her mouth hung open. "This-This unbelievable." Shaking her head in utter awe. A chandelier was hanging right in the middle with a coffee table in the middle with huge throw pillows surrounding it. Clarke blinks, "where are we gonna sleep?"

"Separate tents. Duh!" Raven chided, elbowing her with waggling eyebrows.

_Of course, separate tents. Duh!_

Even her would have thought of that. Being alone with Lexa in the middle of nowhere, in the dark, surrounded by lush greenery and full moon made something inside of her coiled.

_Oh boy..._

Her eyes caught those green eyes stole a glance from her and when she caught it, the look of intensity was so overwhelming that she just have to look away.

_This is gonna be wild._

////

Just 2 hours of trekking, Clarke was already regretting of coming along.

_Why did I agree with this?!_

"Guys! Let's head down. There's a river just down the ditch."

Clarke snapped her head at her and advances threateningly, "Raven! How many times do I have to tell you? Me plus uneven ground is a no-no. I'm might die. Do you want me to die? Do you want me to end up in the ditch?!"

Raven took several steps back until her back hits a tree. "No! Of course not!" Glancing at Lexa who was smirking so openly behind Clarke's back. "Lexa's with you. You're safe." Rolling her eyes before escaping the berserk blonde.

When Raven, Bellamy, Anya and Quint took the lead, Clarke sneered under her breath.

"I'm gonna push her to the ditch."

Lexa snickers, "Clarke, you're safe. I'll help you." Offering her hand for Clarke to take but the blonde was too absorbed by her own thoughts of how to kill Raven that she didn't noticed the large tree root protruding from the ground.

"Aaaahh!" She tripped and stumbled onto the ground.

"Clarke!" Lexa ran to her rescue.

The rest ran back.

"Well there goes the ditch," Raven grumbled, flashing a smirk when Clarke glared at her.

"Lexa, can I push Raven to the ditch?" When Bellamy was about to rebut, Clarke cut him in. "I'll make  _you_ push Raven to the ditch." Pointing at Bellamy, "You got that?" She threatened that led Bellamy to protectively cover his wife.

"Clarke... Don't do this," he carefully said, knowing that she was just pulling their leg. "We can talk this out."

"Say that to your wife. She's the one who's trying to kill me with all her Raven-Oh-so-exciting adventures! Glamping! Pfft!" Now glaring at Anya's direction. "It's a suicide!" She exclaimed before limping back to camp.

Lexa pouted at their friends, "I'm really sorry, guys." And chased after the girl.

/////

"Clarke, that's mean."

Clarke quickly turns around - internally hissing on the pain that shot on her ankle, "are you kidding me? Glamping, Lexa? Are you serious? Who does glamping? I'm telling you something's fishy is going on!" Raising her index finger in the air.

Lexa gulped down, "it's glam camping, Clarke. That's the new rave now. Besides you already knew that we love nature-..."

"That's why I wanted out but noooo... You just have to drag my ass over here and let me experience this all over again. Lexxaaaaa...," Clarke pulled her girlfriend and pouted like a little child. "Let's go home."

Lexa shakes her head, "No, Clarke. We will spend our night here. We will be home tomorrow. It'll be very fast. Just enjoy." Nodding her head to summon the girl but it was to no avail. She sighed. "At least try?" Clarke still made no response. "For me?  _Please?"_

Clarke turned to her side, fold her arms and pouted, "fine. This better be worth it."

 _Oh it's gonna be worth it, Clarke,_ Lexa thought.

////

Anya pulled out the last tray and placed it on the huge low table in the middle of the huge tent. She can't believe she pulled this through. She can't believe that the crap that she spouted 2 weeks ago would actually happen.

_Glamping. Pfft! Who would have thought?_

But here she was, looking around at the huge tent that she rented just for the night. Just one freaking night of stupid glamping and for what? - shaking her head as she looks over at Lexa who was obviously watching Clarke intently under her lashes like a hawk. It's unbelievable how uneven ground still doesn't agree with Clarke. After a decade it still wanted her dead.

"Eat up!" She ushered.

Everyone dug in in silence. They were completely famished and no one bothered to speak for the next 15 minutes. It was a new record set!

"Anya, can you help me?" Lexa suddenly stood up.

Anya frowned, "with what?"

"Just  _help_ me," widening her eyes, discreetly nodding outside the tent.

The girl sighed and walked out. They rounded the tent and walked a meters away when Lexa broke into frantic and cold sweat. Anya watched the girl pacing, fanning herself with her hands, blowing breaths like no ones business.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

Lexa stopped, turns around and pulls something from the back of her jeans.

"I'm a terrible  _terrible_ person," she opened it and Anya gasped.

"No, freaking way!" Anya grabbed it, "No way! How did- How the hell did you get it back?!"

Lexa shrugs uneasily, "I kind of called Abby..." Rubbing her arm.

She gave it back and smirked, "there's no going back now.You cant make the same mistake twice."

"I know."

"Are you ready for this?"

"I am."

"Well of you go."

////

"Turn on, damn it!" She jammed her finger on the portable wifi for the nth time and finally, it turns green. "Thank god. Okay... Are you online?"

She scoured her long list of skype contacts and rang the girl up.

"Lexa?" Octvia's head popped on the screen of her laptop.

"Hey, O. How are you?" She smiled faintly, knowing that it's been a while since the last time they talked. She did tried to reunite with the girl after her and Raven's sudden leave. Even though, things are getting disconnected she still wanted to make it up and let her be a part of her life. Just like this very important day.

Octavia rolled her eyes, "we just skyped last night. I'm completely fine, Lex. What do you want?"

She scratched her neck and looks around cautiously.

_Nobody's around. Good._

"Are you in the woods right now?" Octavia craned her neck, trying to see a better picture of Lexa's surroundings. "Where are you?"

"We're kind of-... Glamping."

"Glamping?"

"Anya's idea."

"Right... That doesn't sounds like her," Octavia perked her eyebrow suspiciously.

"It is her idea! I swear!-... You know what, this isn't why I called you. It's about this..." She pulled it out of her pocket and showed it to her.

Octavia gasped even more dramatic than Anya - too overly dramatic.

"Holy cow... How the hell did you get it? I thought Clarke threw it away or something."

"Apparently not. So um..." Lexa mumbled, looking at it. Actually seeing her hand trembling, touching it.

"You're doing it."

She quickly looks up at the screen then her surroundings before answering.

"I am."

"Nervous?"

She took a deep breath, "very. What if she-..."

"Don't! Don't even say it. Just do it.  _Now."_

Lexa nods, "okay. I'm doing it.  _Now..._ Alright," she picked up the laptop from the ground and walked over to the tent area. Placed it on the beach chair near the camp fire making sure its angled perfectly for Octavia to witness the entire exchange. Lexa opened the flap of the tent and everyone looks at her.

"Hey babe, took you long enough from the loo. I thought a wild pauna got you," Clarke chuckled, earning another round of chuckles from their friends.

Lexa laughs nervously, "It's me Clarke. Come on. Give me some credit." Pulling an eye roll.

"Of course," Clarke rebutted sarcastically. "Well what are you standing there for? Come on in. It's cold outside."

"Um, could you step out for a minute?"

Clarke frowned and looks over at their group of friends. "Okay..." She limped out of the tent and noticed a laptop in the middle of the woods. She tilted her head and starts to wonder what the heck is going on.

"Lex, are you working in the middle of the woods?" The blonde was disappointed.

"What?" She glanced at the laptop, "oh! no, no. I was just um-... You see, the thing is um-...The weather- the-the sun... It was so- Uh-...Clarke-"

_"JUST ASK HER ALREADY!!!"_

Lexa suddenly jumped to her feet and frantically looks at Anya and the others.

Clarke backs away cautiously, "what's going on? Ask me what?... Lexa?"

Lexa slowly approached her with those warm green eyes. Clarke stopped at her spot and blinked away the haze. She knew what this is about. She knew something weird is happening. Anya don't just randomly "glamp" that girl hates anything fancy.

"Oh my god... Is this really happening right now?" she suddenly blurted out.

The brunette dropped to her one knee and pulled out the tiny box. Clarke's eyes widened. She knew that box. The  _very_ familiar box.

"How-..."

"Clarke," Lexa opened it, and showed it to Clarke. "I know that this is the most unromantic way that I can propose. And the first time was already the best and I can't beat that. But... I love you sooo much and I can't wait any longer and be officially with you."

"Lexa... How did you get that?"

"Abby send it over."

"My mom?"

"Yes-..."

"Is my mom here?!" Clarke quickly stirs in all direction, trying to spot her own mother. Lexa was not having any of the time wasted.

"Clarke! Will you pay attention?! I'm trying to be romantic here! Gosh...," Lexa chuckles nervously.

_"Woooh! Go Lexa!"_

_"Go Heda!"_

Anya and Raven cheered from the background, sending the two girls to laugh ridiculously.

"Okay! I'm sorry! Okay, okay, okay...," Clarke chanted, trying to compose herself into serious mode. "Go. Shoot. Ask away."

Lexa shakes her head, "Clarke, I love you. We've gone through so much for this past decade and I can't-..." She stopped abruptly in her words because her chest can't take it. Her eyes were bawling and it gets so hard to breath nor speak. "I can't be parted from you anymore. I want-  _need_ you. I promise to love you and never leave you. The last time we saw each other we made a promise. I promise to never let you go again. I promise to be the best I can be. I promise to never fear. I promise to be strong for myself and most especially, for  _us._ Clarke..." she grabbed the girl's hand with her free hand, "I will be the most luckiest girl if you allow me to marry you. Clarke, will you marry me?"

Clarke stares in shock. Her mind still can't comprehend what was happening. She never thought it will be this soon nor sudden. The large vicinity of the woods made her uncomfortable. She's on the land where she knew that she'll get her physically hurt. She's on the plot of land that she shouldn't feel safe and secured and yet, she still did because of this girl kneeling in front of her. This girl who's shedding every ounce of courage to propose to her. She never felt so in love with her again (still). Clarke knew how much self courage for Lexa to do such stunt - knowing she can be so guarded.

Clarke felt incredibly special.

"Yes."

"Yes?" Lexa blinked.

The cold hand that clings on her hand made Clarke smile, more so, when it was trembling so hard.

"Yes. I will marry you, Lexa," Lexa stares at her, "You okay?" Clarke chuckles.

"Okay."

"Sure?"

"Okay," grinning now so goofily.

 _"Snap out of your dream zone and put the damn ring on, Lexa!"_ Raven shouted from the back.

Clarke grins, shaking her head. Lexa blinks a couple of times, "okay." And slipped in the ring. She stood up and watch those blues watching her.

"I love you," Clarke mouthed with no sound.

Lexa took a deep breath, feeling her heart pounding its way out of her chest. "I love you, too," she mimicked.

////

_"Yaaaaassssssss!!!! Wooooohhhoooo!!!!!!"_

_"Way to go, Leeexxaa!!!"_

Clarke stirs around searching for the source of the sound, when her eyes found the laptop again. "Wait." She walked up to it and moved the trackpad and Octavia's face popped up.

"Why hello there, Doctor Heda," Octavia winked. Lincoln was behind her laughing.

"O. Linc. You guys!"

"Congrats, Clarke!" Lincoln greeted, flashing his pearly white teeth.

"Thank you, Lincoln."

"Hey Lex! Great job! Proud of you," Octavia chided.

Lexa squatted beside Clarke and laughs. The girls made eye contact and felt the sudden intensity on it.

"Okay!" Octavia quickly clapped her hands, sending Clarke and Lexa to snap their eyes away from each other. "Stop being so disgusting! I'm serious we're sooo happy for the both of you. I wish we're there too."

"We miss all of you, guys!" Lincoln said, waving his hand. "What's up Bell, Quint?""

The guys says their hellos while Lexa...

"Thank you," Lexa uttered shyly. Refusing to acknowledge the look that Clarke was giving her just now.

"Well!" Anya took the laptop, "sorry, O but this two lovebirds needs their time alone to you know...," she winked on the screen and a loud laughter erupted from the speaker.

Lexa turned red while Clarke simply rolled her eyes.

"Come on, guys!" Flinging her arms in the air to diffuse the awkward moment.

"Go!" Bellamy shoved Clarke towards the direction of their separate tent.

While Quint took Lexa's hand and pulled her towards Clarke. "Go on. We'll be here outside if you need anything," Quint said.

Clarke grunted annoyingly, "I hate you guys. The sun isn't even gone yet!"

"Unless you wanna have a night hike to the mountain. We can!" Raven suddenly said in a very serious tone, "Wait, right there, Clarke. Let me just grab my stuff and we can be-..."

"NO! No, No, No, Let's go Lexa. Let's hit the sack! Bye guys! See you in the morning!" Clarke dragged Lexa to their tent with their entire group laughing their heads off. "SHUT UP!"

////

Lexa smiles. She loves this moment. The most awaited act was finally over and here she is with her  _fiance._

_I can't believe this. We're engaged again._

Clarke shifted on their sleeping bag and faced Lexa. The sparkle on those green eye was evident and bright. The smile on those full lips was enticing and alluring. Her hands drifted on the girl's cheeks and caressing her cheeks - tracing every imperfection that she loves.

"Thank you."

"For?" Lexa asked.

"For everything." Clarke smiles.

"I would have done it a dozen times more if you said no."

The blonde grins, "Would you?"

"Yes. But of course I'm so good that I got you on my first try," Lexa shrugs coolly.

Clarke laughs and snuggles closer to her. She loves the way she smells. She realized she doesn't have the same scent that she had the first time she met Lexa. It shifted into something warm and sweet. It warms up her belly despite her feeling giddy throughout the entire ordeal.

"So full of yourself?"

"It's called self confidence. You should know, Clarke," Lexa challenged, perking her brow.

Clarke laughs again and pecked her on the nose.

"I would have said yes each time," She said.

"Why?"

"Because it's _you_ , Lexa."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you go! That's what happened to Costia. So that part is clear. Haha. We're about to reach the finishing end. So hold on tight guys. We're almost there! Bare with me! 
> 
> Hit those kudos and comments! 
> 
> Cheers!


	15. I Will Always Be With You

"Clarke! Hey Clarke!... Clarke! Claaarrke!... Hey Clarke!"

Clarke narrowed her eyes at the little girl by the sofa. Her nostrils flared by the sight, she sneered, "I swear, don't make me regret bringing you here."

The girl pouted and fiddled with the remote control but then eventually sighed and grunted audibly, "I'm bored!" When the blonde didn't respond, she started poking her cheeks, "Hey Clarke! Clarke!... Hey! Clarke? Clarke."

Clarke shut her eyes tightly and curled her hands into tight fists - internally calming down her senses before anything gone violent.

"Lexa, can you please get this child out of my sight? Cause the second I opened my eyes and I still see her I swear I will throw her out of the window."

Lexa widened her eyes and snorted, pulling the pouting girl off the couch. "Come on, Octavia. Let's leave Clarke alone for a while."

Octavia rebutted, "You're the one who dragged me here and now you wanna get rid of me?!"

Clarke shot opened her eyes and narrowed at the girl, "You're the one who insisted to come here a week earlier before the wedding. I swear Octavia if you don't behave right now. I will personally ship you out of the city."

Lexa saw Octavia was about to rebut when she timely covered her mouth and pulled her inside the bedroom. Octavia puffed, hopping over the bed. "Why she so grumpy?"

Lexa sighed and sat down with her best friend, "Clarke's stressed out at work. She's rushing for everything to be done before the wedding."

Octavia clicked her tongue and laid down on the bed. "I'm boooored! It's a saturday afternoon." She whined, pulling on Lexa's arm, "take me out. I'm begging you!"

The brunette can't believe that she's stuck with a child. She can't believe that a woman who's old enough would still act like a needy child. She wonders how Lincoln deals with her.

"God... Where's Lincoln when you needed him?" Lexa mumbled under her breath before standing up and changed to more appropriate clothes.

"He's at home having the time of his life away from me," Octavia laughed.

"Yeah I can see why!" Lexa shouted from inside the walk in closet.

Octavia hopped off the bed and watched Lexa get dressed up. She leaned against the door frame with folded arms. "So where we going, Commander?" She asked with that amusement in her eyes, "Are we gonna slay some dragons at the park? Hunt down some deer for dinner? Or make some flower crowns by the river?"

Lexa narrowed her eyes and spat, "stop reading my blog! You're making fun of it!"

Octavia raised her hands in surrender as the woman brushed past her and out to the living room. "Not my fault you're so good with your words. I can see what _Princess_ did to you. Princess turned Commander into a little softy," she teased, eyeing Clarke by the couch who suddenly looked up, feeling confused.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh nothing!" Octavia shakes her head, grinning widely, "go back to work, Clarke. Commander and I will have our own quality time."

Clarke snorted before ducking down on her laptop, "bring me back some froyo. Thanks! Bye! Love you!"

Lexa narrowed her eyes at Octavia who pouted adoringly at Clarke's words of adoration. "I'm not paying for that," she said before exiting the door.

////

Clarke looks up again and shakes her head when she hears Octavia starts arguing back before slamming the door shut. The blonde clicked some more on her laptop and then leans against the couch with a draggy sigh. She's a week away from the big day. Everything was 90% settled and here she was, struggling to make ends meet with her workload. She wanted to clear everything before the day comes and so she can spend her week long honeymoon with her future wife.

_Wife._

She chuckles softly by the word. In a week time, she'll be calling Lexa as her, "wife."

It was weird and yet, so perfect.

She looks up at the screen and clicked her tongue at the wedding dress that she's gonna be wearing. Lexa hadn't seen it. Of course, it's forbidden for the bride to see her partner's wedding dress. Same goes for Clarke. It was perfect. The first time she laid her eyes on it she knew that this was it. It perfectly suits her and hugs all her curves in perfect places.

_It's gonna be an amazing day._

Nothing can beat her mood right at that moment. Despite the hectic schedule she'll be having before the wedding, it was all worth it because in the end it'll be her best day.

_Nothing can beat this._

_**Ring! Ring! Ring!** _

Clarke quickly rummaged through her paperworks on the coffee table, looking for her ringing phone. Finally when she saw it - her throat ran dry.

"Roan..."

////

"Come on! Hurry up!" Octavia pulled Lexa by the hand, while balancing her ice cream with the other. They were fast approaching a children's party by the park. There was a small stage and a clown doing some balloon animals. Lexa saw the child like wonder on Octavia's eyes.

"You never really grew up, you know that?" She snickered.

Octavia scowled at her. "Like I care! Children's parties are the best! They get free balloon! Ice cream! Good food! Free entertainment! Oh look at that clown." She pointed at the colorful polka dot white faced curly red headed clown.

Lexa gulped hard by the tormenting image. A flashback from the past came parading in her head. She quickly turn away.

"Come on, let's get free balloon. I can have a sword and you can have a crown!"

Lexa insisted not to and stayed put on her spot, "Um you go ahead. I- I'll..." she glanced again at the grinning clown and those huge red lipstick over his extremely white paled face. It made her skin crawl. "I'll stay here." She smiled tightly.

Octavia looks at her suspiciously, sensing the anomaly. She glanced at the clown and then Lexa's worried look. Realizing what it was about, she bursted into a hysterical laughter gripping her aching stomach.

"Seriously?"

Lexa hissed and looks away hastily.

"It's not my fault clowns are creepy..." She muttered softly.

"Clowns are funny!" Octavia insisted. "I can't believe it. Lex Heda. The commander. The head of a multi-billion dollar company is _afraid_ of clowns!" The girl combusted into another giggling fit until she have to lean against the bench to get herself together.

"I was 3! The clown practically jumped on me with those crazy eyes and huge red lipstick. Did you see those huge red shoes and crazy hair. You tell me! Who's not gonna be freaked out?!" Lexa rebutted, challenging the other girl who, obviously, ended up laughing again. "I had nightmares for years!"

Octavia watched Lexa shuddered by the memory and she grins goofily. "God... You're such a child."

"'Scuse me? I'm a child? Who's the one who practically dragged me to a children's party?"

Octavia pouted and glanced at the clown. She ignored the comment and strode towards the front stage, "imma get myself a sword."

////

10 minutes later, Octavia returned with a sword and _other_ shaped balloons. Lexa perked her brow up and smirked.

"Having fun are we?"

"Look what he made you!" The girl shoved it on Lexa's face. "A raccoon, Lexa! He made freaking raccoon! How amazing is that?! Look!" She shoved it again that caused Lexa to lean back.

"Okay, O. I got it." Lexa pushing down the balloon.

"Looks like you! So grumpy with those running make up!"

"Hey! That was _one_ time! Geez... You got crazy drunk once and you never let it down," Lexa tutted and started walking out of the park.

Octavia briskly walked and nudged her. "Excited?"

Lexa glanced down and sighed, a good sigh. "Very... We're finally getting married, O. After a decade of-of craziness. Can't believe it."

"I know. I cant believe it either! Your dramas can finally be over!" Octavia rolled her eyes and nudged Lexa playfully again. "Where do you plan to go?"

Lexa pouted, thinking. Clarke never told her where they were heading. She said it was a surprise and that she'll love it. But up to this point she was still clueless. She looks over the horizon when the hues were changing. She stopped for a moment and took a deep breath.

"I don't care where we're going just as long as I'm with her," She breathed out. Her smile was still plastered on her lips because it's true. It  _felt_ true.

"I know how you feel," Octavia hummed. "Felt the same way with Lincoln."

Lexa nodded and continued their walk, "You know after all these years I never thought that I'll end up here. A week away marrying Clarke. It seems so impossible that after a decade of together and separation, it  _finally_ came to this."

"Wanna know something, Lexa?"

"What?"

"I'm glad that you broke off your engagement years ago."

Lexa looks at Octavia. Watching her smile and looking at the distance.

"I hated your relationship back then. It wasn't friendly. It wasn't romantic. It wasn't anything. You and Clarke were like soulless bodies floating around. Bumping onto each other and then fight and then make up." Octavia shakes her head, "I don't know if both of you grew tired of it because surely, Raven, Anya and I were getting tired of it. It's tiring to be in the middle, you know?" She looks up to the brunette and smiles sadly.

Lexa fumbles with her hands and sighed, "I know. I know things had been hard and crazy. For Clarke and I. Most especially for you guys. You had no idea how much I dreaded stringing you guys into this. I never wanted that. I never wanted you guys to take sides and forced not to talk to the other. But... I'm glad you didn't. I'm glad that whenever Clarke needed you,  you were always there for her - even if she's so far away."

Octavia nudged Lexa again and giggled. Both of them were walking quietly down the street with a comfortable silence upon them. It was a good weather to walk. The cool breeze. Beautiful sunset. Great crowd all around. Everything feels peaceful that it made Lexa wonder -  _What's up with today? It feels so different?_

////

Clarke held her phone tightly on her hand. Staring at it. It had been ringing on and off for the past minute and she sat there motionless. She wasn't sure if she should pick it up or not. It had been months? Months had gone since she last heard from Roan. Ever since that fight, she had walked away from him.

With deep thoughts of ending all wars before the big day, she took a deep breath and pressed the green button.

"Clarke?"

The girl swallowed hard, "Roan."

"Clarke...," She heard him sigh, "I'm glad you answered. Finally...." When Clarke didn't replied, Roan continued, "So... Um... How are you?"

Clarke closed her eyes tightly before focusing on her laptop screen.

_End all war._

"I'm good. Thank you. You?"

"I'm good too. Thank you. Listen, I heard you're getting married to Lexa?"

"Yes, I am." She knew she didn't send an invitation to Roan. She wasn't sure if Lexa will be pleased by the idea either. Actually, Lexa will  _not_ be pleased at all. So she made a pass and move on to the other guests on the list.

"Yeah... So um... Congratulations and I hope that you and Lexa stay strong and happy. I wish you the best."

"Thank you, Roan. Appreciate it." There was an awkward silence on the phone. It was the first time did she had that with Roan. It had always been filled with laughter and chatter but now...

_It's dead._

When she didn't heard anything anymore, she decided to end the call when she heard the following words.

"I'm happy for you, Clarke. You finally got what you've always wanted."

Clarke bit her lips, feeling her eyes stinging. This isn't helping her at all. She tried not to be emotional of finally talking to the guy. But the silence and awkwardness made her think. It made her think of the days that had been better and happier with Roan around. She knew she can't be this weak no more.

"I know... I'm happy too." Clarke said, as much as she tried to be tough, it still ended up in a low and hushed tone.

Roan is her best friend. She had gone hell if weren't for him. Without Roan she don't think she could make it. Clarke don't think she'll be here today. That's how much Roan's worth.

"Let go of your baggage, Clarke," Roan uttered softly that somehow it tickles Clarke's ear.

"I can't...," She quickly answered.

She then heard a husky chuckle from the other line.

"You don't have to worry about anything. Stop being so dramatic all the time. I'll be fine.  _You'll_ be fine. We both know we needed this. You and Lexa  _needed this."_

Clarke knew it wasn't true. At least for her part. She loves Lexa so dearly and she can never let her go. She had been coping with things that are new and familiar stages with Lexa and she's loving every single part of it. The new relationship they have. The newly rekindled love they have. It was breathtaking. Nothing can change that.

Except that, she would also love to have this certain guy to be around. Despite all the lies and deceit that Roan pulled on her - to everyone. The love that she have for him was still stronger. Clarke is confused. Very confused if she's willing to agree to Roan's deal.

_'Let go of your baggage, Clarke.' Am I willing to let go? Am I willing to let go of our friendship?_

"This isn't the end, right? I mean there's got to be  _more_ than this." Clarke knew that Roan knew what she's talking about. There's got to be  _more_ than letting go of their friendship to save the love relationship she have with Lexa.

"I really don't know, Clarke. All I want right now is for you to be happy. I want your nightmares to stop. I know that my mom did some horrible things and I played a part of not telling the truth any sooner. And for that I'm really sorry. You know I love you, Clarke. More than you'll ever know.  _I really really do._ And as much as I wanted to stay, you and I both know that I can't. We can't let the past haunt us, most especially you and Lexa. I can't jeopardize you're happiness just because I wanted to be selfish. I know I should cut the crap and stop being dramatic shit but this is the truth, Clarke. We're nearing the end."

"Roan... Don't do this!" Clarke gripped her phone tighter in her hand, as if its the last thing that's holding herself together. As if her and Roan's friendship depends on it. "I can't- You can't leave! I'll talk to Lexa. She'll understand! I swear! I'll talk to her."

"Clarke, you can't fix something that's already broken. No matter how hard you tried to glue it together it's still broken. And I'm not only talking about you and Lexa. I'm talking about us. I've broke your trust and I knew that once I revealed myself you can never trust me again. We're broken, Clarke. We can't do anything about it. We're not like you and Lexa, you have some  _special._ You're love for each other is too strong that no one can break it."

"Yes, I can! We can, Roan! Don't fucking mess with me!" Clarke shouted on her phone. She was getting agitated. Highly emotional. She can't go through another break up.

"Clarke," Said Roan in a more calmer way because he knew that Clarke was getting too emotional again. He knew that her fear of being alone was creeping on her. "You can't fix everything. You can't always keep trying to fix all the problem. Because if you do you know what's gonna happen if you didn't succeed."

Clarke closed her eyes and felt it. She felt those tears prickled down her cheeks.

"You can't run away again..." Roan sighed, "I will  _always_ be with you. I will look over you. It's not like I'm gonna die! I'm still alive! Duh!"

Clarke managed to huskily chuckled by the joke. At least she knew that Roan was still trying to liven up the atmosphere.

"I'm sorry I ignored your texts and calls." Clarke whispered shakily.

"Don't sweat it. I understand. I know we need a breather too that's why... You'll be fine, Clarke. You and Lexa will be fine. You'll be happy. Two city girls living your dreams. Hanging out at the park, eating snow cones. Chilling by the fire place with coffee and hot coco. Lying down on the huge rock, watching the starless night." Roan laughed again.

Then there was silence.

Clarke could here shuffling and then sniffling. It made her heart quenched. She knew that this was hard for Roan too. It's hard to make a decision of letting go of a friendship that started unexpectedly and into something greater.

"I'm gonna miss you, Clarke."

Clarke smiled and laid her gently on the couch, sighing.

_So this is the end._

"I'm gonna miss you too so much, Roan."

"Glad to hear that, Princess."

"Again with the nickname!"

Roan and Clarke laughed in sync. It was disheartening.

////

Lexa looks at the froyo.

"We have to walk fast. It's gonna melt."

Octavia nodded once before dumping her finished cup to the trash and fell on the brunette's fast pace.

"What are you gonna be wearing?" Octavia asked.

"A dress. I saw this laced-... What's up with your face?" Lexa frowned when she found the girl making some weird faces.

"I always imagined you in a tux. You know, it suits with your tough exterior," the girl shrugs.

Lexa shrugs too, "I thought about that but... I also wanna wear a dress. I saw this beautiful laced dress last week. Oh dear Lord, Octavia... I swear if I didn't wear that I'm gonna faint."

Octavia bursted laughing, "I've never seen you this excited over a dress before! You usually groan or complain when we dragged you around shopping! What the hell happened to you?!"

"THE DRESS! It's the dress I swear! It's amazing! I tried it on. Fuck... I don't wanna take it off. I wanna get married right there and then," Lexa laughed so hard that she snorted - piping her shut from embarrassment.

"Then I bet Clarke's gonna drool over you! Oh yeah... I saw Clarke's dress," Octavia made a waggling eyebrow action, sending Lexa sneer.

"So unfair. Why you all can see her dress and I can't?" Lexa complained.

"For the record, she can't see your dress either! It's only fair, Commander,"patting the girl on the shoulder before they entered the apartment.

////

"Clarke?" Lexa called out in the dark. The living room was empty and so was the kitchen.

Octavia frowned by the sudden disappearance and decided to switch on the lights.

"I'll check in the bedroom. She must be sleeping," Lexa said as she took the melting froyo towards their bedroom.

When she opened the door, the lights were off but it's obvious that there's someone on the bed. She quietly approached the sleeping form, "Clarke? I'm back." Lexa immediately stopped when she heard sniffling. "Clarke? Are you crying? What's wrong?"

Clarke's eyes were shut but tears were flowing down her cheeks. Lexa was confused. What could possibly happened for the past hour and a half that caused the blonde to cry?

"Hey, babe...," She caressed the girl's cheek to wipe away the tears, "what's wrong? Is it about work?" Clarke was still silent and the crying finally stopped. Lexa waited expectedly but received nothing. " _Clarke_ , please talk to me."

Clarke slowly opens her eyes and pulled Lexa by the neck. The brunette let her and snuggled closer together. Lexa's hand was softly rubbing the blonde's back, sometimes massaging her scalp - the girl loves that especially when she can't sleep, had a nightmare or feeling a little off. She heard another sniffle and silent sob, Lexa had no choice but to sigh and silently waiting for the blonde to calm down. Maybe by then she'll know what the in the world was happening.

_"Clarke? Lexa? I'm starving. Can I-..."_

Octavia immediately stopped at her tracks when she saw Lexa signaling for her to go away. The little girl frowned as to why but still obeyed and closed the door behind her. Clarke finally shifted and looks up, when Lexa caught her eyes she burrowed on the girl's neck and grunted.

"Clarke, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Talk to me, please," Lexa cooed.

Clarke spoke against her neck and she had no idea what the heck the blonde was saying.

"I don't understand what you're saying, Clarke."

Clarke looks up and frowned, "Roan called..."

Lexa's mood shifted into a protective mode.

"What? When? Why? What does he want? Did he tried to threaten you, Clarke? Tell me. Cause I swear if that guy ever stepped closer to you I will have my people cut him in half, that liar sonofabitch! I swear-..."

Clarke instantly covered her fiance's mouth and shushed her, "He didn't try to threaten me Lexa. He's just congratulating me. That's it."

Lexa watched Clarke's solemn reaction. _There's got to be more._

"Then why are you being like this? Why are you crying?"

Clarke sat up on the bed and burrowed her face on her palms. Lexa sat up straight and waited patiently. Ignoring every single cell in her body to hunt down Quinn and have his head delivered to her. _He can't treat Clarke like this! He's gonna pay for this._

"Clarke?" Lexa called out.

"Lexa," the girl finally looks up with those blood shot eyes. "You've got to promise me to not over react, okay?"

"What? Why? Did he say something? What is it, Clarke? Tell me," the brunette interrogated.

"Lexxaaaa... Will you shut up for one second and let me talk!" Clarke countered.

Lexa quickly pursed her lips and nodded.

"Roan called to congratulate me. He heard I was getting married. And then..." Clarke sighed, rubbing her tired eyes. "He said goodbye."

"He said goodbye... That's why you cried? Because he hang up on you?"

"No. He said goodbye, Lexa. As in goodbye _goodbye._ I will never hear from him again. I will never see him again. He's saying goodbye to our friendship," Clarke pouted, feeling her eyes stinging again.

Lexa opened her mouth to say something but seeing Clarke broken hearted, so vulnerable and weak right there in front of her, made something inside churned. It was disheartening. Yes. It was sad. Yes. But a part of Lexa sighed a huge relief of finally having Quinn off their backs. Having not to worry anymore because the enemy is gone. He's finally gone. The Quinns are finally gone tormenting her and the people that she loves. Lexa can finally sleep peacefully.

_Or maybe not..._

"You're hurting," Said Lexa.

Clarke looks at her and nodded painfully.

"He's my best friend, Lexa. I- I don't know what I'm gonna do without him. He's always been there for me for years! I can't-... Just-..." Clarke cried again, wrapped up by her own demons.

Lexa wrapped Clarke in her arms and cradles her. "Ssshh..."

She wanted to say that everything will be fine and that she will be. But part of her wanted Quinn out of their lives. She loathed that family and whatever happens that will never happen. But of course... With Clarke, it's a different story.

Lexa will make sure that Roan will  _never_ touch Clarke again.

 

_***The night before the big day*** _

Lexa smiled as lazily wrapped her arms around Clarke's. Her eyes bores on the skyline, seeing all the beautiful lights that illuminates the city night. It was a cloudless night and everything was quiet and still.

She kissed Clarke along her shoulder blades and asked, "ready?"

Clarke smiles and inhaled deeply before sighing, "ready than I ever be."

"Me too. I can't wait to see you."

The blonde giggled, "And I can't wait to see you too," turning around - wrapping her arms around the brunette's neck. Those greens focuses on her like a hawk, like a mother to her daughter ( _that's kinda weird.)_ , like a child to her candy, like a lover to her lover. "Why do you always looks at me like that?" She continued.

"Like what?"

"Like...," Her blue eyes dancing on those piercing greens, "like-..."

"Cause you're my world." Lexa spilled, "You asked me that question before. Don't you remember?"

Clarke squinted her eyes and pouted as she shakes her head. Lexa rolled her eyes.

"9 years ago was the first time. We were in class and everyone was making a huge fuss over drone-bot. And I was just there at the back listening to music when you came up to me and asked, 'why are you looking at me like that?'" Lexa shrugs and twirls Clarke's soft tendrils. "Then I removed my headset and said, 'cause you-...'"

"Cause you have something stuck in your teeth," Clarke this time rolled her eyes and playfully hit her fiance on the chest. "Now I remembered. I was  _so_ embarrassed that day. I couldn't even look at you after that. I kept checking my teeth every second before making a conversation with you. God..."

Lexa laughed, "You had your mirror on your lap and checking your teeth before making snarky comments about drone-bot... But seriously... That day I never knew what I was actually looking at. I just knew I love looking at you. I guess you were just pleasant on the eyes," she shrugs. 

"That's why they're teasing you commander heart eyes," Clarke laughs when Lexa tutted by the nickname. 

"I never understands what the heck that means." 

"Maybe it's the way I looked at you sometimes. You know, how sometimes you just feel so happy and contented because you're with the person that makes you happy. At one point your mad to the world then you'll pop by and makes everything good again." Clarke elaborated. 

"Just like how you looking at me right now?" Lexa suggested with an obvious smug. 

Clarke pouted, "I'm just guessing yours is  _worst."_ Lexa stuck out her tongue by the assumption. Clarke made a weird face at her and then sighed, "it's been really that long huh. 10 years and here we are."

"I told myself that I will wait for you as long as it takes. When you broke away from our first kissed. I told myself that I will wait no matter how long it takes."

"You had those words written on the old polaroid too." The brunette nodded, feeling shy all of a sudden. "I'm sorry for everything, Lex. I know I wasn't perfect and our history was crazy. Running away. Hurting each other." She sighed, "But I want to end all those and start a new life  _with you._ I wanna get married tomorrow and look forward to a day of finally waking up with my most favorite human being in the world wearing that ring on her finger. I want to be able to call you, Mrs. Griffin" When Lexa narrowed her eyes playfully, Clarke suddenly blurted, "or we can work things out, I'm flexible," sending Lexa to laugh huskily, "But seriously, Lexa. I want you. I  _need_ you in my life that I don't think I can operate on my own without you. I know it's a scary thought but it's been like that for awhile now and that's when I knew that shit... This is for real. I'm about to marry Alexandria Heda. My best friend. My soulmate. My  _everything._ 10 years that's how long it takes to finally get into this stage and one step away from tying the knot. So yes, Lexa. You're my world too. I don't- I can't imagine a day without waking up beside you. That's how much I wanna be with you for the rest of my life."

Lexa brushed her thumb over the girl's wrinkling forehead and said, "I'm not so good with words but I'm glad that you entered that classroom. I'm glad that you pushed me to be the best version of me," Clarke was about to say something but Lexa shushed her, "and I know I also did it on my own and for my own good. I remembered what you said on our first date. I'm glad that I've gotten to know you. I'm glad that you became my best friend. I'm glad that you didn't gave up on me- even though you kept running away. But those times of your absence made me think a lot and made me realized that I'm not myself anymore. That I can't go back to the old Lexa and cooped up in one corner and cry. Somehow your absence had helped me to love and accept myself more. You helped me grow may it be you with or without by my side. Every single waking moment it was you that first comes to mind and the last before I closed my eyes. If I hadn't met you, Clarke I don't think I'll be like this. I don't think I'll be a better version of myself, maybe a little, but  _not_ like this  _awesome."_ Clarke rolls her eyes, "So thank you... Thank you for accepting me. For always understanding. For- For everything."

"Thank you too...," Clarke watches Lexa for a moment more before uttering her next words. "I love you."

"My heart will always be with you."

 

 

_***The Big Day - Reception*** _

_"Let's give it up for Lexa and Clarke!"_

The entire Banquet Suite cheered loudly and explicitly. Clarke pulled Lexa by the arm and whispered, "why did she said your name first?"

Lexa chuckled and glanced down, "I think you know where was this going," she winked.

"You did not!" Clarke clasped Lexa by the arm spins her around, "tell me you did not!"

Lexa simply shrugs, grinning widely seeing the annoyance on the blonde's face.

"Lexa! You did not just-..."

 _"Mrs Heda, please take Mrs Heda for your first dance as a married couple,"_ the emcee ushered.

Clarke literally whipped her head from the emcee and to Lexa's chuckle/red/flustered face. "You sonofabitch!" She hissed under her breath before Lexa pulled her to the dance floor.

////

"Oh stop moping you know you love my name," Lexa boasted.

Clarke snorted, rolling her eyes, "Sure! Whatever you say, Mrs Heda!"

"See? I know we will get along so well. I can't wait to spend my entire life with you," The brunette said sarcastically.

"Oh so do I, Mrs Heda. So. Do. I." Pulling the brunette nearer by the waist until their nose to nose, breathing on each other's personal space.

////

_Clink! Clink! Clink!_

All heads turn to the emcee, "Now, it's time for your heartfelt messages to the newly wedded couple. Who wants to go first-...."

The two wooden doors suddenly flung open and all eyes landed on an old wooden chest carried by two guys in black suits. If Clarke would have known better this were definitely The Men in Black investigating some alien activities on their wedding day. Or better yet Lexa playing tricks on her because of how much the brunette loves that movie because of outer space and extraterrestrials. But the her eyes was mainly focused on the old chest.

It made her skin crawl.

_***4 years ago*** _

"Are you sure about this?"

Clarke looks up, "What choice do I have?"

He inhaled deeply before nodding, "Okay." Roan took a step closer, kneeled down - touching the opened lid of an ancient chest. It must have belonged to the 1800's. Roan saw it at one of the garage sales the other day and now it's gonna go. The paint was scarping off. The metal works were rusting giving it an ancient and rustic look. He loves that chest but he loves Clarke more. "You know you'll never get it back once we do this," looking back up at those stoic cold eyes.

"I know," she nodded.

"Are you sure-..."

"Just fucking do it, Roan!"

Roan gritted her teeth as he quickly glanced down on the memories buried within the small confined space. He shut the chest closed, locked it and lifted it over the stone parapet and gently pushed it to the edge. The weather incredibly cold. It was raining that day and the inner chills was adding up to the coldness of the weather. The top surface of the low wall of the bridge was wet so it's easier for him to push the heavy chest nearer to the edge. He looks behind him once making sure that Clarke was still there and she was, looking very solemn and zombie like.

He hated seeing her like this.

"In three, two-..."

Clarke couldn't wait any longer, she quickly took two long strides and pushed the chest off the bridge even before Roan could finish his sentences.

The chest dropped into the river with a loud splash before reemerging again into the surface. Clarke leaned over the stoned edge watching her old memories being washed away into the ocean - into nothingness. Maybe a guy from a stranded island will get the chest and see the old pics of her and Lexa. Maybe a fisher man will bumped onto it and find the love letters that Lexa wrote her from years ago. Or maybe some kids from a beach will find the chest by the shoreline and find those dried lilies that Lexa gave her on their every date or perhaps even the lilac that she received when she was admitted to the hospital.

That chest was filled with memories that are now lost into the sea. It still exist but it's just Clarke decided to lose the evidence. Lose the proof that their love was real and true and they just lost it. That was the deal. That was the decision. That was the reason why she did it. To move on and move forward from it.

"Does that makes you feel better?" Roan asked, never leaving his eyes on the floating chest. The current was getting stronger now and the chest was moving fast.

Clarke swallowed, "No... But it must be done." before hopping down onto the slippery road and walked away, ignoring the pelting rain - just like her streaming tears.

 

 

_***Present*** _

"Sir Roan Quinn sends his regards to Clarke Griffin Heda," One man announced, as they put down the chest and pulled out an envelop.

Lexa felt the table shook a little and as she glanced at Clarke's profile, the girl was stunned. She touched her knees, she was trembling hard.

"Clarke," she whispered.

Clarke felt like her whole body was burning up. She wasn't sure if its the wine or was it the item that was in front of her that she had thought she had lost forever.

"Send it to the back!" Clarke ordered, turning away.

The two men quickly followed the orders and moved to the back of the reception area. Lexa signaled the DJ and the emcee to continue the program without them as she pulled Clarke by the VIP room. She closed the door behind her and quickly took a bottle of water by the mini bar and snapped it open for Clarke.

"Here. Drink," She kneeled down in front of the blonde as the girl took a sit by the sofa. "Are you feeling okay, Clarke?"

Clarke rubs her forehead and shut her eyes, "I thought I lost it. I thought it's gone."

"What was?" Lexa was confused.

"The chest. We threw it away. We dropped it onto the river. I saw it floated into the ocean. I don't- I can't- I don't understand how did he get it back."

The couple got distracted by the two men in black suits exiting out of the VIP room from a smaller room where all the presents were. Clarke quickly stood up.

"Where is he?"

The two men looks at each other and shakes their head, "he doesn't want to be revealed, Mrs Heda."

Clarke had had it. He slammed the man by the wall and brought her arm against his throat, chocking him.

"Clarke!" Lexa ran to her wife pulling her away but the Clarke was too insistent.

"Where is he?!!!" She demanded.

The partner panicked and quickly blurted out, "outside! He's outside! Inside his car! He's been here since the wedding started!"

Finally, Clarke calms down before storming out of the VIP room with Lexa hot at her heels. The blonde exited out of the ballroom where there's less people could see her and into the streets. It was crowded with parked cars from their visitors. So she ran past each and everyone of them just to check if theres a guy with long hair and perhaps sad eyes, watching her wedding from afar.

" _Clarke!"_ Lexa grabbed the girl's wrist, spinning her around. "What are you doing?"

"Lexa! I need to find him!" Clarke begged.

"Why?" Lexa asked, it meant to sound normal but somehow she heard it as if she was begging. Why would Clarke search for Roan? Why would she suddenly rush out of the reception just like that? What's inside that chest? Does it belongs to her and Roan?

She have all this tons of questions and she knew she wont be getting any answers with Clarke being this frantic.

"I have to...," Clarke whispered, "Please, Lexa..."

Lexa clenched her jaw, tilting her chin up a bit, pushing down the building jealousy and pending questions. She let go of the girl's wrist and nodded.

And off went Clarke. She watched Clarke running with her high heel shoes and perfectly tailored body fitting wedding dress. Clarke never looked so beautiful that day. It took her breath away. Even right now, as she ran searching for her best friend, Lexa still couldn't help but fall in love with her more. Clarke treasures friendship. She treasures it more because Clarke doesn't wanna lose someone important - just like how she lost Lexa before.

Lexa understood. She understood how Clarke's mind works by now. She knew she got nothing to worry about. She knew that Clarke will come back. And maybe when she did she will be with someone who had helped her and loved her while Lexa was gone away.

Lexa breathed out subtly before nodding once and headed back inside the ballroom.

As much as she wanted to ignore the creeping feeling of having Roan back in their lives again. She have to accept it. Clarke loves Roan. And she respects that. As much as what Roan's mother did to her and her family and friends, she have to push the past behind her and move on. Just as long as Clarke is happy and safe.

_That's all that matters._

/////

"Roaann!"

Clarke scoured the line of parked cars but it was all empty.

"He has to be here," She patted her dress and cussed for not having her phone with her. She ran back towards the reception area when her eyes caught a glimpse of something from across the street. "Roan?"

A tall guy in a black suit quickly ducked down and entered a black mercedes benz. Clarke sprinted across the street.

"Roan! Wait!" Her arms were flailing, cars were honking, her heart was raising. It was a miracle that she made it across the street unscathed. Lexa would go gaga if she ever heard Clarke dashing across the street without looking where she was heading.

_But that doesn't matter now._

"Roan! Wait!"

The car engine revved and was quick with its get away when Clarke literally jumped in front of the moving car. The blonde groaned in pain by the strong impact and winced slowly and painfully as she let herself slid down from the hood and onto the ground.

"Clarke! What the fuck are you doing?! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!" Roan stomped out of the car and grabbed the girl by the arm spinning her around but gently let go when the girl groaned in pain. "I'm sorry... Let's go. Let me bring you to the hospital. Lexa's gonna kill me! Tsk!"

"No, no, no! Let's go of me, Roan!" Pushing away his hands, "we need to talk."

"We don't have time to talk your head is bleeding! Come on, Clarke!" Roan made his last attempt in getting the girl inside the car but the girl insisted. "For the love of Christ! Clarke! Get inside the fucking car!  _Then_ we will talk!"

Clarke pouted and obeyed, slipping inside the passenger seat. She dabbed her fingers on the pain and grimaced by the sight of blood. "This is nothing. It's just a small cut. I'll survive."

"No! If Lexa finds out that I did  _that_ she'll come after me. You know how she is with my family. I can't make-..."

"Roan!" Roan quickly pursed his lips and gave a quick glanced to the blonde before diverting onto the road. "It's fine. Really. Lexa understands..." Clarke blinks fast trying to suppress the sting in her eyes. "I can't- We can't just stop just like that, Roan. We can't just leave it hanging. Our friendship meant to me more than anything. I can't lose you."

Roan gripped the steering wheel, seeing his knuckles turning white. "We have to, Clarke. I don't want to jeopardize your relationship with Lexa."

"Lexa got  _nothing_ to do with this.  _I'm_ your friend. I have the right to keep my friends close. I will talk to Lexa. I know she'll understand. What your mother did is  _not_ you. Don't you understand, Roan?...  _She's not you."_

/////

"Hey! Everybody's looking for you guys." Anya looks around the VIP room and found no blonde head. "Where's Clarke?"

Lexa sighed, turning her back against her best friend - she folded her arms. She watched those beautiful hues playing across the horizon. The day is ending and still no Clarke.

"Lexa? What's going on? Where's Clarke?" The girl touched her shoulder, sending her to shiver slightly.

Lexa shrugs, "I don't know. Probably with Roan."

"Roan?! What? Why? Roan was here? You should have told me, Lexa. I would have alerted the cops!" Anya was about to fork out her phone from her purse when Lexa stopped her.

"Please, Anya... Just give her time. She'll come back. I know they will." Lexa begged with her eyes.

"How could you be so sure? It's  _Roan Quinn."_

"I know... But I have to trust, Clarke. I  _do_ trust, Clarke. She'll come back...," When Anya was still doubting, she added, "I promise, Anya and... Please help me entertain the crowd. I will wait until Clarke comes back."

Anya tutted, scratching her head, "you people are really driving me crazy. 1 hour, Heda. If within an hour Clarke is not back yet. I will call the cops," the girl walks away to the door mumbling to herself, "An hour. God... Clarke would have been dead by then. Fuck this."

/////

Roan rubs his stubbles, sighing from time to time. Clarke sat down by the cushioned seats by the emergency waiting room, glancing every now and then at Roan. Roan stood up and offered his hand.

"Come on," Nodding towards the exit, "I'm taking you back to Lexa."

Clarke folded her arms and pouted like a child, "No! I want to hear from you that you won't go away! That you won't disappear on me!"

"Clarke! Stop being a child and just go back!" Roan exasperatedly puffed, touching the girl's bandaged head but only received a stinging swat on the hand. "Ouw! So feisty. Stop being so annoying and just go back! Lexa's gonna kill me!"

"Stop saying that! Lexa won't kill you! She have to go through me first!"

Roan grunted, rubbing his face before crouching in front of the girl. He looks at her straight in the eyes, "Clarke, I'm begging you.  _Please_ go back with me. You've been gone for almost an hour. Everybody will be searching for you. It's your big day with Lexa. Don't ruin this,  _please._ Lexa needs you right now."

Clarke pouted, looking down on her hands on her lap. She knew that it's time to go. She knew she had spent enough time trying to convince Roan not to leave. And most importantly she have to go back to Lexa. Lexa must be worried sake for her. Clarke touched her bandaged forehead and tutted, "Lexa's gonna kill me."

"No she won't." Clarke suddenly looks up and saw the glint of playfulness on his face, "She have to go through me first."

Clarke grins, shaking her head as she stood up and nodded towards the exit.

"So you promise?" Offering her pinky.

Roan rolled his eyes, "I promise, Clarke."

Pinky swearing Clarke's.

////

"Heda! It's been an hour. Raven and Octavia had exhausted all their crazy stunts. The people are demanding to see the brides! Where's Clarke? I'm gonna call the cops, Lex. I swear to God!"

Lexa rubs her forehead and looks outside the window. There was still no traces of the blonde.

"10 minutes, An. Just- Just 10 more minutes. She'll come back. I swear!" She rubs her arms feeling the anxiety crawling in, "She has too..."

////

The music was pumping. Loud laughters and shrieking were bursting through the cracks of the ballroom. Roan chuckles by the two loud voices over the speaker as he opens the door. 

Clarke roll her eyes, "I swear if those two ruined my wedding by embarrassing me-..." 

"Oopps! Too late!" Roan sniggered. 

Clarke literally dropped her jaw to the ground upon seeing a video clip of her stumbling on an uneven ground and dropped straight into the water. The entire ballroom broke into a hysterical laughter. 

_"Oh those were the times! Clarke hates going hiking because of - as she quotes - 'it'll be the death of me!'" Raven said over the microphone._

_Octavia then snatched the mic and said, "Oh! The next clip will be even more hilarious! Remember the time when we dared Clarke to go to the club with her undies worn outside like a superman?"_

_Raven slapped her thighs, cackling in laughter._

"Those sonofabitch!" Clarke immediately ran to the AV staff, pushed him aside and pulled a white wire from the laptop which she was hoping was the connector from the projector. The screen went blank. 

_"Hey! What happened to the video?!"  Raven looked over the at the AV and widened her eyes, "oh-oh. We're busted..."_

"Heeeeyyy everybody! Clarke's back!!!" Octavia announced excitedly, pulling the bride in the middle of the dance floor, twirling her around. 

"Yeeeaaahh!!! Let's parrrtaayyy!!!" Raven shouted on the mic, sending everyone up to their feet dancing at the high beat pumping of the music. 

"You are so dead!" Clarke hissed under her breath, looking around making sure no one heard her. Raven and Octavia pulled her in and laughed. 

"Of course we know we are. And we also know that we're kind of drunk," Raven hiccuped, "But it's been fun! Are you having fun?" Poking playfully on the girl's bandaged head.  

Clarke grunted loudly over the music by annoyance that her friends were being. And yet, she still loves them because that's how it was from the beginning. She loves them even if they embarrassed her to her family and their friends. She loves them even if they're childish, stubborn and arrogant - or sometimes even violent. Clarke trusts them wholeheartedly and she wouldn't be here if it weren't for their help and support. Most especially of what had happened between her and Lexa. They were always been their number one fan. She won't exchange that for the world. 

"Hey princess! You're bride's waiting for you at the back," Anya came charging in with that stern motherly face. "What in the world?! What the hell happened to your head?" Clarke got nervous glancing at Roan. "Did you do this?!" Giving accusative finger at Roan. 

"No, no, no!" Clarke grabbed Anya's arm and pulled it down, "I got into an accident  _by myself._ He helped me go to the hospital. Right, Roan?" Looking back at the guy who looked petrified than she had ever seen him before. Clarke indicated for him to play along. 

"Uh yeah! I- I drove her to the hospital," Roan said tightly. 

"See? I told you. It's nothing," She waved away, "I'm fine. I should go apologize to Lexa...," Clarke glanced again at Roan who nodded and smiled faintly. She was about to leave but then changed her mind and grabbed Roan's hand and pulled him towards the VIP room. 

////

"Lexa?" 

"Clarke?" 

Clarke closed her eyes for a nano second hearing that worried tone from Lexa. Even though the girl was inside the other room, her tone can cause Clarke to feel worried. 

Lexa appeared from the doorway of the bathroom and promptly stopped when her eyes landed on Roan. 

Clarke immediately stood in the middle. 

"Lexa, I can explain," extending her arm towards her. To touch her but Lexa still stood rigid to the ground with those eyes boring at Roan. 

"You don't have to," Lexa mumbled, finally looking back her. "I understand Clarke- -... What in the world happened to your head? What happened? Did Roan did this to you?!" Lexa was about to charge towards the man when Clarke blocked her way. 

"No, Lexa. I did this to myself. I wanted to stop Roan from leaving so I kind of-... Jumped in front of the car-.." 

"You what?! What are you trying to do? Kill yourself? How could you be so reckless, Clarke?! What if you get harmed more serious than this? What if you-..." 

Clarke pulled Lexa in for a tight hug and shushed her quietly, "Sshh... Hey, I'm safe, okay? I'm here. I'm still breathing. I'm fine. Roan helped me to get to the hospital. I'm fine now." She pulled away still seeing that worried look, she quickly held her hand up and promised, "I promise to you that I will  _never_ jump in front of a moving car again." 

"Claaarke...," Lexa grunted, "You can't keep doing this. I've almost lost you once with the same incident - you can't make me stop not worrying about  _this!"_

"I know babe but I have to do it. I can't..." 

Lexa noticed how Clarke's eyes drifted at Roan for even a millisecond. She knew the guy got something to do with this. 

"I know. Roan plays a big part of your life. He helped you and I'll be forever grateful for that. I respect you as my wife and I respect you as my best friend. You don't have to feel out of place or uncomfortable around me when Roan is around. But you can't keep playing around endangering your life just for _this._ "

"I know, I know. I won't! I promise, Lexa. It will never happen again," Clarke grabs the girl's cheeks with her two hands, "okay?"

Lexa looks down on those blue eyes, "I respect you, Clarke. I respect the people that you want to keep. I do not wish for you to be unhappy now that we're starting a new life together. I simply want you to be safe and unhurt. Now..., "tilting her chin up a bit, letting Clarke's hands drop to her sides. "If you think that getting in front of a moving car will make you happy then so be it. It's your choice, Clarke."  

Clarke almost wanna grimaced. Lexa was being too formal again. She knew her defense mechanism is high up the tower again. 

"Babe-..." 

"Lexa..." Roan cut Clarke's words, "What happened to Clarke was an accident and I should apologize because I didn't see it coming. Don't blame, Clarke. Blame  _me._ I was inside the car. I was driving the car. It's not her. Blame me, Lexa.

"Roan!' Clarke hissed under her breath but Roan ignored her. 

"And I know what my mother did to you and your family was not right too. And as his son I am not proud neither did I supported her, that's why I was banished from my inheritance and... my family. I didn't know that Clarke was the girl that mother was talking about. When I met Clarke at the airport I was genuine, I didn't know her at all and I hope that you understand that my intentions with her was without malice. I've told Clarke this before and I am telling you now. When I found out that she's your ex everything became clear. Clarke too was a victim from my mom's vendetta- I never wanted to lie. I swear but I know that once I tell the truth I will lose Clarke because she's in the city  _because_ of my mom's doing in the first place. I never intended to hide the truth this long and I'm really sorry that I did and I regretted it. I'm just here to apologize and I hope that one day you'll see in your heart to forgive my mistake because I cherish my friendship with Clarke. She's the best person that came into my life and I don't really wanna lose her.  _But_ I'm willing to... If I can't earn back your trust for the last time." 

Clarke saw Lexa's hands clenching and unclenching. Her jaw gritting. She knew that Lexa's fighting, she's fighting hard to push down her emotions. So she grabbed the girl's hand and gently squeeze it. 

"Lexa... Lexa, look at me," Those stoic cold eyes quickly turns soft and vulnerable, "Shouldn't we move on? Shouldn't we let our past haunt us anymore? I've already forgiven him and I really hope you would too. He'll be around whether you like it or not because he's my friend. And I know it sounded so awful talking about this things on our wedding day but we  _need_ to clear things out. Babe..." 

Lexa felt her jaw flexed by those words. She knew it's true. She knew that she eventually have to deal with Roan but she didn't expected it to be  _now._ Her eyes traveled back to Roan. She tipped her chin up a bit and when she did she suddenly felt those warm arms enveloped her. She knew that Clarke knew her antics. Her mannerism when she have to face tough situations. Lexa felt like her safety blanket is enveloping her. 

"You're right, Clarke. We have to let go all of our demons. What a better way to start now, when we're about to start our new chapter together." She grabbed the blonde's hand before returning to Roan, "Roan, I accept your apology. Your mother was- was-..." 

" _A bitch,"_ Clarke whispered in her ears playfully, sending Lexa to accidentally grin for a second.

"Note taken," Roan answered smugly, definitely hearing Clarke's side commented. 

Lexa shakes her head, "What she did to my family, and Clarke and I was harsh. We went through a lot but it definitely made us stronger. So for that I have to thank your mom. My relationship with the people that I love was never this stronger before. So Roan... I know that you meant so much to Clarke. And I know that my wife and I...," She felt her stomach flipped by the word, weirdly enough, she felt Clarke's hand tightened around her waist. "My wife and I will be seeing you a lot after finding out that the Azgeda Corporation are planning to join the alliance with Heda International." 

"What?!" Clarke gasped. "Roan is this true?" 

Roan smiled and nodded, "Heda International is a very strong and well established company. I think it's only logical to join forces especially with a strong and well respected leader as Lexa." Returning his eyes back to Lexa. 

"Babe that's great! Are you accepting it?" 

Lexa's eyes never left Roan's. Business wise, it is wise to accept the request. Azgeda have resources and information that are deemed useful but on the downside, somewhere in the corner of her mind was the fear of trusting a previous traitor.  _But_ she's moving forward. Lexa's pushing forward for the sake of her future with Clarke and for the company. Whatever little devils whispering in her ears not to pursue... She will have to deal with that next time. If ever times gets a little shaky with Azgeda she must have an exit plan. 

"If I ever finds out that your using this tactic to bring me down I swear to you I will never back down," Lexa threatens, extending her hand out. 

Roan smirks confidently, "Like wise," taking Lexa's hand and gave a firm shake. "It's a pleasure doing business with you." 

"Like wise," Lexa smirks back. 

/////

Lexa watched from the balcony of the function room as Clarke bid goodbye to Roan. The blonde was hugging the man and Lexa couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. She knew that Roan is just a friend and she shouldn't feel threatened, so she simply shakes her head and snickered to herself by the ridiculous thoughts. 

Roan caught her eyes and nodded, she nodded back and smiled - before he turns around and leave with the crowd. 

"Hey you," Clarke called out, snaking her arms around the brunette's waist towards the back. 

"Hey you," Lexa smiles. 

"Thank you for accepting Roan. I know it's hard but he can be trusted Lexa." 

Lexa gave her a dead pan look. 

"Okay, Fine! He made a mistake big whoop!" Rolling her eyes. 

"Wow. Months ago you were the one blowing your top off after finding out the truth and now you're like one of the saints," the brunette chuckles, placing her hand over the girl's chest feeling her fast beating heart. She then kissed her palm and placed it back on the blonde's chest. "I love you, Clarke. I would do anything for you." 

Clarke nodded. "I know and I really  _really_ love you too, Lex." She placed her forehead against the girl's and sighed, "You're mine now. There's no running away." 

"No more running away. Okay?" 

"I promise," pulling out her pinky, sending Lexa to laugh. Clarke pursed her lips like a child. "I said I promise and I'm even gonna pinky swear it! Come on!" 

"Fine," rolling her eyes and wrapped her pinky around the blonde's. 

The two girls leaned against the railings and breathed in the City air. This was it. This was the moment they had been waiting for for the past decade. They're married. They're living in the city. They're gonna be two city girls. Lexa turns to her right and sees that smile. She nudged her by the shoulders and stuck out her tongue like a little child. 

Clarke scowled, "Uugghh... Stop being a kid. You're married now. Act like one." 

Lexa laughed, nudging her again. 

"What? What do you want?" The blonde asked annoyingly. 

"What's inside the old chest? Is there some pirate-y stuff inside? You know swords. Eye patches. Diamonds! Gold coins...," then Lexa gasped with wide eyes, "I know! A  _dead_ parrot with an eye patch!" 

Clarke giggled by the geeky brunette. "No." Shaking her head, "No, none of those things. How I wish! Come on," nodding back to the VIP room. 

/////

"You still have this?" 

Clarke smiles as Lexa picks up the pressed lilacs. 

"I wanted to throw it away because you bought it with Costia... At that time I was confused of who exactly you are but I knew I can't ignore my gut feeling that you were someone important. The first time I saw Costia after the accident I already disliked her. I don't like her touching you." Clarke laughed, twirling the lilac between her fingers. 

"And this?" 

Lexa picks up a torn note, she tried to put it together but the ink was running and it's too hard to read the sentences. 

"What does it say?" Lexa continued. 

"That's the letter I hid somewhere around the playground. When you and I kissed my memories came flooding back and all my confusions  became even  _more_ confusing. I guess... I was still denying what I really felt. The day before I left I wanted to leave you a note by your door but I didn't have the guts to do it. So I decided to wait it out by the playground until I have the courage to.... But it never came around so I left it inside one of the lamp posts. I wedged it inside between the slits and leave it there for years." 

Lexa nodded, "What does it say?" 

"It says....," she said before taking a deep breath, "how confused I was. How much I tried to remember everything we do but I can't. But then the kiss happened and everything came rushing back. I was highly emotional and stressed, so I was giving myself a reason why I felt the spark. The- The butterflies in my stomach when we kissed. I wrote there that I must have mixed up my feelings of being -'supposedly'- your best friend and someone feeling  _more_ than your best friend. It's- It's a very confusing stage for me. I wrote there too that I will be gone away to give myself time to sort this feelings out. So when I finally did I can finally face you and tell you what's the outcome." 

"So what's the outcome?" 

Clarke grins, shaking her head. She silently placed the pieces of paper inside the small ziplock and gently placed it back inside the chest. 

"That I'm  _actually_ in love with you," she simply stated. 

"How long did you figured that one out?" Lexa asked again, playing with the hem of her dress. 

"A month later," Clarke said. Lexa snapped her head up and blinked fast. 

"Wait. You figured out that you're actually in love with me a month  _after_ you left. But you never came back? You stayed there for years." 

Clarke shrugs. "I was scared. I don't know how to face you." 

"You could have just appeared in front of my doorstep and I would have still accepted you." 

"I know you will," the blonde nodded, watching those green eyes dancing with hers. 

Clarke felt those cold fingers tracing her jaw outline. So she closed her eyes and let it sink in. She tried to sense where will the finger go next. Now, its on her forehead touching her bandage and she then felt those pillow lips kissed her on the head. Then the tracing continued down to the tip of her nose and down to her lips. 

"I would have hugged you so hard until you can't breathe," Lexa muttered still tracing the girl's face. 

She could feel it now it's below her eyes tracing around and she did the same thing with the other side. 

Clarke sniggered, "I would too... I would have kissed more too... And longer." She suggested. 

Lexa chuckles, shaking her head. 

Clarke felt the finger disappeared and reappeared again on her lips. But this time it's not an index finger, she was sure it a thumb. She felt it gently pulling down her lower lips and then caressing her jawline again. Her stomach felt like her butterflies burst into life again. With small and light touches, it made her insides ignite. It's not about being sensual. In fact, the act wasn't sensual at all but the mere feeling of the person you love tracing your outline as if she's trying to memorize you made her feel good inside. She adjusted her hands on the carpeted floor where they were sitting down and sighs. This is one the best moment when they were in their happy place. Like everything seems so far away and the only thing you need is right here with you. If their story have to end. She will simply leave it right here where their happy place is. By then there will be no more sad scenarios. No more sad endings. Just the happy ending of Clarke and Lexa.  

"Klark..." 

Immediately, something within her broke when she heard that word and of course, what followed next. 

Lexa brushed her thumb against her lower lip again and leaned in. Her lips fitted so well against Clarke's that it made her sigh in content. She felt Clarke quickly reacted with the kiss, making them  _not_ fight for dominance but simply feel each other's presence. Feeling those soft lips against theirs. Feeling that euphoric feeling bubbling on the sole of their feet up to the very tip of their fingers. The adrenaline rush coursing though their veins in which they deliberately slow down just to  _feel._

Clarke was the one who pulled away first. She opened her eyes and saw Lexa's closed eyes. She pecked both eyes lids and then her forehead. 

"I love you, Alexandria Heda. And I'm not even complaining when I got your last name," Clarke smirks as she watched Lexa opens her eyes. 

"I love you too, Clarke Griffin _Heda_. And I'm not even complaining that you got my last name," She winked playfully. 

"You're arrogant, you know that!" Shoving her on the shoulder. 

"Pfft! You love that about me," sticking out her tongue again. 

Clarke mimicked the action and lazily smiles, "But seriously... I really love you, Lexa. Till death do us part." 

Lexa shakes her head, clearly not agreeing. "We will never be parted. Even if I were gone. I'll never leave you _."_

"As long as it takes?" Clarke said. 

"As long as it takes, Clarke. _I will always be with you_ ," Lexa replied. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END!!!
> 
> I know that it have to end. It's been a long journey with you guys and As Long As It Takes. Clarke and Lexa had gone through so many ups and downs and FINALLY they tied the knot. It's been incredible guys! With the support and encouragements. The kudos and comments. Truly inspiring. 
> 
> For now THIS story have to end. But no worries I have more coming up! I have some wonderful ideas and even suggestions from some of you. Its amazing that some of you guys really gave me the trust to portray your storyline. And I hope one day I'll be able to fulfill just that. As for now, enjoy the other stories that I've been trying hard to write as well! Haha. 
> 
> This is not the end guys! So stay tuned for more stories! All the best!
> 
> Cheers!


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